Uncovering the Truth
by SophomoresTheory
Summary: The gang finds Ponyboy's essay from two years earlier and they decide to read it. Everyones excited to see what happened when Pony and Johnny went on the run, but what secrets will be revealed by the time it's over? Also Johnny and Dallas are still alive
1. Chapter 1

It was hot in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Ungodly hot. The sun almost seemed to melt the tar off the streets. It was too hot to be outside, too hot even, to bother with socs. Not a soul was left outside and so, by unspoken agreement, the entire gang convened at the Curtis residence. Tim Shepard was there, because Curly was serving out another stint in prison and the Curtis house had air conditioning. Even Dallas had come, which wasn't as much of a shock as is would have been two years ago. Ever since the incident with Ponyboy, Johnny and the soc he had stuck around the gang a lot more. Had anyone pointed this out of course they would have earned one good beating from Dallas Winston, as he still had a reputation to protect.

Johnny, Dallas and Ponyboy sat on the couch in front of the T.V. watching a show they didn't have much interest in. Two-bit, Steve and Sodapop were playing a game of poker as Tim watched, but none of them seemed to be winning. Darry was in the kitchen cooking up something for everyone to eat, God knows it was too hot to go anywhere for food.

Darry looked around the kitchen, Man, what a mess, he thought. Pans were piled in the sink and Pony's book bag was lying open on the kitchen floor, with books spilled across the kitchen table. Darry sighed and bent to pick up the bag. When he picked it up though he didn't realize it was unzipped, and with a loud BOOM! Several of the books crashed onto the floor.

"What was that?" Soda called from the living room.

"Oh, nothin' just dropped some books," Darry called back. The bent down and gathered the books into a pile, with what looked like one of Ponyboy's essays on top. Darry had read most of Ponyboy's essays when he could find the time. He liked seeing what his brother wrote, but he had never laid eyes on this one.

**The Outsiders**

**By Ponyboy Curtis**

Hmmm, Darry thought. The date said it was written two years ago. It was true that he and his brother hadn't been on perfect terms back them but after they had "made-up" so to speak, Pony had given Darry most of his essays to read. He wondered why Pony had never showed him this one.

Darry walked into the kitchen still holding the essay.

"Hey, Ponyboy what's this?" He asked.

"What's what?" Ponyboy replied unconcernedly without looking up from the screen.

"This essay of yours. Says it was written two years ago, The Outsiders?" It was amazing the effect those words had in Pony. His head snapped up and he leaped across the room quickly snatching the essay from Darry's hand.

"Nothing!" Ponyboy snapped, but when he realized that more everyone was staring at him, open-mouthed, he decided that maybe me needed to act more casual than that. "It's, uh, nothin'. Nothing at all, really. Just an old essay I wrote a while back." Now even Dally looked interested. There wasn't much that Ponyboy hid from the gang, and it was just too obvious that the boy was lying. Man, though Dally, We have got to teach that kid how to lie better and soon. You never knew when something like that would come in handy… For Dally, it was often.

"Lemme see it." Soda said, reaching has hand out for the essay.

"No, actually I'm gonna go put this away…" Johnny raised his eyebrows. Now this was too much. Ponyboy refusing to share even with Soda? Apparently Two-bit though so too, as he snuck up behind Pony real quietly and snatched the essay from the boy's hands. He flipped to the inside page and read;

"**According to Ponyboy, there are two kinds of people in the world: greasers and socs. **The gang grinned.** A soc (short for "social") has money, can get away with just about anything, "**Ya got that right" muttered Two-bit, interrupting his own reading.** and has an attitude longer than a limousine. A greaser, on the other hand, always lives on the outside and needs to watch his back. Ponyboy is a greaser, and he's always been proud of it,** loud whoops were heard around the room.** even willing to rumble against a gang of socs for the sake of his fellow greasers-until one terrible night when his friend Johnny kills a soc. **The room went silent.** The murder gets under Ponyboy's skin, causing his world to crumble and teaching him that pain feels the same whether a soc or a greaser."**

Whoa. Johnny thought. He wrote an essay about that? He remembered everything as clearly as if it had happened two months ago instead of two years ago. He remembered killing the soc and going on the run with Ponyboy, he remembered the fire and saving the kids. He got burnt real bad but managed to just barely survive and make a recovery with the help of donations, mostly from the parents of the children he, Pony and Dally had saved.

Two-bit's mouth had dropped. He along with most of the gang had never known the exact details of how it had happened. How the soc had been killed how Johnny and Pony had gone on the LAMB and the fire and the rumble. This was their chance. They could learn what had happened through Pony's own eyes. Darry especially wanted to know. His youngest brother had never shared all the details of that experience. He knew some, but he had always wanted to know the rest, however he couldn't push Pony too hard or else he would balk. The rest of the gang felt similar feelings. Even Tim Shepard thought it looked interesting, if nothing else it was a way to kill some time.

Ponyboy made a grab for the essay but Two-bit threw it to Soda and held back a struggling Ponyboy.

"Two-bit! Lemme go! Give me back that essay!"

"No way! We're readin' this! Today! Right now in fact," this surprisingly, came from Dally.

"NO! You can't!" Yelled Ponyboy, "That's mine!"

Soda flipped through the pages, he felt bad about invading his brother's privacy, but he had to know, he just had too!

"We're reading this." Darry said.

Ponyboy looked up at seven determined greasers and he knew he couldn't win.

"Fine!" He spat. "But I ain't readin' 'em with you!" and with that he flew out the back door.

"Pony!" Darry called he started to go after him but stopped. His brother was a track star; he could outrun Darry, day or night. Darry came back inside. Soda was still holding the essay, Johnny looked nervous but he calmed down slightly was Dally took a seat next to him.

"Well?" Darry asked, "Read" and with that, Soda started to read.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey people! Thanks for reviewing my last chapter! It gave me some motivation to keep it up, review anytime, and offer some ideas. This is my first fanfic so, ya know, take it easy on me?**

**Also I know this is probably obvious but anything in bold is generally S.E. Hinton (except authors notes) and regular writing is my own.  
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**I'll Update as often as I can.**

**Everything belongs to S.E. Hinton. **

The gang assembled themselves around the room. Johnny, Dally and Two-bit sat on the couch. Darry sat in a recliner chair to the left of them and Tim sat in an old folding chair opposite Darry. Soda and Steve were sitting on the floor across from Johnny, Dally and Two-bit.

Soda flipped open to the first page. His eyes scanned the paragraphs.

"Soda! What are you waiting for?" Two-bit asked. Soda looked up.

"I was just trying to figure out when it starts, Two-bit. Calm down."

Two-bit grinned, "Good idea! I really don't wanna read about a three-year-old Ponyboy, I've got better things to be doing,"

Tim Shepard smirked, "Yeah right, Two-bit, you don't have any other plans! It's too damn hot for any other plans."

"Shut up and start reading!" Darry snapped irritably. Soda nodded, Tim looked like he was about to start something, but Soda cut him off with a miniscule shake of his head. This would be hard for Darry, reading about that time. He hadn't been close with Ponyboy and it had always driven Darry crazy that Pony hadn't opened up about what it was like, being on the run with Johnny. And if you thought Pony was tight lipped, Johnny was twice as bad. He balked at the very mention of the murder. It was no use trying to get information from him, not even if it was Dally asking, in fact, Soda was surprised that Johnny wasn't going the same way as Pony.

Dally was actually wondering the same thing. Was Johnny finally ready to open up? Or maybe it was just because it wasn't from his perspective; Johnny might like getting a peek inside his best friends head. Hell, maybe he was just as curios as me, thought Dally. Whatever it was, he was sure he'd find out eventually. He was sure they would find out a lot eventually, after all Ponyboy was pretty damn observant.

Across from Dally, Soda began to read.

**When I stepped into the bright sunlight from the darkness of the movie house, I had only two things on my mind: Paul Newman and a ride home.**

"Wait! So, when _are_ we starting? How old is he?" Two-bit whined

Darry sighed. "It's his Paul Newman phase. I thinks he's around fourteen now."

**I was wishing I looked like Paul Newman- he looks tough and I don't-**

"Got that right," Two-bit chortled.

"Two-bit?" Asked Steve,

"Yeah?"

"SHUT UP!"

**but I guess my own looks aren't so bad. I have light-brown, almost-red hair and greenish-gray eyes. **

"Hmmm, never knew Ponyboy was so conceited…" Dally joked.

"Hey! Pony ain't conceited!" Johnny snapped rushing to his best friend's defense.

Dally turned to grin at him "Just foolin' Johnnycake, calm down," Johnny huffed but began relax slightly at the teasing atmosphere while Dally grinned beside him. It was exactly what he'd been going for, he never liked to see Johnnycake to upset or uptight. Things had gotten much better since Johnny left his parents' house for good. Johnny was like his little brother, he cared for him in the same way Soda and Darry cared for Ponyboy.

**I wish they were more gray, because I hate most guys that have green eyes, but I have to be content with what I have. **

"Wait. What does this kid have against guys with green eyes?" Asked an irate, green eyed, Tim Shepard.

Two-bit grinned. Now this was just two easy! "Well you know what they say about green eyed guys…"

"What?" Tim snapped.

"Ya know," Soda smiled easily, getting in on the joke "All green eyed guys are annoying, useless, cowardly—"

Before Soda finished Tim leapt across the room, attacking Soda. Steve jumped in to the brawl laughing as Two-bit joined in. It took Dally, Darry and Johnny ten minutes to pull the greasers apart.

"Sit down and shut up! I wanna read about when we come in!" Said Johnny excitedly as Dally grinned.

**hair is longer than a lot of boys wear theirs, squared off in back and long at the front and sides, but I am a greaser and most of my neighborhood rarely bothers to get a haircut. Besides, I look better with long hair.**

Dally snorted but said nothing at Soda's glare. Well, he thought, I guess we should cut Ponyboy some slack. After all, we are reading his personal thoughts without any type of permission. In fact it was explicitly against Pony's wishes.

**I had a long walk home and no company, but I usually lone it anyway, for no reason except that I like to watch movies undisturbed**

"Stupid." Darry muttered. Soda glared.

**so I can get into them and live them with the actors. When I see a movie with someone it's kind of uncomfortable, like having someone read your book over your shoulder. I'm different that way. I mean, my second -oldest brother, Soda, who is sixteen-going-on-seventeen, never cracks a book at all, **

Soda grinned, "Hey! It's me!"

"Shocking! I thought that we would read the half the book before you were introduced!" Steve quipped.

"Shut it." Soda growled even as a blush stained his cheeks.

**and my oldest brother, Darrel, who we call Darry,**

Darry perked up

**works too long and hard to be interested in a story or drawing a picture,**

And with that his face fell.

**so I'm not like them. And nobody in our gang digs movies and books the way I do. For a while there, I thought I was the only person in the world that did. So I loned it.**

Johnny nodded. Even though he had tried to understand Pony's thing with movies, he hadn't been able too. He liked them and all, but he couldn't throw himself into them the way Pony could.

Darry frowned. Even if none of them dug movies the way he did any of them would have agreed to go with him, for protection.

**Soda tries to understand, at least, which is more than Darry does.**

Soda avoided Darry's gaze.

**But then, Soda is different from anybody; he understands everything, almost. Like he's never hollering at me all the time the way Darry is, or treating me as if I was six instead of fourteen. I love Soda more than I've ever loved anyone, even Mom and Dad. He's always happy-go-lucky and grinning, while Darry's hard and firm and rarely grins at all. But then, Darry's gone through a lot in his twenty years, grown up too fast. Sodapop'll never grow up at all. I don't know which way's the best. I'll find out one of these days.**

Soda felt both elated and slightly depressed. Ponyboy loved him more than mom and dad? He thinks I understand everything? But…this thing with Darry, already talking about his hard exterior. Had Pony really not know how much Darry loved him? Had their relationship really been this bad? No, Soda thought. This is just Ponyboy being melodramatic. It had been known to happen. Still a little voice nagged him in the back of his head.

Darry looked down. He knew what he would hear would hurt. He wasn't just reading this to see what had happened when Pony had gone on the run. Though his and Pony's relationship had improved tremendously in recent years, Darry couldn't help but feel that there were still holes. Holes that he was sure could be plugged up if only he knew Pony's side of the story. What Pony had been feeling two years ago. He needed this is order to move on, to truly put it behind them both.

**Anyway, I went on walking home, thinking about the movie, and then suddenly wishing I had some company. Greasers can't walk alone too much or they'll get jumped, or someone will come by and scream "Greaser!" at them, which doesn't make you feel too hot, if you know what I mean. **

Tim snorted. The last time that had happened to him…well word got around about what he did to the soc, and let's just say it hasn't happened since.

**We get jumped by the Socs. I'm not sure how you spell it, but it's the abbreviation for the Socials, the jet set, the West-side rich kids. It's like the term "greaser," which is used to class all us boys on the East Side.**

The gang frowned slightly. They liked being greasers and all but sometimes the way they were all thrown into one big category just cuz of where they lived…it was more than a little unfair.

**We're poorer than the Socs and the middle class. I reckon we're wilder, too. Not like the Socs, who jump greasers and wreck houses and throw beer blasts for kicks, and get editorials in the paper for being a public disgrace one day and an asset to society the next. **

Two-bit rolled his eyes. Stupid socs. However he was starting realize that Ponyboy had a real way with words. Two-bit would not have been able to explain things nearly as well.

**Greasers are almost like hoods; we steal things and drive old souped-up cars and hold up gas stations and have a gang fight once in a while. I don't mean I do things like that. Darry would kill me if I got into trouble with the police.**

"Damn right I would," Darry said to the book.

Dally snorted, "Darry, you have got to let that kid have some fun sometimes!"

Soda raised an eyebrow at Dally. "Yeah, next time you can take him out for a night, and we'll pick him up from a jail cell in the morning"

Johnny and Tim used all their strength to hold Dally back.

**Since Mom and Dad were killed in an auto wreck, the three of us get to stay together only as long as we behave. So Soda and I stay out of trouble as much as we can, and we're careful not to get caught when we can't. **"Good plan." Tim laughed. **I only mean that most greasers do things like that, just like we wear our hair long and dress in blue jeans and T-shirts, or leave our shirttails out and wear leather jackets and tennis shoes or boots. I'm not saying that either Socs or greasers are better; that's just the way things are.**

Interesting, Steve thought. He had never looked at it like that.

Johnny beamed proudly. He and Pony had talked about this while they were in the church. It had made him see things in a whole new light. He still hated socs, he just hated them because of who they were now, not just on principal. For Johnny that was a big step forward.

**I could have waited to go to the movies until Darry or Sodapop got off work. They would have gone with me, or driven me there, or walked along, although Soda just can't sit still long enough to enjoy a movie**

Soda, right on par, started to fidget.

**and they bore Darry to death. Darry thinks his life is enough without inspecting other people's. **

Huh Darry thought. "How in the hell did he know that?"

Dally raised an eyebrow, "The kid's freakin' observant…you haven't noticed?" Darry's eyes narrowed in Dally's direction.

**Or I could have gotten one of the gang to come along, one of the four boys Darry and Soda and I have grown up with and consider family. **

Said boys grinned.

"Well, I am honored!" this from Two-bit of course. Johnny threw a pillow at him.

**We're almost as close as brothers; when you grow up in a tight-knit neighborhood like ours you get to know each other real well. If I had thought about it, I could have called Darry and he would have come by on his way home and picked me up, or Two-Bit Mathews- one of our gang- **

"HAH!" Two-bit nearly jumped out of his seat.

"What?" asked Steve?

"I was mentioned before you!" Two-bit gloated.

**would have come to get me in his car if I had asked him, but sometimes I just don't use my head. It drives my brother Darry nuts when I do stuff like that, 'cause I'm supposed to be smart; I make good grades and have a high IQ and everything, but I don't use my head. Besides, I like walking.**

"He likes walking," Darry muttered. "Of course he does." But at least he realizes that he didn't use his head enough…

"Hey! I know when this is! It's the first time when he was on his own and he got jumped!" Soda exclaimed.

"Oh yeah! I had almost forgotten about that!" Two-bit said, shocked.

"Well it sounds like you're about to bet a reminder." Dally snorted.

**I about decided I didn't like it so much, though, when I spotted that red Corvair trailing me. I was almost two blocks from home then, so I started walking a little faster. I had never been jumped, but I had seen Johnny after four Socs got hold of him, and it wasn't pretty. Johnny was scared of his own shadow after that. Johnny was sixteen then.**

Then atmosphere tensed but Johnny showed no fear. He had reconciled himself with that awful beating soon after he left his parents' house. He just realized that he couldn't hold onto that forever.

**I knew it wasn't any use though- the fast walking, I mean- even before the Corvair pulled up beside me and five Socs got out. I got pretty scared- I'm kind of small for fourteen even though I have a good build, and those guys were bigger than me. I automatically hitched my thumbs in my jeans and slouched, wondering if I could get away if I made a break for it.**

Darry winced; this was something he really didn't want to hear. The rest of the group began to get nervous, except for Tim Shepard who remained oblivious; the first jump was always the scariest.

**I remembered Johnny- his face all cut up and bruised, and I remembered how he had cried when we found him, half-conscious, in the comer lot. Johnny had it awful rough at home- it took a lot to make him cry.**

Dally looked furious at the mention of Johnny's old home life. But Johnny was sitting beside him, alive, well, and happy which was the only reason Dally bothered to stick around in the realm of the living.

**I was sweating something fierce, although I was cold. I could feel my palms getting clammy and the perspiration running down my back. **

Two-bit nodded. He used to get like that before a fight. It was why he started drinking, a bit of liquid courage never hurt.

**I get like that when I'm real scared. I glanced around for a pop bottle or a stick or something- Steve Randle, Soda's best buddy, had once held off four guys with a busted pop bottle- but there was nothing.**

The gang looked at Steve shocked.

"Bullshit." Tim said dead on.

Steve began to laugh hysterically, "I can't-believe-the kid—b-bought that s-s-story!"

Sodapop shook his head at his best friend but quickly continued reading. Even though he knew how this ended he wanted to get through it quickly. It made him sick to read about how scared his baby brother had been.

**So I stood there like a bump on a log while they surrounded me. I don't use my head. They walked around slowly, silently, smiling.**

At least he realizes he isn't using his head, Darry thought again. He was anxious to read this from Pony's perspective. He wondered where Pony was now. He was probably fine, just blowing off steam. He'd be back soon. Besides, it was too hot to get far.

**"Hey, grease," one said in an over-friendly voice. "We're gonna do you a favor, greaser. We're gonna cut all that long greasy hair off."**

"Bet Pony liked that," muttered Two-bit a feeble attempt at humor to break the palpable tension rising in the room.

Jeez, Johnny thought. If this was what they were like now he wondered what they would do when the book got to the actual murder. He winced thinking about what Dally would be like. Dally would never admit it but he was way overprotective.

**He had on a madras shirt. I can still see it. Blue madras. One of them laughed, then cussed me out in a low voice. I couldn't think of anything to say. There just isn't a whole lot you can say while waiting to get mugged, so I kept my mouth shut.**

"For the first time in his life," muttered Darry

"Smart," Said Soda at the same time.

"Oh yeah and real tuff too! Really keeping up the greaser reputation, sit tight and wait to get mugged!" Dally quipped sarcastically.

Even Darry cracked a smile at that. Who knew, Dally and humor could go so well together. Two-bit was a bit put off though. Humor was supposed to be his thing, looking scary was Dally's. Dallas Winston making jokes, what was the world coming too?

**"Need a haircut, greaser?" The medium-sized blond pulled a knife out of his back pocket and flipped the blade open.**

The tension was back in an instant.

**I finally thought of something to say. "No."**

Despite the serious nature of the situation the room trembled on the brink of laughter.

"NO!" Two-bit burst out, and the room crumbled into laughter. Soda was laughing so hard he had a stitch in his side.

**I was backing up, away from that knife. Of course I backed right into one of them. They had me down in a second. They had my arms and legs pinned down and one of them was sitting on my chest with his knees on my elbows, and if you don't think that hurts, you're crazy.**

Johnny winced and rubbed his chest absentmindedly, yeah that did hurt like a bitch. Darry growled. How dare those stupid, spoiled socs?

**I could smell English Leather shaving lotion and stale tobacco, and I wondered foolishly if I would suffocate before they did anything. I was scared so bad I was wishing I would. **

Even Tim Shepard inclined his head in sympathy. Poor kid. He thought of Curly after his fist time getting' jumped. It hadn't been pretty.

**I fought to get loose, and almost did for a second; then they tightened up on me and the one on my chest slugged me a couple of times.**

"Idea!" Two-bit exclaimed. "After this, we find those assholes."

"Agreed," Said, well, everyone else there.

"We just gotta hear some descriptions. Or names!"

**So I lay still, swearing at them between gasps. A blade was held against my throat.**

**"How'd you like that haircut to begin just below the chin?"**

**It occurred to me then that they could kill me.**

The blood drained from Darry, Soda and Johnny's faces.

Oddly it was Steve who comforted them. "Hey, c'mon guys. Pony's fine, you know he is. You saw him this morning. This happened two years ago." Steve, however, felt guilty. He hadn't started liking the kid until about a year and a half ago and he was sure that would come out, and soon. Two-bit, Johnny, Dally, Darry and, hell, even Tim, knew about it but Steve was sure Soda had never suspected a thing.

Soda nodded to his best friend and continued reading in a slightly shaky voice.

**I went wild. I started screaming for Soda, Darry, anyone. **

Good boy, Darry thought, though slightly annoyed that it had taken so long for Ponyboy to call for help.

**Someone put his hand over my mouth, and I bit it as hard as I could, tasting the blood running through my teeth.**

Dally grinned, Go Pony!

**I heard a muttered curse and got slugged again, and they were stuffing a handkerchief in my mouth. One of them kept saying, "Shut him up, for Pete's sake, shut him up!"**

"No way! Keep yelling Pony!" This was from Two-bit. No one pointed out that he was talking to an essay as they were all just as into it as Two-bit.

**Then there were shouts and the pounding of feet, and the Socs jumped up and left me lying there, gasping. I lay there and wondered what in the world was happening- people were jumping over me and running by me and I was too dazed to figure it out.**

"Not to worry Ponyboy! We've come to save you!" Said Two-bit in a dramatically deep voice as he struck a heroic pose.

Johnny grinned at his friends antics. He wished Pony would come back soon. He knew he would after he got a chance to calm down, he just hoped that Pony would calm down quickly; he wasn't too keen on being alone when they read about the murder or the fire.

**Then someone had me under the armpits and was hauling me to my feet. It was Darry.**

Darry grinned

**"Are you all right, Ponyboy?"**

**He was shaking me and I wished he'd stop. I was dizzy enough anyway. I could tell it was Darry though- partly because of the voice and partly because Darry's always rough with me without meaning to be.**

There was awkward silence in the room. "Well," Darry said "I've gotten better right?" It was quickly agreed upon by the group that yes, of course, Darry had become much better.

**"I'm okay. Quit shaking me, Darry, I'm okay."**

**He stopped instantly. "I'm sorry."**

**He wasn't really.**

Darry was still deep in thought. Pony was right, he hadn't been really.

**Darry isn't ever sorry for anything he does. It seems funny to me that he should look just exactly like my father and act exactly the opposite from him. My father was only forty when he died and he looked twenty-five and a lot of people thought Darry and Dad were brothers instead of father and son. But they only looked alike- my father was never rough with anyone without meaning to be.**

"Much, much better," Soda said quickly. Darry nodded but looked very lost in thought.

**Darry is six-feet-two, and broad-shouldered and muscular. He has dark-brown hair that kicks out in front and a slight cowlick in the back- just like Dad's- but Darry's eyes are his own. He's got eyes that are like two pieces of pale blue-green ice. They've got a determined set to them, like the rest of him. He looks older than twenty- tough, cool, and smart. He would be real handsome if his eyes weren't so cold. He doesn't understand anything that is not plain hard fact. But he uses his head.**

"Wow. He hit the nail on the head with that one," Dally mused "I wonder how he'll describe me."

"I'm not sure I want to know," Two-bit muttered looking a bit green.

**I sat down again, rubbing my cheek where I'd been slugged the most.**

**Darry jammed his fists in his pockets. "They didn't hurt you too bad, did they?"**

**They did. I was smarting and aching and my chest was sore and I was so nervous my hands were shaking and I wanted to start bawling, but you just don't say that to Darry.**

Darry frowned slightly. "Why wouldn't he say that too me?"

No one bothered to answer. Two-bit opened his mouth but Soda glared him into silence.

**"I'm okay."**

**Sodapop came loping back. By then I had figured that all the noise I had heard was the gang coming to rescue me. He dropped down beside me, examining my head.**

Johnny smiled as Two-bit, Steve and Sodapop whooped.

**"You got cut up a little, huh, Ponyboy?"**

**I only looked at him blankly. "I did?"**

"A bit slow on the uptake, isn't he?" Dally muttered.

Soda, grinning widely lunged at Dally and tackled him to the ground. Darry pulled them apart before Soda could lose his split second advantage and have Dally beat the tar out of him.

**He pulled out a handkerchief, wet the end of it with his tongue, and pressed it gently against the side of my head. "You're bleedin' like a stuck pig."**

**"I am?"**

**"Look!" He showed me the handkerchief, reddened as if by magic.**

"Always the showman," Steve muttered.

"It's why the ladies love me," Soda grinned. He had gotten over Sandy a long time ago.

**"Did they pull a blade on you?"**

**I remembered the voice: "Need a haircut, greaser?" The blade must have slipped while he was trying to shut me up. "Yeah."**

Stupid socs, Johnny thought. Dally would agree with that statement whole-heartedly.

**Soda is handsomer than anyone else I know.**

"Except maybe Two-bit," Two-bit added in his own narration.

Soda grinned but let it slide because he was getting a lot of compliments from this book.

**Not like Darry- Soda's movie-star kind of handsome, the kind that people stop on the street to watch go by. He's not as tall as Darry, and he's a little slimmer, but he has a finely drawn, sensitive face that somehow manages to be reckless and thoughtful at the same time.**

"Hah," Dally snorted. "Sensitive!"

Sodapop reddened slightly. Why couldn't Pony make him sound more manly?

**He's got dark-gold hair that he combs back- long and silky and straight- and in the summer the sun bleaches it to a shining wheat gold. His eyes are dark brown- lively, dancing, recklessly laughing eyes that can be gentle and sympathetic one moment and blazing with anger the next. He has Dad's eyes, but Soda is one of a kind. He can get drunk in a drag race or dancing without ever getting near alcohol. In our neighborhood it's rare to find a kid who doesn't drink once in a while. But Soda never touches a drop- he doesn't need to. He gets drunk on just plain living. And he understands everybody.**

Well that was a little better Soda thought.

The rest of the group was surprised at how observant and how good a writer he was. They had all seen similar qualities in Soda but none of them would have been able to put it into words like that.

**He looked at me more closely. I looked away hurriedly, because, if you want to know the truth, I was starting to bawl. I knew I was as white as I felt and I was shaking like a leaf.**

Johnny sighed. He wouldn't have minded if Pony had started all out ballin' on the street!

**Soda just put his hand on my shoulder. "Easy, Ponyboy. They ain't gonna hurt you no more."**

**"I know," I said, but the ground began to blur and I felt hot tears running down my cheeks. I brushed them away impatiently. "I'm just a little spooked, that's all." I drew a quivering breath and quit crying. You just don't cry in front of Darry. **

Darry shifted uncomfortably. There it was again. Maybe he should make a list. A list of things that was wrong with their relationship.

**Not unless you're hurt like Johnny had been that day we found him in the vacant lot. Compared to Johnny I wasn't hurt at all.**

Johnny shrugged. It didn't matter how hurt you were. Getting jumped was one of the scariest things he could think of.

**Soda rubbed my hair. "You're an okay kid, Pony."**

**I had to grin at him- Soda can make you grin no matter what. I guess it's because he's always grinning so much himself. "You're crazy, Soda, out of your mind."**

**Darry looked as if he'd like to knock our heads together. "You're both nuts."**

"Ahhh, the famous Curtis Family Love," Tim joked. Secretly, however, he was missing Curly. He couldn't wait to rub this in is brothers face. See what you missed out on in jail? That boy needed to learn some stealth!

**Soda merely cocked one eyebrow, a trick he'd picked up from Two-Bit. **

Two-bit beamed. "Awww, Soda! I didn't know you looked up to me like that!"

"Can it, Two-bit!"

**"It seems to run in this family."**

**Darry stared at him for a second, then cracked a grin. Sodapop isn't afraid of him like everyone else and enjoys teasing him. I'd just as soon tease a full-grown grizzly; but for some reason, Darry seems to like being teased by Soda.**

"Hey! I'm not scary!" Darry denied.

Two-bit for one kept his mouth shut. He whole heartedly agreed with Pony on this one.

**Our gang had chased the Socs to their car and heaved rocks at them. They came running toward us now- four lean, hard guys. **

Said guys grinned but Steve was a little off. He could feel the bomb coming.

**They were all as tough as nails and looked it. l had grown up with them, and they accepted me, even though I was younger, because I was Darry and Soda's kid brother and I kept my mouth shut good.**

Darry frowned. He didn't think that was the case now. They all like Ponyboy, they enjoyed his company no matter who he was related to. Darry didn't know it but everyone, even Dally, was agreeing with him.

**Steve Randle was seventeen, tall and lean, with thick greasy hair he kept combed in complicated swirls. **

Steve grinned. Regardless of Soda learning of he and Ponyboy's feud he was excited to see himself though Pony's eyes.

**He was tacky, smart, and Soda's best buddy since grade school.**

"Right on all counts," Johnny grinned.

"Hey! I am not tacky!"

Soda raised an eyebrow at the current (and extremely tacky) outfit of choice for the day.

**Steve's specialty was cars. He could lift a hubcap quicker and more quietly than anyone in the neighborhood, but he also knew cars upside-down and backward, and he could drive anything on wheels. He and Soda worked at the same gas station- Steve part time and Soda full time- and their station got more customers than any other in town.**

Soda and Steve high fived as the rest of the gang rolled their eyes. Two-bit was getting impatient; he wanted to hear his description! Even Dally was a bit excited, not that he'd ever admit to it.

**Whether that was because Steve was so good with cars or because Soda attracted girls like honey draws flies, I couldn't tell you. **

"It's because of Soda," Johnny muttered to Dallas and Dally grinned.

"Hey!" Steve yelled, offended.

"Well, It IS true!" Soda grinned. He couldn't help it! He just had a knack! It was something about his happy-go-lucky personality.

**I liked Steve only because he was Soda's best friend.**

Soda frowned slightly and Steve grimaced and scooted a bit farther away from Soda.

**He didn't like me- he thought I was a tag-along and a kid; **

Soda stopped reading and looked up at Steve. "What is he talking about?"

Steve winced. "Listen, it isn't like that anymore, Soda. Ponyboy and I…figured it out. We settled our differences."

Soda didn't know they had differences…

**Soda always took me with them when they went places if they weren't taking girls, and that bugged Steve. It wasn't my fault; Soda always asked me; I didn't ask him. Soda doesn't think I'm a kid.**

Soda was shocked. He had never seen any problems between Pony and Steve but apparently both of _them_ had.

"Hey! Why'd you stop reading?" Tim snapped from across the room. He had skipped breakfast and was getting rather hungry, and a hungry Tim was an irritable Tim.

Two-bit raised an eyebrow and Johnny looked up curiously. Had Soda really not seen this? They all knew there was animosity between the two greasers. Hell, even Darry had seen it and he wasn't one to pick up on emotions like that, but the guys had made it pretty clear.

"I never knew…" Soda trailed off.

"You never knew? Where've you been?" Tim asked obviously annoyed, he didn't even hang around with these guys very much and he knew!

"Relax, Soda. Like Steve said it's in the past." Two-bit rolled his eyes.

"You're sure?" Soda asked Steve worriedly.

"Yeah, after the whole fiasco with the murder Pony and I had a heart to heart. We put it behind us."

Soda nodded, still slightly unconvinced but as the rest of the gang nodded he decided to talk about it with Ponyboy later, just to make _sure _that Pony and Steve were okay.

**Two-Bit Mathews was the oldest of the gang and the wisecracker of the bunch.**

Two-bit grinned widely. Hah! He was finally being described. He couldn't wait to see himself through Pony's eyes.

**He was about six feet tall, stocky in build,** Two-bit sniffed, "I am not stocky…"** and very proud of his long rusty-colored sideburns. **"Of course I am. Wouldn't you be?" **He had gray eyes and a wide grin, and he couldn't stop making funny remarks to save his life. **

The gang chuckled at the truth of that and Dally cracked a smile.

**You couldn't shut up that guy; he always had to get his two-bits worth in. Hence his name. Even his teachers forgot his real name was Keith, **

Two-bit grimaced at his real name. "Don't you start," He snapped at the grinning gang.

**and we hardly remembered he had one. Life was one big joke to Two-Bit. He was famous for shoplifting and his black-handled switchblade (which he couldn't have acquired without his first talent), and he was always smarting off to the cops.**

Dally rolled his eyes. If Two-bit had managed to hold his tongue his rap sheet wouldn't be half as long…

Then again Two-bit wouldn't be nearly as popular without it.

**He really couldn't help it. Everything he said was so irresistibly funny that he just had to let the police in on it to brighten up their dull lives. (That's the way he explained it to me.)**

"Two-bit! Don't encourage Ponyboy to smart off to cops!" Darry snapped, but as soon as he turned away Two-bit made a face at Darry's back.

Dally raised an eyebrow. Ponyboy could use a few lessons in smarting off to authority, Two-bit couldn't have agreed more. He was trying to teach Pony how to be cool!

**He liked fights, blondes, and for some unfathomable reason, school. He was still a junior at eighteen and a half and he never learned anything. He just went for kicks.**

Two-bit smiled mysteriously. The others in the gang would never understand his reasons for going to school, partly because he couldn't explain himself. He just loved something about the social scene, how you learned everything about everyone in a matter of minutes. He shook his head, and still everyone wondered how he knew the best gossip first.

**I liked him real well because he kept us laughing at ourselves as well as at other things. He reminded me of Will Rogers- maybe it was the grin.**

"Hah! He likes me the best, he thinks I'm funny and he called me handsome!"

"Two-bit, he already said he loved Soda the best and he did not call you handsome! He said you reminded him of Will Rogers!" Johnny rolled his eyes.

**If I had to pick the real character of the gang, it would be Dallas Winston**

Dallas sat up a bit straighter as the rest of the gang leaned toward Soda and the essay.

**- Dally. I used to like to draw his picture when he was in a dangerous mood, for then I could get his personality down in a few lines.**

"Huh, That's a bit creepy..."

"Shut up Two-bit!" Responded six voices

**He had an elfish face, with high cheekbones and a pointed chin, small, sharp animal teeth, and ears like a lynx. His hair was almost white it was so blond, and he didn't like haircuts, or hair oil either, so it fell over his forehead in wisps and kicked out in the back in tufts and curled behind his ears and along the nape of his neck. His eyes were blue, blazing ice, cold with a hatred of the whole world.**

"Wow, a surprisingly good description. 'Cept for the eyes. They don't have as much hate, not anymore." Dally raised an eyebrow at Johnny. If anyone else had said that he would've cold cocked 'em, instead he just rubbed Johnny's hair. He was right, Dally mused. He had a lot more hate two-years ago.

**Dally had spent three years on the wild side of New York and had been arrested at the age of ten. He was tougher than the rest of us- tougher, colder, meaner. **

That's true, Tim thought. He was just as tough as anyone in my gang. After the first time I met him I gave specific orders to my gang not to antagonize this guy. Not someone I want for an enemy…He looked at Dally from the corner of his eye.

**The shade of difference that separates a greaser from a hood wasn't present in Dally. He was as wild as the boys in the downtown outfits, like Tim Shepard's gang.**

Half of Tim's mouth kicked up in a smile at the mention of his gang.

**In New York, Dally blew off steam in gang fights, but here, organized gangs are rarities- there are just small bunches of friends who stick together, and the warfare is between the social classes.**

Dally nodded. This was much better. Here they fought a common enemy, not someone who was in the same situation as you were.

**A rumble, when it's called, is usually born of a grudge fight, and the opponents just happen to bring their friends along. Oh, there are a few named gangs around, like the River Kings and the Tiber Street Tigers, but here in the Southwest there's no gang rivalry. **

"Ughhh," Two-bit moaned "Do we have to go over all of this?"

"Awww, shut it Two-bit! Pony's just settin' the stage! It's what makes him a good writer, not everyone knows all this." Johnny said. If Two-bit was gonna whine through most the book this was gonna be one long afternoon, and eventually Dally would haul off and slug him. Johnny looked toward the screen door. Pony was still nowhere in sight.

**So Dally, even though he could get into a good fight sometimes, had no specific thing to hate. No rival gang. Only Socs. **

Dally grinned. This was where Ponyboy was a bit off. He didn't need a rival gang, and he did have something specific to hate. Socs. He would always hate them. How could he not, after what they did to Johnny?

**And you can't win against them no matter how hard you try, because they've got all the breaks and even whipping them isn't going to change that fact. Maybe that was why Dallas was so bitter.**

Darry frowned. "Wow," Said Soda. "Pony used to be quite the pessimist."

Johnny snorted, "Used to be?"

**He had quite a reputation. They have a file on him down at the police station. He had been arrested, he got drunk, he rode in rodeos, lied, cheated, stole, rolled drunks,** Two-bit snorted. Rolling drunks was the best, and easy too. ** jumped small kids- he did everything. I didn't like him, but he was smart and you had to respect him.**

Dally nodded seriously and the gang grinned.

"I respect you too, Dally!" Two-bit smiled.

"Shut up, Two-bit!" Dally said. Two-bit opened his mouth to reply but Johnny threw a pillow at him. Dallas Winston with a wounded pride was not a pretty sight.

**Johnny Cade was last and least. **

"Hey!" Johnny yelped.

"Sorry kid, just readin' what was written!"

**If you can picture a little dark puppy that has been kicked too many times and is lost in a crowd of strangers, you'll have Johnny. **

"Shut up," Johnny muttered in response to the gang's grins.

**He was the youngest, next to me, smaller than the rest, with a slight build. He had big black eyes in a dark tanned face; his hair was jet-black and heavily greased and combed to the side, but it was so long that it fell in shaggy bangs across his forehead. **

Johnny looked up to see Two-bit peering at him intently.

"What?" He snapped.

"Nothing," Two-bit said "Just trying to see how accurate Ponyboy's description is…"

"Yeah, well, don't. You're creepin' me out, Two-bit!" Two-bit continued his odd inspection, much to the amusement of the gang until Johnny couldn't take it anymore and he jumped up at Two-bit and tackled him to the floor. Two-bit stopped staring at him after that and they both returned to their seats.

**He had a nervous, suspicious look in his eyes, and that beating he got from the Socs didn't help matters. He was the gang's pet, everyone's kid brother. **Johnny huffed. **His father was always beating him up, and his mother ignored him, except when she was hacked off at something, and then you could hear her yelling at him clear down at our house.** Again Dally looked murderous at the mention of Johnny's parents.** I think he hated that worse than getting whipped. He would have run away a million times if we hadn't been there. If it hadn't been for the gang, Johnny would never have known what love and affection are.**

Soda smiled at Johnny, "Don't worry, Johnnycake! You'll always have us!"

"Yep!" Two-bit agreed, "You're stuck with us FOREVER!"

"Two-bit. SHUT UP!" Darry yelled. He wanted to get through the descriptions and back to Pony's thoughts.

**I wiped my eyes hurriedly. "Didya catch 'em?"**

**"Nup. They got away this time, the dirty..." Two-Bit went on cheerfully, calling the Socs every name he could think of or make up.**

Darry glared at Two-bit. No wonder the kid had such a mouth on him.

**"The kid's okay?"**

**"I'm okay." I tried to think of something to say. I'm usually pretty quiet around people, even the gang. I changed the subject. "I didn't know you were out of the cooler yet, Dally."**

Huh, so that was the reasoning behind the quick subject change. It was actually pretty interesting to look inside this kids head.

**"Good behavior. Got off early." Dallas lit a cigarette and handed it to Johnny. Everyone sat down to have a smoke and relax. A smoke always lessens the tension. I had quit trembling and my color was back. The cigarette was calming me down.**

Darry shook his head as the other people in the room pulled out cigarettes.

"What? This is giving me a craving!" Soda said defensively.

"Those things'll be the death of all of you."

"Nu uh!" Denied Two-bit! "I ain't gettin' killed by no cigarette! This tiny thing ain't gonna pull no knife on me!"

Steve rolled his eyes. "I don't think that's what Darry meant, Two-bit."

**Two-Bit cocked an eyebrow. "Nice-lookin' bruise you got there, kid."**

**I touched my cheek gingerly. "Really?"**

Tim rolled his eyes.

**Two-Bit nodded sagely. "Nice cut, too. Makes you look tough."**

"It did." Said Two-bit, agreeing with his past self. He seemed to be doing that a lot. The gang laughed.

**Tough and tuff are two different words. Tough is the same as rough; tuff means cool, sharp- like a tuff-looking Mustang or a tuff record. In our neighborhood both are compliments.**

**Steve flicked his ashes at me. "What were you doin', walkin' by your lonesome?" Leave it to good old Steve to bring up something like that.**

Johnny glared at Steve as Soda frowned slightly.

**"I was comin' home from the movies. I didn't think..."**

**"You don't ever think," Darry broke in, "not at home or anywhere when it counts. You must think at school, with all those good grades you bring home, and you've always got your nose in a book, but do you ever use your head for common sense? No sirree, bub. And if you did have to go by yourself, you should have carried a blade."**

Darry winced at his earlier words. Seeing them through Pony's eyes, well, they sounded a lot harsher. At the time he had thought he was perfectly justifiable, and maybe they were, but still he didn't need to be so harsh.

**I just stared at the hole in the toe of my tennis shoe. Me and Darry just didn't dig each other. I never could please him. He would have hollered at me for carrying a blade if I had carried one. **

Darry mentally kicked himself because he knew that it was true.

**If I brought home B's, he wanted A's, and if I got A's, he wanted to make sure they stayed A's. If I was playing football, I should be in studying, and if I was reading, I should be out playing football. He never hollered at Sodapop- not even when Soda dropped out of school or got tickets for speeding. He just hollered at me.**

"Oh man…" Two-bit began, but trailed of as the rest of the occupants in the room turned to stare at him. He always knew that there had been a period of time when Pony and Darry just didn't dig each other but this had sounded worse than he had imagined.

**Soda was glaring at him. "Leave my kid brother alone, you hear? It ain't his fault he likes to go to the movies, and it ain't his fault the Socs like to jump us, and if he had been carrying a blade it would have been a good excuse to cut him to ribbons."**

"That is true." Tim agreed in Pony's defense, earning himself a glare from Darry.

**Soda always takes up for me.**

**Darry said impatiently, "When I want my kid brother to tell me what to do with my other kid brother, I'll ask you- kid brother." But he laid off me. He always does when Sodapop tells him to. Most of the time.**

Soda and Darry avoided the eyes of others in the room.

**"Next time get one of us to go with you, Ponyboy," Two-Bit said. "Any of us will."**

Two-bit nodded standing by his past self even though it wasn't necessary anymore because Johnny usually went with Ponyboy to the movies now.

**"Speakin' of movies"- Dally yawned, flipping away his cigarette butt- "I'm walkin' over to the Nightly Double tomorrow night. Anybody want to come and hunt some action?"**

**Steve shook his head. "Me and Soda are pickin' up Evie and Sandy for the game."**

**He didn't need to look at me the way he did right then. I wasn't going to ask if I could come. I'd never tell Soda, because he really likes Steve a lot, but sometimes I can't stand Steve Randle. I mean it. Sometimes I hate him.**

Soda was slightly touched that Pony would put up with someone that he intensely disliked just because he was Soda's friend. Soda leaned over and smacked Steve on the back of the head. Steve made a face but didn't protest because he thought he deserved it. Seeing it though Ponyboy's eyes, well, he could understand why Pony had hated him.

**Darry sighed, just like I knew he would. Darry never had time to do anything anymore. "I'm working tomorrow night."**

Darry made a mental note to start taking some nights off.

**Dally looked at the rest of us. "How about y'all? Two-Bit? Johnnycake, you and Pony wanta come?"**

**"Me and Johnny'll come," I said. I knew Johnny wouldn't open his mouth unless he was forced to. "Okay, Darry?"**

"I wished he didn't know that. I had to go to a lot of stupid stuff cause of Pony!" Johnny huffed.

Two-bit shrugged at Johnny "Then you shoulda learned to open your mouth."

**"Yeah, since it ain't a school night." Darry was real good about letting me go places on the weekends. On school nights I could hardly leave the house.**

Darry refused to change that rule. Ponyboy didn't need to be running around God-knows-where on a _school_ night!

**"I was plannin' on getting boozed up tomorrow night," Two-Bit said. "If I don't, I'll walk over and find y'all."**

Tim Shepard rolled his eyes, "When aren't you boozed up, Two-bit?"

"Nothin better to do sometimes." The gang laughed real hard at that. Including Two-bit.

**Steve was looking at Dally's hand. His ring, which he had rolled a drunk senior to get, was back on his finger. "You break up with Sylvia again?"**

"Sylvia," Dally moaned, "Whada bitch!"

"Ya got that right!" Soda agreed. No one on the gang would usually talk about a girl like that but when Dally was in the cooler Sylvia had tried to seduce Darry! Stupid really, anyone coulda told her it wouldn't work and, more importantly, that it would get back to Dally.

**"Yeah, and this time it's for good. That little broad was two-timin' me again while I was in jail."**

Dally winced at his earlier words. It hadn't been for good. It took two more stints in jail to realize that broad was bad news. I mean, seducing Darry! He thought, Its crazy!

**I thought of Sylvia and Evie and Sandy and Two-Bit's many blondes. They were the only kind of girls that would look at us, I thought. Tough, loud girls who wore too much eye makeup and giggled and swore too much.**

"That's not entirely true," Soda protested at the same time Two-bit said "Many blondes! That's a lie! I don't just go for blondes; I go for any chick that's hot!" No one had been able to hear Soda over Two-bit loud defense of his, ahem, mating habits.

**I liked Soda's girl Sandy just fine, though.**

Soda had an expression on his face like he had a bad taste in his mouth, he sure didn't like Sandy! At least, not anymore he didn't!

**Her hair was natural blond and her laugh was soft, like her china-blue eyes. She didn't have a real good home or anything and was our kind **"Our kind," Soda rolled his eyes. She was living up in Florida now, not their kind by a long shot!**- greaser- but she was a real nice girl. Still, lots of times I wondered what other girls were like. The girls who were bright-eyed and had their dresses a decent length and acted as if they'd like to spit on us if given a chance. **

Dallas grinned. He could tell Ponyboy what they were like! Boring!

**Some were afraid of us, and remembering Dallas Winston, **

The gang burst into laughter while Dallas frowned "Stupid Ponyboy! I'll show him Scary when he gets back!"

"You just try!" Darry said menacingly.

Two-bit was laughing the hardest, "C'mon Dally! It's kinda true!" Dally smacked upside the head. Two-bit shut up after that.

**I didn't blame them. But most looked at us like we were dirt- gave us the same kind of look that the Socs did when they came by in their Mustangs and Corvairs and yelled "Grease!" at us. I wondered about them. The girls, I mean...**

Two-bit raised his eyebrows "Darry! Soda! It's long past time that he should've been given the talk!"

Johnny's face was as red as a tomato, as he listened to the laughter of the others in the gang.

**Did they cry when their boys were arrested, like Evie did when Steve got hauled in,**

"It was fake," Steve muttered. Soda gave his friend a sympathetic look. Steve still hadn't quite gotten over Evie.

**or did they run out on them the way Sylvia did Dallas?** Dally growled.** But maybe their boys didn't get arrested or beaten up or busted up in rodeos.**

Again Dallas thought, BORING!

**I was still thinking about it while I was doing my homework that night. I had to read Great Expectations for English, and that kid Pip, he reminded me of us**

Soda grinned. He wanted to see why pony liked reading so much, so maybe he could understand.

**- the way he felt marked lousy because he wasn't a gentleman or anything, and the way that girl kept looking down on him. That happened to me once. One time in biology I had to dissect a worm, and the razor wouldn't cut, so I used my switchblade.**

Darry looked proud at Pony's resourcefulness. So Pony did use common sense at school…

**The minute I flicked it out- I forgot what I was doing or I would never have done it- this girl right beside me kind of gasped, and said, "They are right. You are a hood." That didn't make me feel so hot.**

The room filled with dark looks. They had all shared some type of similar experience. People looking down on them for no good reason, but Ponyboy was supposed to be the smartest of them all. He was gonna get away from this life. He didn't deserve to be looked down on like that.

**These were a lot of Socs in that class- I get put into A classes because I'm supposed to be smart- **Two-bit snorted at the "supposed to be" **and most of them thought it was pretty funny. I didn't, though. She was a cute girl. She looked real good in yellow.**

**We deserve a lot of our trouble, I thought. Dallas deserves everything he gets, and should get worse, if you want the truth.**

Dally shrugged. It was true.

**And Two-Bit- he doesn't really want or need half the things he swipes from stores.**

"Hey! I need some of it!"

**He just thinks it's fun to swipe everything that isn't nailed down.**

"Well…that's kinda true…"

**I can understand why Sodapop and Steve get into drag races and fights so much, though- both of them have too much energy, too much feeling, with no way to blow it off.**

Soda and Steve were surprised that Pony had seen that.

**"Rub harder, Soda," I heard Darry mumbling. "You're gonna put me to sleep."**

**I looked through the door. Sodapop was giving Darry a back-rub. Darry is always pulling muscles; he roofs houses and he's always trying to carry two bundles of roofing up the ladder. **

"Why don't you just carry less…?"

**I knew Soda would put him to sleep, because Soda can put about anyone out when he sets his head to it. **"I guess I'll take it as a compliment…" **He thought Darry worked too hard anyway. I did, too.**

**Darry didn't deserve to work like an old man when he was only twenty. He had been a real popular guy in school; he was captain of the football team and he had been voted Boy of the Year. But we just didn't have the money for him to go to college, even with the athletic scholarship he won. And now he didn't have time between jobs to even think about college. So he never went anywhere and never did anything anymore, except work out at gyms and go skiing with some old friends of his sometimes.**

Darry looked at the floor. He didn't mind what he gave up really. Not compared to what he gained with Soda an' Ponyboy and, hell, the whole damn gang!

**I rubbed my cheek where it had turned purple. I had looked in the mirror, and it did make me look tough. But Darry had made me put a Band-Aid on the cut.**

The entire room snickered. "I still think that was a bit too much, Darry!" Soda laughed.

**I remembered how awful Johnny had looked when he got beaten up. ** Dally growled **I had just as much right to use the streets as the Socs did, and Johnny had never hurt them. Why did the Socs hate us so much? We left them alone. I nearly went to sleep over my homework trying to figure it out.**

"Don't bother trying, kid." Dallas muttered

**Sodapop, who had jumped into bed by this time, yelled sleepily for me to turn off the light and get to bed. When I finished the chapter I was on, I did.**

"Soda! Let Ponyboy finish his homework…and Ponyboy should be doing his homework _before _he goes to any movies." Darry said. No one bothered to point out that Ponyboy wasn't there….

**Lying beside Soda, staring at the wall, I kept remembering the faces of the Socs as they surrounded me, that blue madras shirt the blond was wearing, and I could still hear a thick voice: "Need a haircut, greaser?" I shivered.**

_Poor Pony _Johnny thought, he remembered thinking the same thing after his first jumping.

**"You cold, Ponyboy?"**

**"A little;" I lied. Soda threw one arm across my neck. He mumbled something drowsily. "Listen, kiddo, when Darry hollers at you... he don't mean nothin'. He's just got more worries than somebody his age ought to. Don't take him serious... you dig, Pony? Don't let him bug you. He's really proud of you 'cause you're so brainy. It's just because you're the baby- I mean, he loves you a lot. Savvy?"**

Darry smiled. He was glad someone was sticking up for him, although he wasn't sure he was going to deserve it later on. He shuddered as he thought about the night Ponyboy ran away.

Johnny noticed. "You okay, Darry?"

"Oh yeah. Yeah, Johnny. 'M fine."

**"Sure," I said, trying for Soda's sake to keep the sarcasm out of my voice.**

**"Soda?"**

**"Yeah?"**

**"How come you dropped out?" I never have gotten over that. I could hardly stand it when he left school.**

Soda raised his eye brows. He didn't know Pony had taken it that hard. He started to feelin' pretty guilty.

**" 'Cause I'm dumb. The only things I was passing anyway were auto mechanics and gym."**

**"You're not dumb."**

"No," Said Darry, "You ain't dumb. You're just not…book smart."

Two-bit snorted.

**"Yeah, I am. Shut up and I'll tell you something. Don't tell Darry, though."**

**"Okay."**

**"I think I'm gonna marry Sandy. After she gets out of school and I get a better job and everything. I might wait till you get out of school, though. So I can still help Darry with the bills and stuff."**

There was an awkward silence. "She wasn't worth it anyways, Soda." Johnny said.

"I know it now Johnny cake."

**"Tuff enough. Wait till I get out, though, so you can keep Darry off my back."**

**"Don't be like that, kid. I told you he don't mean half of what he says..."**

**"You in love with Sandy? What's it like?"**

**"Hhhmmm." He sighed happily. "It's real nice."**

Soda winced at his own stupidity.

**In a moment his breathing was light and regular. I turned my head to look at him and in the moonlight he looked like some Greek god come to earth. **Soda grinned. "I think I've beaten you Two-bit!" Two-bit frowned.** I wondered how he could stand being so handsome. Then I sighed. I didn't quite get what he meant about Darry. Darry thought I was just another mouth to feed and somebody to holler at. Darry love me? I thought of those hard, pale eyes. Soda was wrong for once, I thought. Darry doesn't love anyone or anything, except maybe Soda.**

Even Darry was shocked. How on Earth did he let it get this bad? How had it come to Pony thinking that he wasn't loved? He needed Pony to know he was wrong. Darry would tell him as soon as he sees him! He would make sure Pony knew how incredibly proud of him he was.

**I didn't hardly think of him as being human. I don't care, I lied to myself, I don't care about him either. Soda's enough, and I'd have him until I got out of school. I don't care about Darry. But I was still lying and I knew it. I lie to myself all the time. But I never believe me.**

"Wow…" Soda said on an exhale. Poor Pony though Dally, kids got everything in the world and he doesn't even see it.

Suddenly they heard a sign from the doorway. Ponyboy stood there.

"Where've you been?" Two-bit smiled.

Ponyboy glared at Two-bit. "I still don't wanna read this. But if y'all are insistin' I think I might like to be here to defend myself."

The rest of the gang nodded.

"Sounds fair," Soda conceded.

"Well, I'm starvin'! We're not readin' another word till we eat!" Declared Tim.

"Fine! Gimme a minute, I'll find something." Darry muttered as Pony took a seat next to Johnny.

The other members of the gang moved around the room. Soda and Steve started talking along with Tim and Dallas.

"So, how bad was it?" Pony whispered to Johnny.

"Not too bad, considering. I imagine it'll get worse further on in the story."

"Yeah…" Ponyboy thought about the church and the rumble. Boy, was he going to get it from Darry, that's for sure. And then Pony remembered something important. He had killed off Johnny and Dally in the story! The essay was all true aside from those two parts, well, deaths. He had written it for some stupid creative writing class Darry made him take! He hadn't ever been good with imagination so he took a true story and twisted it a little. He had got a C on the essay because his teacher knew it wasn't made up, that it was mostly true. The only reason his grade hadn't been lower was 'cuz she said he was a pretty good writer. And the reason it had been in his bag two years later was 'cuz his current English teacher wanted to take a look!

"Hey Johnny, you should probably know something…"

"What?" Johnny asked.

"Well I kinda' changed one little thing. I—" But Ponyboy didn't finish his sentence as Darry walked in at that exact moment holding beer, Coca-Cola's and a large bowl of popcorn.

**Hey! From the author. Chapters are long. They take time. Be patient. Review. Offer suggestions. I'm tired.**

**It will usually probably take longer than this to update, sorry. School takes priority!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey thanks so much to all the people who reviewed! That's really cool, also Joyfull Scroll thanks for the hint! I promise I will find a way to get Ponyboy some Pepsi by the end of the next chapter if it is the last thing I do!**

Darry handed the coke to Pony and Johnny. Pony preferred Pepsi, but neither of them liked beer much, as both of them had witnessed what it did to Jonny's parents, and Ponyboy just plain didn't like the taste. That and there was no way that Darry would give them beer, even though Johnny was old enough.

"What? Ponyboy," Johnny whispered. "What'd you change?"

"Shhhh! I'll tell you later when I get the chance." Pony replied.

"What're you two whisperin' about over there?" Dally asked as he opened his beer.

Johnny glanced at Ponyboy, whose eyes widened, "Nuthin' Dally," He replied.

Dally walked away from Tim and joined Johnny and Ponyboy. "Yeah, yeah, I'm sure," He muttered. "So Ponyboy? You think I deserve all I get and more do ya?"

"W-What? Course-not D-Dally!"

"Well that's what you wrote!" Dally looked pissed. Ponyboy may have been brave, but he wasn't stupid. "Now, see that's not what I meant. Really what I was tryin' to say was, uhh—"

"Hey! Leave Ponyboy alone, will ya?" This was from Soda who came over to the group and swung an arm around Pony's shoulders.

"Pfft! You're just protecting him 'cause of all the nice stuff he said about you!" Two-bit joined looking rather annoyed. "For future reference Ponyboy, I do not date only blondes! You remember Stacey? Eh? She had brown hair!"

"Stacey's hair was basically blonde, Two-bit!" Steve said from behind Ponyboy.

Two-bit signed dramatically. "Well, I guess I should be happy. My description was way nicer than Steve's and Darry's"

Oh no. Ponyboy thought. He remembered all the bad stuff he had written about Darry. It was all coming back now. He didn't really care about the stuff he said about Steve, they both knew he deserved it, but the stuff he said about Darry…It was bad.

Soda seemed to realize that all the blood he drained from Pony's face. "All right, All right! C'mon guys si'down! Time to read!"

During the loud shuffle Pony took advantage of the noise and went to Darry to apologize.

"I'm sorry about the stuff I said, Darry. I didn't know what I was talkin' bout really! It was all wrong and I didn't mean any—"

"Hey! Calm down. I deserved some of it and we both know it!"

Pony swallowed. He would probably apologize again later, after they retired for the night but at least he knew now that Darry wouldn't hate him. He wasn't even angry, but still Pony was feeling guilty.

Soda grabbed the essay and began to read.

**Chapter 2**

"Hey!" Said Two-bit "Why do you getta read again?"

"Yeah!" Said Steve, agreeing with Two-bit.

"Well, because I'm his brother."

"So's Darry! Darry why don't you read?" argued Two-bit.

"Alright, alright! If you quit yappin Two-bit I'll read!" Two-bit looked rather satisfied with himself. Pony however, wasn't sure about this, there would probably be a few more insults thrown Darry's way and he didn't think that it would be great for Darry to have to read them himself, but it was too late. Darry had grabbed the book and started reading.

**Dally was waiting for Johnny and me under the street light at the corner of Pickett and Sutton, and since we got there early, we had time to go over the drugstore in the shopping center and goof around.**

Johnny grinned. He remembered that night. It was real fun, well until the murder that is…

**We bought Cokes and blew the straws at the waitress, **

Darry frowned. "Ponyboy, show the waitress some respect!"

Ponyboy opened his mouth to defend himself but Darry had continued reading. "It's only 'cause you're sweet on her…"

Darry continued to read, though his ears had gotten considerably redder.

**and walked around eyeing things that were lying out in the open until the manager got wise to us and suggested we leave. He was too late, though; Dally walked out with two packages of Kools under his jacket.**

Everyone except Darry grinned.

Man, Johnny thought, That Dally was so smooth. If he wanted'ta he coulda' robbed 'em blind!

**Then we went across the street and down Sutton a little way to The Dingo. There are lots of drive-ins in town- the Socs go to The Way Out and to Rusty's, and the greasers go to The Dingo and to Jay's. **

Steve nodded to himself, they go to The Way Out and we go to The Dingo. That was the way it was supposed to be.

Johnny was grinning. Listening to Soda was fun but Darry's voice just pulled you into it in a way Soda couldn't hope to achieve. Maybe it was because he loved books just like Ponyboy did.

**The Dingo is a pretty rough hangout; there's always a fight going on there and once a girl got shot.**

Soda frowned. That was why he didn't like Ponyboy being down there too much, even if it was a greaser hangout, it could be as dangerous for him as a soc's hangout.

**We walked around talking to all the greasers and hoods we knew, leaning in car windows or hopping into the back seats, and getting in on who was running away,**

"Half of 'em" Tow-bit muttered.

**and who was in jail,**

"All of 'em!" Two-bit said and they all smiled smiled.

**and who was going with who, and who could whip who, and who stole what and when and why.**

Steve wondered if Ponyboy actually kept track of all that. He was lucky if he got names with the right faces! He'd once mistaken a Brumbly boy for one of Tim's guys who owed Dally money. Boy, the results of that had _not _been pretty.

**We knew about everybody there. There was a pretty good fight while we were there between a big twenty-three-year-old greaser and a Mexican hitchhiker. **

Tim smiled at the memory. "I won money on that fight…"

**We left when the switchblades came out, because the cops would be coming soon and nobody in his right mind wants to be around when the fuzz show.**

Two-bit grinned. He liked to wait as long as possible before leaving a fight just to see how close he could get to being caught by the cops. He made a game out of it, and he'd only lost twice.

**We crossed Sutton and cut around behind Spencer's Special, the discount house, and chased two junior-high kids across a field for a few minutes; **

Darry glared at Ponyboy and Johnny who looked down at their feet, looking embarrassed and guilty. They pull stuff like that anymore; they knew all too well what it was like to be on the receiving end.

**by then it was dark enough to sneak in over the back fence of the Nightly Double drive-in movie. It was the biggest in town, and showed two movies every night, and on weekends four- you could say you were going to the Nightly Double and have time to go all over town.**

Soda raised an eyebrow, "What's that 'spose to mean, Ponyboy?"

"Nothing! Just pointing it out."

"No more nightly double for Pony!" Darry said.

"What? But Darry that's not fair!"

"It is too!" Darry thought of all the times that little rascal had said he was going to the Nightly Double for movies…

"You can't punish me for something that happened two years ago. And it doesn't even say that I did it. And I didn't give you guys permission in the first place to be reading this."

Tim Shepard was laughing. "I think he's got you cornered there,"

"…Fine." Darry muttered, "But no sneaking out!"

Whew, Ponyboy thought. That was close. He could already see that Darry was gonna be a lot stricter when it came to movies now though. And he wondered exactly what Darry would do when he read about other things Ponyboy had done in the book.

Dallas was proud. So maybe the kid had potential after all…

**We all had the money to get in- it only costs a quarter if you're not in a car- but Dally hated to do things the legal way. He liked to show that he didn't care whether there was a law or not. He went around trying to break laws. **

Two0bit was grinning at Dally, who leaned over and bopped Ponyboy on the back of the head.

"What was that for?" Pony demanded.

"Maybe now you'll remember to mind your own business."

Two-bit and everyone else was laughing but if you looked real close you could tell Two-bit was forcing it. He wasn't looking forward to when Ponyboy's observant eyes fell upon him.

**We went to the rows of seats in front of the concession stand to sit down. Nobody else was there except two girls who were sitting down front.**

Johnny had half a grin on. He liked Cherry Valance. And he friend, although he doubted a girl like Marcia Brown would ever go for a greaser. Well, he thought, she did give Two-bit her number.

**Dally eyed them coolly, then walked down the aisle and sat right behind them. I had a sick feeling that Dally was up to his usual tricks, and I was right.**

"Usual tricks?" Asked Dally mildly offended. Ponyboy scooted out of range.

**He started talking, loud enough for the two girls to hear. He started out bad and got worse. Dallas could talk awful dirty if he wanted to and I guess he wanted to then.**

I did want to, Dallas thought. It's not like I could ever have her, so I might as well.

**I felt my ears get hot. Two-Bit or Steve or even Soda would have gone right along with him, just to see if they could embarrass the girls, but that kind of kicks just doesn't appeal to me. I sat there, struck dumb, and Johnny left hastily to get a Coke.**

The mentioned greasers looked rather embarrassed. It was true, but after Cherry had become a spy for them they decided that they would repay their debt by leaving socy girls alone.

**I wouldn't have felt so embarrassed if they had been greasy girls- I might even have helped old Dallas.**

Half of Dallas' mouth kicked up in a smile. He knew this kid had some major potential to become a great greaser. He was just as tough as the rest of them but a whole helluva lot smarter.

**But those two girls weren't our kind. They were tuff-looking girls- dressed sharp and really good-looking. They looked about sixteen or seventeen. One had short dark hair, and the other had long red hair. The redhead was getting mad, or scared.**

"She was getting mad." Dallas laughed**.** She had been real tuff—for a soc, that is.

**She sat up straight and she was chewing hard on her gum. The other one pretended not to hear Dally.**

Two-bit sighed. That would only make Dally more determined. He hated being ignored; he knew they thought he wasn't worth noticing so he made it impossible to be unnoticed.

**Dally was getting impatient. He put his feet up on the back of the redhead's chair, winked at me, and beat his own record for saying something dirty.**

"Musta been pretty bad to beat his own record. You should hear some of the stuff that come outta his mouth during fights…" Tim grimaced.

**She turned around and gave him a cool stare.**

**"Take your feet off my chair and shut your trap."**

A series of Ooooooh's and Whoop's were heard around the room. Looks like Dallas Winston mighta just met his match!

**Boy, she was good-looking. I'd seen her before; she was a cheerleader at our school. I'd always thought she was stuck-up.**

**Dally merely looked at her and kept his feet where they were. "Who's gonna make me?"**

Steve leaned forward, anticipating a fight, forgetting that only one opponent was actually in the room.

**The other one fumed around and watched us. "That's the greaser that jockeys for the Slash J sometime," she said, as if we couldn't hear her.**

Soda rolled his eyes. Girls just like her flirted with him shamelessly at the DX and flat out refused to look at him anywhere else.

**I had heard the same tone a million times: "Greaser... greaser... greaser." Oh yeah, I had heard that tone before too many times.**

Most the gang winced. It never bothered them as much as it seemed to bother Ponyboy.

**What are they doing at a drive-in without a car? I thought, and Dallas said, "I know you two. I've seen you around rodeos."**

**"It's a shame you can't ride bull half as good as you can talk it," the redhead said coolly and turned back around.**

"Ohhhhh!" Two-bit said loudly. "BURN!"

**That didn't bother Dally in the least. "You two barrel race, huh?"**

**"You'd better leave us alone," the redhead said in a bit ing voice, "or I'll call the cops."**

**"Oh, my, my"- Dally looked bored- "you've got me scared to death. You ought to see my record sometime, baby." He grinned slyly. "Guess what I've been in for?"**

"That won't impress them the way it impresses greaser girls." Tim muttered. He grinned as Dallas glared at him.

**"Please leave us alone," she said. "Why don't you be nice and leave us alone?"**

**Dally grinned roguishly. "I'm never nice. Want a Coke?"**

**She was mad by then. "I wouldn't drink it if I was starving in the desert. Get lost, hood!"**

Finally, Soda thought. Say what you want about a greaser girl but they weren't stupid enough to sit there and antagonize a hood like Dallas. They woulda' left the minute he came up to them, unless they wanted him, like Sylvia.

**Dally merely shrugged and strolled off.**

**The girl looked at me. I was half-scared of her. I'm half-scared of all nice girls, especially Socs. "Are you going to start in on us?"**

Two-bit started to laugh. "Ahhh yes! The terror of all greaser boys, a nice girl!" The gang chuckled at his antics.

**I shook my head, wide-eyed. "No."**

**Suddenly she smiled. Gosh, she was pretty. "You don't look the type. What's your name?"**

**I wished she hadn't asked me that. I hate to tell people my name for the first time. "Ponyboy Curtis."**

"What's wrong with your name?" Darry asked.

"I like my name just fine. It's telling people for the first time that's awful!"

**Then I waited for the "You're kidding!" or "That's your real name?" or one of the other remarks I usually get. Ponyboy's my real name and personally I like it.**

Ohh, Darry thought. Well compared to Sodapop and Ponyboy he got off pretty easy with Darrel.

**The redhead just smiled. "That's an original and lovely name."**

**"My dad was an original person," I said. "I've got a brother named Sodapop, and it says so on his birth certificate."**

Sodapop beamed.

**"My name's Sherri, but I'm called Cherry because of my hair. Cherry Valance."**

**"I know," I said. "You're a cheerleader. We go to the same school."**

**"You don't look old enough to be going to high school," the dark-haired girl said.**

**"I'm not. I got put up a year in grade school."**

Darry shook his head. People were always surprised when they learned that a greaser got put up a year. It made him mad. How did people expect greasers to stay away from crime if that was _all_ they expected of us?

**Cherry was looking at me. "What's a nice, smart kid like you running around with trash like that for?"**

Dallas growled and Johnny frowned.

**I felt myself stiffen. "I'm a grease, same as Dally. He's my buddy."**

"Thanks Ponyboy." Dally muttered real quietly. Darry felt proud. That would always be his brother, loyal to the bone.

**"I'm sorry, Ponyboy," she said softly. Then she said briskly, "Your brother Sodapop, does he work at a gasoline station? A DX, I think?"**

Soda perked up a bit.

**"Yeah."**

**"Man, your brother is one doll. I might have guessed you were brothers- you look alike."**

Soda grinned but Two-bit peered at Ponyboy intensely "I don't see it."

Pony chucked a pillow at him.

**I grinned with pride- I don't think I look one bit like Soda, but it's not every day I hear Socs telling me they think my brother is a doll.**

Darry sighed ruefully. He'd bet Ponyboy had never once been compared to him.

**"Didn't he used to ride in rodeos? Saddle bronc?"**

**"Yeah. Dad made him quit after he tore a ligament, though. We still hang around rodeos a lot. I've seen you two barrel race. You're good."**

Steve winced. He remembered real well when Soda got hurt. Scared him half to death.

**"Thanks," Cherry said, and the other girl, who was named Marcia, said, "How come we don't see your brother at school? He's not any older than sixteen or seventeen, is he?"**

Oh man, Soda thought. Here it comes.

**I winced inside. I've told you I can't stand it that Soda dropped out. "He's a dropout," I said roughly. **

Soda's cheeks flooded with embarrassment. Not for himself but for his brother. He was also a little hurt to know that Ponyboy was embarrassed by him.

**"Dropout" made me think of some poor dumb-looking hoodlum wandering the streets breaking out street lights- it didn't fit my happy-go-lucky brother at all. It fitted Dally perfectly, but you could hardly say it about Soda.**

"HEY! How long're you gonna be insulting me in this book?"

Ponyboy winced internally as he thought about all the insults thrown Dally's way. There were a lot of compliments mixed in there though, maybe that would help. But judging by Dally's facial expression he didn't think it would so much.

**Johnny came back then and sat down beside me. He looked around for Dally, then managed a shy "Hi" to the girls and tried to watch the movie. He was nervous, though. Johnny was always nervous around strangers.**

Not as much anymore, Johnny thought. Or maybe he was just being optimistic.

**Cherry looked at him, sizing him up as she had me. Then she smiled softly, and I knew she had him sized up right.**

Well there was proof that there are at least some sane soc girls, Two-bit thought.

**Dally came striding back with an armful of Cokes. He handed one to each of the girls and sat down beside Cherry. "This might cool you off."**

Tim wasn't so sure. This girl didn't seem likely to fall victim to Dally's charm.

**She gave him an incredulous look; and then she threw her Coke in his face. "That might cool you off, greaser. After you wash your mouth and learn to talk and act decent, I might cool off, too."**

"Ooooo!" It takes a helluva lotta guts to throw a coke in Dallas Winston's face, Two-bit thought.

**Dally wiped the Coke off his face with his sleeve and smiled dangerously. If I had been Cherry I would have beat it out of there. I knew that smile.**

"What's that smile mean?" Soda asked curiously.

"It means you should beat it out of there," Johnny responded, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

**"Fiery, huh? Well, that's the way I like 'em." He started to put his arm around her, but Johnny reached over and stopped him.**

Several eyebrow's shot up at that. Johnny seemed to worship Dally, it was unthinkable that he would be the one to stop him. Darry was just relieved it hadn't been Ponyboy. Dally would never harm Johnny, but he might not have too many qualms about giving Ponyboy a good working over.

**"Leave her alone, Dally."**

**"Huh?" Dally was taken off guard. He stared at Johnny in disbelief. Johnny couldn't say "Boo" to a goose. **

"Hey!" Johnny said. How much longer did Ponyboy have to make him sound weak?

"I think we might all have to get used to it, Johnny. Pony seems to insult us a lot in his mind" This, surprisingly, came from Two-bit.

"I do not!" Ponyboy said, at least he didn't think he did.

**Johnny gulped and got a little pale, but he said, "You heard me. Leave her alone."**

"Wow! Good job Johnny! Way to stick up for yourself!" Two-bit smiled. Johnny, who was looking a little pale, just nodded. He shot an apologetic look to Dally, who waved it away.

"I'm glad you're sticking up for yourself. Just don't do it against _me_ again." Dally grinned.

**Dallas scowled for a second. If it had been me, or Two-Bit, or Soda or Steve, or anyone but Johnny, Dally would have flattened him without a moment's hesitation.**

"Hah!" Two-bit laughed. "Dally wouldn'ta flattened me! He loves me!" Johnny rolled his eyes and Dally aimed a punch Two-bit's way, who dodged it just in time.

**You just didn't tell Dally Winston what to do.** Dallas nodded seriously.** One time, in a dime store, a guy told him to move over at the candy counter. Dally had turned around and belted him so hard it knocked a tooth loose. A complete stranger, too. **

"You did not." Tim said.

"Yes he did." Soda responded. "I was there, took us ten minutes to bring him 'round."

**But Johnny was the gang's pet, and Dally just couldn't hit him. He was Dally's pet, too. Dally got up and stalked off, his fists jammed in his pockets and a frown on his face. He didn't come back.**

Johnny had felt real bad about that too. Dally was like his brother, always keeping him safe, and that was how he repaid him?

**Cherry sighed in relief. "Thanks. He had me scared to death."**

Dally chuckled. "Knew it!"

**Johnny managed an admiring grin. "You sure didn't show it. Nobody talks to Dally like that."**

Dally muttered something under his breath. That soc annoyed the pure hell outta him.

**She smiled, "From what I saw, you do."**

"Yeah!" Two-bit cheered! "Go Johnnycake!" Tim looked at Johnny approvingly, good the kid. Looks like he's got some balls after all.

**Johnny's ears got red. I was still staring at him. It had taken more than nerve for him to say what he'd said to Dally- Johnny worshiped the ground Dallas walked on, and I had never heard Johnny talk back to anyone, much less his hero.**

Yep, Johnny thought. He really wished he hadn't. Pony had told him about how Cherry Valance hadn't visited him in the hospital, not that he would've remembered if she had, but still it had stung. It was partially her fault that he had ended up there anyway. He hoped he'd get to read that part, he still wanted to see her reasoning.

**Marcia grinned at us. She was a little smaller than Cherry. She was cute, but that Cherry Valance was a real looker. **

Two-bit huffed. He thought that Marcia was prettier, she was the one who'd given her his number, after all.

**"Y'all sit up here with us. You can protect us."**

Steve snorted and Pony and Johnny glared at him. "What? I think that they could've found someone a bit better to protect them."

Ponyboy and Johnny jumped at Steve. Ponyboy got in a good hit to the jaw before Darry hauled them apart.

"And you wonder why I never liked you." Ponyboy muttered in Steve's direction.

**Johnny and I looked at each other. He grinned suddenly, raising his eyebrows so that they disappeared under his bangs. Would we ever have something to tell the boys!**

The gang chuckled at the boys excitement.

**his eyes said plainly. We had picked up two girls, and classy ones at that. Not any greasy broads for us, but real Socs. Soda would flip when I told him.**

Soda didn't think he would be surprised. Ponyboy was going to go to college, and he just knew that one day he'd some home with a classy girl on his arm. Someone who would love Pony the way their mother had loved their father. No way would Pony be satisfied with a greaser girl like he had almost been.

**"Okay," I said nonchalantly, "might as well."**

"Good," Two-bit nodded approvingly, "Play it cool…Wait, that's what nonchalantly means right?"

"Yes Two-bit." Darry said shaking his head. At least Ponyboy had a better vocabulary than Two-bit.

**I sat between them, and Johnny sat next to Cherry.**

**"How old are y'all?" Marcia asked.**

**"Fourteen," I said.**

**"Sixteen," said Johnny.**

**'That's funny," Marcia said, "I thought you were both..."**

**"Sixteen," Cherry finished for her.**

Dally grinned and nudged Johnny with his elbow.

**I was grateful. Johnny looked fourteen and he knew it and it bugged him something awful.**

"It doesn't bug me…" Johnny muttered, "And I don't look fourteen!"

Soda shook his head at Steve, who looked like he was about to say something snarky. No reason to kick him while he's down.

**Johnny grinned. "How come y'all ain't scared of us like you were Dally?"**

Tim snorted, "No one's scared of you like they're scared 'a Dally"

**Cherry sighed. "You two are too sweet to scare anyone. First of all, you didn't join in Dallas's dirty talk, and you made him leave us alone. And when we asked you to sit up here with us, you didn't act like it was an invitation to make out for the night. Besides that, I've heard about Dallas Winston, and he looked as hard as nails and twice as tough. And you two don't look mean."**

"That's a little insulting. Don't worry Johnny and Ponyboy. You two look just as mean as anyone else!" Two-bit said encouragingly.

**"Sure," I said tiredly, "we're young and innocent"**

**"No," Cherry said slowly, looking at me carefully, "not innocent. You've seen too much to be innocent. Just not... dirty."**

Darry nodded. That was a good way of explaining it. At first glance Johnny looked real innocent too, until you looked at his eyes. They were too haunted to be innocent.

**"Dally's okay," Johnny said defensively, and I nodded. You take up for your buddies, no matter what they do. **

The gang nodded—except for Tim. A small smile flirted around Dally's lips. Ponyboy was a good boy. Real loyal.

**When you're a gang, you stick up for the members. If you don't stickup for them, stick together, make like brothers, it isn't a gang any more. It's a pack.**

"Ain't that the truth," Soda smiled. Two-bit nodded gravely.

**A snarling, distrustful, bickering pack like the Socs in their social clubs or the street gangs in New York or the wolves in the timber. "He's tough, but he's a cool old guy."**

Dally looked thoughtful. He hadn't ever thought about that, comparing socs to his old New York gang—or pack, more like it.

**"He'd leave you alone if he knew you," I said, and that was true. When Steve's cousin from Kansas came down, Dally was decent to her and watched his swearing.**

Dally shuddered as he remembered. That was the longest two weeks of his life. Steve smiled thankfully. His aunt wouldn't have taken too kindly to his friends if her daughter had come home with a brand new vocabulary.

**We all did around nice girls who were the cousinly type. I don't know how to explain it- we try to be nice to the girls we see once in a while, like cousins or the girls in class; but we still watch a nice girl go by on a street corner and say all kinds of lousy stuff about her. Don't ask me why. I don't know why.**

Hmm, now there was an interesting question, Tim thought. He did that too. Talkin nice to girls he only saw now and then, bu talkin real dirty to the girls he passes by on the street everyday.

**"Well," Marcia said with finality, "I'm glad he doesn't know us."**

**"I kind of admire him," Cherry said softly, so only I heard, and then we settled down to watch the movie.**

"Admire you? Why's she admirin you? You were an ass." Soda complained.

"I don't know! That girl was one weird soc! Glad she's not 'round Tulsa no more." Darry said exhaustedly. Cherry had gone to college in Kansas last year, Pony remembered.

**Oh, yeah, we found out why they were without a car. They'd come with their boyfriends, but walked out on them when they found out the boys had brought some booze along. The boys had gotten angry and left.**

Two-bit rolled his eyes. Soc girls can be so uptight.

**"I don't care if they did." Cherry sounded annoyed. "It's not my idea of a good time to sit in a drive-in and watch people get drunk."**

**You could tell by the way she said it that her idea of a good time was probably, high-class, and probably expensive. They'd decided to stay and see the movie anyway. It was one of those beach-party movies with no plot and no acting but a lot of girls in bikinis and some swinging songs, so it was all right.**

Two-bit winked at Ponyboy.

**We were all four sitting there in silence when suddenly a strong hand came down on Johnny's shoulder and another on mine and a deep voice said, "Okay, greasers, you've had it"**

Soda and Dally's heads snapped toward the essay. The panic was evident in everyone's eyes except Ponyboy, Johnny and an extremely sheepish looking Two-bit.

**I almost jumped out of my skin. It was like having some one leap out from behind a door and yell "Boo!" at you.**

**I looked fearfully over my shoulder and there was Two-Bit, grinning like a Chessy cat. "Glory, Two-Bit, scare us to death!" **

"TWO-BIT YOU GODDAMN IDIOT!" Dally yelled as he launched himself at Two-bit. They rolled around fighting for a good five minutes, no one wanted to break them up before Dally had gotten a few good punches in. Finally Darry nodded at Soda and Steve who reluctantly pulled Dally off of Two-bit.

"It's alright, Dally," Johnny assured him. "I'm fine!"

"Two-bits an idiot. He should know better than to do something so damn stupid!"

"Why don't we keep reading and we can find out how Johnny takes it?" Soda suggests calmly.

**He was good at voice imitations and had sounded for all the world like a snarling Soc. **

Dally fake lunged at Two-bit who cowered.

**Then I looked at Johnny. His eyes were shut and he was as white as a ghost. His breath was coming in smothered gasps.**

If looks could kill then Two-bit'd be long gone. Pony thought. Not only was Dallas glaring at him, but Darry, Steve and Soda had joined in. Pony had forgotten all about that. Compared with what happened later that night it sorta just faded into the background.

**Two-Bit knew better than to scare Johnny like that. I guess he'd forgotten. He's kind of scatterbrained. Johnny opened his eyes and said weakly, "Hey, Two-Bit."**

**Two-Bit messed up his hair, "Sorry, kid," he said, "I forgot."**

Dally was muttering something under his breath that sounded a lot like plans to murder Two-bit…

**He climbed over the chair and plopped down beside Marcia. "Who's this, your great-aunts?"**

**"Great-grandmothers, twice removed," Cherry said smoothly.**

Two-bit grinned reminiscently. That girl had been smooth.

**I couldn't tell if Two-Bit was drunk or not. It's kind of hard to tell with him- he acts boozed up sometimes even when he's sober. **

Two-bit chuckled sounding slightly unstable. Steve and Soda leaned away from him.

**He cocked one eyebrow up and the other down, which he always does when something puzzles him, or bothers him, or when he feels like saying some thing smart. "Shoot, you're ninety-six if you're a day."**

"Huh. Well I'll be damned Ponyboy." Darry was impressed. Pony may not use common sense but he was pretty darned observant. Two-bit was grinning at his past self.

**"I'm a night," Marcia said brightly.**

**Two-Bit stared at her admiringly. "Brother, you're a sharp one. Where'd you two ever get to be picked up by a couple of greasy hoods like Pony and Johnny?"**

"Hey!" Johnny muttered. Soda smiled, it was funny because Pony was so far from a greasy hood…

**"We really picked them up," Marcia said. "We're really Arabian slave traders and we're thinking about shanghaiing them. They're worth ten camels apiece at least."**

Man, Two-bit. He'd have to call her up 'cause she was one smooth girl. Real pretty eyes too.

**"Five," Two-Bit disagreed. "They don't talk Arabian, I don't think. Say somethin' in Arabian, Johnnycake."**

Tim smiled. It was times like this he wished he was just in a gang, not a hood. These guys were like brothers. The only friend he had back in his hood was Curly, who was, unfortunately, in the cooler.

**"Aw, cut it out!" Johnny broke in. "Dally was bothering them and when he left they wanted us to sit with them to protect them. Against wisecracking greasers like you, probably."**

"Probably," Two-bit shrugged. "But Marcia liked me. She definitely liked me."

**Two-Bit grinned, because Johnny didn't usually get sassy like that.**

Dally knew that. Johnny hardly ever even talks around strangers, let alone talk enough to get sassy. But he liked when he saw Johnny steppin' up and comin' out of his shell.

**We thought we were doing good if we could get him to talk at all. Incidentally, we don't mind being called greaser by another greaser. It's kind of playful then.**

"Good point, Pony." Johnny muttered.

**"Hey, where is of Dally, anyways?"**

**"He went hunting some action- booze or dames or a fight. I hope he don't get jailed again. He just got out"**

Dally smirked but he was pretty touched that Johnny had thought that.

**"He'll probably find the fight," Two-Bit stated cheerfully. "That's why I came over. Mr. Timothy Shepard and Co.** Tim perked up at the mention of him and his gang/pack.** are looking for whoever so kindly slashed their car's tires, and since Mr. Curly Shepard spotted Dallas doing it... well... Does Dally have a blade?"**

"Hey I remember that! You slashed my tires you son of a bitch!" Tim yelled at Dally.

**"Not that I know of," I said. "I think he's got a piece of pipe, but he busted his blade this morning."**

Oh, now it was comin' back to him. He hadn't been the one to slash the tires but he took the credit so that he could have a good fight. And that had been his favorite blade!

**"Good. Tim'll fight fair if Dally don't pull a blade on him. Dally shouldn't have any trouble."**

"Worried about me Two-bit? I'm touched."

**Cherry and Marcia were staring at us. "You don't believe in playing rough or anything, do you?"**

**"A fair fight isn't rough;' Two-Bit said. "Blades are rough. So are chains and heaters and pool sticks and rumbles. Skin fighting isn't rough. It blows off steam better than anything. There's nothing wrong with throwing a few punches. Socs are rough. They gang up on one or two, or they rumble each other with their social clubs. Us greasers usually stick together, but when we do fight among ourselves, it's a fair fight between two. And Dally deserves whatever he gets, 'cause slashed tires ain't no joke when you've got to work to pay for them. He got spotted, too, and that was his fault. Our one rule, besides Stick together, is Don't get caught. He might get beat up, he might not. Either way there's not going to be any blood feud between our outfit and Shepard's, If we needed them tomorrow they'd show. If Tim beats Dally's head in, and then tomorrow asks us for help in a rumble, we'll show. Dally was getting kicks. He got caught. He pays up. No sweat."**

"Wow, Two-bit. Never knew you thought so much" Soda said surprised.

"Never knew you had a brain." Steve quipped. He was impressed though. Two-bit summed it up quite well. Quick and to the point, He hadn't left anything out.

"Hey! I think!"

"Good job Two-bit. I'm impressed, it was a good explanation." Darry smiled.

"Aww! Thanks Darry!" Two-bit said, "I think I'm blushing!" Darry rolled his eyes.

**"Yeah, boy," Cherry said sarcastically, "real simple."**

**"Sure," Marcia said, unconcerned. "If he gets killed or something, you just bury him. No sweat"**

Man, Two-bit thought, Marcia was a real cool girl.

**"You dig okay, baby." Two-Bit grinned and lit a cigarette. "Anyone want a weed?"**

**I looked at Two-Bit admiringly. He sure put things into words good. **

"Thank you Ponyboy! That's exactly what Darry said!" Darry grinned at Two-bits words.

**Maybe he was still a junior at eighteen and a half, and maybe his sideburns were too long, **"Too long?" **and maybe he did get boozed up too much, but he sure understood things.**

Two-bit kept his features schooled in a belligerent smirk on the outside but in the inside he was pretty touched. It almost sounded like Ponyboy, the smartest kid around, admired him.

**Cherry and Marcia shook their heads at his offering of cigarettes, but Johnny and I reached for one. Johnny's color was back and his breathing was regular,** Dallas glared and Two-bit shrunk back,** but his hand was shaking ever so slightly. A cigarette would steady it.**

**"Ponyboy, will you come with me to get some popcorn?" Cherry asked.**

**I jumped up. "Sure. Y'all want some?"**

Steve shook his head. "So quick to do their bidding." Two-bit leaned around Darry and smacked Steve on the back of the head, all the while ignoring the surprised glances thrown his way.

**"I do," said Marcia. She was finishing the Coke Dally had given her. I realized then that Marcia and Cherry weren't alike. Cherry had said she wouldn't drink Dally's Coke if she was starving, and she meant it. It was the principle of the thing. But Marcia saw no reason to throw away a perfectly good, free Coke.**

Atta girl, Two-bit thought. That's my kinda girl…

**"Me too," said Two-Bit. He flipped me a fifty cent piece. "Get Johnny some, too. I'm buyin'," he added as Johnny started to reach into his jeans pocket.**

**We went to the concession stand and, as usual, there was a line a mile long, so we had to wait. Quite a few kids turned to look at us- you didn't see a kid grease and a Socy cheerleader together often. Cherry didn't seem to notice.**

Soda shook his head at the stares his brother had gotten. Those people could just mind their own damn business.

**"Your friend- the one with the sideburns- he's okay?"**

Two-bit looked offended.

**"He ain't dangerous like Dallas if that's what you mean. He's okay."**

Two-bit looked even more offended. I am too just as dangerous as Dallas… he thought.

**She smiled and her eyes showed that her mind was on something else. "Johnny... he's been hurt bad sometime, hasn't he?" It was more of a statement than a question. "Hurt and scared."**

Johnny shifted uncomfortably. "It's okay Johnnycake." Dally muttered under his breath real quietly so only Johnny and Ponyboy could hear him.

**"It was the Socs," I said nervously, because there were plenty of Socs milling around and some of them were giving me funny looks, as if I shouldn't be with Cherry or something. **

"They can take those looks and shove them up their—"

"Soda!" Darry said giving him a warning look. As if Pony couldn't guess what Soda would finish that sentence with.

**And I don't like to talk about it either- Johnny getting beat up, I mean. But I started in, talking a little faster than I usually do because I don't like to think about it either.**

Johnny gave Ponyboy a small smile that didn't reach his eyes. He might have come to terms with it, but that sure as hell didn't mean he liked to hear about it.

**IT WAS ALMOST four months ago. **

The entire gang cringed. It wasn't just Johnny that didn't like to hear this, they all saw him that day, they remember what he looked like. Beaten and left for dead.

**I had walked down to the DX station to get a bottle of pop and to see Steve and Soda, because they'll always buy me a couple of bottles and let me help work on the cars. I don't like to go on weekends because then there is usually a bunch of girls down there flirting with Soda- all kinds of girls, Socs too. I don't care too much for girls yet. Soda says I'll grow out of it. He did.**

"You did, didn't you?" Two-bit asked warily.

"Yes Two-bit!" Ponyboy snapped while a blush began to cover his neck.

**It was a warmish spring day with the sun shining bright, but it was getting chilly and dark by the time we started for home. We were walking because we had left Steve's car at the station.**

Steve shuddered at the thought that if he hadn't walked and he hadn't found Johnny's jacket that led them to Johnny, well they could've been too late.

**At the corner of our block there's a wide, open field where we play football and hang out, and it's often a site for rumbles and fist fights. We were passing it, kicking rocks down the street and finishing our last bottle of Pepsi, when Steve noticed something lying on the ground. He picked it up. It was Johnny's blue-jeans jacket- the only jacket he had.**

Soda shuddered. Seeing Johnny like that, well he didn't ever think that he'd see something as horrifying ever again. It made him sick that any human being could do that to someone else—even if they were talking about greasers and socs.

**"Looks like Johnny forgot his jacket," Steve said, slinging it over his shoulder to take it by Johnny's house. Suddenly he stopped and examined it more carefully. There was a stain the color of rust across the collar. He looked at the ground. There were some more stains on the grass. He looked up and across the field with a stricken expression on his face. **

Dallas felt sick. The time that Johnny had needed him most and he hadn't been there.

**I think we all heard the low moan and saw the dark motionless hump on the other side of the lot at the same time. Soda reached him first. Johnny was lying face down on the ground. Soda turned him over gently, and I nearly got sick. Someone had beaten him badly.**

Everyone felt the same thing when they got that mental image. Johnny all cut up. Boken. Bleeding.

**We were used to seeing Johnny banged up- his father clobbered him around a lot, and although it made us madder than heck, we couldn't do anything about it. But those beatings had been nothing like this.**

Darry swallowed before he could continue reading.

**Johnny's face was cut up and bruised and swollen, and there was a wide gash from his temple to his cheekbone. He would carry that scar all his life. His white T-shirt was splattered with blood. I just stood there, trembling with sudden cold. I thought he might be dead; surely nobody could be beaten like that and live. Steve closed his eyes for a second and muffled a groan as he dropped on his knees beside Soda.**

No one interrupted Darry's reading. They didn't want to prolong the suffering they all felt by the reopening of this old wound.

**Somehow the gang sensed what had happened. Two-Bit was suddenly there beside me, and for once his comical grin was gone and his dancing gray eyes were stormy. Darry had seen us from our porch and ran toward us, suddenly skidding to a halt. Dally was there, too, swearing under his breath, and turning away with a sick expression on his face. I wondered about it vaguely. Dally had seen people killed on the streets of New York's West Side. Why did he look sick now?**

Dally had the exact same expression on his face now as he did then. It wasn't that he hadn't seen worse injuries in New York. It was that the injuries he then saw were on Johnny, not some nameless, faceless person, but Johnny. His brother.

**"Johnny?" Soda lifted him up and held him against his shoulder. He gave the limp body a slight shake. "Hey, Johnnycake."**

**Johnny didn't open his eyes, but there came a soft ques tion. "Soda?"**

**"Yeah, it's me," Sodapop said. "Don't talk. You're gonna be okay."**

**"There was a whole bunch of them," Johnny went on, swallowing, ignoring Soda's command. "A blue Mustang full... I got so scared..." He tried to swear, but suddenly started crying, fighting to control himself, then sobbing all the more because he couldn't. I had seen Johnny take a whipping with a two-by-four from his old man and never let out a whimper. That made it worse to see him break now. Soda just held him and pushed Johnny's hair back out of his eyes. "It's okay, Johnnycake, they're gone now. It's okay."**

Darry's voice broke.

**Finally, between sobs, Johnny managed to gasp out his story. He had been hunting our football to practice a few kicks when a blue Mustang had pulled up beside the lot. There were four Socs in it. They had caught him and one of them had a lot of rings on his hand- that's what had cut Johnny up so badly. It wasn't just that they had beaten him half to death- he could take that. They had scared him. They had threatened him with everything under the sun. Johnny was high-strung anyway, a nervous wreck from getting belted every time he turned around and from hearing his parents fight all the time. Living in those conditions might have turned someone else rebellious and bitter; it was killing Johnny. He had never been a coward. He was a good man in a rumble. He stuck up for the gang and kept his mouth shut good around cops. But after the night of the beating, Johnny was jumpier than ever. I didn't think he'd ever get over it. Johnny never walked by himself after that. And Johnny, who was the most law-abiding of us, now carried in his back pocket a six-inch switchblade. He'd use it, too, if he ever got jumped again. They had scared him that much. He would kill the next person who jumped him. Nobody was ever going to beat him like that again. Not over his dead body...**

Darry ended the last chapter and looked up around the room. Everyone seemed to be stuggling to keep a calm exterior, especially Dally. He was torn between feeling angry at the socs, horrified at what happened to Johnny and Terribly, Awfully guilty that he hadn't been there to protect Johnny in the first place.

"There's one last part here. Then we can…take a break" Darry said.

**I HAD NEARLY forgotten that Cherry was listening to me. But when I came back to reality and looked at her, I was startled to find her as white as a sheet.**

**"All Socs aren't like that," she said. "You have to believe me, Ponyboy. Not all of us are like that."**

**"Sure," I said.**

Dally was filled with a new viciousness for socs, as he was whenever he was reminded of what happened to Johnny.

"She's a lair." No one bothered to contradict him. No one ever contradicted Dallas Winston. And especially not in this state.

**"That's like saying all you greasers are like Dallas Winston. I'll bet he's jumped a few people."**

**I digested that. It was true. Dally had jumped people. He had told us stories about muggings in New York that made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. **"Good," Darry muttered. "They should." **But not all of us were that bad.**

**Cherry no longer looked sick, only sad.**

Two-bit shook his head in disgust.

**"I'll bet you think the Socs have it made. The rich kids, the West-side Socs. I'll tell you something, Ponyboy, and it may come as a surprise. We have troubles you've never even heard of. You want to know something?" She looked me straight in the eye. "Things are rough all over."**

This elicited several snorts from all over the room and a "Yeah right!" From Two-bit.

**"I believe you," I said. "We'd better get back out there with the popcorn or Two-Bit'll think I ran off with his money."**

"Nah! I'd never think that Ponyboy would rob me!"

"That's probably," Said Johnny, "'Cause he has before!"

The entire room laughed at the expression on Two-bit's face, except for Darry who gave Pony a stern look.

**We went back and watched the movie through again. Marcia and Two-Bit were hitting it off fine.**

There were a few raised eyebrow at this.

**Both had the same scatterbrained sense of humor.**

Steve doubted any girl could match Two-bits humor. Especially a soc. But then again, he thought as he noticed a look that was almost…dreamy on Two-bits face. Weird.

**But Cherry and Johnny and I just sat there, looking at the movie and not talking. I quit worrying about everything and thought about how nice it was to sit with a girl without having to listen to her swear or to beat her off with a club. **

"When did you have to beat a girl off with a club?" Darry asked worriedly.

**I knew Johnny liked it, too. He didn't talk to girls much. Once, while Dallas was in reform school, Sylvia had started hanging on to Johnny and sweet talking him **

"What? That Bitch!" Dally snapped. Yep, Ponyboy thought, we would definitely need to take a goo cool down break after this.

**and Steve got hold of her and told her if she tried any of her tricks with Johnny he'd personally beat the tar out of her. Then he gave Johnny a lecture on girls and how a sneaking little broad like Sylvia would get him into a lot of trouble. As a result, Johnny never spoke to girls much, but whether that was because he was scared of Steve or because he was shy, I couldn't tell.**

Steve grinned looking rather proud of himself. "I'm not scared of Steve." Johnny muttered.

**I got the same lecture from Two-Bit after we'd picked up a couple of girls downtown one day. I thought it was funny, because girls are one subject even Darry thinks I use my head about.**

"What? Why is this the first I'm hearing of it?" Darry and Soda asked glaring at Two-bit.

**And it really had been funny, because Two-Bit was half crocked when he gave me the lecture, and he told me some stories that about made me want to crawl under the floor or something. **

"That's probably why it took him so long to get interested in girls…"

"SODA!"

**But he had been talking about girls like Sylvia and the girls he and Dally and the rest picked up at drive-ins and downtown; he never said anything about Socy girls. So I figured it was all right to be sitting there with them.**

"Always findin' ways around the rules, aren't you, son?" Two-bit shook his head at Pony.

"Two-bit, don't ever try to go give Pony a talk again." Darry said looking pretty annoyed.

"Yeah, Soda agreed. You'll screw him up for life!"

Two-bit looked highly affronted.

**Even if they did have their own troubles. I really couldn't see what Socs would have to sweat about- good grades, good cars, good girls, madras and Mustangs and Corvairs- Man, I thought, if I had worries like that I'd consider myself lucky.**

**I know better now.**

Hmm, Tim Shepard thought. Wonder how he knew better. He looked around the room, everyone seemed to be in some deep concentration.

Ponyboy was awfully worried. First of all he didn't know how Darry and Soda would take the next part of the book with the hit and the murder. Darry would probably blame it on himself, even though it wasn't even close to being his fault!

Johnny looked at Dally who was still seething about that run-in with the socs two years ago. He wished they could take a break for a while. Darry seemed to be thinking the same thing, 'cause he said, "Alright. How's about we take a walk down to the DX for some food or something?"

Soda, Steve, Two-bit and Tim looked ready to argue. Soda, Steve and Two-bit were real excited to read some more of the essay. Hey, Two-bit was thinkin', for a book, this isn't so bad! Tim just wanted to point out that it was hotter than heck outside, but all the complaints dies at the tongues of their owners when they saw the pointed look Darry gave Dally.

"To the DX then!" Two-bit said with more cheerfulness than he felt.

The occupants of the room grudgingly got up in ones and two's and began the walk to the DX.

Well, maybe I can find a quick minute to tell Johnny about my, uh, alternate ending, Ponyboy thought.

**Hey! Sorry this took so long! I'm going on vacation today and I won't work on it again till, like, Thursday so the next update will be about two weeks. I'll try really hard for sooner. There may have been a few mistakes in this one because I worked really fast so I could get it out before I leave! Thanks for all the reviews they were very helpful!**

**IMPORTANT. AUTHOR IN NEED OF ASSISTANCE.**

**P.S. A little help here? If anyone knows any authentic stuff they would have gotten at the DX could you leave a review with like suggestions or something (besides the Pepsi Ponyboy's getting)? I don't know what they would have gotten and I'm sure it's pretty different than today's gas stations…**

**THANKS!**


	4. Chapter 4

**First I'd like to thank everyone who reviewed the last chapter and a special thanks to everyone who left suggestions for what the gang could get at the DX! It was very helpful. Keep on reviewing, please! **

**Everything belongs to S.E. Hinton.**

As the gang trudged their way to the DX, Ponyboy began to lag behind, in hopes that he and Johnny could have a private conversation. His plan worked, and when Johnny noticed how Ponyboy was much further behind he stopped to wait for him. Pony saw that Johnny had stopped but made no attempt to quicken his pace. By the time that he caught up to Johnny the rest of the gang could still be seen, but were all well out of earshot.

"Come on Pony, we've gotta' catch up!" Johnny said when Ponyboy finally reached him.

"No wait, I gotta' talk to you!" Ponyboy began. Johnny opened his mouth but before he could speak Ponyboy cut him off, anxious to get his message out before the other guys noticed their absence. "Listen, that essay was written for some stupid 'creative' writing class!"

Johnny looked clueless. "Yeah, so?"

"That's means it's s'pose to be made up!" Johnny didn't follow Ponyboy's train of thought. As far as he could tell so far the story was completely true, right down to the clothes they'd been wearing. Ponyboy saw the confusion in Johnny's face and sighed. "Mine's not _all _made up, only some."

Now Johnny looked more confused than ever. "What? Are you afraid we'll tell your teacher? Ponyboy, none of us would do that…well Two-bit might for a laugh, but I doubt he even knows who your teacher is!"

"Johnny!" Ponyboy was desperate to make him understand but he just couldn't make himself say the words, 'I killed you off'. He didn't want to hurt Johnny's feelings, but his friend also deserved a heads up.

"Listen! The story's all true except for the ending! I changed it because I couldn't use a true story for a make-believe writing class!"

"Changed it?" Johnny now looked only puzzled. If his friend stuck to the story line the whole beginning, what could he possibly have changed? "Pony, tell me you didn't, like, put aliens in the story or something crazy like that?" Ponyboy looked at him like he had a few screws loose.

"No! I did not have aliens land in the middle of the neighborhood!"

"Well you said make believe!" Johnny said defending himself. He was relieved though. Aliens would just ruin this story!

"No Johnny! I killed you off! You _and _Dallas! You both die at the end!" Pony burst out. He looked up at the rest of the gang that was now almost out of eyeshot, but each was in his own world, too busy dealing with the new revelations to notice that Johnny and he were so far behind, except for Tim, who was too damn hot to concentrate on anything.

"You kill us off? WHY?" Johnny asked. He was more angry than sad that he'd be killed off, now he wouldn't get to be alive at the end of Ponyboy's essay!

"It was just—I mean, well, It sorta'…fit! See, you get the same injury you get in the church, but in the story you just, well, don't…recover…Really though! You die a hero!"

Well, Johnny thought, he couldn't say he didn't like the sound of that. He looked at Ponyboy whose facial expression was a mixture of sheepishness and anxiousness. He did understand it. It was a creative writing class, so Pony couldn't have used a non-fictional story.

"Don't worry about it Ponyboy, I understand it, as long as you made me a hero and the rest of it's true…You said Dally dies too?"

"Yeah well after you die he decides too—"

"NO! Don't tell me! I want to be surprised!"

"Oh, alright. Well that was all I wanted to tell you…do you think I should give Dallas a head up too?"Johnny thought of Dally's already fragile state of mind.

"Maybe you hold off for a while…"

"Yeah," agreed Ponyboy. He didn't really care what Dally thought of his alternate ending, he just wanted Johnny to know so he wouldn't be caught off guard. The two young greasers ran off toward the rest of the group, who had unfortunately noticed their absence.

"What were you doin'?" asked an irate Dally.

"Nothin!" Johnny replied just a little too quickly.

"Really? If it was nothin' then why don't you tell us what you were talking about?" Now the rest of the group raised an eyebrow. Johnny was an okay liar, but not to Dally. He could never lie to Dally. Ponyboy knew this to be true so he quickly stepped in.

"I was just bummin' some smokes" He lied much more smoothly than Johnny but everyone knew he wasn't telling the truth either, for one thing it didn't take that long to ask for a smoke and another Pony wasn't currently smoking, but no one was in the mood to investigate further.

They all entered the DX and grabbed a quick bite to eat. Ponyboy also grabbed some Pepsi to replace to the coke that Darry had given him and Steve swiped a handful of redhots on the way out. They all bought a pack of smokes, except, that is for Two-bit, who planned on 'borrowing' some of Soda's, Darry, who didn't smoke and Dally who preferred to steal them as opposed to paying.

When they all got back to the Curtis house Two-bit snatched up the book before anyone else even spotted it and looked over the third chapter.

"Two-bit, gimme the book!" Soda snapped!

"No way! It's my turn to read!"

"Two-bit, do you even know how to read?" I answer to Soda's question Two-bit began to read the third chapter in a strong, clear voice.

**Chapter 3**

**AFTER THE MOVIE was over it suddenly came to us that Cherry and Marcia didn't have a way to get home.**

"Really? It just happened to occur to you?" Steve muttered sarcastically.

**Two-Bit gallantly offered to walk them home- the west side of town was only about twenty miles away-**

Darry laughed as Tim snorted. Twenty miles? For a couple of soc girls? Yeah right, you'd never catch him doing something as pointless as that!

**but they wanted to call their parents and have them come and get them. Two-Bit finally talked them into letting us drive them home in his car. I think they were still half-scared of us. **

Dally rolled his eyes. Any girl who was afraid of Johnny, Ponyboy and Two-bit, just wasn't worth his time.

Steve seemed to agree. "Oh yeah, a real evil trio right there!"

"The best this neighborhood has to offer, or, well, the worst." Soda agreed. The two best friends broke into laughter and Pony realized, not for the first time, how well those two really did fit together.

**They were getting over it, though, as we walked to Two-Bit's house to pick up the car. It seemed funny to me that Socs- if these girls were any example- were just like us. **

They aren't, Dally thought savagely and for the first time Darry was in full agreement with both Dally and Tim. The socs just weren't like the greasers. Two-bit, however wasn't so sure. Of course the majority of them were cold, heartless bastards, but the majority of greasers were theivin', connivin', hoodlums and look at Ponyboy. He was none of the above.

**They liked the Beatles and thought Elvis Presley was out, and we thought the Beatles were rank and that Elvis was tuff, but that seemed the only difference to me.**

"Elvis is tuff!" Two-bit muttered indignantly. Elvis was his absolute favorite singer.

**Of course greasy girls would have acted a lot tougher, but there was a basic sameness. I thought maybe it was money that separated us.**

**"No," Cherry said slowly when I said this. "It's not just money. Part of it is, but not all. You greasers have a different set of values.**

Well there's one thing we agree on, Tim thought. Greasers and hoods would never leave a brother behind; Socs would throw you to the wolves without a second thought if it would save their own asses.

**You're more emotional. We're sophisticated**

Sophisticated my ass, thought Darry. He was highly offended that she had just told Pony that they were more sophisticated than greasers! Pony was probably a lot smarter than that broad!

**- cool to the point of not feeling anything. Nothing is real with us. You know, sometimes I'll catch myself talking to a girl-friend, and realize I don't mean half of what I'm saying. I don't really think a beer blast on the river bottom is super-cool, but I'll rave about one to a girl-friend just to be saying something." She smiled at me. "I never told anyone that. I think you're the first person I've ever really gotten through to."**

Johnny thought that Pony had that effect on a lot of people. Trust just came more naturally to him than it did to Dally or Steve or any of the other members of the gang.

**She was coming through to me all right, probably because I was a greaser, and younger; she didn't have to keep her guard up with me.**

Nah, Johnny thought. Those weren't the reasons. It wasn't 'cause Ponyboy was young or a greaser, it was just because of who he was.

**"Rat race is a perfect name for it," she said. "We're always going and going and going, and never asking where. Did you ever hear of having more than you wanted? So that you couldn't want anything else and then started looking for something else to want? It seems like we're always searching for something to satisfy us, and never finding it. Maybe if we could lose our cool, we could."**

"Sounds like a real burden." Steve muttered resentfully. The rest of the gang agreed, if only that was there biggest worry!

**That was the truth. Socs were always behind a wall of aloofness, careful not to let their real selves show through. I had seen a social-club rumble once. The Socs even fought coldly and practically and impersonally.**

"When in the hell did you see that?" Darry asked. Ponyboy gulped. He remembered that fight well. Soda and Steve had gone to watch but Darry hadn't let him. He'd wanted to go so bad that when Two-bit offered to take him, knowing it was against Darry's wishes, he jumped on the chance. Pony would never forget that fight. He shot a look at Two-bit, who seemed to be trying to make himself look as inconspicuous as possible. The look however was intercepted by Darry.

"What? Two-bit! Did you take him to that rumble?" Darry asked turning his glare Two-bits way.

"What? No! No way would I expose sweet little Pony to the dangerous soc rumble!"

Soda raised an eyebrow. "Liar." Two-bit quickly began to read where he left off in hopes of delaying this conversation till later. Plus Ponyboy breaks a lot of rules, hopefully he would break another one soon and Darry would focus his attention on that. One that preferably didn't involve Two-bit.

**That's why we're separated," I said. "It's not money, it's feeling- you don't feel anything and we feel too violently."**

**"And"- she was trying to hide a smile- "that's probably why we take turns getting our names in the paper."**

It took all of Dally's strength to keep his expression completely neutral. So Cherry Valance did have some sense of humor.

**Two-Bit and Marcia weren't even listening to us. They were engaged in some wild conversation that made no sense to anyone but themselves.**

Soda tried to hide his smile, but it was no use. It came bursting out onto his face. "Looks like Two-bit found his self a nice little lady to settle down with!"

"And she's not even blonde!" Dally smirked.

"Both of you shut it! I'm warning ya!" Two-bit snapped angrily.

Soda smirked. It wouldn't have bothered Two-bit so much if he hadn't really liked her!

"Really? You're warning me? Actually this girl sounds pretty cool. I might try and track her down sometime!" Dally laughed and Two-bit snapped. He leaped at Dally and punched him full in the face. Soon they were rolling around the floor each trying to gain the advantage over the other. "Alright, alright break it up!" This came, surprisingly, from Tim. After the two greasers were torn apart, Dally decided he wouldn't make fun of Two-bit because of the soc girl. After all, he himself had thought he'd a made a good match with the redhead at one time.

**I have quite a rep for being quiet, almost as quiet as Johnny. Two-Bit always said he wondered why Johnny and I were such good buddies. "You must make such interestin' conversation," he'd say, cocking one eyebrow, "you keepin' your mouth shut and Johnny not sayin' anything." **

Two-bit snorted at his earlier joke while other members of the group looked thoughtful. None of them had ever thought about it much. Soda had always assumed that they talked a lot to each other when no one else was around.

**But Johnny and I understood each other without saying anything. Nobody but Soda could really get me talking. Till I met Cherry Valance.**

"Well, Soda, I guess your record is broken!" Soda glared at Steve.

**I don't know why I could talk to her; maybe for the same reason she could talk to me. The first thing I knew I was telling her about Mickey Mouse, Soda's horse. I had never told anyone about Soda's horse. It was personal.**

"Soda had a horse?" Soda could feel his cheeks getting red. This story was sad and it would be embarrassing for the rest of the gang to know how much he'd cried.

**Soda had this buckskin horse, only it wasn't his. It belonged to a guy who kept it at the stables where Soda used to work. Mickey Mouse was Soda's horse, though. The first day Soda saw him he said, "There's my horse," and I never doubted it. I was about ten then. Sodapop is horse crazy. I mean it. He's always hanging around stables and rodeos, hopping on a horse every time he gets a chance.**

Darry opened his mouth to reprimand Soda, he wasn't supposed to be in rodeos anymore, but he decided against it. After all Darry remembered how much Soda had loved that horse.

**When I was ten I thought that Mickey Mouse and Soda looked alike and were alike. Mickey Mouse was a dark-gold buckskin, sassy and ornery, not much more than a colt. He'd come when Soda called him. He wouldn't come for anyone else. That horse loved Soda. He'd stand there and chew on Soda's sleeve or collar. Gosh, but Sodapop was crazy about that horse.**

Soda could feel his throat start to close up. He really had loved that horse.

**He went down to see him every day. Mickey Mouse was a mean horse: He kicked other horses and was always getting into trouble. "I've got me a ornery pony," Soda'd tell him, rubbing his neck. "How come you're so mean, Mickey Mouse?" Mickey Mouse would just chew on his sleeve and sometimes nip him. But not hard. He may have belonged to another guy, but he was Soda's horse.**

That was completely true. Even Darry thought so.

**"Does Soda still have him?" Cherry asked.**

**"He got sold," I said. "They came and got him one day and took him off. He was a real valuable horse. Pure quarter."**

**She didn't say anything else and I was glad. I couldn't tell her that Soda had bawled all night long after they came and got Mickey Mouse. I had cried, too, if you want to know the truth, **

Really? Soda thought. He had been much to absorbed in his own thoughts that night to pay much attention to Ponyboy.

**because Soda never really wanted any thing except a horse, and he'd lost his. Soda had been twelve then, going-on-thirteen. He never let on to Mom and Dad how he felt, though, because we never had enough money and usually we had a hard time making ends meet. When you're thirteen in our neighborhood you know the score. I kept saving my money for a year, thinking that someday I could buy Mickey Mouse back for Soda. You're not so smart at ten.**

Soda smiled. "You tried to save your money up for me?" Pony's cheeks were red, he was obviously embarrassed.

"I was ten. I thought I could do it."

Soda laughed. "Well thanks for the effort, Ponyboy."

**"You read a lot, don't you, Ponyboy?" Cherry asked.**

**I was startled. "Yeah. Why?"**

**She kind of shrugged. "I could just tell. I'll bet you watch sunsets, too." She was quiet for a minute after I nodded. "I used to watch them, too, before I got so busy..."**

Darry looked confused. Why was she asking about sunsets? It was something he wouldn't ever understand.

**I pictured that, or tried to. Maybe Cherry stood still and watched the sun set while she was supposed to be taking the garbage out. Stood there and watched and forgot everything else until her big brother screamed at her to hurry up. **Darry winced,** I shook my head. It seemed funny to me that the sunset she saw from her patio and, the one I saw from the back steps was the same one. Maybe the two different worlds we lived in weren't so different. We saw the same sunset.**

**Marcia suddenly gasped. "Cherry, look what's coming."**

The atmosphere tensed.

**We all looked and saw a blue Mustang coming down the street. Johnny made a small noise in his throat and when I looked at him he was white.**

Dally looked angry, if these stupid socs made one move toward Johnny, Two-bit or Ponyboy…

**Marcia was shifting nervously. "What are we going to do?"**

"She didn't need to be afraid. After all _I _was there!" Two-bit grinned.

**Cherry bit a fingernail. "Stand here," she said. "There isn't much else we can do."**

**"Who is it?" Two-Bit asked. "The F.B.I.?"**

**"No," Cherry said bleakly, "it's Randy and Bob."**

**"And," Two-Bit added grimly, "a few other of the socially elite checkered-shirt set"**

Tim was ready for a fight. This was not looking good.

**"Your boyfriends?" Johnny's voice was steady, but standing as close to him as I was, I could see he was trembling. I wondered why- Johnny was a nervous wreck, but he never was that jumpy.**

"Thanks, Ponyboy." Johnny muttered sarcastically. Pony winced. "Sorry! But you used to be…"

**Cherry started walking down the street. "Maybe they won't see us. Act normal."**

**"Who's acting?" Two-Bit grinned. "I'm a natural normal."**

**"Wish it was the other way around," I muttered, and Two-Bit said, "Don't get mouthy, Ponyboy"**

"Well, he does have a point." Steve said.

"Shut up, Steve" Two-bit shot back.

**The Mustang passed us slowly and went right on by. Marcia sighed in relief. 'That was close."**

"It was 'cause they were afraid of me!" Two-bit grinned

**Cherry turned to me. "Tell me about your oldest brother. You don't talk much about him."**

The room winced as one. It was bad for Darry to hear Ponyboy bashing him; it was another thing entirely for everyone else. Very awkward.

**I tried to think of something to say about Darry, and shrugged. "What's to talk about? He's big and handsome and likes to play football."**

The room let out a breath. Two-bit suddenly remembered what Ponyboy said next and he wished that he hadn't been so determined to read this chapter. Really, he couldn't have waited for the next one?

**"I mean, what's he like? I feel like I know Soda from the way you talk about him; tell me about Darry." And when I was silent she urged me on. "Is he wild and reckless like Soda? Dreamy, like you?" My face got hot as I bit my lip. Darry... what was Darry like? "He's..." I started to say he was a good ol' guy but I couldn't.**

Wish he could've Darry thought bitterly.

**I burst out bitterly: "He's not like Sodapop at all and he sure ain't like me. He's hard as a rock and about as human.**

Ouch, Soda winced. Ponyboy was close to hiding his face in his hands. As it was he refused to make eye contact with anyone, staring deadpan at the wall above Steve's head. His earlier words made him incredibly ashamed.

**He's got eyes exactly like frozen ice. He thinks I'm a pain in the neck. He likes Soda- everybody likes Soda- but he can't stand me. I bet he wishes he could stick me in a home somewhere, and he'd do it, too, if Soda'd let him."**

"…I would….never Ponyboy. Never." Ponyboy still didn't remove his eyes from the wall. A bitter feeling formed in his stomach. I think I'm gonna throw up, he thought.

**Two-Bit and Johnny were staring at me now. "No..." Two-Bit said, dumfounded. "No, Ponyboy, that ain't right... you got it wrong..."**

How would he know? Ponyboy thought. It was difficult for Two-bit to comprehend any emotion that wasn't good. He just didn't get sadness or depression.

**"Gee," Johnny said softly, "I thought you and Darry and Soda got along real well..."**

"We do now…"Pony muttered. He and Darry just hadn't then.

**"Well, we don't," I snapped, feeling silly. I knew my ears were red by the way they were burning, and I was thankful for the darkness. I felt stupid. Compared to Johnny's home, mine was heaven. At least Darry didn't get drunk and beat me up or run me out of the house, and I had Sodapop to talk things over with.**

Darry felt ashamed. Pony should have been able to talk to him just as much as he could talk to Soda. More even, as he and Ponyboy did share more interests such as sports and school.

**That made me mad, I mean making a fool of myself in front of everyone.**

Oh man, Steve thought. That was not good. An embarrassed greaser was a dangerous greaser.

**"An' you can shut your trap, Johnny Cade, 'cause we all know you ain't wanted at home, either. And you can't blame them."**

Dally looked really pissed now. Ponyboy was supposed to be Johnny's best friend. How could he talk like that? He leaned around Johnny and smacked Ponyboy on the head.

"OW!" Pony yelped.

"You deserved it!" That was from Soda who was looking very disappointed with Ponyboy.

"I said I was sorry already, and I really meant it! Plus I already got hit for saying that!" Pony pleaded.

Johnny nodded. "He just lost his temper is all. It happens to the best of us," he said shooting a glance at the still fuming Dally.

**Johnny's eyes went round and he winced as though I'd belted him. Two-Bit slapped me a good one across the side of the head, and hard.**

"See?" Pony said, "Two-bit hit me!"

Two-bit raised an eyebrow. "I think I shoulda' hit a little harder."

**"Shut your mouth, kid. If you wasn't Soda's kid brother I'd beat the tar out of you. You know better than to talk to Johnny like that." He put his hand on Johnny's shoulder. "He didn't mean it, Johnny."**

**"I'm sorry," I said miserably. Johnny was my buddy. "I was just mad."**

_See?_ Johnny mouthed to Dallas.

**"It's the truth," Johnny said with a bleak grin. "I don't care."**

Several protests were voiced throughout the room. Dally's was the loudest "You belong right here with us! We all need you! I need you!"

"Thanks Dally." Johnny said softly, and turned away before his eyes filled with tears. Because, ya know, greasers don't cry.

**"Shut up talkin' like that," Two-Bit said fiercely, messing up Johnny's hair. "We couldn't get along without you, so you can just shut up!"**

"Right," Two-bit said firmly, agreeing with his past self.

**"It ain't fair!" I cried passionately. "It ain't fair that we have all the rough breaks!"**

"Amen to that." Steve muttered.

**I didn't know exactly what I meant, but I was thinking about Johnny's father being a drunk and his mother a selfish slob, **

This was the first description of the book that Dally agreed with whole heartedly.

**and Two-Bit's mother being a barmaid to support him and his kid sister after their father ran out on them,**

Two-bit grimaced. His mother shouldn't have to work as a lousy barmaid, but it was better than her workin' the corner.

**and Dally- wild, cunning Dally- **

Dally actually grinned. He liked this description much better than his other one.

**turning into a hoodlum because he'd die if he didn't, and Steve**

Steve glanced up.

**- his hatred for his father coming out in his soft, bitter voice and the violence of his temper. **

Soft, bitter voice? Steve mouthed to Soda. Soda nodded and shrugged. Steve could make his voice sound real creepy when he wanted to.

**Sodapop... a dropout so he could get a job and keep me in school,**

"I didn't mind droppin' out, Ponyboy," Soda said. In fact he had hated school and was glad to be rid of it.

**and Darry, getting old before his time trying to run a family and hold on to two jobs and never having any fun- **

Well that seemed to be the most decent description of me yet, Darry thought.

**while the Socs had so much spare time and money that they jumped us and each other for kicks, had beer blasts and river-bottom parties because they didn't know what else to do. Things were rough all over, all right. All over the East Side. It just didn't seem right to me.**

Dally smirked. The kid agreed with him.

**"I know," Two-Bit said with a good-natured grin, "the chips are always down when it's our turn, but that's the way things are. Like it or lump it."**

Darry raised at eyebrow at Two-bit, who was grinning. He had never understood how Two-bit could be so easy going and so free. Then again he had never understood Two-bit's obsession with Mickey Mouse either.

**Cherry and Marcia didn't say anything. I guess they didn't know what to say. We had forgotten they were there. Then the blue Mustang was coming down the street again, more slowly.**

Uh oh, Soda thought. This just can't be good.

**"Well," Cherry said resignedly, "they've spotted us."**

"Damn socs," Two-bit muttered viciously.

**The Mustang came to a halt beside us, and the two boys in the front seat got out. They were Socs all right. One had on a white shirt and a madras ski jacket, and the other a light yellow shirt and a wine-colored sweater.**

"Why do you care what they're wearing?" Tim asked, annoyed.

"I was just adding detail!" Pony snapped, equally annoyed.

**I looked at their clothes and realized for the first time that evening that all I had was a pair of jeans and Soda's old navy sweat shirt with the sleeves cut short. I swallowed. Two-Bit started to tuck in his shirttail, but stopped himself in time;**

Dally raised an eyebrow at Two-bit, who refused to look at anyone. Soda and Steve might have cracked a joke but were in no position to make fun of him, as the same thing had happened to them numerous times.

**he just flipped up the collar of his black leather jacket and lit a cigarette. The Socs didn't even seem to see us.**

"Course not," Dally said. "They're just lookin' for their girls."

"Hey! Marcia and Cherry are not _their _girls!" Two-bit snapped. Pony had been about to utter the same words but he would have put Cherry's name first.

**"Cherry, Marcia, listen to us..." the handsome black-haired Soc with the dark sweater began.**

**Johnny was breathing heavily and I noticed he was staring at the Soc's hand. He was wearing three heavy rings. I looked quickly at Johnny, an idea dawning on me. I remembered that it was a blue Mustang that had pulled up beside the vacant lot and that Johnny's face had been cut up by someone wearing rings...**

"Those stupid bastards!" Dally burst out. He continued to call them a multitude of extremely unprintable names, and not even Darry interrupted him, as he was feeling very similar, and it was not a good idea to mess with Dallas Winston when he was angry.

**The Soc's voice broke into my thoughts: "...just because we got a little drunk last time..."**

**Cherry looked mad. "A little? You call reeling and passing out in the streets 'a little'? Bob, I told you, I'm never going out with you while you're drinking, and I mean it. Too many things could happen while you're drunk. It's me or the booze."**

**The other Soc, a tall guy with a semi-Beatle haircut, turned to Marcia.**

Two-bit's voice became a bit strained and Ponyboy thought for the first time that Two-bit might have had more feeling's for this girl than he had realized.

That stupid, selfish, bastard, Two-bit thought. He may not have money, but at least he knew how to treat a woman.

**"Baby, you know we don't get drunk very often..." When she only gave him a cold stare he got angry. "And even if you are mad at us, that's no reason to go walking the streets with these bums."**

"Hey!" Soda yelled, offended on his friends and brothers behaves. Two-bit's voice sounded much darker as he continued to read.

**Two-Bit took a long drag on his cigarette, Johnny slouched and hooked his thumbs in his pockets, and I stiffened. We can look meaner than anything when we want to- looking tough comes in handy.**

Soda beamed with pride at his youngest brother. Two-bit chose to take that as a compliment and grinned at Ponyboy, "Thanks kid!"

**Two-Bit put his elbow on Johnny's shoulder. "Who you callin' bums?"**

**"Listen, greasers, we got four more of us in the back seat..."**

**"Then pity the back seat," Two-Bit said to the sky.**

The gang grinned. Tim looked at Two-bit. That wouldn't be a bad guy to have around. Good in a fight, and he comes with a sense of humor too…God knows his own gang could use some humor, with half of them in the clink and all.

**"If you're looking for a fight..."**

**Two-Bit cocked an eyebrow, but it only made him look more cool. **

The present Two-bit was grinning. "I never knew you looked up to me so much!" Soda rolled his eyes along with Ponyboy.

**"You mean if I'm looking for a good jumping, you outnumber us, so you'll give it to us? **

Darry snorted, that was so like the socs…

**Well..." He snatched up an empty bottle, busted off the end, and gave it to me, then reached in his back pocket and flipped out his switchblade. "Try it, pal."**

Soda glared at Two-bit, "You gave him a busted pop bottle?"

Two-bit shrugged "He knows how to use one."

**"No!" Cherry cried. "Stop it!" She looked at Bob. "We'll ride home with you. Just wait a minute."**

**"Why?" Two-Bit demanded. "We ain't scared of them."**

Ponyboy thought now that maybe Two-bit just hadn't wanted Marcia to get in the car with Randy.

**Cherry shuddered. "I can't stand fights... I can't stand them..."**

**I pulled her to one side. "I couldn't use this," I said, dropping the pop bottle. "I couldn't ever cut anyone..." I had to tell her that, because I'd seen her eyes when Two-Bit flicked out his switch.**

"See? Ponyboy _couldn't _have used that busted bottle!" Soda said triumphantly.

Two-bit shrugged again. "He can by the end of the book, I saw with my very own eyes" Two-bit continued reading, leaving both Darry and Soda to wonder what Two-bit had meant by that. When had he seen Ponyboy use a busted bottle in a fight?

**"I know," she said quietly, "but we'd better go with them. Ponyboy... I mean... if I see you in the hall at school or someplace and don't say hi, well, it's not personal or anything, but..."**

**"I know," I said.**

**"We couldn't let our parents see us with you all. You're a nice boy and everything..."**

And that, Darry thought, is why I hate the socs. She can't be seen with Ponyboy but she'll date her mongrel of a boyfriend? Darry felt bad after he thought that. After all, that mongrel probably dies in the next chapter or two.

**"It's okay," I said, wishing I was dead and buried somewhere. Or at least that I had on a decent shirt. **

Two-bit snorted.

**"We aren't in the same class. Just don't forget that some of us watch the sunset too."**

**She looked at me quickly. "I could fall in love with Dallas Winston," she said. "I hope I never see him again, or I will."**

"What the hell?" This was from most of the room, except Pony and Two-bit, who had overheard her say it that night.

Ponyboy shrugged "That's what she said."

Two-bit read on before they could ask more questions. There was no good answer as to why that girl felt that way about _Dallas Winston_ of all people, and trying to figure it out, especially without another girl here for help, would be difficult in the extreme and a waste of time. As much as they all liked to pretend, they hadn't the slightest clue as to what went on in girls' head, not even Soda.

**She left me standing there with my mouth dropped open, and the blue Mustang vroomed off.**

"I don't blame ya," Steve muttered, looking quite dumbfounded himself.

**We walked on home, mostly in silence. I wanted to ask Johnny if those were the same Socs that had beaten him up, but I didn't mention it. Johnny never talked about it and we never said anything.**

**"Well, those were two good-lookin' girls if I ever saw any."**

Even Dally had to agree with that. For socs of course, those girls had been pretty tuff.

**Two-Bit yawned as we sat down on the curb at the vacant lot. He took a piece of paper out,of his pocket and tore it up.**

**"What was that?"**

**"Marcia's number. Probably a phony one, too. I must have been outa my mind to ask for it. I think I'm a little soused."**

Wow, Soda thought. Two-bit even asked for her number. Well, he was probably bit drunk, but Two-bit was always a bit drunk.

**So he had been drinking. Two-Bit was smart. He knew the score. "Y'all goin' home?" he asked.**

**"Not right now," I said. I wanted to have another smoke and to watch the stars. I had to be in by twelve, but I thought I had plenty of time.**

He didn't, Soda remembered. This was the worst night of his life that began the worst week he ever lived through. He shot a look at Darry who had lost all coloring in his face.

**"I don't know why I handed you that busted bottle," Two-Bit said, getting to his feet. "You'd never use it."**

"Okay, _at the time_ I didn't really think he'd use it," Two-bit relented at the look on Soda's face.

**"Maybe I would have," I said. "Where you headed?"**

**"Gonna go play a little snooker and hunt up a poker game. Maybe get rip-roarin' drunk. I dunno. See y'all tomorrow."**

Two-bits general weekend plan was to get rip –roarin' drunk, Johnny noted.

**Johnny and I stretched out on our backs and looked at the stars. I was freezing- it was a cold night and all I had was that sweat shirt, but I could watch stars in sub-zero weather.**

No one else understood that about Pony. What was so great about a bunch of twinkling stars?

**I saw Johnny's cigarette glowing in the dark and wondered vaguely what it was like inside a burning ember...**

"Geez, Pony. Your thoughts can get weird…" Johnny muttered and the rest of the group agreed. You don't know the half of it, Pony thought.

**"It was because we're greasers," Johnny said, and I knew he was talking about Cherry. "We could have hurt her reputation."**

**"I reckon," I said, wondering if I ought to tell Johnny what she had said about Dallas.**

"No," Johnny said. "Please don't tell me. I could've gone my whole life without knowing that.

**"Man, that was a tuff car. Mustangs are tuff."**

**"Big time Socs, all right," I said, a nervous bitterness growing inside me. It wasn't fair for the Socs to have everything. We were as good as they were; it wasn't our fault we were greasers. I couldn't just take it or leave it, like Two-Bit, or ignore it and love life anyway, like Sodapop, or harden myself beyond caring, like Dally, or actually enjoy it, like Tim Shepard. I felt the tension growing inside of me and I knew something had to happen or I would explode.**

Again many of the gang were struck by how observant Ponyboy was. It was actually getting kinda' creepy. Like he could see inside their heads to their inner most thoughts and secrets.

**"I can't take much more." Johnny spoke my own feel ings. "I'll kill myself or something."**

Dally smacked Johnny on the head "Don't ever talk like that, Johnnycake! Or you won't have to commit suicide, 'cause I'll kill you myself."

"Yes sir!" Johnny shot back with sarcasm coating his tongue.

**"Don't," I said, sitting up in alarm. "You can't kill your self, Johnny."**

**"Well, I won't. But I gotta do something. It seems like there's gotta be someplace without greasers or Socs, with just people. Plain ordinary people."**

"There isn't a place like that," Tim said, "They aren't called greasers and socs but they're the same damn thing.

**"Out of the big towns," I said, lying back down. "In the country..."**

**In the country... I loved the country. I wanted to be out of towns and away from excitement. I only wanted to lie on my back under a tree and read a book or draw a picture, and not worry about being jumped or carrying a blade or ending up married to some scatterbrained broad with no sense.**

Darry smiled at his brother, he had loved it in the country too.

**The country would be like that, I thought dreamily. I would have a yeller cur dog, like I used to, and Sodapop could get Mickey Mouse back and ride in all the rodeos he wanted to, and Darry would lose that cold, hard look and be like he used to be, eight months ago, before Mom and Dad were killed. Since I was dreaming I brought Mom and Dad back to life... Mom could bake some more chocolate cakes and Dad would drive the pickup out early to feed the cattle. He would slap Darry on the back and tell him he was getting to be a man, a regular chip off the block, and they would be as close as they used to be.**

The room stayed respectfully silent as they listened to the pretty picture that was displayed in front of them.

**Maybe Johnny could come and live with us, and the gang could come out on weekends, and maybe Dallas would see that there was some good in the world after all, and Mom would talk to him and make him grin in spite of himself. "You've got quite a mom," Dally used to say. "She knows the score." She could talk to Dallas and kept him from getting into a lot of trouble. My mother was golden and beautiful...**

Dally remembered her. She was the only adult that had ever given a rat's ass about him. Her death was, and is, a tragedy.

**"Ponyboy"- Johnny was shaking me- "Hey, Pony, wake up."**

**I sat up, shivering. The stars had moved. "Glory, what time is it?"**

Darry looked like he was going to be physically sick.

**"I don't know. I went to sleep, too, listening to you rattle on and on. You'd better get home. I think I'll stay all night out here." Johnny's parents didn't care if he came home or not.**

Johnny nodded at the truth of it.

**"Okay." I yawned. Gosh, but it was cold. "If you get cold or something come on over to our house."**

**"Okay."**

**I ran home, trembling at the thought of facing Darry. The porch light was on. Maybe they were asleep and I could sneak in, I thought. **

"Optimistic, aren't you?" Tim muttered.

**I peeked in the window. Sodapop was stretched out on the sofa, sound asleep, but Darry was in the armchair under the lamp, reading the newspaper. I gulped, and opened the door softly. Darry looked up from his paper. He was on his feet in a second. I stood there, chewing on my fingernail.**

Uh oh. The whole gang could feel the apprehension rolling off the Curtis brothers. This wasn't going to be good. Maybe they would finally see where Pony was coming from when he said those things about Darry.

**"Where the heck have you been? Do you know what time it is?" He was madder than I'd seen him in a long time. I shook my head wordlessly.**

Steve was leaning away from the essay, as if it was a physical being that could reach out and grab him, pulling him into the book itself.

**"Well, it's two in the morning, kiddo. Another hour and I would have had the police out after you. Where were you, Ponyboy?"- his voice was rising- "Where in the almighty universe were you?"**

**It sounded dumb, even to me, when I stammered, "I... I went to sleep in the lot..."**

"Sorry, Ponyboy. That was my fault." Johnny said looking horrified at what his actions would bring about.

**"You what?" He was shouting, and Sodapop sat up and rubbed his eyes.**

**"Hey, Ponyboy," he said sleepily, "where ya been?"**

Soda's arriving a little late to the party, Steve thought. Two-bit looked as though the words were being een ripped from his tongue. He wasn't sure he'd ever been this uncomfortable in his life. Why did I have to read this chapter? He thought desperately.

**"I didn't mean to." I pleaded with Darry. "I was talking to Johnny and we both dropped off..."**

**"I reckon it never occurred to you that your brothers might be worrying their heads off and afraid to call the police because something like that could get you two thrown in a boys' home so quick it'd make your head spin. And you were asleep in the lot? Ponyboy, what on earth is the matter with you? Can't you use your head? You haven't even got a coat on."**

**I felt hot tears of anger and frustration rising. "I said I didn't mean to..."**

Even Dally had to admit, this did seem to make Ponyboy look much more like a victim than before.

**"I didn't mean to!" Darry shouted, and I almost shook. "I didn't think! I forgot! That's all I hear out of you! Can't you think of anything?"**

Darry could feel it coming. He had a white-knuckle grip on the arms of the chair he was sitting in.

**"Darry..." Sodapop began, but Darry turned on him. "You keep your trap shut! I'm sick and tired of hearin' you stick up for him."**

Soda winced. Darry had never yelled at him like that before.

**He should never yell at Soda. Nobody should ever holler at my brother. I exploded. "You don't yell at him!" I shouted. Darry wheeled around and slapped me so hard that it knocked me against the door.**

The room was silent. Speechless. Never had any of them thought that Darry would ever hit Ponyboy. Johnny and Steve had felt it particularly hard because both of them knew what it was like being hit at home.

Two-bit looked just as astonished as the rest of them. How on Earth could Darry have ever laid a hand on Ponyboy? It was unthinkable. Insane. They were supposed to be the one family that was good. The one that never fought or hurt each other.

**Suddenly it was deathly quiet. We had all frozen. Nobody in my family had ever hit me. Nobody. Soda was wide-eyed. **

Darry couldn't find the muscles to control his mouth, he couldn't say anything. He felt awful, even Soda looked pretty angry. They were brothers. That wasn't supposed to happen between brothers. This is why I didn't want to read it, Pony thought. They had talked about it several times. He knew Darry had felt awful.

**Darry looked at the palm of his hand where it had turned red and then looked back at me. His eyes were huge. "Ponyboy..."**

**I turned and ran out the door and down the street as fast as I could. Darry screamed, "Pony, I didn't mean to!" but I was at the lot by then and pretended I couldn't hear. I was running away. It was plain to me that Darry didn't want me around. And I wouldn't stay if he did. He wasn't ever going to hit me again.**

So it was my fault, Darry thought. It was his fault that Pony had been there during the murder, his fault they had gone on the run, his fault Johnny had ended up in the hospital.

**"Johnny?" I called, and started when he rolled over and jumped up almost under my feet. "Come on, Johnny, we're running away."**

**Johnny asked no questions. **

Of course he hadn't, Dallas thought. Given the chance he was likely to take off without a second thought. He wasn't like that anymore though. He was happier now, safer.

**We ran for several blocks until we were out of breath. Then we walked. I was crying by then. I finally just sat down on the curb and cried, burying my face in my arms. Johnny sat down beside me, one hand on my shoulder. "Easy, Ponyboy," he said softly, "we'll be okay."**

Johnny shuddered as he remembered the beginning of that night. Ponyboy had scared him half to death when he came running like a madman and told him they were runnin' away. He hadn't asked any questions, if Pony was goin' then so was he.

**I finally calmed down and wiped my eyes on my bare arm. My breath was coming in quivering sobs. "Gotta cigarette?"**

**He handed me one and struck a match.**

**"Johnny, I'm scared."**

**'Well, don't be. You're scarin' me. What happened? I never seen you bawl like that."**

Ponyboy thought he musta' looked pretty stupid that night. He was glad it had been Johnny he was with and no one else.

**"I don't very often. It was Darry. He hit me. I don't know what happened, but I couldn't take him hollering at me and hitting me too. I don't know... sometimes we get along okay, then all of a sudden he blows up on me or else is naggin' at me all the time. He didn't use to be like that... we used to get along okay... before Mom and Dad died. Now he just can't stand me."**

It wasn't true, Darry loved him, Soda thought. Sometimes I thought he loved him more than me because Pony was goin' somewhere. Pony was smart and athletic. Darry expected something from him.

**"I think I like it better when the old man's hittin' me." Johnny sighed. "At least then I know he knows who I am. I walk in that house, and nobody says anything. I walk out, and nobody says anything. I stay away all night, and nobody notices. At least you got Soda. I ain't got nobody."**

"That ain't true!" Dally spoke for the first time in a while. Johnny shrugged looking sheepish. He had been in a self-pitying mood that night.

**"Shoot," I said, startled out of my misery, "you got the whole gang. Dally didn't slug you tonight 'cause you're the pet. I mean, golly, Johnny, you got the whole gang."**

"Yeah!" Two-bit agreed.

**"It ain't the same as having your own folks care about you," Johnny said simply. "It just ain't the same."**

**I was beginning to relax and wonder if running away was such a great idea. **

Good Soda thought, Pony's showin' some sense. If only he had come home and brought Johnny with him.

**I was sleepy and freezing to death and I wanted to be home in bed, safe and warm under the covers with Soda's arm across me. I decided I would go home and just not speak to Darry. It was my house as much as Darry's, and if he wanted to pretend I wasn't alive, that was just fine with me. He couldn't stop me from living in my own house.**

Darry wished he'd have come home right then. He had wanted to apologize so badly, the second it happened he had regretted it. He and Soda'd gone out looking for him that night. He nearly had a heart attack when Pony wasn't home by morning.

**"Let's walk to the park and back. Then maybe I'll be cooled off enough to go home."**

**"Okay," Johnny said easily. "Okay."**

**Things gotta get better, I figured. They couldn't get worse. I was wrong.**

And on that Happy note Two-bit finished the third chapter. The room was silent and no one wanted to be the person to break it. Finally Ponyboy said. "Maybe we should go get some fresh air."

"Great idea, Pony! We can meet back here in an...hour?" Soda said jumping on Pony's suggestion.

"Sounds good to me." Two-bit and everyone else muttered. The group dispersed. Johnny, Dally Two-bit, Steve and Tim wondered off leaving Ponyboy, Soda and Darry alone in the house.

**Hey! So review, tell me if you liked it, leave suggestions, idea's tell me if you want more of one character or less of another… You know! Seriously, to everyone who reviewed last time you made my day.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey people! To everyone who read, reviewed, or even skimmed the last chapter, thank you so much! I hope you enjoy this next chapter because I'm gonna pull an all-nighter for you all which I have never done successfully…so we'll see how this works out! The first part is all the Curtis brothers reaction. I've never been in a similar situation, I don't have a brother, and I'm a girl so bear with me here!**

The group of greasers spilled out onto the street.

"Where do you wanna go?" Two-bit asked.

"I don't care, long as we're outta there." Johnny muttered.

Beside Two-bit Steve shuddered, "Yeah, talk about a rock and a hard place." The other greasers nodded. It had been an awkward experience, especially for Dally who was uncomfortable with displays of emotion. And as for the other greasers, well, none them had known that it was that bad in the Curtis house. Or that it had been. Things seemed perfectly fine now. Steve could feel resentment building towards Darry. He knew what it was liked to be knocked around. Darry should have never hit Ponyboy. There might be no love lost between them, but no kid deserved that. Darry should have understood, he wasn't supposed to be another parental failure living in their neighborhood.

"You just gotta let them get it out of their system. I hopefully they'll work it all out by the time we get back." Two-bit said casually. Then we wouldn't have to have a break between every chapter. Two-bit was just so excited to read more. Seeing things from Pony's perspective was fascinating. It was like they all lived in the same world, but Pony pulled twice as much out of it. Plus Two-bit didn't mind hearing about Marcia. She was one tuff chick. If only she lived on his side of town. Oh, well, he thought. A greaser can dream, can't he?

"Yeah well I gotta take off," Tim Shepard said. "I've got some things to get taken care off," Johnny was sure the 'things' he'd be takin' care of weren't exactly legal but he didn't mention it. He was slightly glad that Tim was leaving. It felt like he was invading the gangs personal…experience. He really wasn't a part of this. "but I'll pop back in later. Hopefully by the time the rumble starts!" And with that Tim turned down the street in the opposite direction as the other greasers. Of course he would wanna' be back for the rumble, Dally thought.

"'Bye," The remaining greasers called after him.

The problems between the Curtis brothers didn't bug Dally much. He mostly cared about what happened to Johnny. Johnny didn't really talk much about his time on the run and Dally couldn't ask too many questions because he didn't want to look like some crazy mother hen, but on the other hand he really wanted to know! Plus the Curtis brothers obviously had it under control now. They all loved each other, that much was obvious from one look. Even between Darry and Ponyboy.

"Well," Dallas said, "We've got time to kill, wanna go hang out in the lot?" Dally asked it casually but you could tell that he wanted to stay close the house where the essay was.

"Good idea!" said Steve and Johnny agreed. The four greasers walked off towards the lot.

"So Johnny you gonna tell us any interestin' things that happen on the run?" Two-bit asked as Johnny took a long drag of his cigarette.

"Nope," He said as he blew out a long stream of smoke.

**Back at the Curtis House…**

Pony looked between Soda and Darry. The silence hung between them like a thick, awkward curtain.

"Ponyboy—" Darry started, but Pony cut him off.

"Listen Darry, I wrote this two years ago. I was younger and stupider. I had no right to criticize the job you were doing. I was angry and sad and upset—"

"Listen! Pony…the things that you were saying were true though. I…hit you. I hit you and I will never ever forgive myself for that. It will keep up at night for the rest of my life. It was my fault, what happened."

"That's not fair, Darry!" Soda spoke for the first time. "It's true what happened was…bad. Awful. But you can't blame all of this on yourself."

Ponyboy nodded. "We can trace the blame back through everyone in the book! It's Dally's fault for trying to pick up Cherry Valance and her friend. It's Two-bit's fault for offering to bring them home. It's their fault for walking with us. It's the socs fault for chasing after us and jumping us. It was Johnny's fault for stabbing that soc, hell, it's moms fault for givin' birth to me! The point is that there's gonna be a lot more where that came from in this essay and you can't blame yourself! This is why I didn't want to read the stupid thing!"

"No way. We needed this. To know this." Soda said.

Darry nodded, "You just need to know, I'm sorry. More than words can say. I am so sorry."

Ponyboy swallowed a lump in his throat. "Thank you."

"I love you Ponyboy. And you too Soda." The brothers brought it in for a hug.

Soda looked at his brothers, the two people he loved most in the entire world. It used to tear him up inside, there fighting. The day that Darry had actually hit Ponyboy…it had made him question if Ponyboy had been right the whole time about Darry's feelings. He didn't understand how Darry could have raised a hand against Pony. It made it even worse that Pony had gotten hit for defending Soda. He sort of understood better now. He didn't think it was an excuse, but Darry knew Pony could go somewhere in life. It tore him up when Pony didn't take the chances he was given. The chances that Darry stopped getting after their parents death.

Ponyboy sniffed and wiped his eyes. "I don't remember what I wrote, Darry. It could get worse." Pony had finally started to connect with his older brother, in fact they really did have a lot in common. Darry could help him with school work and talk sports with him, who'd have thought that of the two, Darry would understand him better these days. Well, Soda hadn't really ever understood, he just accepted. It never bugged Soda, though. He just liked seeing us get along. Pony actually thought that Darry had started to change back into the way he was before the crash. All he needed was someone to connect to. And he could now connect with Ponyboy.

Darry understood, and he felt slightly better now that Ponyboy knew how sorry he was. He and Ponyboy were starting to connect on a level they never had before. He couldn't go back to what they were like two years ago, he just couldn't. In a way the whole mess brought them closer together. Pony started to use his head and Darry had started to listen and worked much harder at understanding what Pony was saying. It was all about comprising. He had Ponyboy now and he didn't plan to ever let him slip away again.

**AUTHORS NOTE!**

**I know it's long, but read it!**

**Hey! So If you wanted it to be longer, sorry. I promise you when I put the next chapter up with them actually reading you'll get more…in depth reactions or just more in quantity. I decided to quick put this up because as of tomorrow I am in full studying mode. No exceptions. Gotta stay away from fanfiction. And word documents for that matter. Once I start I can't stop. Maybe I'll let myself write on the weekend though…Whatever! Read, review blah de blah, blah tell me if you like it or if you think I'm a horrible person, whatever you want. **

**Please note that I will disregard your review though if you call me a horrible person. In fact it just might start taking me longer to update…**

**I don't know. I'm so hyped up on Dr. Pepper right now…**

**Oh! And if you don't like this story (I don't know why you'd be reading the fifth chapter if you didn't like it but…) Then check out my other one. It's more of a starting from scratch story. I don't have the actual book to lean on. It's more of a romance/mystery. **

**If you don't like it don't review. My self-esteem is in a very fragile state right now… **

**JUST KIDDING! Blast it all you want, I got plenty of self-confidence to go around.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Ok, so I **_**should **_**be studying but really, who NEEDS to know Darwin's Biological Theory of Evolution? Pfft, I'll just wing it…**

**Thanks so much to all those who read or reviewed my last chapter. Keep it coming;)**

"So…Think it's safe to go back?" Johnny nearly rolled his eyes. Steve asked the question like it was a warzone they'd be returning to.

Dally looked around until his gaze settled on the Curtis house. There was no yelling, no loud crashing noises, it seemed alright. "Two-bit!" He yelled. "Go check it out!"

Two-bit looked like he swallowed his tongue. "And walk in on some Curtis family love fest? Are you crazy? No way! Uh uh, not happenin'! No way, no how! Send Steve!"

"What? Why me? I'm not going! You're definitely the best for this! If you walk in on them you'll just brush it off!" Steve was even worse with emotional displays than Dally!

"You should go, you're Soda's best friend!" Two-bit countered.

Dally seemed to consider this. "Two-bit's right, Steve. You go."

"Two-bit being right? Do you hear yourself? I am not going! Johnny's Ponyboy's best friend! Send him!"

"Steve you're going, and unless you want a face full of my fist, you'll quit your whining! You sound like a little girl—"

Dally cut off his sentence because it was right then that he noticed all three Curtis brothers standing right behind Johnny. There was no way to tell how long they'd been standing there but Pony looked pretty annoyed, Soda looked faintly amused, and Darry looked like he was trying hard to keep himself in check.

Johnny turned around to see what everyone was staring at. _Ohh…_ he thought as he saw Pony, Soda and Darry.

"Soooo," Two-bit said awkwardly, "Chapter four?"

The boys settled in, once again, around the living room in the Curtis house. Two-bit was grinning at the way that Darry was glaring at Steve. "I think Dally should read the next chapter," Two-bit announced.

"Why?" Asked Soda.

"Well it's probably gotta lot of him in it."

Dally looked over at the essay. "Hm. Okay, hand it over." And Dally began to read.

**Chapter 4**

**THE PARK WAS ABOUT two blocks square, with a fountain in the middle** Pony winced at the mention of the fountain.** and a small swimming pool for the little kids. The pool was empty now in the fall, but the fountain was going merrily. Tall elm trees made the park shadowy and dark, and it would have been a good hangout, but we preferred our vacant lot, **Two-bit cheered, **and the Shepard outfit liked the alleys down by the tracks,**

Two-bit booed. "Two-bit!" Dally snapped, "One more word and I will kick your ass! So sit down, shut up, and don't make one more noise."

**so the park was left to lovers and little kids.**

Two-bit snickered, and Dally glared him into silence.

**Nobody was around at two-thirty in the morning, and it was a good place to relax and cool off. I couldn't have gotten much cooler without turning into a popsicle. Johnny snapped up his jeans jacket and flipped up the collar.**

Darry looked at Ponyboy, "You should be wearing a jacket."

"Yeah," Soda agreed "You musta' been freezing your ass off!"

**"Ain't you about to freeze to death, Pony?"**

"Yes," Ponyboy muttered. He was getting cold just reading about that night, but that wasn't anything compared to when he wrote it, Pony shivered.

**"You ain't a'woofin'," I said, rubbing my bare arms between drags on my cigarette. I started to say something about the film of ice developing on the outer edges of the fountain when a sudden blast from a car horn made us both jump. The blue Mustang was circling the park slowly.**

The entire group tensed. They all knew what happened next.

**Johnny swore under his breath, and I muttered, "What do they want? This is our territory. What are Socs doing this far east?"**

Two-bit shook his head. Those damn socs had it coming, next time maybe they'll stay in their own territory.

**Johnny shook his head. "I don't know. But I bet they're looking for us. We picked up their girls."**

"That's because no girl in their right mind would want to pick that trash over us." Steve muttered.

**"Oh, glory," I said with a groan, "this is all I need to top off a perfect night" I took one last drag on my weed and ground the stub under my heel. "Want to run for it?"**

Yes,Soda thought,run now! GO! And don't stop till you get home!

**"It's too late now," Johnny said. "Here they come."**

**Five Socs were coming straight at us, and from the way they were staggering I figured they were real pickled. That scared me.**

They should_, _Dally thought. And since when was five on two a fair fight? Assholes.

**A cool deadly bluff could sometimes shake them off, but not if they outnumbered you five to two and were drunk.**

Damn, he right. A bluff only worked if your opponent was strait up sober, or else the liquor gave 'em a false sense of courage, Steve thought.

**Johnny's hand went to his back pocket and I remembered his switchblade. I wished for that broken bottle. I'd sure show them I could use it if I had to.**

Two-bit nodded at Soda who looked confused. Two-bit knew that Pony could use a bottle.

**Johnny was scared to death. I mean it. He was as white as a ghost and his eyes were wild-looking, like the eyes of an animal in a trap. **

Poor Johnny, Dally thought. He barely survived the first jumping and now he's gotta' fight off a second?

**We backed against the fountain and the Socs surrounded us. They smelled so heavily of whiskey and English Leather that I almost choked. I wished desperately that Darry and Soda would come along hunting for me. The four of us could handle them easily.**

Darry mentally smacked himself. He hadn't thought of the park! He had gone straight to the lot and then the alley, after that he'd gone to Two-bit's house. He looked at Soda who seemed to be kicking himself.

**But no one was around, and I knew Johnny and I were going to have to fight it out alone.**

Dally felt his stomach drop and his throat close up. Man he hated reading this, and he hated these…feelings he was having. Did he have to care so much? He was partially disgusted with himself. If it was anyone besides Johnny he'd be outta here, but he needed to know this.

**Johnny had a blank, tough look on his face- you'd have had to know him to see the panic in his eyes. I stared at the Socs coolly. Maybe they could scare us to death, but we'd never let them have the satisfaction of knowing it.**

The gang grinned ruefully. That's Pony for ya'. Gotta' save face.

**It was Randy and Bob and three other Socs, and they recognized us. I knew Johnny recognized them; he was watching the moonlight glint off Bob's rings with huge eyes.**

**"Hey, whatta ya know?" Bob said a little unsteadily, "here's the little greasers that picked up our girls. Hey, greasers."**

**"You're outa your territory," Johnny warned in a low voice. "You'd better watch it"**

Atta boy, Two-bit thought. You tell those stupid socs, Johnncake!

**Randy swore at us and they stepped in closes. Bob was eyeing Johnny. "Nup, pal, yer the ones who'd better watch it. Next time you want a broad, pick up yer own kind- dirt."**

Two-bit's jaw clenched. He hated that guy, Marcia deserved way better than him! Hell, Two-bit thought, if he had Marcia he'd give up drinking! He'd getta' job! He'd do anything for her!

**I was getting mad. I was hating them enough to lose my head.**

**"You know what a greaser is?" Bob asked. "White trash with long hair."**

The gang growled dangerously. They were gonna' find some socs and kick their asses when this was done.

**I felt the blood draining from my face. I've been cussed out and sworn at, but nothing ever hit me like that did. Johnnycake made a kind of gasp and his eyes were smoldering.**

The group looked similar to that "Why those stupid, useless—" Steve began to call the socs names that Ponyboy had never even heard before.

**"You know what a Soc is?" I said, my voice shaking with rage. "White trash with Mustangs and madras." And then, because I couldn't think of anything bad enough to call them, I spit at them. **

The group cheered!

**Bob shook his head, smiling slowly. "You could use a bath, greaser. And a good working over. And we've got all night to do it. Give the kid a bath, David."**

**I ducked and tried to run for it, but the Soc caught my arm and twisted it behind my back, and shoved my face into the fountain. I fought, but the hand at the back of my neck was strong and I had to hold my breath. I'm dying, I thought, and wondered what was happening to Johnny. I couldn't hold my breath any longer. I fought again desperately but only sucked in water. I'm drowning, I thought, they've gone too far... A red haze filled my mind and I slowly relaxed.**

Soda put his arm around Pony and Darry. Darry was nearly shaking with rage at hearing what they did to Ponyboy. Those bastard were going to get it.

**The next thing I knew I was lying on the pavement beside the fountain, coughing water and gasping. I lay there weakly, breathing in air and spitting out water. The wind blasted through my soaked sweat shirt and dripping hair. My teeth chattered unceasingly and I couldn't stop them. I finally pushed myself up and leaned back against the fountain, the water running down my face. Then I saw Johnny.**

Dally steeled himself. He wanted to know exactly how Johnny looked after he killed the soc, but he knew it might not be pretty.

**He was sitting next to me, one elbow on his knee, and staring straight ahead. He was a strange greenish-white, and his eyes were huger than I'd ever seen them.**

**"I killed him," he said slowly. "I killed that boy."**

The room stayed silent and the slightest trembling could be heard in Dally's voice, if you listened very carefully.

**Bob, the handsome Soc, was lying there in the moon light, doubled up and still. A dark pool was growing from him, spreading slowly over the blue white cement.**

Soda grimaced. Johnny's face was stoic, his eyes were fixed on a spot on the ground in front of him.

**I looked at Johnny's hand. He was clutching his switchblade, and it was dark to the hilt. My stomach gave a vio lent jump and my blood turned icy.**

**"Johnny," I managed to say, fighting the dizziness, "I think I'm gonna be sick."**

**"Go ahead," he said in the same steady voice. "I won't look at you."**

Johnny remembered that night so clearly. He'd been over it a thousand times and he knew, _he knew_, that he didn't have any other option. That boy was going to kill Ponyboy. Kill him. That soc was rotten. Johnny wouldn't say he deserved to die, but between Pony and him, Pony was the one who deserved to be here.

**I turned my head and was quietly sick for a minute. Then I leaned back and closed my eyes so I wouldn't see Bob lying there.**

**This can't be happening. This can't be happening. This can't be...**

Dally shook his head. The kid had to get his head on straight if he wanted to get outta' this mess.

**"You really killed him, huh, Johnny?"**

**"Yeah." His voice quavered slightly. "I had to. They were drowning you, Pony. They might have killed you. And they had a blade... they were gonna beat me up..."**

Soda thought that Johnny was right to do what he did. He didn't have another choice. It was survival of the fittest, them or us.

**"Like..."- I swallowed- "like they did before?"**

**Johnny was quiet for a minute. "Yeah," he said, "like they did before."**

Dally knew that Johnny wasn't proud of what he did, but Dally had always been. It meant Johnny could take care of himself.

Even Two-bit just couldn't find it in him to be disgusted. He just knew the type of person that soc was.

**Johnny told me what had happened: "They ran when I stabbed him. They all ran..."**

**A panic was rising in me as I listened to Johnny's quiet voice go on and on. "Johnny!" I nearly screamed. "What are we gonna do? They put you in the electric chair for, killing people!" I was shaking. I want a cigarette. I want a cigarette. I want a cigarette. We had smoked our last pack. "I'm scared, Johnny. What are we gonna do?"**

Darry kept his mouth shut. Pony was already stressed; he didn't need Darry harpin' on him for his cigarette habit.

Pony pulled out a cigarette and passed one over to Johnny, who looked like he could use one.

**Johnny jumped up and dragged me up by my sweat shirt. He shook me. "Calm down, Ponyboy. Get ahold of yourself."**

**I hadn't realized I was screaming. I shook loose. "Okay," I said, "I'm okay now."**

**Johnny looked around, slapping his pockets nervously. "We gotta get outa here. Get somewhere. Run away. The police'll be here soon."**

Two-bit shook his head, he always thought of Pony and Johnny's going on the run as an adventure of some sorts, but he didn't think about the awful panic they would have felt.

**I was trembling, and it wasn't all from cold. But Johnny, except for the fact that his hands were twitching, looked as cool as Darry ever had. "We'll need money. And maybe a gun. And a plan."**

Dally nodded approvingly.

**Money. Maybe a gun? A plan. Where in the world would we get these things?**

Steve actually grinned. "Why Dallas Winston, of course!"

**"Dally," Johnny said with finality. "Dally'll get us outs here."**

"Called it." Steve said.

"Well it was pretty obvious; who else could they go to? Darry? He'd make them turn 'emselves in!" Two-bit said rolling his eyes.

**I heaved a sigh. Why hadn't I thought of that? But I never thought of anything. Dallas Winston could do any thing.**

"Why yes I can! Thank you Ponyboy!"

**"Where can we find him?"**

**"I think at Buck Merril's place. There's a party over there tonight. Dally said somethin' about it this afternoon."**

Darry shook his head. Pony should have gone to him. Not Dallas Winston. Although after Pony had come to him he would have probably gone looking for Dally for help, he admitted to himself. But still.

**Buck Merril was Dally's rodeo partner. He was the one who'd got Dally the job as a jockey for the Slash J. Buck raised a few quarter horses, and made most of his money on fixed races and a little bootlegging.**

How in the hell did Ponyboy know that? Dallas thought. Not many people knew where Buck's main source of revenue was.

**I was under strict orders from both Darry and Soda not to get caught within ten miles of his place, which was dandy with me. I didn't like Buck Merril. He was a tall lanky cowboy with blond hair and buckteeth. Or he used to be bucktoothed before he had the front two knocked out in a fight. He was out of it. He dug Hank Williams- how gross can you get?**

"Bleh!" Steve said and everyone there was I full agreement. That was one thing me and Buck would never see eye to eye on, Dally thought.

**Buck answered the door when we knocked, and a roar of cheap music came with him. The clinking of glasses, loud, rough laughter and female giggles, and Hank Williams. It scraped on my raw nerves like sandpaper. A can of beer in one hand, Buck glared down at us. "Whatta ya want?"**

**"Dally!" Johnny gulped, looking back over his shoulder. "We gotta see Dally."**

"So let 'em through ya jackass!" Two-bit said loudly.

**"He's busy," Buck snapped, and someone in his living room yelled "A-ha!" and then "Yee-ha," and the sound of it almost made my nerves snap.**

Darry muttered something violent but all that Pony caught was "I'll show you busy!"

**"Tell him it's Pony and Johnny," I commanded. I knew Buck, and the only way you could get anything from him was to bully him. I guess that's why Dallas could handle him so easily, although Buck was in his mid-twenties and Dally was seventeen. "He'll come."**

The gang roared with laughter. "Atta boy, Pony!" and "Good one kid!" could be heard throughout the room. Dally grinned. Buck was spineless.

**Buck glared at me for a second, then stumbled, off. He was pretty well crocked, which made me apprehensive. If Dally was drunk and in a dangerous mood...**

Dally scowled. He, unlike Two-bit, could handle his liquor.

**He appeared in a few minutes, clad only in a pair of low-cut blue jeans, scratching the hair on his chest. He was sober enough, and that surprised me. Maybe he hadn't been there long.**

"I don't drink when I work. Alcohol and rodeo's don't mix well." Dally said, so there's something Pony doesn't notice, he thought.

"Oh." Ponyboy said, surprised.

**"Okay, kids, whatta ya need me for?"**

**As Johnny told him the story, I studied Dally, trying to figure out what there was about this tough-looking hood that a girl like Cherry Valance could love. **

Dally grimaced. That chick was weird. Just…weird.

**Towheaded and shifty-eyed, Dally was anything but handsome. **

"Hey!" Dally said and Two-bit snickered. "Shut up, Two-bit!" At Dally's fierce glare Two-bit did shut up.

**Yet in his hard face there was character, pride, and a savage defiance of the world. He could never love Cherry Valance back. It would be a miracle if Dally loved anything. The fight for self-preservation had hardened him beyond caring.**

Dally stopped reading for a moment. That was…impressive. He looked over at Ponyboy.

**He didn't bat an eye when Johnny told him what had happened, only grinned and said "Good for you" when Johnny told how he had knifed the Soc. Finally Johnny finished. "We figured you could get us out if anyone could. I'm sorry we got you away from the party."**

**"Oh, shoot, kid"- Dally glanced contemptuously over his shoulder- "I was in the bedroom."**

Contemptuously? Soda thought. He might not have a good vocabulary but he knew what that meant. He wondered why Dally felt that way about a party at Buck's?

**He suddenly stared at me. "Glory, but your ears can get red, Ponyboy."**

The room burst into laughter at the color of Pony's ears right then. "There!" Dally said. "That's about the color they were that night!" This only caused more laughter.

"Alright! Shut up!" Pony snapped.

**I was remembering what usually went on in the bed rooms at Buck's parties. Then Dally grinned in amused realization. "It wasn't anything like that, kid. I was asleep,**

Two-bit rolled off the chair and onto the floor, clutching his side.

"Shut up!" Pony yelled. It was a while before they calmed down enough to go on.

**or tryin' to be, with all this racket. Hank Williams"- he rolled his eyes and added a few adjectives after 'Hank Williams.' "Me and Shepard had a run-in and I cracked some ribs. I just needed a place to lay over." He rubbed his side ruefully. "Ol' Tim sure can pack a punch. He won't be able to see outa one eye for a week." **

Dally was glad Tim had left and hadn't heard that. He didn't need any ego booster.

**He looked us over and sighed. "Well, wait a sec and I'll see what I can do about this mess." Then he took a good look at me. "Ponyboy, are you wet?"**

**"Y-y-yes-s," I stammered through chattering teeth.**

Darry leaned around Sodapop and smacked Pony on the back of the head. "Little idiot!"

"Hey!" Pony protested, "I am not little anymore!" It was true, at nearly 6 feet tall Pony could not be considered little by any stretch of the word.

**"Glory hallelujah!" He opened the screen door and pulled me in, motioning for Johnny to follow. "You'll die of pneumonia 'fore the cops ever get you."**

Darry felt bad that he had never thanked Dally for his help and he made a mental note to thank him soon. Then he wondered why he hadn't before. Oh yeah, he remembered, because that son of a bitch knew where Pony and Johnny were and didn't tell him! He didn't feel bad anymore.

**He half-dragged me into an empty bedroom, swearing at me all the way. "Get that sweat shirt off." He threw a towel at me. "Dry off and wait here. At least Johnny's got his jeans jacket. You ought to know better than to run away in just a sweat shirt, and a wet one at that. Don't you ever use your head?" He sounded so much like Darry that I stared at him. He didn't notice, and left us sitting on the bed.**

Dally grimaced, "Hey kid do me a favor and never compare me to Darry again." Two-bit looked slightly horrified at Pony's comparison between Dally and Darry.

Darry smiled. He liked to think that he might be rubbing off on Dally. It wouldn't kill him to be a bit more responsible, especially now that he was in the same situation with Johnny as Darry was with Pony and Soda. They both had kids that depended on them.

**Johnny lay back on it. "Wish I had me a weed."**

**My knees were shaking as I finished drying off, sitting there in my jeans.**

**Dally appeared after a minute. He carefully shut the door. "Here"- he handed us a gun and a roll of bills- "the gun's loaded.**

"Jesus Christ! You actually _gave _him a _loaded _gun!" Darry burst out. "Are you _insane!_ What could they use a gun for? You want 'em to shoot a cop!"

"No! It was more of a just in case thing! You know, you'd rather have it and not need it than need it and not have it…" Darry just glared at Dally.

**For Pete's sake, Johnny, don't point the thing at me.**

Steve, Two-bit and Soda laughed as Johnny blushed slightly.

**Here's fifty bucks. That's all I could get out of Merril tonight He's blowin' his loot from that last race."**

"Idiot," Two-bit muttered, and there weren't many people Two-bit could call an idiot without being a hypocrite.

**You might have thought it was Dally who fixed those races for Buck, being a jockey and all, but it wasn't. The last guy to suggest it lost three teeth. **

Dally chuckled.

**It's the truth. Dally rode the ponies honestly and did his best to win. It was the only thing Dally did honestly.**

That was true. Although anything to do with Johnny he was generally pretty honest about.

**"Pony, do Darry and Sodapop know about this?"**

**I shook my head. Dally sighed. "Boy howdy, I ain't itchin' to be the one to tell Darry and get my head busted."**

"Yeah, I remember that!" Soda shook his head. After Pony didn't come home and they had learned the details of his and Johnny's night, well, it hadn't been pretty. Darry had screamed and yelled and it's a good thing that Dally hadn't fessed up to knowin' anything or Soda was sure that Darry would've killed him.

**"Then don't tell him," I said. I hated to worry Sodapop, and would have liked to let him know I had gotten this far okay, but I didn't care if Darry worried himself gray-headed.**

Darry winced. That hurt, but at least Pony knew that I would worry, Darry thought.

**I was too tired to tell myself I was being mean and unreasonable. I convinced myself it wouldn't be fair to make Dally tell him. Darry would beat him to death for giving us the money and the gun and getting us out of town.**

Well, Soda thought. It's a step.

**"Here!" Dally handed me a shirt about sixty million sizes too big. **

"Sixty million?" Dally asked.

"I was tired!"

**"It's Buck's- you an' him ain't exactly the same size, but it's dry." He handed me his worn brown leather jacket with the yellow sheep's-wool lining. "It'll get cold where you're going, but you can't risk being loaded down with blankets."**

**I started buttoning up the shirt. It about swallowed me. "Hop the three-fifteen freight to Windrixville," Dally instructed. "There's an old abandoned church on top of Jay Mountain. There's a pump in back so don't worry about water. Buy a week's supply of food as soon as you get there- this morning, before the story gets out, and then don't so much as stick your noses out the door. I'll be up there as soon as I think it's clear. Man, I thought New York was the only place I could get mixed up in a murder rap."**

"Why do I get the feeling that Dally may have done this before?" Two-bit asked.

**At the word "murder," Johnny made a small noise in his throat and shuddered.**

**Dally walked us back to the door, turning off the porch light before we stepped out. "Git goin'!" He messed up Johnny's hair. "Take care, kid," he said softly.**

"Awwww! Look at ol' Dally softenin' up!" Two-bit grinned.

"Two-bit!" Dally yelled punched him in the shoulder.

"OW! Did you see that?" Two-bit asked Soda, in hopes of some backup.

"Maybe you outta keep your mouth shut next time." Soda replied.

Two-bit pouted.

**"Sure, Dally, thanks." And we ran into the darkness.**

**WE CROUCHED IN THE WEEDS beside the railroad tracks, lis tening to the whistle grow louder. The train slowed to a screaming halt. "Now," whispered Johnny. We ran and pulled ourselves into an open boxcar. **

"Hah! That is so cool!" Two-bit said excitedly. He'd never hitched a ride in an open boxcar before.

Pony shook his head. It would have been a lot more fun if they weren't on the run.

**We pressed against the side, trying to hold our breath while we listened to the railroad workers walk up and down outside. One poked his head inside, and we froze. But he didn't see us, and the boxcar rattled as the train started up.**

"Yeah! Now that is how it's done!" Dally grinned.

**"The first stop'll be Windrixville," Johnny said, laying the gun down gingerly. He shook his head. "I don't see why he gave me this. I couldn't shoot anybody."**

Dally looked at Johnny. He believed it, that kid didn't have it in him to shoot anyone; the first time was just a self-defense thing.

**Then for the first time, really, I realized what we were in for. Johnny had killed someone. Quiet, soft-spoken little Johnny, who wouldn't hurt a living thing on purpose, had taken a human life. We were really running away, with the police after us for murder and a loaded gun by our side. I wished we'd asked Dally for a pack of cigarettes...**

Soda felt awful. His little brother was on the run, scared and helpless and he couldn't be there for him. He was all alone, but at the same time… "Cigarettes? That's all you can think about? Maybe Darry was right about those things."

Pony shrugged as Steve started to laugh.

**I stretched out and used Johnny's legs for a pillow. Curling up, I was thankful for Dally's jacket. It was too big, but it was warm. Not even the rattling of the train could keep me awake, and I went to sleep in a hoodlum's jacket, with a gun lying next to my hand.**

Story of my life, Dally thought.

**I WAS HARDLY AWAKE when Johnny and I leaped off the train into a meadow. Not until I landed in the dew and got a wet shock did I realize what I was doing. Johnny must have woke me up and told me to jump, but I didn't remember it. **

Johnny looked at Ponyboy. He had thought all the time of what it must have been like for Pony but what he had imagined wasn't anything like Ponyboy's thoughts. He had thought Ponyboy was hysterical but instead he seemed to be…numb.

**We lay in the tall weeds and damp grass, breathing heavily. The dawn was coming. It was lightening the sky in the east and a ray of gold touched the hills. The clouds were pink and meadow larks were singing. This is the country, I thought, half asleep. My dream's come true and I'm in the country.**

Poor Pony, Two-bit thought. He didn't seem to even know what's going on half the time.

**"Blast it, Ponyboy"- Johnny was rubbing his legs- "you must have put my legs to sleep. I can't even stand up. I barely got off that train."**

**"I'm sorry. Why didn't you wake me up?"**

**"That's okay. I didn't want to wake you up until I had to."**

Darry felt good that at least Pony was with Johnny when he left. Anyone else and he wasn't sure Ponyboy would still be the same.

**"Now how do we find Jay Mountain?" I asked Johnny. I was still groggy with sleep and wanted to sleep forever right there in the dew and the dawn.**

**"Go ask someone. The story won't be in the paper yet. Make like a farm boy taking a walk or something."**

"Are you kidding? Johnny don't look like a farm boy!" Steve said astonished.

**"I don't look like a farm boy," I said. I suddenly thought of my long hair, combed back, and the slouching stride I used from habit. I looked at Johnny. He didn't look like any farm boy to me.**

"Exactly!"

**He still reminded me of a lost puppy who had been kicked too often, but for the first time I saw him as a stranger might see him. He looked hard and tough, because of his black T-shirt and his blue jeans and jacket, and because his hair was heavily greased and so long. **

Johnny grinned, at least he didn't look like a wimp to the average outsider. Ponyboy made him sound like a little kid in half the descriptions, he was starting to worry that he was actually that obvious, but he had said it himself, Ponyboy was just that observant. Pony just saw the small ticks and the slightest widening of his eyes, it was amazing.

**I saw how his hair curled behind his ears and I thought: We both need a haircut and some decent clothes. I looked down at my worn, faded blue jeans, my too-big shirt, and Dally's worn-out jacket. They'll know we're hoods the minute they see us, I thought.**

"Nah! Country folk ain't that quick," Said Two-bit.

**"I'll have to stay here," Johnny said, rubbing his legs. "You go down the road and ask the first person you see where Jay Mountain is." He winced at the pain in his legs. "Then come back. And for Pete's sake, run a comb through your hair and quit slouching down like a thug."**

Johnny looked a little shocked. Now _he _was starting to sound like Darry. He was feeling a little guilty though. It wasn't anyone's fault but his own that he and Ponyboy were in that situation.

**So Johnny had noticed it too. I pulled a comb from my back pocket and combed my hair carefully. "I guess I look okay now, huh, Johnny?"**

"I doubt you can make yourself look like a farm boy just by combing back your hair and not slouching." Steve said with a raised eyebrow.

**He was studying me. "You know, you look an awful lot like Sodapop, the way you've got your hair and everything. I mean, except your eyes are green."**

Uh oh, Soda thought. Ponyboy was always touchy about his eyecolor.

**"They ain't green, they're gray," I said, reddening. **

"Nah," Two-bit grinned at Ponyboy, "I think they are more of a gray…"

"Shut up, Two-bit!"

**"And I look about as much like Soda as you do." I got to my feet. "He's good-looking."**

**"Shoot," Johnny said with a grin, "you are, too."**

The entire gang was laughing at the color of Ponyboy's face.

**I climbed over the barbed-wire fence without saying anything else. I could hear Johnny laughing at me,**

The current Johnny was laughing at him now too. That made Dally grin. A few months after Johnny got out of the hospital he seemed…happier. Lighter. It seemed that his back wasn't the only thing that was healed in the hospital.

**but I didn't care. I went strolling down the red dirt road, hoping my natural color would come back before I met anyone. I wonder what Darry and Sodapop are doing now, I thought, yawning. **

Soda thought back. He wasn't sure what he'd been doing but he was sure it probably had something to do with worrying and reassuring Darry.

**Soda had the whole bed to himself for once. I bet Darry's sorry he ever hit me. He'll really get worried when he finds out Johnny and I killed that Soc. **

Jeez, Steve thought, Pony had a bit of a vindictive streak in him.

**Then, for a moment, I pictured Sodapop's face when he heard about it. I wish I was home, I thought absently, I wish I was home and still in bed. Maybe I am. Maybe I'm just dreaming...**

Johnny winced. It was his fault that Pony'd been all caught up in that. He shouldn't have been there. He should have been in his bed, with Soda. Safe.

**It was only last night that Dally and I had sat down behind those girls at the Nightly Double. Glory, I thought with a bewildering feeling of being rushed, things are happening too quick. Too fast.**

Dally refrained from telling him that that was what happened when you involved soc girls. That was why you'd never catch Dally with girls like that. "More trouble than they're worth…" He muttered under his breath.

**I figured I couldn't get into any worse trouble than murder. Johnny and I would be hiding for the rest of our lives. Nobody but Dally would know where we were, and he couldn't tell anyone because he'd get jailed again for giving us that gun. If Johnny got caught, they'd give him the electric chair, and if they caught me, I'd be sent to a reformatory.**

"Aren't you an optimistic one, Ponyboy?" Soda asked.

"I didn't have much reason to be optimistic, Soda."

Two-bit almost told them both to shut up. He wanted to read about the rumble. That meant that the faster they finished here the faster they could get to that chapter!

**I'd heard about reformatories from Curly Shepard and I didn't want to go to one at all.**

"Trust me, they're horrible." Steve told Ponyboy as Dally nodded in agreement.

**So we'd have to be hermits for the rest of our lives, and never see anyone but Dally. **

"A fate worse than death," Soda said.

"Shut up, Soda," Dally said threateningly, but he backed off when he saw Darry glaring at him.

**Maybe I'd never see Darry or Sodapop again. Or even Two-Bit or Steve.**

Two-bit perked up. This was the first mention of him in this chapter. "Nice to know you're thinking of us, Pony."

Steve actually liked hearing about himself. It was like for the first time he felt like he was important, like he was actually involved in something bigger than himself. Pony was gonna be someone and when he was, Steve could point him out and say 'I grew up with that kid'. Plus he could see himself through another's eyes, that was always interesting.

**I was in the country, but I knew I wasn't going to like it as much as I'd thought I would. There are things worse than being a greaser.**

Darry smiled. It was nice to know that Ponyboy realized that.

**I met a sunburned farmer driving a tractor down the road. I waved at him and he stopped.**

**"Could you tell me where Jay Mountain is?" I asked as politely as I could.**

**He pointed on down the road. "Follow this road to that big hill over there. That's it. Taking a walk?"**

**"Yessir." I managed to look sheepish. "We're playing army and I'm supposed to report to headquarters there."**

Johnny snorted. "That's what you told him? No wonder he looked at me like I was a five year.

**I can lie so easily that it spooks me sometimes- Soda says it comes from reading so much. But then, Two-Bit lies all the time too, and he never opens a book.**

"It's all in the face. Just gotta' keep it relaxed. Ponyboy and I can do it and you can't!"

"What? That's a load of bull! We all lie just as easily as you two!"

"Nu uh! Dally, you don't even try! It's obvious that you aren't telling the truth but everyone's too scared to call you on it. It's the same for Darry, no one calls him out 'cause he's big and scary! Johnny's too twitchy, you can always tell when he's lying. For Soda, It's in the eyes, he's too focused on charming and his eyes are always dead." Soda looked offended.

"What about me?" Steve asked

"You don't ever lie. Not because you're honest, you just don't talk enough."

Well, Steve thought, I guess Pony's not the only observant one.

**"Boys will be boys," the farmer said with a grin, and I thought dully that he sounded as corn-poney as Hank Williams. He went on and I walked back to where Johnny was waiting.**

I would hate it in the country, Dally thought.

**WE CLIMBED UP THE ROAD to the church, although it was a lot farther away than it looked. The road got steeper with every step. I was feeling kind of drunk- I always do when I get too sleepy-**

"Wait a minute! How do you know what being drunk feels like? You were 14!" Darry said to Pony.

"Well, no. I—um..that's just what I imagine—you see—" Ponyboy shot Dally a pleading look and with a smile Dally continued to read in an attempt to head off Darry's tirade.

**and my legs got heavier and heavier. I guess Johnny was sleepier than I was- he had stayed awake on the train to make sure we got off at the right place.**

Dally grinned. One more way that Johnny was being a leader, he really was proud of him.

**It took us about forty-five minutes to get there. We climbed in a back window. It was a small church, real old and spooky and spiderwebby. It gave me the creeps.**

Soda shuddered at the description.

**I'd been in church before. I used to go all the time, even after Mom and Dad were gone. Then one Sunday I talked Soda into coming with Johnny and me. He didn't want to come unless Steve did, and Two-Bit decided he might as well come too. Dally was sleeping off a hangover, and Darry was working.**

Two-bit started to laugh as he remembered the time that they'd all gone to church. He'd had a good time.

**When Johnny and I went, we sat in the back, trying to get something out of the sermon and avoiding the people, because we weren't dressed so sharp most of the time. Nobody seemed to mind, and Johnny and I really liked to go.**

Johnny grimaced. He had really enjoyed church. It had been a way to learn at his own pace.

**But that day... well, Soda can't sit still long enough to enjoy a movie, much less a sermon. It wasn't long before he and Steve and Two-Bit were throwing paper wads at each other and clowning around, and finally Steve dropped a hymn book with a bang- accidentally, of course. Everyone in the place turned around to look at us, and Johnny and I nearly crawled under the pews. And then Two-Bit waved at them.**

**I hadn't been to church since.**

Soda looked down at the floor. He, Steve and Two-bit were all really ashamed. They hadn't realized that they'd ruined something for Pony and Johnny or that they hadn't been back since.

Darry smacked Soda on the back of the head and Dally did the same to Two-bit and Steve.

"Idiots," Dally muttered.

**But this church gave me a kind of creepy feeling. What do you call it? Premonition? I flopped down on the floor- and immediately decided not to do any more flopping. That floor was stone, and hard. **

Soda snorted a laugh.

**Johnny stretched out beside me, resting his head on his arm. I started to say something to him, but I went to sleep before I could get the words out of my mouth. But Johnny didn't notice. He was asleep, too.**

The room was silent. "Alright guys, I think we outta finish for the night and start up tomorrow." Darry said and the rest of the room nodded as Soda yawned. "You're all welcome to stay here."

It was quickly decided that they would all stay there. Johnny wanted to talk to Pony and if Johnny was staying so was Dally. Two-bit was staying because he didn't trust them to wait for him before they started reading again and if he missed anything he was gonna' be so mad. Steve figured he'd stay because everyone else was.

"A full house tonight? Great!" Said Soda and he left to go get some blankets for some makeshift beds for the night.

**How was it? Review worthy? Next chapter will be better, I promise.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey! Please excuse my absence! These last few weeks have been hectic and this is a freakishly long chapter! Really, sorry!**

**Everything belongs to S.E. Hinton.**

Pony and Johnny had tried to talk to each other that night, they really had, but in a small house packed with seven boys there wasn't any place where they wouldn't be overheard. Not to mention Dallas was being pretty difficult and refusing to let Johnny out of his sight, but because Pony knew this was Dally's way of being protective he let it slide. Not that he really had any other choice.

Because there were seven boys and very limited sleeping options, the concept of personal space pretty much went out the window. Soda and Darry bunked together in Darry's room. While Johnny _was_ going to sleep in Pony's room Dally had ordered otherwise, and no one had wanted to contradict an irate Dallas Winston. So instead Two-bit slept with Ponyboy and Steve, Johnny and Dallas shared the living room.

Around one o'clock Pony silently crept from his bed, careful not to wake Two-bit. Quickly yet quietly he tip-toed into the living room, a path he'd tread thousands of times before.

"Johnny?" He whispered as loud as he dared.

"Pony?" Johnny replied. Pony resisted the urge to sigh with relief.

"Yeah," He answered. His voice was still low and quiet. It was no use sneakin' down here if he was gonna wake up the whole house. "So…how're you handlin' this Johhny? Ok?"

"I'm fine. Actually better than fine. It feels…good. To get this all off my chest I mean. Or your chest I guess."

"HEY!" Steve awoke with a start. This alerted Dally up who bolted up so suddenly he fell off the couch and rolled onto poor Ponyboy.

"OW!" Pony yelled along with some other—rather unprintable—expletives. Darry and Soda came careening around the corner looking extremely alarmed.

"What's going on? Ponyboy? Where are you?"  
>"Ughh," Pony groaned from under Dally, "I'm under here!"<p>

"Dally! Get off him!" Soda and Darry hauled Dally off of Ponyboy who then gulped in oxygen.

"What in God's name is going on?"

"Nothing." Pony muttered "Just out getting a glass of water,"

"No way!" Dally yelled, he knew that Pony was up to something. It was obvious by the guilty look on Johnny's face.

All of a sudden Two-but came flying out of Ponyboy's bedroom, his clothes in disarray! "AH-HAH!" He yelled triumphantly. "I KNEW IT! I just knew it! You're trying to read without me! It was a nice try but no way are you starting a new chapter without me! Not gonna' happen!

"Two-bit. What in the hell are you talking about?" Darry asked.

"You're trying to read without me!"

"No we aren't!" Steve snapped.

"Yeah you were!" Two-bit snapped right back.

"Oh yeah! Nothin' gets passed ole Two-bit!" Pony muttered under his breath and Johnny chuckled.

"Don't be a smart mouth, kid! So are we readin' this or what?"

Steve looked around, "…Well. We _are _all up. And Two-bit's not gonna go back to bed tonight cause he thinks we're trying to read without him. So maybe…"

Darry shrugged. "I don't care." He was planning on taking the day off tomorrow anyway.

"I was up anyway," Soda hedged.

Johnny looked at Ponyboy. _Might as well…_He thought. "Ok, yeah," Ponyboy sighed. "Let's read."

So all the boys settled into position an opened up the book to chapter five.

"I'll read," Steve offered.

"No, here pass me the book. I wanna read," Johnny said and so Soda passed Johnny the book and he began to read,

**Chapter 5**

**I WOKE UP LATE IN the afternoon. For a second I didn't know where I was. You know how it is, when you wake up in a strange place and wonder where in the world you are, until memory comes rushing over you like a wave. I half convinced myself that I had dreamed everything that had happened the night before. I'm really home in bed, I thought. It's late and both Darry and Sodapop are up. **

Darry winced. He was excited to read the book but at the same time…not. He wanted to know exactly what Ponyboy went through and what he felt, but it still hurt to read some of his thoughts. He wished so much that he had been able to protect Pony from this, to hide him from the cruelty of the world. Then he reminded himself that he was able, he just hadn't protected Pony.

**Darry's cooking breakfast, and in a minute he and Soda will come in and drag me out of bed and wrestle me down and tickle me until I think I'll die if they don't stop.**

Soda looked so forlorn about this. His baby brother shouldn't have had to face this. It was the socs fault. On a deeper level, he knew that the blame also lay with him and Darry. He just chose to ignore that.

Johnny's voice changed slightly to reveal a hint of longing. This was the family he had always wanted. This was the way that children were supposed to be raised, accept with parents.

Dally seemed to notice Johnny's drifting mind, and he subtly reached out and set a hand on Johnny's shoulder.

**It's me and Soda's turn to do the dishes after we eat, and then we'll all go outside and play football.**

Steve grinned; he loved playing football with the gang. It made him feel alive and happy, and for a while he forgot about how much he hated his father.

**Johnny and Two-Bit and I will get Darry on our side, since Johnny and I are so small and Darry's the best player. **

Two-bit chuckled. "So you admit it!"

Pony frowned at Two-bit. He remembered all the big things he reveals in the book, but he'd forgotten about the small things he added. He blushed slightly; he had just admitted to the whole room that he'd thought that he and Johnny were small. Thank God that was no longer the case.

**It'll go like the usual weekend morning. I tried telling myself that while I lay on the cold rock floor, wrapped up in Dally's jacket and listening to the wind rushing through the trees' dry leaves outside.**

Dally grimaced. Hearing little Ponyboy like this, pretending that he was safe and sound, it reminded him that Ponyboy _was_ only fourteen when this happened. He felt a slight twinge of pity.

**Finally I quit pretending and pushed myself up. **

Good, Dally thought. Listening to that was just…depressing. He could only imagine what. Johnny had been thinking.

**I was stiff and sore from sleeping on that hard floor, but I had never slept so soundly. I was still groggy. I pushed off Johnny's jeans jacket, which had somehow got thrown across me, **

Soda tossed Johnny a grateful smile.

**and blinked, scratching my head. It was awful quiet, with just the sound of rushing wind in the trees. Suddenly I realized that Johnny wasn't there.**

"Where'd he go?" Steve asked Two-bit, who shrugged.

**"Johnny?" I called loudly, and that old wooden church echoed me, onny onny... I looked around wildly, almost panic-stricken, but then caught sight of some crooked lettering written in the dust of the floor. Went to get supplies. Be back soon. J.C.**

"Didja really need to sign it? I mean was it likely Pony woulda' thought it was someone else?" Two-bit asked.

The gang all turned towards Two-bit, looking shocked. It wasn't everyday Two-bit Matthews made a logical point, especially not one that they had all missed. Two-bit looked pretty proud of himself.

**I sighed, and went to the pump to get a drink. The water from it was like liquid ice and it tasted funny, but it was water.**

"Atta way to look on the bright side, Ponyboy!" Two-bit grinned.

"Shut up Two-bit!" Soda snapped.

**I splashed some on my face and that woke me up pretty quick. I wiped my face off on Johnny's jacket and sat down on the back steps.**

"Thanks for that, Pony."

"Sorry! Wasn't thinkin'!" Ponyboy replied with a wince, it was already cold, Johnny musta' been freezing in that wet jacket!

**The hill the church was on dropped off suddenly about twenty feet from the back door, and you could see for miles and miles. It was like sitting on the top of the world.**

Soda smiled faintly. It sounded beautiful. Ponyboy would like that.

**When you haven't got anything to do, you remember things in spite of yourself. I could remember every detail of the whole night, but it had the unreal quality of a dream.**

Steve idly wondered if Ponyboy could still recall the exact events of that night, without the help of the book, that is.

**It seemed much longer than twenty-four hours since Johnny and I had met Dally at the corner of Pickett and Sutton. Maybe it was. Maybe Johnny had been gone a whole week and I had just slept.**

Soda grinned faintly. If nothing else, this book had provided an interesting insight into his younger brother's mind. Soda looked up at Darry who had a thoughtful look on his face. It seemed he agreed.

Pony let out a breath, glad that for once no one had teased him about his wandering thoughts.

**Maybe he had already been worked over by the fuzz and was waiting to get the electric chair since he wouldn't tell where I was. Maybe Dally had been killed in a car wreck or something and no one would ever know where I was, and I'd just die up here, alone, and turn into a skeleton.**

Dally arched an eyebrow as Johnny shuddered, "Wow Ponyboy, you've got one, er, active imagination," He said.

"Jesus kid, you're giving me the creeps," Dally said eyeing Ponyboy. It was disturbing that the boy was envisioning so many different ways for him to die. The police wouldn't have given him the chair, he had just put on a cocky façade until finally they let him go.

**My over-active imagination was running away with me again.**

"Good to know you realize when it's happening, Pony." Darry muttered.

**Sweat ran down my face and back, and I was trembling. My head swam, and I leaned back and closed my eyes. I guess it was partly delayed shock. Finally my stomach calmed down and I relaxed a little, hoping that Johnny would remember cigarettes.**

Darry shook his head at Ponyboy, and the rest of the gang groan and rolled their eyes at Darry.

**I was scared, sitting there by myself.**

**I heard someone coming up through the dead leaves toward the back of the church, and I ducked inside the door. Then I heard a whistle, long and low, ending in a sudden high note. **

Throughout the room imitations of that whistle were heard.

**I knew that whistle well enough. It was used by us and the Shepard gang for "Who's there?" I returned it carefully, then darted out the door so fast that I fell off the steps and sprawled flat under Johnny's nose.**

Muffled chuckles came from Two-bit, Steve and Dally.

**I propped myself on my elbows and grinned up at him. "Hey, Johnny. Fancy meetin' you here." **

"Whatta' sense of humor, kid!" Two-bit grinned.

**He looked down at me over a big package. "I swear, Ponyboy, you're gettin' to act more like Two-Bit every day."**

Soda and Darry scrutinized Pony. "No way! He is not!"

"Yes, my young protégé is coming along nicely!" Two-bit said and Pony grinned at him.

"Shuddup Two-bit!" Soda snapped.

"He's just jealous of our wit!" Two-bit stage whispered to Pony.

**I tried unsuccessfully to cock an eyebrow.**

"You still have much learning to do, young grasshopper."

**"Who's acting?" I rolled over and sprang up, happy that someone was there. "What'd you get?"**

**"Come on inside. Dally told us to stay inside."**

"Good job. Always follow Dally's instructions." This, to everyone's surprise, came from Darry.

"I'll remember that," Pony said.

**We went in. Johnny dusted off a table with his jacket and started taking things out of the sack and lining them up neatly. "A week's supply of baloney, two loaves of bread, a box of matches..." Johnny went on.**

"Ugh," Ponyboy moaned in abject horror. "Baloney." He sounded so sickened by this that even Soda made a face.

**I got tired of watching him do it all, so I started digging into the sack myself. "Wheee!" I sat down on a dusty chair and stared. "A paperback copy of Gone with the Wind! How'd you know I always wanted one?"**

Dally shook his head at the boys excitement but stopped when he saw the growing grin on Johnny's face. Huh, he thought, wonder what part Gone With the Wind would play in the book.

**Johnny reddened. "I remembered you sayin' something about it once. And me and you went to see that movie, 'member? I thought you could maybe read it out loud and help kill time or something."**

Dally nodded, he vaguely remembered seeing that movie. Seemed like something Johnnycake would like.

**"Gee, thanks." I put the book down reluctantly. I wanted to start it right then. "Peroxide? A deck of cards..." Suddenly I realized something. "Johnny, you ain't thinking of..."**

The gang burst into laughter as they realized where this was going. Darry was wiping tears from his eyes, "I still have pictures," He chuckled as Pony and Johnny reddened.

**Johnny sat down and pulled out his knife. "We're gonna cut our hair, and you're gonna bleach yours." He looked at the ground carefully. "They'll have our descriptions in the paper. We can't fit 'em."**

**"Oh, no!" My hand flew to my hair. "No, Johnny, not my hair!"**

"Not my hair, Johnny! Oh please no!" Two-bit mocked in a high pitched voice.

"Please have mercy!" Steve added swooning into Two-bits arms. The gang laughed uproariously.

**It was my pride. It was long and silky, just like Soda's, only a little redder. Our hair was tuff- we didn't have to use much grease on it. Our hair labeled us greasers, too- it was our trademark. The one thing we were proud of. Maybe we couldn't have Corvairs or madras shirts, but we could have hair.**

The gang's laughing subsided. Well, now they knew why Pony's hair was so important to him. It represented part of his identity as a greaser. Darry made a mental note to burn all pictures of the blond Ponyboy.

**"We'd have to anyway if we got caught. You know the first thing the judge does is make you get a haircut"**

**"I don't see why," I said sourly. "Dally could just as easily mug somebody with short hair."**

"You be surprised," Dally muttered.

Pony gave him an odd look, "Wait what do you mean—you know what? I don't wanna' know."

**"I don't know either- it's just a way of trying to break us. They can't really do anything to guys like Curly Shepard or Tim; they've had about everything done to them. And they can't take anything away from them because they don't have anything in the first place. So they cut their hair."**

Two-bit grimaced and absentmindedly twirled his hair between his fingers, it was pretty long when he didn't have it all greased up.

**I looked at Johnny imploringly. Johnny sighed. "I'm gonna cut mine too, and wash the grease out, but I can't bleach it. I'm too dark-skinned to look okay blond. Oh, come on, Ponyboy," he pleaded. "It'll grow back."**

**"Okay," I said, wide-eyed. "Get it over with."**

**Johnny flipped out the razor-edge of his switch, took hold of my hair, and started sawing on it. I shuddered. "Not too short," I begged. "Johnny, please..."**

Might as well as changed his name too, Dally thought, you're already taking away the biggest part of his identity. Shoot, Dally shook himself. Johnny was just trying to protect Pony, he knew that!

**Finally it was over with. My hair looked funny, scattered over the floor in tufts. "It's lighter than I thought it was," I said, examining it. "Can I see what I look like now?"**

**"No," Johnny said slowly, staring at me. "We gotta bleach it first."**

The gang collectively winced. No matter how ya sliced it, Pony did not pull off blond. Soda looked at his little brother. At least he's got his hair back now, he thought.

**After I'd sat in the sun for fifteen minutes to dry the bleach, Johnny let me look in the old cracked mirror we'd found in a closet. I did a double take. My hair was even lighter than Sodapop's. I'd never combed it to the side like that. It just didn't look like me. It made me look younger, and scareder, too. Boy howdy, I thought, this really makes me look tuff.**

"No it doesn't," Two-bit said and Darry and Dally glared him into silence, as Ponyboy looked quite forlorn.

**I look like a blasted pansy. I was miserable.**

Johnny looked up, "I'm real sorry about that Ponyboy," Pony shrugged, he understood. Johnny winced inwardly, had he known how important it was to Pony, he would have found another way. Not that there was any other way.

**Johnny handed me the knife. He looked scared, too. "Cut the front and thin out the rest. I'll comb it back after I wash it."**

**"Johnny," I said tiredly, "you can't wash your hair in that freezing water in this weather. You'll get a cold."**

**He only shrugged. "Go ahead and cut it."**

Dally smacked Johnny upside the head. "Idiot." He muttered.

Johnny looked offended, but since he deserved it he said nothing.

**I did the best I could.**

And that was the only reason Pony wasn't getting a good smack upside the head from Dally too.

**He went ahead and washed it anyway, **

Two-bit clucked his tongue at Johnny, who blushed.

**using the bar of soap he'd bought. I was glad I had had to run away with him instead of with Two-Bit or Steve or Dally.**

The aforementioned looked highly affronted.

"What's wrong with me?" Two-bit demanded. "I'd be great on the run!"

"No you wouldn't! If he'd of run away with you, you'd a' both been caught within hours!" Steve laughed. He didn't try to make a case for himself. If he and Pony had run away together they'd of ended up killing each other.

"Why not me? You got half your information from me!" Those kids never woulda' survived without my help, Dally thought.

Pony shrugged. Steve and Two-bit wouldn't have been practical, but running away with Daly just woulda' been…awkward.

**That would be one thing they'd never think of soap. **

"I'd a' thoughta' soap," Two-bit grumbled.

**I gave him Dally's jacket to wrap up in, and he sat shivering in the sunlight on the back steps, leaning against the door, combing his hair back. It was the first time I could see that he had eyebrows.**

That automatically brought everyone's eyes up to Johnny's forehead. He didn't notice, he was too busy reading.

**He didn't look like Johnny. His forehead was whiter where his bangs had been; it would have been funny if we hadn't been so scared. He was still shivering with cold. "I guess," he said weakly, "I guess we're disguised."**

**I leaned back next to him sullenly. "I guess so."**

"Cheer up, Pony!" Soda said.

**"Oh, shoot," Johnny said with fake cheerfulness, "it's just hair."**

"Just hair?" Two-bit looked scandalized.

**"Shoot nothing," I snapped. "It took me a long time to get that hair just the way I wanted it. And besides, this just ain't us. It's like being in a Halloween costume we can't get out of."**

Two-bit shuddered, as this brought back some horrifying child nightmares.

**"Well, we got to get used to it," Johnny said with finality. "We're in big trouble and it's our looks or us."**

**I started eating a candy bar. "I'm still tired," I said. To my surprise, the ground blurred and I felt tears running down my cheeks. I brushed them off hurriedly. Johnny looked as miserable as I felt.**

The reality of the situation came crumbling back down on the group. Poor Pony, Steve thought.

**"I'm sorry I cut your hair off, Ponyboy."**

**"Oh, it ain't that;" I said between bites of chocolate. "I mean, not all of it.**

Darry snorted.

**I'm just a little spooky. I really don't know what's the matter. I'm just mixed up."**

**"I know," Johnny said through chattering teeth as we went inside. "Things have been happening so fast..." I put my arm across his shoulders to warm him up.**

**"Two-Bit shoulda been in that little one-horse store. Man, we're in the middle of nowhere; the nearest house is two miles away. Things were layin' out wide open, just waitin' for somebody slick like Two-Bit to come and pick 'em up. He coulda walked out with half the store."**

Two-bit beamed, trying not to look too smug and failing miserably. "You think much too highly of me Johnnycake!"

"Yeah, well, I think you're an idiot, so it evens out." Ponyboy said, sending the gang in to riots of laughter at the offended look on Two-bit's face.

**He leaned back beside me, and I could feel him trembling. "Good ol' Two-Bit," he said in a quavering voice. He must have been as homesick as I was.**

"Why? Just because he was missin' me? Well, I'd be missin' me too." Two-bit muttered, sulky from Pony's earlier comment.

**"Remember how he was wisecrackin' last night?" I said. "Last night... just last night we were walkin' Cherry and Marcia over to Two-Bit's. Just last night we were layin' in the lot, lookin' up at the stars and dreaming..."**

Pony shuddered, he didn't want to think of that night.

**"Stop it!" Johnny gasped from between clenched teeth. "Shut up about last night! I killed a kid last night. He couldn't of been over seventeen or eighteen, and I killed him. How'd you like to live with that?" He was crying. I held him like Soda had held him the day we found him lying in the lot.**

The boys were grimacing and Johnny closed his eyes and paused for a moment before reading on.

**"I didn't mean to," he finally blurted out, "but they were drownin' you, and I was so scared..." **

Darry thought that Johnny made the right decision. Ponyboy deserved the life that he was going to have.

**He was quiet for a minute. "There sure is a lot of blood in people."**

Two-bit shuddered looking mildly disgusted, not with Johnny, but with the mental image of blood just spilling out of a dead body.

**He got up suddenly and began pacing back and forth, slapping his pockets.**

**"Whatta we gonna do?" I was crying by then. It was getting dark and I was cold and lonesome. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back, but the tears came anyway.**

**"This is my fault," Johnny said in a miserable voice. He had stopped crying when I started. "For bringin' a little thirteen-year-old kid along. You ought to go home. You can't get into any trouble. You didn't kill him."**

"Oooh! He's fourteen. Never forget his age. He'll throw a fit." Soda said.

"SODA! I do not throw fits!"

"You do when people think you're a year younger than your actual age." Darry grinned.

"Though not when they assume you're a year older…" Soda said with a raised eyebrow.

Ponyboy just glared at them.

**"No!" I screamed at him. "I'm fourteen! I've been fourteen for a month! And I'm in it as much as you are. I'll stop crying in a minute... I can't help it."**

"See?" Soda muttered quietly as he nudged Steve who nodded. Steve understood how Pony felt, though. Before he hit his growth spurt everyone always thought he was a year younger than his actual age.

**He slumped down beside me. "I didn't mean it like that, Ponyboy. Don't cry, Pony, we'll be okay. Don't cry..." I leaned against him and bawled until I went to sleep.**

Dally clenched his lips. He shoulda' gone with them. He shouldn't have let those two kids out on their own.

**I woke up late that night. Johnny was resting against the wall and I was asleep on his shoulder. "Johnny?" I yawned. "You awake?" I was warm and sleepy.**

**"Yeah," he said quietly.**

**"We ain't gonna cry no more, are we?"**

**"Nope. We're all cried out now. We're gettin' used to the idea. We're gonna be okay now."**

Soda and Darry were relieved. They didn't think they could take much more of Ponyboy crying and being all sad.

**"That's what I thought," I said drowsily. Then for the first time since Dally and I had sat down behind those girls at the Nightly Double, I relaxed. We could take whatever was coming now.**

"Don't get so cocky kid." Dally said.

Darry shook his head; that was a lesson Pony had yet to learn. You should have seen him when we were applying for colleges he thought.

**THE NEXT FOUR or five days were the longest days I've ever spent in my life. We killed time by reading Gone with the Wind and playing poker.**

Sounds boring, Two-bit thought. At least the reading part. Besides the book they were reading now, Two-bit didn't think any other book was interesting.

**Johnny sure did like that book, although he didn't know anything about the Civil War and even less about plantations, and I had to explain a lot of it to him.**

A few years ago Johnny might have blushed at his own ignorance, but after Pony had helped him through that book he had started reading all sorts of stuff, sometimes he still needed Pony's help though. Now he was reading his history textbook. History had become his favorite subject, he even had a C- in the class!

**It amazed me how Johnny could get more meaning out of some of the stuff in there than I could- **

Johnny's chest swelled slightly with pride, and, though no one noticed it, so did Dally's.

**I was supposed to be the deep one. Johnny had failed a year in school and never made good grades- he couldn't grasp anything that was shoved at him too fast, and I guess his teachers thought he was just plain dumb.**

Dally shook his head. Johnny may not go to college, but he wasn't stupid!

**But he wasn't. **

Right! Dally thought. That's what I just said, and then he remembered that he didn't, in fact, say it.

**He was just a little slow to get things, and he liked to explore things once he did get them. He was especially stuck on the Southern gentlemen- impressed with their manners and charm.**

Huh, thought Two-bit. This book didn't sound so bad. Maybe he'd borrow it from Pony sometime, contrary to popular belief he _could _read!

**"I bet they were cool ol' guys," he said, his eyes glowing, after I had read the part about them riding into sure death because they were gallant. "They remind me of Dally."**

Dally stiffened and smiled slightly, he was glad. That was what he wanted Johnny to see him as.

The rest of the gang was surprised, of anyone they would have thought of Soda, or now a days, Ponyboy. Pony was a real southern gentleman, even if he didn't notice it himself. Johnny smiled; Ponyboy was a real charmer, almost as good as Soda. He was always opening doors and walking girls home, what's it called? Chivalry! Pony was always real chivalrous!

**"Dally?" I said, startled. "Shoot, he ain't got any more manners than I do. And you saw how he treated those girls the other night. Soda's more like them Southern boys."**

Dally aimed a glare in Ponyboy's direction.

**"Yeah... in the manners bit, and the charm, too, I guess," **

Soda grinned and Dally hit him on the arm.

**Johnny said slowly, "but one night I saw Dally gettin' picked up by the fuzz, and he kept real cool and calm the whole time. They was gettin' him for breakin' out the windows in the school building, and it was Two-Bit who did that. And Dally knew it. But he just took the sentence without battin' an eye or even denyin' it. That's gallant."**

Two-bit looked horrified. His friend had taken the fall for him? "Gee, Dally! I didn't know that! I was aiming for a soc to get picked up on that charge! I'm sorry!"

Dally just shook his head"No problem, I hadn't gotten hauled in in a while and I couldn't let people think I was going soft!"

Johnny smiled; he knew that that wasn't the reason. Dallas had been in trouble just a few days before for stealin' some liquor.

**That was the first time I realized the extent of Johnny's hero-worship for Dally Winston. Of all of us, Dally was the one I liked least.**

"Hey!" Said Dally looking truly offended.

Pony shrugged, "I told ya you wouldn't like everything you read."

**He didn't have Soda's understanding or dash,**

Soda smiled.

**or Two-Bit's humor, **

Two-bit grinned at the mention of his name.

**or even Darry's superman qualities. **

Darry grinned, at least I was doing something right, he thought.

**But I realized that these three appealed to me because they were like the heroes in the novels I read. **

Two-bit puffed out his chest. While Steve looked thoughtful, he could see Pony's angle but he could also see Dallas Winston as a hero. Maybe it was just because he knew Dally now; it was shocking how much he had changed. He was still the toughest guy around, but the group had become tighter and Dally had become much more protective of everyone, not just Johnny. Hell, they were all more protective of each other; they were all the family they got! Although around two years ago it was not exactly the same and he could see Pony's point.

**Dally was real. I liked my books and clouds and sunsets. Dally was so real he scared me.**

Wow, Darry thought. He knew Pony didn't use his brain much, he'd never noticed how high in the clouds the kid's head was.

"Get used to it, kid. The rest of the world a helluva lot scarier than me," Dally said. Ponyboy resisted the urge to point out that this was two years ago, and he had gotten used to it.

**Johnny and I never went to the front of the church. You could see the front from the road, and sometimes farm kids rode their horses by on their way to the store. So we stayed in the very back, usually sitting on the steps and looking across the valley. We could see for miles; see the ribbon of highway and the small dots that were houses and cars. We couldn't watch the sunset, since the back faced east, but I loved to look at the colors of the fields and the soft shadings of the horizon.**

Soda let out a breath, "Sounds beautiful."

Dally agreed and made a mental note to take Johnny—no, the whole gang—back there sometime.

**One morning I woke up earlier than usual. Johnny and I slept huddled together for warmth- Dally had been right when he said it would get cold where we were going. Being careful not to wake Johnny up, I went to sit on the steps and smoke a cigarette.**

"You just had to have those damn cigarettes," Darry muttered.

"Darry!" Ponyboy groaned.

"You coulda' got Johnny and Dally killed! You nearly broke Johnny's back as it is!"

Pony was reminded of the unpleasant surprise ending then, and from the look on Johnny's face, he was too. Johnny was lucky though, he didn't know all the gruesome details, Pony shuddered, thinking of how awful it would be if that had actually happened.

Darry, mistakenly thinking that he was remorseful of his actions with a cigarette nodded firmly, "That's right!" He said. Pony raised an eyebrow and, just to annoy Darry, lit up another cigarette in the room.

Soda shook his head. Those two were always getting better until something like this came up. They were both so damn stubborn that neither of them was likely to let it go. Soda made eye contact with Johnny and jerked his chin toward the book, a silent warning to start reading, or else they'd have to sit here and listen to a full blown Curtis brother fight before they could get back to the book and Soda was too tired for that.

**The dawn was coming then. All the lower valley was covered with mist, and sometimes little pieces of it broke off and floated away in small clouds. The sky was lighter in the east, and the horizon was a thin golden line. The clouds changed from gray to pink, and the mist was touched with gold. There was a silent moment when everything held its breath, and then the sun rose. It was beautiful.**

"It sure does sound beautiful," Two-bit said under his breath. Only Dally heard and he decided right then that they were definitely sneaking back out to the country sometime.

**"Golly"- Johnny's voice beside me made me jump- "that sure was pretty."**

**"Yeah." I sighed, wishing I had some paint to do a picture with while the sight was still fresh in my mind.**

"Can you paint?" Asked Soda.

Pony shrugged, he was alright with a brush. He doubted though, that he'd have been able to capture the beauty he'd seen that day.

**"The mist was what was pretty," Johnny said. "All gold and silver."**

**"Uhmmmm," I said, trying to blow a smoke ring.**

**"Too bad it couldn't stay like that all the time."**

**"Nothing gold can stay." I was remembering a poem I'd read once.**

**"What?"**

**"Nature's first green is gold,**

**Her hardest hue to hold.**

**Her early leafs a flower;**

**But only so an hour.**

**Then leaf subsides to leaf.**

**So Eden sank to grief,**

**So dawn goes down to day.**

**Nothing gold can stay."**

"What's that?" Asked Two-bit, he coulda' sworn he'd heard that before!

**Johnny was staring at me. "Where'd you learn that? That was what I meant"**

**"Robert Frost wrote it. He meant more to it than I'm gettin' though." I was trying to find the meaning the poet had in mind, but it eluded me. "I always remembered it because I never quite got what he meant by it"**

"Well, something Pony doesn't know," Said Steve. The kids might be smart but he apparently had trouble with somethings.

**"You know," Johnny said slowly, "I never noticed colors and clouds and stuff until you kept reminding me about them. It seems like they were never there before." He thought for a minute. "Your family sure is funny."**

**"And what happens to be so funny about it?" I asked stiffly.**

"Relax," Soda said, "That's not what he meant."

**Johnny looked at me quickly. "I didn't mean nothing. I meant, well, Soda kinda looks like your mother did, but he acts just exactly like your father. And Darry is the spittin' image of your father, but he ain't wild and laughing all the time like he was. He acts like your mother. And you don't act like either one."**

No, Soda thought, not he wasn't.

**"I know," I said. "Well," I said, thinking this over, "you ain't like any of the gang. I mean, I couldn't tell Two-Bit or Steve or even Darry about the sunrise and clouds and stuff. I couldn't even remember that poem around them. I mean, they just don't dig. Just you and Sodapop. And maybe Cherry Valance."**

Soda grinned, proud to be counted among the people who understood.

**Johnny shrugged. "Yeah," he said with a sigh. "I guess we're different."**

**"Shoot," I said, blowing a perfect smoke ring, "maybe they are."**

Two-bit nodded his head. It was perfectly logical to think that there might be a possibility that he and the rest of the gang were the odd ones; it was hard to tell with such a wild group of characters. Whatever he was, he embraced it!

**By the fifth day I was so tired of baloney I nearly got sick every time I looked at it. **

As if to prove this, Ponyboy shuddered wildly. He looked at the clock, It was about 2:30 am.

**We had eaten all our candy bars in the first two days. I was dying for a Pepsi. I'm what you might call a Pepsi addict. I drink them like a fiend, and going for five days without one was about to kill me.**

Soda snorted.

**Johnny promised to get some if we ran out of supplies and had to get some more, but that didn't help me right then. I was smoking a lot more there than I usually did- I guess because it was something to do- although Johnny warned me that I would get sick smoking so much. We were care ful with our cigarettes- if that old church ever caught fire there'd be no stopping it.**

"Obviously not careful enough," Darry muttered, avoiding a dark look from Ponyboy.

**On the fifth day I had read up to Sherman's siege of Atlanta in Gone with the Wind, owed Johnny a hundred and fifty bucks from poker games, smoked two packs of Camels, and as Johnny had predicted, got sick. **

Soda shook his head at his little brother, "Two packs?"

Ponyboy, yet again, shrugged. If only they knew how much he was smoking now. It was about as much as the night of the rumble. If Darry or Soda ever found his stash under the bed, boy howdy, would he get it good.

**I hadn't eaten anything all day; and smoking on an empty stomach doesn't make you feel real great. **

"Idiot," Steve muttered.

**I curled up in a corner to sleep off the smoke. I was just about asleep when I heard, as if from a great distance, a low long whistle that went off in a sudden high note. I was too sleepy to pay any attention, although Johnny didn't have any reason to be whistling like that. **

"Nope!" Dally smiled, it was him. He was back in the book! He shot a smug look at Two-bit, who had been eager to hear more about himself.

**He was sitting on the back steps trying to read Gone with the Wind. I had almost decided that I had dreamed the outside world and there was nothing real but baloney sandwiches and the Civil War and the old church and the mist in the valley. **

That seems pretty backwards, Steve thought. Pony look sick at the mention of baloney.

**It seemed to me that I had always lived in the church, or maybe lived during the Civil War and had somehow got transplanted. That shows you what a wild imagination I have.**

The whole group, including Johnny was giving Pony odd looks.

**A toe nudged me in the ribs. "Glory," said a rough but familiar voice, "he looks different with his hair like that."**

Dally's grin nearly split his face in two.

**I rolled over and sat up, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes and yawning. Suddenly I blinked.**

**"Hey, Dally!"**

**"Hey, Ponyboy!" He grinned down at me. "Or should I say Sleeping Beauty?"**

**I never thought I'd live to see the day when I would be so glad to see Dally Winston,**

Dally's smile disappeared and he muttered something under his breath about Pony being such an "ungrateful brat"

**but right then he meant one thing: contact with the outside world. And it suddenly became real and vital.**

**"How's Sodapop? Are the fuzz after us? Is Darry all right? Do the boys know where we are? What..."**

Darry was happy he was at least in the first round of questions Pony asked. He'd expected Pony's first thought would be of Soda.

**"Hold on, kid," Dally broke in. "I can't answer everything at once. You two want to go get something to eat first? I skipped breakfast and I'm about starved."**

**"You're starved?" Johnny was so indignant he nearly squeaked. I remembered the baloney.**

Johnny shook his head. He hated baloney just as much as Pony; he was just less vocal about it. He cursed the day he choose the baloney over the ham.

**"Is it safe to go out?" I asked eagerly.**

**"Yep." Dally searched his shirt pocket for a cigarette, and finding none, said, "Gotta cancer stick, Johnnycake?"**

**Johnny tossed him a whole package.**

"You're wasting your money on those things," Darry said to the gang.

"Shut up, Darry," Was the whole room's response.

**"The fuzz won't be lookin' for you around here," Dally said, lighting up. "They think you've lit out for Texas. I've got Buck's T-bird parked down the road a little way. Goshamighty, boys, ain't you been eatin' anything?"**

"Yeah," Pony said, disgusted, "Baloney."

**Johnny looked startled. "Yeah. Whatever gave you the idea we ain't?"**

**Dally shook his head. "You're both pale and you've lost weight. After this, get out in the sun more. You look like you've been through the mill."**

Johnny rolled his eyes, "Yeah we'll get right on that Dal."

**I started to say "Look who's talking" but decided it would be safer not to.**

"Smart move, kid," Dally muttered.

**Dally needed a shave- a stubble of colorless beard covered his jaw- and he looked like he was the one who'd been sleeping in his clothes for a week instead of us; I knew he hadn't seen a barber in months. But it was safer not to get mouthy with Dally Winston.**

"A life lesson," Two-bit added gravely. It wasn't just for them. Every kid in the hood learned that sometime or another.

**"Hey, Ponyboy"- he fumbled with a piece of paper in his back pocket- "I gotta letter for you."**

**"A letter? Who from?"**

**"The President, of course, stupid. It's from Soda."**

Soda let out a sign of relief. He was glad to know that Ponyboy did get his letter.

**"Sodapop?" I said, bewildered. "But how did he know...?"**

"I'm not an idiot, that's how," Soda grinned. Darry, meanwhile was kicking himself. He wasn't an idiot either, he just hadn't been thinking.

**"He came over to Buck's a couple of days ago for something and found that sweat shirt. I told him I didn't know where you were, but he didn't believe me.**

"You knew? You found his sweatshirt there?" Darry fumed, "How could you not tell me!"

"Well, I thought, see—…Johnny. Read." Soda snapped.

**He gave me this letter and half his pay check to give you. Kid, you ought to see Darry. He's takin' this mighty hard..."**

"Whatever happened to that paycheck," Soda asked idly and Pony shrugged.

**I wasn't listening. I leaned back against the side of the church and read:**

**Ponyboy,**

**Well I guess you got into some trouble, huh? **

"No duh," Two-bit muttered.

**Darry and me nearly went nuts when you ran out like that. Darry is awful sorry he hit you. You know he didn't mean it. **

Darry's jaw clenched.

**And then you and Johnny turned up mising and what with that dead kid in the park and Dally getting hauled into the station, well it scared us something awful. The police came by to question us and we told them as much as we could. I can't believe little old Johnny could kill somebody. I know Dally knows where you are, but you know him. He keeps his trap shut and won't tell me nothing. **

Dally nodded. He was mighty proud of that.

**Darry hasn't got the slightest notion where you're at and it is nearly killing him. **

Darry reddened slightly in embarrassment.

**I wish you'd come back and turn your selves in but I guess you can't since Johnny might get hurt. You sure are famous. You got a paragraph in the newspaper even. Take care and say hi to Johnny for us.**

**Sodapop Curtis**

**He could improve his spelling, I thought after reading it through three or four times. **

The gang burst into laughter. "Hey!" Soda yelled, "I was in a rush, I had Darry loomin' over my shoulder all day long! Gimme a break!"

"Well maybe I wouldn't of bothered you so much if I had known where Pony was! I can't believe that you didn't tell me! I deserved to know! We _will _talk later!"

Johnny quickly continued reading before this could end in a fight.

**"How come you got hauled in?" I asked Dally.**

**"Shoot, kid"- he grinned wolfishly- "them boys at the station know me by now. I get hauled in for everything that happens in our turf. **

The gang grinned. Now a days, they _all _got hauled in when there were problems on their turf, 'cept for Darry, of course.

**While I was there I kinda let it slip that y'all were headin' for Texas. So that's where they're lookin'."**

"Aww man!" Two-bit whined "that was a lie?"

**He took a drag on his cigarette and cussed it goodnaturedly for not being a Kool. Johnny listened in admiration. "You sure can cuss good, Dally."**

**"Sure can," Dally agreed wholeheartedly, proud of his vocabulary. "But don't you kids get to pickin' up my bad habits."**

Dally was actually more proud that Johnnycake looked up to him like that than he was of the vocabulary.

**He gave me a hard rub on the head. "Kid, I swear it don't look like you with your hair all cut off. It used to look tuff. You and Soda had the coolest lookin' hair in town."**

Soda grinned and rubbed a hand over his younger brother's full, and no longer blonde, head of hair.

**"I know," I said sourly. "I look lousy, but don't rub it in."**

**"Do y'all want somethin' to eat or not?"**

**Johnny and I leaped up. "You'd better believe it"**

Dally shook his head, "Y'all looked like two wild dogs when I offered ya food!"

**"Gee," Johnny said wistfully, "it sure will be good to get into a car again."**

**"Well," Dally drawled, "I'll give you a ride for your money."**

**Dally always did like to drive fast, as if he didn't care whether he got where he was going or not, and we came down the red dirt road off Jay Mountain doing eighty-five.**

Darry shot Dally a dark look. There was a reason that whenever the gang went somewhere together Dally was never allowed to drive.

**I like fast driving and Johnny was crazy about drag races, but we both got a little green around the gills when Dally took a corner on two wheels with the brakes screaming.**

Johnny made a face as he remembered.

**Maybe it was because we hadn't been in a car for so long.**

**We stopped at a Dairy Queen and the first thing I got was a Pepsi. Johnny and I gorged on barbecue sandwiches and banana splits.**

This time it was Dally's turn to grimace. It'd been pretty disgusting to watch those two eat.

**"Glory," Dallas said, amazed, watching us gulp the stuff down. "You don't need to make like every mouthful's your last. I got plenty of money. Take it easy, I don't want you gettin' sick on me. And I thought I was hungry!"**

"Proved ya wrong, didn't we?" Johnny said with an easy grin. It was that grin that had the girls swooning. Johnny might not see it but almost every girl at the school thought he was beautiful. His dark coloring, large brown eyes and even the scar across his cheekbone made him irresistible.

**Johnny merely ate faster. I didn't slow down until I got a headache.**

Now everyone in the gang, with the exception of Pony and Johnny, looked a little sickened.

**"I didn't tell y'all something," Dally said, finishing his third hamburger. "The Socs and us are having all-out war fare all over the city. **

The greasers all remembered those weeks. It was insane, everyone having the fear of being attacked, but it was almost heartening in a way. The entire east side had bounded together, brothers in arms. Hell, they made one hell of a battle force, Two-bit thought.

**That kid you killed had plenty of friends and all over town it's Soc against grease. We can't walk alone at all. I started carryin' a heater..."**

**"Dally!" I said, frightened. "You kill people with heaters!"**

"Ya kill 'em with switchblades, too, don't ya kid?" Dally said.

**"Ya kill 'em with switchblades, too, don't ya, kid?" **

Johnny grinned, Dal would never change.

**Dally said in a hard voice. Johnny gulped. "Don't worry," Dally went on, "it ain't loaded. I ain't aimin' to get picked up for murder. But it sure does help a bluff. Tim Shepard's gang and our outfit are havin' it out with the Socs tomorrow night at the vacant lot. We got hold of the president of one of their social clubs and had a war council. **

Pony shook his head. Someday this would happen again, but with mass casualties.

**Yeah"- Dally sighed, and I knew he was remembering New York- "just like the good old days. If they win, things go on as usual. If we do, they stay outa our territory for good. Two-Bit got jumped a few days ago. Darry and me came along in time, but he wasn't havin' too much trouble. Two-Bit's a good fighter. **

"Thanks, Dal," Two-bit said and Dally nodded. Two-bit was grinning on the inside, a comment like that, from Dallas Winston of all people, was not something to be taken lightly.

**Hey, I didn't tell you we got us a spy."**

**"A spy?" Johnny looked up from his banana split. "Who?"**

**'That good-lookin' broad I tried to pick up that night you killed the Soc. The redhead, Cherry what's-her-name."**

Pony shook his head. "That's the end of that chapter, we didn't read without you, Two-bit, happy?"

Two-bit smiled, still dazed from Dally's, or book Dally's, compliment.

Johnny let out a massive yawn. Pony started to get up and trudge back to his room but found him legs were too tired to carry him, and instead he sat down on the floor near Two-bit. Soda would have gotten up but he couldn't bring himself to move, and besides, Pony was too big to be carried.

So instead of dispersing the boys quickly fell asleep, with the promise of a new chapter to read tomorrow.

**Hey sorry it took so long. Like I said it's a big chapter and halfway through it all got deleted and that…sucked. So here it is, I hope you liked it, I thought this chapter was pretty good! Please review and tell me what you think!**

**P.S. Yes, if you've noticed, I am making everyone in the gang super-hot. So what? I think it adds…well I'm not sure, but they're hot.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hey quick authors note. For those of you who harbor an irrational fear of some ending akin to the ending of the actual book you can calm down, I have already spent months lamenting the ending of The Outsiders, I'm not planning on angst-ing it up. There will be emotions, of course, but I'm leaning toward humor, not despair.**

**Thank you so much to all off my reviewers! You guys are awesome, I mean literally the shiz…keeping it P.G. In the author's note…**

**As always, everything in bold+ the characters= S.E. Hinton**

Ponyboy splashed a third handful of cold water onto his face. He had a good half an hour before anyone else woke up, and Pony was glad to have the bathroom to himself without someone pounding in the door telling him to hurry up. Ponyboy glanced around; it seemed that Darry had already been through here. It didn't surprise him that, even with limited sleep, Darry had still got up on time. Ponyboy had slept in an hour later than usual; the rest of the gang wouldn't be up for a while. He didn't blame them, Pony thought, he himself was still tired, but once he was up, he was up.

"Hey Pone," Pony nearly jumped out of his skin when he turned to see Darry standing there.

Darry grinned, "I just got back from the site, told 'em I was taking a couple days off." Darry had gotten promoted in his construction job and since Soda worked full time at the DX now Darry decided to drop his other jobs. He had a lot more flexible schedule now, not that he usually took advantage of it.

"A couple?" Pony asked, he didn't think it'd take that long to finish the book.

"Yeah, a couple." Darry repeated, "Listen I stole Dally's wallet and I'm gonna go pick up some breakfast. Get changed and the wake those idiots up, okay?" Pony grinned and nodded to Darry as he made his way out the back door. Pony quickly showered and changed clothes; he was making quite a racket but not one sleeping person in the house stirred.

He walked out into the living room where the rest of the gang was assembled, still sleeping. Dally had taken up the couch, his long limbs draped languidly over the furniture. Ponyboy studied Dally's sleeping face. He supposed he could see why the girls went crazy over him, Dally's face was tough and strong, and he had blade like cheek bones and a strait regal nose full of the arrogance he was famous for. He thought he could see why Johnny had thought of Dallas as a Southern gentleman, if Dally bothered, one twist of his lips could give him a roguish smile making him look every inch the part. Pony surveyed the rest of the room. Like Dally, Soda was sprawled across the chair; and Pony marveled at his precarious position. How he had managed to stay like that all night without falling, Pony had no idea. Steve and Two-bit were stretched out in the floor, a blanket thrown half-heartedly across the both of them.

Ponyboy stopped for a second and looked around, realizing that Johnny was missing. "Hey Ponyboy."

Pony whirled around so fast he nearly knocked over a lamp "Jeez! What, is it scare the livin' daylights out of Ponyboy day?"

Johnny laughed quietly, "Sorry," He whispered, "Didn't mean to scare you."

Pony shuddered, "Help me wake these idiots up."

An uncharacteristically large grin broke across Johnny's face just before he rushed at the boys lying lazily on the floor while Pony jumped onto Soda, knocking him off of the chair. Neither of them, not even Johnny, dared to try such tactics against Dally, who was woken quickly by the noise.

"What in the hell is going on?" Dally grumbled as Soda's shocked yelp finally managed to penetrate his foggy mind. He dragged his eyelids open to reveal an amusing sight. Ponyboy had tackled Soda to the ground, and because Soda was still half asleep, had him easily pinned. Johnny was sitting on Two-bit's chest with his feet resting on Steve's. Both were struggling in vain.

Pony grinned, finally letting Soda up and said, "Time to go get ready, Darry's getting breakfast!"

Three of the boys looked up, and for a moment the room was still, until Soda shot up like a bullet, racing for the bathroom, Two-bit and Steve were hot on his heels, Dally was ambling after them. As he walked by Pony and Johnny he smiled, "They know that I'm going first."

Dally, not surprisingly, was right. Not even Soda challenged him to the bathroom. Johnny, it turned out had been up before Pony and cleaned up quickly.

After Dally, Soda and Steve had finished up in the bathroom Darry was just returning to the house with breakfast, he'd picked up doughnuts from the DX. The boys convened in the kitchen, Pony, Johnny, Two-bit and Darry sat at the table while Dally, Soda and Steve leaned against the counters.

"So," Two-bit said between mouthfuls, "you gonna give us a head up on what happens this chapter?"

Pony looked up from his breakfast, there was nothing in this chapter that deviated from the actual timeline of events—at least that's what Pony remembered, although it had been a while since he'd reviewed this particular essay. "Hmm, well, far as I can remember this chapter's all about the fire."

Johnny raised his eyes and gave Pony a meaningful look, for anyone else it may have been hard to interpret, but Pony understood; Johnny wanted to know if Pony changed the story this chapter. Pony gave the slightest shake of his head and Johnny nodded showing he understood. Their interaction, unfortunately, was spotted by Dally, who had no intention of letting it go.

"What was that?" He asked.

Pony and Johnny looked slightly surprised that their conversation had been caught; they usually communicated this way all the time and they'd never been spotted before. Pony figured Dally must be hypersensitive to everything going on around Johnny because of the book.

"What was what?" Pony answered, deciding to go with a clueless defense. Pony covertly kicked Johnny under the table, warning him to keep his mouth shut, as Johnny couldn't lie to Dally if he tried.

"Aw don't pull that crap with me kid! I know bullshit when I see it!" The rest of the gang began to look suspiciously at Ponyboy and Johnny.

Johnny opened his mouth to deny that anything was wrong when Pony shot him a glance; Johnny shut his mouth, knowing Pony was right.

"I don't know what you mean. We should just read." At this point trying to get information from Pony was like pulling teeth, so they decided to let the book do the talking.

The gang brought the essay into the kitchen so that they could eat and read at the same time.

**Chapter 6**

Darry read.

Pony was glad Darry was reading, he thought this was the chapter where he forgives him, it would be nice for Darry to see the words with his own eyes, to know that in Pony's mind, he had been absolved of any wrong doing.

**JOHNNY GAGGED AND I almost dropped my hot fudge sundae. "Cherry?" we both said at the same time. "The Soc?"**

Dally grimaced. He'd had a similar reaction when he learned she was willing to help them, but with much, much more suspicion.

**"Yeah," Dally said. "She came over to the vacant lot the night Two-Bit was jumped.**

Two-bit shuddered at the memory, he'd gotten away fine, but after what happened to Johnny, every time anyone was jumped alone there was always a horrifying, lingering "what if" left behind. What if they hadn't gotten away? What if they'd ended up like Johnny?

**Shepard and some of his outfit and us were hanging around there when she drives up in her little ol' Sting Ray. That took a lot of nerve. Some of us was for jumping her then and there,**

Dally cringed at his past self. Had he really come that close to actually jumping a defenseless little girl? Had he actually counted himself among those who were willing to do that? He took a deep breath, he'd changed a lot since then, he reminded himself. He still hated socs, but he'd be damned if he lifted a hand against a woman, soc or no.

**her bein' the dead kid's girl and all, but Two-Bit stopped us. Man, next time I want a broad I'll pick up my own kind."**

Steve and Two-bit nodded at the rightness of the statement. Steve didn't want much, just a girl who'd love him and never stray, one that he could take care of and provide for, the way a man should.

Two-bit was a bit pickier than Steve, but someday he'd find her. And when that happened, he vowed, I'll keep her happy, keep her in love. One thing's for sure, he'd treat her the way a woman deserved to be treated, and that was a hell of a lot better than his dad ever did for his mom. But most importantly, he would never, ever leave her or his kids the way his dad did. Well, whatta ya' know? His dad did teach him something after all.

Johnny mulled over that statement. Like Pony, he didn't want a greaser girl, but he sure as hell didn't wanna' socy girl either. Maybe he'd someday find the perfect mix, a girl who had the brains, tact and modesty of a soc, but without the cold outer shell and the hollow inside. A girl with a greaser's background, and a greaser's passion and confidence. He rolled his eyes at his own romantic self, he knew he was asking for a lot.

**"Yeah," Johnny said slowly, and I wondered if, like me, he was remembering another voice, also tough and just deepened into manhood, saying: "Next time you want a broad, pick up your own kind..." It gave me the creeps.**

Pony breathed in a deep breath, what his fourteen-year-old self saw in Cherry was something he never remembered. Maybe it was her hair or her smile, maybe it was cause she was the first soc girl who didn't look right passed him, although she definitely wasn't the last. As tall and handsome as Pony was, very few girls looked passed him, greaser or soc. He hoped that when he went off to college he'd meet a nice girl, someone smart and pretty, most of all, someone who understood.

**Dally was going on: "She said she felt that the whole mess was her fault, which it is, and that she'd keep up with what was comin' off with the Socs in the rumble and would testify that the Socs were drunk and looking for a fight and that you fought back in self-defense." He gave a grim laugh. "That little gal sure does hate me. I offered to take her over to The Dingo for a Coke and she said 'No, thank you' and told me where I could go in very polite terms."**

Yep, Soda thought, that was the trademark of a soc girl, being veritably rude but all the while being deceptively polite about it.

**She was afraid of loving you, I thought. **

Pony blushed slightly at his own inner dialogue, while Soda grinned. Pony knew girls well, that's why Soda usually went to him for advice, as he didn't trust his own judgment as much after Sandy.

**So Cherry Valance, the cheerleader, Bob's girl, the Soc, was trying to help us. No, it wasn't Cherry the Soc who was helping us, it was Cherry the dreamer who watched sunsets and couldn't stand fights. It was hard to believe a Soc would help us, even a Soc that dug sunsets. Dally didn't notice. He had forgotten about it already.**

Johnny's lips twisted into a smile without his permission. It was just so…Dally.

**"Man, this place is out of it. What do they do for kicks around here, play checkers?" Dally surveyed the scene without interest. **

Dally shook his head, man he was missing out. He never noticed half the things Pony or Johnny did.

**"I ain't never been in the country before. Have you two?"**

**Johnny shook his head but I said, "Dad used to take us all huntin'. I've been in the country before. How'd you know about the church?"**

**"I got a cousin that lives around here somewheres. Tipped me off that it'd make a tuff hide-out in case of something. **

"Dally, have you ever actually ever met this cousin of yours?"

Dally shrugged, "Once or twice."

**Hey, Ponyboy, I heard you was the best shot in the family."**

Pony's chest swelled, he didn't like to shoot things, but he was sure proud of his aim.

**"Yeah," I said. "Darry always got the most ducks, though. Him and Dad. Soda and I goofed around too much, scared most of our game away."**

Soda laughed, remembering. "They could hear us from a mile away!"

"You sound proud," Darry said sardonically, "That's why eventually dad and I had to do all our hunting before the sun comes up, while you two were sleeping!"

**I couldn't tell Dally that I hated to shoot things. He'd think I was soft.**

Darry stopped readin, "I wouldn't think you were soft," He said softly.

**"That was a good idea, I mean cuttin' your hair and bleachin' it. They printed your descriptions in the paper but you sure wouldn't fit 'em now."**

"Thanks for the reminder," Pony muttered.

**Johnny had been quietly finishing his fifth barbecue sandwich,**

"Jesus, _five?_"

**but now he announced: 'We're goin' back and turn ourselves in."**

Two-bit nodded; he'd always assumed it was Johnny who made 'em come back. Because Lord knows it wasn't Dally, and Ponyboy, who, like Johnny, had a strong moral core, had just too much self-preservation instincts to turn himself in.

**It was Dally's turn to gag. Then he swore awhile. **

"Okay, awhile is a bit of an exaggeration," Dally said.

Pony smiled a harsh grin, that wasn't the only exaggeration Dally would be complaining about.

**Then he turned to Johnny and demanded: "What?"**

**"I said we're goin' back and turn ourselves in," Johnny repeated in a quiet voice. I was surprised but not shocked. **

Course not, Darry thought. Pony reads people much too well to ever be shocked by anything they say.

**I had thought about turning us in lots of times, but apparently the whole idea was a jolt to Dallas.**

"Damn right it was," Dally muttered, "Turning yourselves in! All that work I did, coming to nothing!"

"But it was the right thing wasn't it?" Johnny said.

"Yeah, yeah," Dally grumbled.

And it had been the right thing, the judge found them not guilty, and he explained after that running was the natural thing to do, but it was their choice to turn themselves in, and not wait for the police to find, them that sealed the deal.

**"I got a good chance of bein' let off easy," Johnny said desperately, and I didn't know if it was Dally he was trying to convince or himself. "I ain't got no record with the fuzz and it was self-defense. Ponyboy and Cherry can testify to that. And I don't aim to stay in that church all my life."**

"That is a good point," Two-bit said, "where were you plannin' on them living if they ever got away clean?"

Darry shuddered and continued reading before Dally could answer. Knowing Dally, he had a plan all worked out, and Darry didn't want to hear what would've become of his youngest brother, had he not returned home

**That was quite a speech for Johnny. His big black eyes grew bigger than ever at the thought of going to the police station, for Johnny had a deathly fear of cops, but he went on: "We won't tell that you helped us, Dally, and we'll give you back the gun and what's left of the money and say we hitchhiked back so you won't get into trouble. Okay?"**

**Dally was chewing the corner of his ID card, which gave his age as twenty-one so he could buy liquor. "You sure you want to go back? Us greasers get it worse than anyone else."**

Johnny remembered this moment well, it was the moment that Dally had treated him as an adult, an equal. He allowed Johnny to make his own decisions about his future, and, by default, Pony's.

**Johnny nodded. "I'm sure. It ain't fair for Ponyboy to have to stay up in that church with Darry and Soda worryin' about him all the time.**

"Well at least _someone's_ thinking 'bout how we musta' felt," Soda said with a pointed look in Pony's direction. Pony would've responded, but his mouth was full of the doughnut he'd just taken a bite of.

**I don't guess..."- he swallowed and tried not to look eager- "I don't guess my parents are worried about me or anything?"**

Johnny shook his head at his own naiveté, he should've known better by then, he certainly knew now.

**"The boys are worried," Dally said in a matter-of-fact voice. "Two-Bit was going to Texas to hunt for you."**

Two-bit fought back a smile, not one of his most thoroughly planned ideas.

**"My parents," Johnny repeated doggedly, "did they ask about me?"**

"Blast is, Johnny!" Dallas snapped.

Johnny shrugged. There wasn't much to say, he knew now.

**"No," snapped Dally, "they didn't. Blast it, Johnny, what do they matter? Shoot, my old man don't give a hang whether I'm in jail or dead in a car wreck or drunk in the gutter. That don't bother me none."**

**Johnny didn't say anything. But he stared at the dashboard with such hurt bewilderment that I could have bawled.**

The rest of the group winced; it was never fun to see any of their friends like that, let alone Johnny.

**Dally cussed under his breath and nearly tore out the transmission of the T-bird as we roared out of the Dairy Queen. I felt sorry for Dally. **

Dally shifted uncomfortably in his chair and reached for another doughnut, only to find them gone. Instead he grabbed one of the four on Two-bit's plate. Two-bit, wisely, said nothing.

**He meant it when he said he didn't care about his parents. **

Dally grunted.

**But he and the rest of the gang knew Johnny cared and did everything they could to make it up to him. I don't know what it was about Johnny- maybe that lost puppy look and those big scared eyes were what made everyone his big brother. But they couldn't, no matter how hard they tried, take the place of his parents.**

Johnny shifted uncomfortably; he never really realized how hard everyone worked to make him feel better. Pony was wrong and right, they could never take the place of parents, but they sure could take the place of _Johnny's _parents. He wished so much that he hadn't bothered with them so long; Dally alone was a much better father figure than his own had ever been. The rest of the gang, well, they weren't just _like _family, they _were_ family.

**I thought about it for a minute- Darry and Sodapop were my brothers and I loved both of them, even if Darry did scare me;**

Scare him? Darry thought, I scared him? He thought back to the way he was and the way he acted toward Pony…and yes, he could see a fourteen year-old being terrified of his 18 year-old self. He was ashamed, when he was 18 he'd still had so much growing up ahead of him, still did.

**but not even Soda could take Mom and Dad's place. And they were my real brothers, not just sort of adopted ones. No wonder Johnny was hurt because his parents didn't want him.**

A few years ago Johnny might have flinched in the face of the cold truth, but no matter how much he wanted to change it, that was the truth, and he accepted it.

**Dally could take it- Dally was of the breed that could take anything, because he was hard and tough, and when he wasn't, he could turn hard and tough. **

Dally was much more proud of this description than any of the others in the book so far, he was cold and tough at least, that is, until it came to Johnny, he thought shooting a glance in the young greasers direction.

**Johnny was a good fighter and could play it cool, but he was sensitive and that isn't a good way to be when you're a greaser.**

Two-bit snorted, "Says Ponyboy,"

"What's that supposed to mean, Two-bit?" Pony glared.

"I'm just saying, look who's talking." Two-bit grinned and Pony gave him a look that said very clearly _if-this-table-wasn't-between-us-I'd-be-kicking-your-ass-right-now_, and Johnny grinned slightly, he was glad for the momentary distraction.

**"Blast it, Johnny," Dally growled as we flew along the red road, "why didn't you think of turning yourself in five days ago? It would have saved a lot of trouble."**

Dally grumbled something, still annoyed at all that work for nothing.

**"I was scared," Johnny said with conviction. "I still am." He ran his finger down one of his short black sideburns. "I guess we ruined our hair for nothing, Ponyboy."**

Pony ran a hand through his hair, "I guess it's alright now Johnny,"

Johnny raised one ink-black eyebrow, "So glad I'm forgiven."

"Yeah, it's cool," Pony replied, intentionally ignoring Johnny's sarcasm.

**"I guess so." I was glad we were going back. I was sick of that church. I didn't care if I was bald.**

The entire kitchen snickered at the metal image. Ponyboy bald was just…wrong.

**Dally was scowling, and from long and painful experience I knew better than to talk to him when his eyes were blazing like that. I'd likely as not get clobbered over the head.**

Darry raised an eyebrow and Soda glared, "He wouldn't dare."

"I don't know, I was pretty upset," Dally said, in fact, he was getting all pissed off again at the reminder.

**That had happened before, just as it had happened to all the gang at one time or another. **

Dally laughed, "Good times!"

"Yeah not for us," Two-bit said, rubbing a scar on his arm. The rest of the group was glaring at Dally, and for the first time everyone was in full agreement with Two-bit.

**We rarely fought among ourselves- Darry was the unofficial leader, since he kept his head best,**

Most the gang grinned, it was true, Darry was the only one known to keep his temper. "And thank God for that!" Soda said, shaking his head at the idea of a group with, say, Dally in charge. We'd have it out with different gangs every other day, he thought. It'd be awful if we didn't have Darry. From the look on the faces of others they were thinking along the same lines.

Imagine our gang if Two-bit was in charge, Steve was thinking. Then he shuddered, we'd do nothing but watch Mickey Mouse all damn day!

**Soda and Steve had been best friends since grade school and never fought,**

The two friends high-fived.

**and Two-Bit was just too lazy to argue with anyone.**

The group looked expectantly at Two-bit who shrugged, "Can't argue with the truth."

"Case and point," Pony muttered, though only Johnny heard, who chuckled.

**Johnny kept his mouth shut too much to get into arguments, and nobody ever fought with Johnny. I kept my mouth shut; too.**

"You got a funny definition of 'keepin' your mouth shut', Pony!" Soda laughed.

**But Dally was a different matter. If something beefed him, he didn't keep quiet about it,**

"Course not!" Dally said, "What's the point of that?"

No one answered him.

**and if you rubbed him the wrong way- look out. Not even Darry wanted to tangle with him. He was dangerous.**

Darry shrugged, he had very little reign over Dallas Winston. As long as Dally didn't threaten anyone in the gang then there were no problems. There were very few instances where he had problems with Dally, and they were all before the events in the book took place. After the stabbing, Dally seemed to realize that they really are a family, they're all each other's got, and he started acting like it. And woe to anyone who tried to mess with Dallas Winston's family.

**Johnny just sat there and stared at his feet. He hated for any one of us to be mad at him. He looked awful sad. Dally glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. I looked out the window.**

Dally felt the shame of this car ride wash over him again, he couldn't stand Johnny being hurt, much less when the one hurting Johnny was him.

**"Johnny," Dally said in a pleading, high voice, using a tone I had never heard from him before, **

That's because Johnny's the only one in the world who Dally would use it on, Darry thought.

**"Johnny, I ain't mad at you. I just don't want you to get hurt. You don't know what a few months in jail can do to you. Oh, blast it, Johnny"- he pushed his white-blond hair back out of his eyes- "you get hardened in jail. I don't want that to happen to you. Like it happened to me..."**

"Awww!" Two-bit gushed.

"Shut your trap, Two-bit, or I'll shut it for ya'!" Dally snapped. Two-bit, wisely, decided not to push Dally's self-restraint.

**I kept staring out the window at the rapidly passing scenery, but I felt my eyes getting round. Dally never talked like that. Never.**

Dally was thoughtful, he never realized how thoroughly Pony had disliked him. He shouldn't be surprised, he guessed, after all he could be a real jerk. Back then the only person he cared for was Johnny; he didn't take much note of Ponyboy except to realize that the kid was smart.

It was odd; after the trial and all of this happened he got to know Ponyboy much better. He wasn't just Johnny's best friend anymore, he was Ponyboy. A smart kid with ambition, a good fighter, one who often had his head in the clouds; he was a kid who understood things from other people's point of view. He had much bigger heart than many gave him credit for.

To Dally Pony would never be an adopted son like Johnny was, but he was more like a little brother. Ponyboy, like the rest of his gang was his family, and that would never change.

**Dally didn't give a Yankee dime about anyone but himself, and he was cold and hard and mean.**

"Ouch," Dally smirked, but Johnny thought he saw a flicker of real emotion behind the smirk, what was it? Embarrassment? Anger? Could it be pain? Could Dallas Winston be hurt be Pony's previous observations?

**He never talked about his past or being in jail that way- if he talked about it at all, it was to brag. And I suddenly thought of Dally... in jail at the age of ten... Dally growing up in the streets...**

Dally shook his head at the Pony, this was what he meant when he said the kid was great at putting himself in other's shoes.

Two-bit cocked his head to the side, thinking. He himself had served only a short stint in jail—one month—but what would it have been like for little Dally?

**"Would you rather have me living in hide-outs for the rest of my life, always on the run?" Johnny asked seriously.**

Dally sighed, "I guess not."

**If Dally had said yes, Johnny would have gone back to the church without hesitation. He figured Dally knew more than he did, and Dally's word was law.**

Darry shook his head, he didn't know what Dally had done to inspire such unwavering loyalty in Johnny and he wondered what he could do to get the same result with Pony. Hey, he thought, for all he knew this book could hold the key!

**But he never heard Dally's answer, for we had reached the top of Jay Mountain and Dally suddenly slammed on the brakes and stared. "Oh, glory!" he whispered. The church was on fire!**

Two-bit shook his head at Pony, "Nice going, Pony!"

"Why do you all assume it was my cig? Coulda' been Johnny's just as well!"

**"Let's go see what the deal is," I said, hopping out.**

**"What for?" Dally sounded irritated. "Get back in here before I beat your head in."**

Steve raised an eyebrow, he hadn't heard Dally make a threat like that to one of the gang in years, he stopped after Johnny got better. Guess he figured every word you say to someone could be the last.

Dally drew in a breath readying himself. The next few hours were the most terrifying of his life, even worse than his first time in prison. Not know whether Pony and Johnny would come out alive, then not knowing if Johnny would ever walk again. Thank God they got him the surgery, no thanks to Johnny's parents, of course.

**I knew Dally would have to park the car and catch me before he could carry out his threat, and Johnny was already out and following me, so I figured I was safe. **

Steve chuckled, "Good reasoning, kid."

"Oh yeah, I forgot about this," Dallas said. Then he reached over and smacked Pony on the back of the head.

"Ow!" Pony said, but he didn't have any time to recover before another hand slapped his skull. He looked up at Darry, the second offender, and scowled. "What was that for?"

"For being stupid!" Darry snapped, just as Dally leaned over and hit Johnny in the same way.

Before Johnny could ask he snapped, "Same reason! Following Pony into a burning building…" He trailed off shaking his head at Johnny's foolishness.

Two-bit watched the scene with amusement; secretly he was glad that they had friends who would run after each other into a burning building, even if it was, as Dally pointed out, foolish.

**We could hear him cussing us out, but he wasn't mad enough to come after us.**

Darry swung his accusing eyes from Pony to Dally so quick dally didn't have time to look away, and he would've, if Darry hadn't caught him. Usually Darry was cautious when dealing with Dally, but all the caution went out the window when his family was in trouble. In truth Dally himself wasn't too keen to take on a protective Darry Curtis when his family was threatened.

"Had I known that those two idiots were gonna run into a burning building, I would've been more quick to stop 'em!" Dally said, Darry sighed and looked away.

Within the group Darry might be the leader, but Dally, well Dally was the protector. You wanted to hurt one of the gang? Well you had to go through Dallas Winston to do it, and no one got past Dallas Winston.

Ponyboy looked at the two men. Before and during the book, whenever he saw them face off, with each of them holding back the fight from getting physical he always thought it was cause both of them knew what the other was capable of and didn't want to get the tar beat out of him. But now he saw what it really was, respect. A mutual, grudging, respect for one another.

**There was a crowd at the front of the church, mostly little kids, and I wondered how they'd gotten there so quickly. I tapped the nearest grownup. "What's going on?"**

Pony drew in a deep breath; this was the most terrifying moment of his life. When he learned that there were kids in there and that those kids might die cause of a stupid mistake they made.

**"Well, we don't know for sure," the man said with a good-natured grin. **

Dally smiled despite himself; that was the man who headed the fundraising campaign to gain money for Johnny's surgery.

**"We were having a school picnic up here and the first thing we knew, the place is burning up. Thank goodness this is a wet season and the old thing is worthless anyway." Then, to the kids, he shouted, "Stand back, children. The firemen will be coming soon."**

Soda bit his bottom lip. He knew that this was over now but he could feel the fear creep up his spine, his heart slowly climbing into his throat and his stomach tying itself on knots. It's over now, he told himself your being a damned idiot! But still he pushed his food away, his appetite draining rapidly.

He wasn't the only one; Two-bit looked like he was one paragraph away from plugging his ears and asking Steve to tell him when it's done.

Jesus, Steve thought. These kids were the ones who actually went through this and here I am only _reading_ about it _two _years later and I'm starting to feel sick. He tried to work up some healthy disgust for himself but only managed to twist him stomach even more. Johnny was turning a shade of green unflattering to his natural dark coloring.

**"I bet we started it," I said to Johnny. "We must have dropped a lighted cigarette or something."**

_Stupid, stupid, stupid_! Ponyboy cursed himself.

**About that time a lady came running up. "Jerry, some of the kids are missing."**

Darry could feel the bottom of his stomach drop. He knew it was irrational, after all everyone came out okay, it's not like the book would say any different, but he wanted to scream at Ponyboy. Tell him not to go in there. Tell him to run away, even though he was disgusted with himself at the same time. There were little kids in there, little kids who'd be dead if Pony and Johnny hadn't rescued them.

**"They're probably around here somewhere. You can't tell with all this excitement where they might be."**

**"No." She shook her head. "They've been missing for at least a half an hour. I thought they were climbing the hill..."**

**Then we all froze. Faintly, just faintly, you could hear someone yelling. And it sounded like it was coming from inside the church.**

Pony's jaw was clenched tight. He felt like running or fighting, some way to work of this aggression. He wanted to sprint till his legs burned, or punch till his arm muscles strained under the pressure and his knuckles were bruised and scarred. Something that would numb him so he wouldn't have enough energy left to care, to let this scene impact him the way he knew it would.

**The woman went white. "I told them not to play in the church... I told them..." She looked like she was going to start screaming, so Jerry shook her.**

**"I'll get them, don't worry!" I started at a dead run for the church, and the man caught my arm. "I'll get them. You kids stay out!"**

**I jerked loose and ran on. All I could think was: We started it. We started it. We started it!**

Johnny was gripping the table, he knew that the kids would be safe but he wouldn't let go until he heard the words. Man, he thought, looking around at the faces of his family. If this was how they reacted to the real thing he couldn't imagine what they would say to Pony's improvised ending. Dally was going to kill Pony, he nearly cracked a smile at that thought, it would be entertaining.

**I wasn't about to go through that flaming door, so I slammed a big rock through a window and pulled myself in. It was a wonder I didn't cut myself to death, now that I think about it.**

"Would you quit noticing things like that!" Soda snapped. Pony was about to reply when he saw Soda's face. He looked like a wreck, his easy going brother looked moments from breaking down. Pony, wisely, kept silent and Darry read on.

**"Hey, Ponyboy."**

**I looked around, startled. I hadn't realized Johnny had been right behind me all the way. **

"Of course I was," Johnny muttered, just to Pony.

Dally shook his head. He didn't understand the bond that ran between those two, but one things for sure, it ran deep.

**I took a deep breath, and started coughing. The smoke filled my eyes and they started watering. "Is that guy coming?"**

"He would've," Johnny said. He liked Jerry, and not just because he was the one who worked up the money for Johnny's surgery, Jerry was a genuinely good man, as nice as they come. He still saw Jerry some days when he came into town to visit his sister; no one messed with him either, even though he was an out-of-towner and an easy mark, cause they know that he's under the protection of their gang.

**Johnny shook his head. "The window stopped him."**

**"Too scared?"**

**"Naw..." Johnny gave me a grin. "Too fat"**

Despite the mental breakdown he was having, Two-bit couldn't help but laugh. Steve started to crack a smile and Soda followed suit. Pony gave into the impulse he had two years ago and gave a howl of laughter soon the whole kitchen was grinning and laughing, it made for a great tension breaker. Darry breathed a big breath then plunged into the story, trying to get this part over with.

**I couldn't laugh because I was scared I'd drown in the smoke. The roar and crackling was getting louder, and Johnny shouted the next question.**

**"Where's the kids?"**

**"In the back, I guess," **

Of course Dally thought vindictively, they couldn't just wait in the front.

**I hollered, and we started stumbling through the church. I should be scared, I thought with an odd detached feeling, but I'm not. **

Yeah? Well you're the only one, thought Two-bit. He didn't say anything out loud though because everyone, including himself, was on the edge.

**The cinders and embers began falling on us, stinging and smarting like ants. Suddenly, in the red glow and the haze, I remembered wondering what it was like in a burning ember, and I thought: Now I know, it's a red hell. Why aren't I scared?**

Jesus, Dally thought, this kid has the weirdest thoughts.

**We pushed open the door to the back room and found four or five little kids, about eight years old or younger, huddled in a corner. One was screaming his head off, and Johnny yelled, "Shut up! We're goin' to get you out!" The kid looked surprised and quit hollering. **

It was funny, out of all them Johnny was the last one Pony would have suspected of hollering at little kid, 'cept maybe, Soda that is.

**I blinked myself - Johnny wasn't behaving at all like his old self. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the door was blocked by flames, then pushed open the window and tossed out the nearest kid. I caught one quick look at his face; it was red marked from falling embers and sweat streaked, but he grinned at me. He wasn't scared either.**

Johnny remembered feeling not the slightest sign of fear creeping up on him. How could he be afraid? He had Pont inside with him and Dally on the outside waiting for him. How could anything have happened to him? He laughed inwardly at his own sense of indestructability; he was just as breakable as everyone else and he had the scars to prove it.

**That was the only time I can think of when I saw him without that defeated, suspicious look in his eyes. He looked like he was having the time of his life.**

"The time of your life?" Dally sputtered, "The time of your life! Of course you are! You're running into burning churches for fun, leaving ol' Dally outside to wait for ya—nearly having a heart attack! But as long as you're havin' fun!" Dally glared at Johnny who, instead of shrinking back like he might have done at one time, grinned. The grin lit up the whole kitchen, unlike the grins he used to wear this one was not tinged with sadness, there was no remorse hidden in those big brown eyes, just pure happiness. How could the group not return his grin—even Dally?

Pony smiled at the exchange between Dally and Johnny, he knew Dally was only ranting 'cause he was worried.

**I picked up a kid, and he promptly bit me,**

"He bit you? Ungrateful brat!" The group looked surprised by Soda, he was the last person they would think would make a comment like that. "Well," He said in response to the stares he was getting, "Pony's risking his and Johnny's life to save them, the least the kid could do is cooperate!"

Pony agreed but, "He apologized later," he said, leaving off that the kids mom had his ear in a death grip when she pulled him over to apologize to Pony. This was after Johnny's surgery, many of the parents of the rescued kids and those with children on the field trip had helped raise money and then came to see Johnny when he woke up. The boy's mom had been furious with her son when she learned that he had bit Pony when he was trying to help save the kid.

**but I leaned out, the window and dropped him as gently as I could, being in a hurry like that.**

Steve shook his head wonderingly, and that was the difference between him and Pony. He woulda' drop kicked that kid out the window.

**A crowd was there by that time. Dally was standing there, and when he saw me he screamed, "For Pete's sake, get outa there! That roofs gonna cave in any minute. Forget those blasted kids!"**

Darry saw the looks that Pony and Johnny were giving Dally, who shrugged unashamedly. Darry however was full of shame, because that would have been exactly what he said.

**I didn't pay any attention, although pieces of the old roof were crashing down too close for comfort. I snatched up another kid, hoping he didn't bite, and dropped him without waiting to see if he landed okay or not. I was coughing so hard I could hardly stand up, and I wished I had time to take off Dally's jacket. It was hot. We dropped the last of the kids out as the front of the church started to crumble.**

Johnny exhaled, and relaxed his grip on the table, he was glad to hear that every kid was now safe and sound.

**Johnny shoved me toward the window. "Get out!"**

**I leaped out the window and heard timber crashing and the flames roaring right behind me. I staggered, almost falling, coughing and sobbing for breath. Then I heard Johnny scream, and as I turned to go back for him, Dally swore at me and clubbed me across the back as hard as he could, and I went down into a peaceful darkness.**

Dally laughed, he really hadn't meant to hit Pony so hard. He rest of the gang cooled off, knowing they were outta the woods.

"Let's move to the living room," Soda said, it was much more comfortable in there. Now that all the bad parts were over he couldn't wait to read about the rumble.

Pony and Johnny lingered in the kitchen.

"So how long till I die?" Johnny asked good-naturedly.

"Not sure," Pony replied, "Next couple of chapters I'd guess. Why do you sound so…" Pony waved his hands, seeming to encompass all of Johnny's being, "…unaffected?

Johnny shrugged, "You said you made me a hero, and that's true."

"Johnny, I just wrote what I saw," Ponyboy said.

"Hey, Ponyboy! Johnnycake! Let's go!"

Pony and Johnny came bounding into the living room pretending not to notice the several suspicious glares thrown their way.

They sat next to Two-bit who, surprisingly, still looked the most shaken up.

"Hey Two-bit," Johnny said taking his seat, "What's up?" Soda, Steve, Dally and Darry were immersed in a conversation about a car that had come into the DX, one that Soda and Steve were working on, leaving the other three to talk freely.

Two-bit shrugged, "I just never realized how close you two came to dying. I almost lost my brothers." Pony and Johnny exchanged glances at this uncharacteristically solemn Two-bit.

Two-bit looked at them. "We aren't outta' the woods yet, like they think, are we boys?" after a moment Johnny shook his head and Two-bit nodded, "That's what I thought. Thanks for being honest," Then he breathed a deep breath, like he was steeling himself for something.

"Alright!" Darry called, like he was bringing some meeting to order. Once he had everyone's attention, he picked up where he left off.

**WHEN I CAME TO, I was being bounced around, and I ached and smarted, and wondered dimly where I was. I tried to think but there was a high-pitched screaming going on, and I couldn't tell whether it was inside my head or out. **

"It was out," Dally said casually.

"Yeah, I got that," Pony said.

**Then I realized it was a siren. The fuzz, I thought dully. The cops have come for us.**

Soda laughed, "It's not the cops!"

"I realize that now, ya' bonehead!" Soda just continued to grin, undaunted.

**I tried to swallow a groan and wished wildly for Soda.**

Soda smiled, feeling touched. He loved his little brother so much.

**Someone with a cold wet rag was gently sponging off my face, and a voice said, "I think he's coming around."**

**I opened my eyes. It was dark. I'm moving, I thought. Are they taking me to jail?**

"You need to learn to look on the bright side," Steve said looking slightly disturbed.

Soda laughed, "He gets it from Darry! Neither one of them is what you'd call and optimist!"

"Yeah we'll that's why we keep you around," Darry joked sharing a grin with Pony. Pony smiled, teasing was never something they used to do.

**"Where...?" I said hoarsely, not able to get anything else out of my mouth. My throat was sore. I blinked at the stranger sitting beside me. But he wasn't a stranger... I'd seen him before...**

"Oh, it's Jerry," Two-bit said, he'd met the man a few times, real nice guy.

**"Take it easy, kid. You're in an ambulance."**

**"Where's Johnny?" I cried, frightened at being in this car with strangers. "And Dallas?"**

"Well, aren't you sweet, worrying about little old me?" Dally said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

**"They're in the other ambulance, right behind us. Just calm down. You're going to be okay. You just passed out"**

Pony remembered this, vaguely, but he was sure there was a lot more to the conversation than what was written, it was just that by the time he had sat down to write the essay the memory was gone.

**"I didn't either," I said in the bored, tough voice we reserved for strangers and cops. **

Johnny thought of that voice, it was good when he was fourteen, but around his sixteenth birthday, Pony had perfected it. It was a bored drawl that made you think that he had hundreds of other things to be doing and he would only stay as long as what you were saying interested him. The cops hated it, not that Pony saw the cops often, he generally just used it around socs and other gangs like the rest of them did. Dally's voice had more of an annoyed twinge to it, like he was seconds away from decking ya'. Two-bit had a real talent with his, he kept his face schooled in this cynical expression, he could make you feel like everything you were doing was just plain embarrassing, like he couldn't believe you just said that in public. Johnny's was much terser, he believed the less you said the better, but Soda could talk for miles and not get caught in a single lie.

**"Dallas hit me. How come?"**

**"Because your back was in flames, that's why."**

"Exactly!"

**I was surprised. "It was? Golly, I didn't feel it. It don't hurt."**

Soda snorted.

**"We put it out before you got burned. That jacket saved you from a bad burning, maybe saved your life. You just keeled over from smoke inhalation and a little shock- of course, that slap on the back didn't help much."**

"See? My jacket saved your life, boy!" Dally said with more than a hint of smugness.

**I remembered who he was then- Jerry somebody-or-other who was too heavy to get in the window.**

The whole room was smiling but didn't laugh outright out of respect. Jerry had done them a huge favor—saved Johnny's life, and they respected him.

**He must be a school teacher, I thought. "Are you taking us to the police station?" I was still a little mixed up as to what was coming off.**

"Don't give him ideas!" Two-bit snapped.

**"The police station?" It was his turn to be surprised. "What would we want to take you to the police station for? We're taking all three of you to the hospital."**

**I let his first remark slide by. **

"Whatta genius we've got here!" Steve remarked.

**"Are Johnny and Dally all right?"**

**"Which one's which?"**

It was weird to think of Jerry not knowing us, Johnny thought. He was currently the only fully grown adult Johnny trusted, but Ponyboy had a few more teachers that he trusted too though.

**"Johnny has black hair. Dally's the mean-looking one."**

"Mean-looking one? I'm flattered."

**He studied his wedding ring. Maybe he's thinking about his wife, I thought. I wished he'd say something.**

**"We think the towheaded kid **

"Towheaded? Who's Jerry calling towheaded?" Dally snapped and Johnny grinned.

"Looks like you," Soda grinned.

Pony inhaled a deep breath, this was where the lying started, nothing major just a few words flipped around. Johnny's condition had been bad, but Pony had made it sound…impossible to survive.

**is going to be all right. He burned one arm pretty badly, though, trying to drag the other kid out the window. Johnny, well, I don't know about him. A piece of timber caught him across the back- he might have a broken back, and he was burned pretty severely. He passed out before he got out the window. They're giving him plasma now."**

Johnny really didn't mind that he was going to die—not in real life, but in the book. He just liked hearing about himself from Pony's own words, that and he really wanted to read about the rumble that he'd missed during his surgery, the guys had told him all about it but he thought reading it would be different.

**He must have seen the look on my face because he hurriedly changed the subject. "I swear, you three are the bravest kids I've seen in a long time. First you and the black haired kid climbing in that window, and then the tough-looking kid going back in to save him.**

Dally snorted, him? Brave? No way. But then he looked at Johnny who grinned just slightly and nodded. Johnny most certainly thought he was brave, and Dally's chest swelled with pride.

**Mrs. O'Briant and I think you were sent straight from heaven. Or are you just professional heroes or something?"**

Two-bit snorted, "Professional greasers is more like it!"

**Sent from heaven? Had he gotten a good look at Dallas?**

The group erupted into laughter! Dally's protests could just barely be heard over the noise.

**"No, we're greasers," I said. I was too worried and scared to appreciate the fact that he was trying to be funny.**

**"You're what?"**

**"Greasers. You know, like hoods, JD's. Johnny is wanted for murder, and Dallas has a record with the fuzz a mile long."**

Johnny glared, "Now why'd you hafta' go and tell him that?"

"Oh, Johnny! He don't care none! Relax!" Johnny just shook his head.

**"Are you kidding me?" Jerry stared at me as if he thought I was still in shock or something.**

**"I am not. Take me to town and you'll find out pretty quick."**

**"We're taking you to a hospital there anyway. The address card in your billfold said that was where you lived. Your name's really Ponyboy?"**

Darry grinned, he was glad it was their mother who named him.

**"Yeah. Even on my birth certificate. And don't bug me about it. Are..."- I felt weak- "are the little kids okay?"**

**"Just fine. A little frightened maybe. There were some short explosions right after you all got out. Sounded just exactly like gunfire."**

Dally nodded remembering, he'd thought the fuzz had shown up and for a moment—just one moment—he'd waited for the bullets to pierce him, because if Johnny was gone he didn't want to live either.

**Gunfire. There went our gun. And Gone with the Wind. Were we sent from heaven? I started to laugh weakly. I guess that guy knew how close to hysterics I really was, for he talked to me in a low soothing voice all the way to the hospital.**

Where we were waiting, Soda thought.

**I WAS SITTING in the waiting room, waiting to hear how Dally and Johnny were. I had been checked over, and except for a few burns and a big bruise across my back, I was all right. I had watched them bring Dally and Johnny in on stretchers. Dally's eyes were closed, but when I spoke he had tried to grin and had told me that if I ever did a stupid thing like that again he'd beat the tar out of me.**

"And I wasn't kidding neither," Dallas glared.

"You'll hafta' get in line," Darry said giving Pony a _you-had-better-not-do-something-stupid-ever-again _look.

**He was still swearing at me when they took him on in. Johnny was unconscious. I had been afraid to look at him, but I was relieved to see that his face wasn't burned.**

"You and me both," Johnny said as the rest of the gang agreed.

**He just looked very pale and still and sort of sick. I would have cried at the sight of him so still except I couldn't in front of people.**

Soda shook his head; Pony was one piece of work.

**Jerry Wood had stayed with me all the time. He kept thanking me for getting the kids out. He didn't seem to mind our being hoods. I told him the whole story- starting when Dallas and Johnny and I had met at the corner of Pickett and Sutton. I left out the part about the gun and our hitching a ride in the freight car. He was real nice about it and said that being heroes would help get us out of trouble, especially since it was self-defense and all.**

And he was right, Steve thought. He didn't exactly trust Jerry, bit he didn't _dis_-trust him either.

**I was sitting there, smoking a cigarette, when Jerry came back in from making a phone call. He stared at me for a second. "You shouldn't be smoking."**

"Exactly! You smoke more than anyone here Ponyboy!" Darry exclaimed as Pony rolled his eyes. Soda smiled but he too was a little worried. Pony smoke a lot, he wasn't asking him to quit, just to cut it down to maybe two or three a day.

**I was startled. "How come?" I looked at my cigarette. It looked okay to me. I looked around for a "No Smoking" sign and couldn't find one. "How come?"**

"It'll kill ya," Darry warned.

**"Why, uh," Jerry stammered, "uh, you're too young."**

**"I am?" I had never thought about it.**

The rest of the group looked thoughtful now.

**Everyone in our neighborhood, even the girls, smoked. Except for Darry, who was too proud of his athletic health to risk a cigarette, we had all started smoking at an early age. Johnny had been smoking since he was nine; Steve started at eleven. **

"How do you remember this stuff?" Steve asked. Pony shrugged, he had a good memory, it was one of the reasons he was good in school.

**So no one thought it unusual when I started. I was the weed-fiend in my family- Soda smokes only to steady his nerves or when he wants to look tough.**

Again Soda grimaced, unnoticed by his little brother.

**Jerry simply sighed, then grinned. "There are some people here to see you. Claim to be your brothers or some thing."**

**I leaped up and ran for the door, but it was already open and Soda had me in a bear hug and was swinging me around. I was so glad to see him I could have bawled. Finally he set me down and looked at me. He pushed my hair back. "Oh, Ponyboy, your hair... your tuff, tuff hair..."**

Soda and Darry smiled; relieved to finally be back in the story, like now they could protect him somehow.

**Then I saw Darry. He was leaning in the doorway, wearing his olive jeans and black T-shirt. He was still tall, broad-shouldered Darry; but his fists were jammed in his pockets and his eyes were pleading. I simply looked at him. He swallowed and said in a husky voice, "Ponyboy..."**

Darry's voice had taken on the same husky quality now and no one dared interrupt. Darry began reading faster, desperate to be inside Pony's head.

**I let go of Soda and stood there for a minute. Darry didn't like me... he had driven me away that night... he had hit me... Darry hollered at me all the time... he didn't give a hang about me... Suddenly I realized, horrified, that Darry was crying. He didn't make a sound, but tears were running down his cheeks. I hadn't seen him cry in years, not even when Mom and Dad had been killed. (I remembered the funeral. I had sobbed in spite of myself; Soda had broken down and bawled like a baby; but Darry had only stood there, his fists in his pockets and that look on his face, the same helpless, pleading look that he was wearing now.)**

**In that second what Soda and Dally and Two-Bit had been trying to tell me came through. Darry did care about me, maybe as much as he cared about Soda, **

Maybe? Soda and Darry thought; there was no maybe, they loved each of their brothers unlimitedly.

**and because he cared he was trying too hard to make something of me. **

Yes, a voice in Darry's mind chanted. Yes, yes, yes! He gets it! He understands! Darry loved him so much but he was never good with communication.

**When he yelled "Pony, where have you been all this time?" he meant "Pony, you've scared me to death. Please be careful, because I couldn't stand it if anything happened to you."**

Thank you God, Soda thought. He gets it.

Well give the kid a prize, Steve was thinking. Looks like something finally penetrated that thick skull of his!

Johnny was smiling, this was the love that Pony was surrounded with and finally, finally Pony could see it!

**Darry looked down and turned away silently. Suddenly I broke out of my daze.**

**"Darry!" I screamed, and the next thing I knew I had him around the waist and was squeezing the daylights out of him.**

Pony bent his head to hide his face while he regained control of his expressions again. This was his most treasured memory, this and when Johnny got out of the hospital, able to walk on his own.

**"Darry," I said, "I'm sorry..."**

**He was stroking my hair and I could hear the sobs racking him as he fought to keep back the tears. "Oh, Pony, I thought we'd lost you... like we did Mom and Dad..."**

**That was his silent fear then- of losing another person he loved. I remembered how close he and Dad had been, and I wondered how I could ever have thought him hard and unfeeling. I listened to his heart pounding through his T-shirt and knew everything was going to be okay now. I had taken the long way around, but I was finally home. To stay.**

The room was quiet but it's occupants were grinning. Dally reached for the book, "Can I read next?" Darry nodded and handed him the book. Neither Pony nor Johnny had been paying much attention or they would have stopped him from reading the next chapter. Shoot! Pony thought, but there was nothing to do now but hope to God that Johnny didn't kick the bucket till chapter eight.

**Hey, I know I take forever but I always go over the chapters and fix and mistakes I may have made so it takes a bit if extra time! Please review and tell me what your favorite line/part of this chapter is, I'd love to know!**


	9. Chapter 9

**I am so sorry that it took forever for this update. I really, truly am. I know I hate it when authors do this so at least now I understand it a little better…**

**Also, if you are thinking about writing a story like this, DO IT! The only reason I even started this is 'cause there aren't any and I really wanted to read one so you should put you own version out there and I would be happy to review!**

**Hey! So I'm really excited to start the chapters that are post-church scene! I hope you love 'em!**

**Review please!**

Shit! Shit, shit, shit! Pony thought as Darry handed the book over to Dally. Johnny had a similar expression on his face as he looked desperately to Ponyboy, who was racking his brains trying to remember what he'd written, or more accurately, in what order he'd written it. Okay, okay! From the hospital I went home and then…crap! How long till the rumble? Jesus, he had no idea, he looked up at Johnny who was beginning to panic; he really didn't want Dallas to be the one to read the death scene. Pony shot him an angry look, _be cool! _Johnny swallowed his panic and quickly smoothed his expressions into a mask, a perfect poker face.

"Alright listen, the rumble is _before _you die, right? So if we haven't gone to the rumble by about…halfway through then we're good," Pony said under his breath. He said it so quietly that Johnny had to strain to make out the words. Two-bit gave them a questioning look, but his attention was quickly captured by Dallas who'd begun to read. Two-bit tamped down his excitement; he couldn't wait to hear about himself in the book, Steve and Soda had the same thoughts. Johnny, because he knew he'd die later in the book, was more interested in Ponyboy's thoughts, already he was beginning to understand so much that had confused him about his best friend.

"**Chapter 7**" Dally read.

**NOW THERE WERE three of us sitting in the waiting room waiting to hear how Dally and Johnny were. Then the reporters and the police came. **

"Damn reporters," Darry growled; they'd bombarded poor Pony with questions till he stepped in. Dally hid his grin, he heard that Darry told off those reporters good when they kept bugging Ponyboy, he only wished he coulda been there. He remembered after Johnny got out of surgery, there were dozens in the waiting room ready to fire questions at Johnny when he got out.

**They asked too many questions too fast, and got me mixed up. **

Darry looked so pissed that Soda and Steve scooted just a bit further away from him.

**If you want to know the truth, I wasn't feeling real good in the first place. Kind of sick, really. **

Now all the gang looked pissed, annoying Pony was one thing, but when he was sick? And should be resting? Those reports were lucky that the rest of the gang hadn't been there…

**And I'm scared of policemen anyway. **

"With good reason," Johnny muttered.

**The reporters fired one question right after another at me and got me so confused I didn't know what was coming off. Darry finally told them I wasn't in any shape to be yelled at so much and they slowed down a little. Darry's kinda big.**

The gang burst into laughter, yep, thought Steve, that sounds like Darry. He was just as protective as the rest of them.

Johnny snickered, he hated those reporters, and if you asked him Pony's description was way too easy on them. He wished he was there, he could just picture them cowering under Darry's glare.

**Sodapop kept them in stitches.**

"Oh God," Steve muttered, "What did he do?"

"Hey!" Soda said offended, "I provided quality entertainment! And I kept the off of Pony's back!"

**He'd grab one guy's press hat and another's camera and walk around interviewing the nurses and mimicking TV reporters. **

Even Steve had to crack a smile; it was a pretty funny mental image.

**He tried to lift a policeman's gun and grinned so crazily when he was caught that the policeman had to grin too. **

"You did what?" Dally yelled.

"Technically, I did nothing. I got caught," Soda said.

Pony laughed, he was sure that Soda could charm absolutely anyone.

**Soda can make anyone grin.**

Johnny shook his head, Soda was Pony's hero. He worshipped him the way that Johnny worshipped Dally, but he never saw how much Soda relied on him, for advice, for help, even in a fight. Pony was a good guy to have at your back.

**I managed to get hold of some hair grease and comb my hair back so that it looked a little better before they got any pictures.**

"Where'd you get the grease from?" Two-bit asked.

"Soda got me some," Pony shrugged, "I didn't ask."

Soda grinned mischievously, and Steve just shook his head. Soda was good at getting things, but you never wanna ask where they came from.

**I'd die if I got my picture in the paper with my hair looking so lousy.**

Johnny snorted, of course that was what Pony was thinking, but Dally looked serious. Pony needed to look good in those pictures; he was representing their whole gang there and, surprisingly, even with that hair cut he pulled it off nicely.

**Darry and Sodapop were in the pictures too; Jerry Wood told me that if Sodapop and Darry hadn't been so good-looking, they wouldn't have taken so many. **

"Yeah!" Soda said, "That's exactly right!"

"Pony," Two-bit said dramatically, "You give Soda anymore compliments in this book and his heads not gonna fit through the door anymore!"

"'Aye!" Soda said offended. Steve rushed in to defend Two-bit's statement and the living room quickly descended into arguments, Soda on one side and, well, everyone else on the other. The argument didn't die out quickly either, in fact it only seemed to grow louder and more heated each minute until Dallas had to yell over the din of voices.

"HEY! Shut up or I'll light this essay on fire!" He said, and it was clear that everybody heard him; they all turned toward him, there expressions' ranging from Soda's horrified to Pony's slightly hopeful, Dally grinned at Pony and shook his head.

**That was public appeal, he said.**

Soda couldn't help but grin cockily.

**Soda was really getting a kick out of all this. I guess he would have enjoyed it more if it hadn't been so serious, but he couldn't resist anything that caused that much excitement.**

Soda's grin was now slightly more sheepish. Pony was right, he knew it'd been serious but he just couldn't help himself.

**I swear, sometimes he reminds me of a colt.**

"A colt? Well, I guess it's about the most apt description yet," Steve said starting to laugh.

Soda looked at Pony and muttered something like, "I am not a colt…"

**A long-legged palomino colt that has to get his nose into everything. The reporters stared at him admiringly; I told you he looks like a movie star, and he kind of radiates.**

Darry shook his head, if Pony kept this up Soda would never let any of them live it down.

**Finally, even Sodapop got tired of the reporter- he gets bored with the same old thing after a time- and stretching out on the long bench, he put his head in Darry's lap and went to sleep. I guess both of them were tired- it was late at night and I knew they hadn't had much sleep during the week. **

"Hah! None of us got much sleep! You boys drove us up the wall with worry!" Two-bit said and Johnny could feel himself blush, and with it felt a rush of guilt at the state he put them in when he took Pony and left, even Dallas who, though he'd never admit it except _maybe_ to Johnny, had been walking on a tightrope, emotionally, every day that Jonny and Pony were away.

**Even while I was answering questions I remembered that it had been only a few hours since I was sleeping off a smoke in the corner of the church. **

Soda shook his head, it was necessary that he answered the questions—having the reporters on their side was one of the reasons that they had been able to stay together—but those reporters really didn't know when to stop.

**Already it was an unreal dream and yet, at the time I couldn't have imagined any other world. **

Steve raised an inky black eyebrow; that was vaguely disturbing. He looked over at Ponyboy now, who seemed relatively happy and well-adjusted.

**Finally, the reporters started to leave, along with the police. One of them turned and asked, "What would you do right now if you could do anything you wanted?"**

**I looked at him tiredly. "Take a bath."**

They rest of the gang laughed, but not Pony. He was starting to get a bit unsure as to whether or not he liked them reading this. The other part, well that was more actions, like running away and living in the church, and besides, Johnny was part of that too, it wasn't just him alone. Now it was his emotions, his innermost thoughts, spread out for the entire gang to see. He was on his own too, in both the book and real life Johnny was in the hospital during this time. No one else to blame anything on. Everything was his fault, not to mention all the stuff he'd get in trouble for later when they read about it.

**They thought that was pretty funny, but I meant it. I felt lousy.**

The gang stopped laughing; Soda truly did feel bad for his brother.

**The hospital got real quiet after they left. The only noise was the nurse's soft footsteps and Soda's light breathing. Darry looked down at him and grinned half-heartedly. "He didn't get much sleep this week," he said softly. "He hardly slept at all."**

Pony felt the same guilt eat at his stomach that Johnny had.

**"Hhhmmmm," Soda said drowsily, "you didn't either."**

Hell, Steve thought, _I _didn't get any sleep either, especially not with Two-bit trying to convince me to drag his ass down to Texas every other minute.

**The nurses wouldn't tell us anything about Johnny and Dally, so Darry got hold of the doctor.**

Johnny wondered exactly how close to death Pony would make him seem. Would he be the same and just not get the surgery? Or maybe his condition was just so bad that they didn't even bother; although Johnny had been pretty bad off, he wasn't sure how much worse he could have gotten.

**The doctor told us that he would talk only to the family, but Darry finally got it through the guy's head that we were about as much family as Dally and Johnny had.**

They were the _only_ family that Johnny and Dally had.

"He really had to do that?" Dally asked and you could tell by his voice that he was pissed. Dally always got pissed when people did that; when they didn't realize that they _were _family, and when they kept waiting for Johnny's idiot parents to show. Once Johnny had a teacher who demanded to speak to his parents, after Johnny had exhausted all other options Dally went in and the teacher had refused to speak to him. No one knew exactly what the teacher had said to him but it must have been bad because Dally was furious and no longer allowed on school grounds.

"Yeah, he was an idiot." Soda said casually.

"He's not the doctor that did the surgery?" Johnny asked; he didn't want them to make fun of the doctor who'd saved his life.

"Nah, that was a different guy." Darry replied.

**Dally would be okay after two or three days in the hospital, he said. One arm was badly burned and would be scarred for the rest of his life,**

Dally's eyes shifted to his burned arm. It still worked just fine for him. "I suppose it was worth it," He stated, looking at Pony.

"What? You mean putting out the fire on my back? Yeah I hope it was worth it." Pony said sarcastically.

**but he would have full use of it in a couple of weeks. Dally'll be okay, I thought. Dallas is always okay. He could take anything. It was Johnny I was worried about.**

"Why? He turned out just fine." Dally said suspiciously. Even though Johnny had been pretty bad off Dally sometimes tended to pretend that it hadn't been as serious, like Johnny hadn't been knocking on deaths door. Darry said it was a coping mechanism.

"He'd my best friend. Of course I was worried for him!" Pony snapped back, defensively.

"Oh," was all Dally said, although he didn't look like he quite believed him.

**He was in critical condition. His back had been broken when that piece of timber fell on him. He was in severe shock and suffering from third-degree burns. They were doing everything they could to ease the pain, although since his back was broken he couldn't even feel the burns below his waist.**

Soda, and everyone else, winced. They knew he was bad off, but had he really been that bad?

Something wasn't right here, Darry thought. Johnny had been in critical condition but…his back hadn't been broken! No surgery could have fixed that! Darry looked around, no one else seemed to notice it; they were all focused too much on his condition, instead of the little details. Darry looked at Pony; there was no way that he had screwed up the little detail on 'accident'. This had been a purposeful change, but he decided not to point it out until later when he and Pony could talk alone.

**He kept calling for Dallas and Ponyboy. If he lived... If? Please, no, I thought. Please not "if." **

Hmm, Johnny thought…I sound like a sissy. Dally breathed in, and shut himself off from this portion. He didn't want to hear this over again, he had barely lived through it the first time. He continued to read but it was automatic, none of the words penetrated his brain, no meaning was attached to any of them

**The blood was draining from my face and Darry put an arm across my shoulder and squeezed hard... Even if he lived he'd be crippled for the rest of his life.**

Darry's eyebrows shot up, c'mon, he thought, someone noticed that! But no one, except Johnny and Pony seemed to note this. Soda, Steve and Two-bit all had their heads high in the clouds. They held their breath as Dally continued to read, skating over the words; Pony thought they were in the clear, until Darry met his eyes. His stare was easy to read, it was a, _you're-not-off-the-hook-and-we'll-be-discussing-this-later_ look. Johnny was given the same stare. Crap, they thought together.

**"You wanted it straight and you got it straight," the doctor said. "Now go home and get some rest."**

Dally blinked a few times and Pony, Johnny and Darry thought that he had realized something was off, but instead he just refocused his gaze onto the page and persisted with the chapter.

**I was trembling. A pain was growing in my throat and I wanted to cry, but greasers don't cry in front of strangers.**

Steve wondered idly weather or not Pony had ever cried in front of strangers, if it were him, he'd be balling all the time.

**Some of us never cry at all. Like Dally and Two-Bit and Tim Shepard- they forgot how at an early age.**

Two-bit grinned, he was surprised that he was included in that category.

**Johnny crippled for life? I'm dreaming, I thought in panic, I'm dreaming.**

Huh, Two-bit and Steve thought. Had Johnny been crippled and they fixed it? That was weird, as neither Steve nor Two-bit could ever recall someone coming back from being crippled…maybe the doctor made a mistake and didn't tell the Curtis' the right diagnosis.

**I'll wake up at home or in the church and everything'll be like it used to be. **

"If you woke up in the church then it wouldn't be like it normally was, would it?" Two-bit asked. No one replied to him.

**But I didn't believe myself. Even if Johnny did live he'd be crippled and never play football or help us out in a rumble again. **

Soda just assumed that Pony must've misunderstood what the doctor meant; no one came back from being crippled, but Johnny had fully recovered. There was no mistaking it, they had just been playing football outside last week, for God's sake!

**He'd have to stay in that house he hated, where he wasn't wanted, and things could never be like they used to be. **

No way would Johnny have to stay in that house, Darry thought. He would've come to live with us!

**I didn't trust myself to speak. If I said one word, the hard knot in my throat would swell and I'd be crying in spite of myself.**

The gang shifted uncomfortably and no one made eye contact with Ponyboy. Not because they thought any less of him—it was more a sign of respect.

**I took a deep breath and kept my mouth shut. Soda was awake by then, and although he looked stony-faced, as if he hadn't heard a word the doctor had said, his eyes were bleak and stunned.**

Soda grimaced like he had a bad taste in his mouth. He felt like he was going to throw up. Of all the gang he liked reminders of this the least. He was always a happy guy, and this was one of the unhappy times of his life—even worse than when Sandy dumped him and ran off to Florida.

**Serious reality has a hard time coming through to Soda, but when it does, it hits him hard. **

Pony is right about that. Even Darry, who didn't have the reputation of being the most perceptive of people had understood that.

**He looked like I felt when I had seen that black-haired Soc lying doubled up and still in the moonlight.**

Johnny grimaced at the mental image and the clear strong memory that those words brought back.

**Darry was rubbing the back of my head softly. "We'd better go home. We can't do anything here."**

Well at least Darry was acting more like a big brother now. The gang was glad to get past anymore scenes that left awkward feelings lingering amongst the group.

**In our Ford I was suddenly overcome by sleepiness. I leaned back and closed my eyes and we were home before I knew it. Soda was shaking me gently. "Hey, Ponyboy, wake up. You still got to get to the house."**

Steve thought it was odd that Soda was bothering to wake Pony, it wasn't like Darry couldn't have carried him in when they got home.

**"Hmmmmm," I said sleepily, and lay down in the seat. I couldn't have gotten up to save my life. I could hear Soda and Darry, but as if from a great distance.**

Soda swallowed and his tongue felt heavy in his mouth. He had been so worried when they went home; he and Darry had no idea how to take care of a concussed Ponyboy.

**"Oh, come on, Ponyboy," Soda pleaded, shaking me a little harder, "we're sleepy, too."**

**I guess Darry was tired of fooling around, because he picked me up and carried me in.**

Told ya, Steve thought, yet he still had some lingering feelings that something wasn't right.

**"He's getting mighty big to be carried," Soda said. I wanted to tell him to shut up and let me sleep but I only yawned.**

"Nice to know how you really feel," Soda joked, and Pony tried to laugh but he only felt sick to his stomach.

**"He's sure lost a lot of weight," Darry said.**

Johnny's lips pursed, he _knew_ he hadn't taken good care of Ponyboy.

**I thought sleepily that I should at least pull off my shoes but I didn't. I went to sleep the minute Darry tossed me on the bed. I'd forgotten how soft a bed really was.**

Again Johnny winced thinking of how much young Ponyboy had to go through because of his actions. Dally noticed Johnny's expression and nudged him, guessing the young man's train of thought. Johnny gave him a weak smile.

**I WAS THE FIRST ONE up the next morning. Soda must have pulled my shoes and shirt off for me; I was still wearing my jeans. He must have been too sleepy to undress himself, though; he lay stretched out beside me fully clothed.**

Pony had never really realized how much Soda took care of him during that time. It all had been really blurry until he had sat down and started to write.

**I wiggled out from under his arm and pulled the blanket up over him, then went to take a shower. Asleep, he looked a lot younger than going-on-seventeen,**

Steve snorted at Soda's rather offended looking countenance. Soda puffed out his chest and tried to look manlier but his attempt fell flat, only succeeding in making Pony and Johnny burst into laughter.

**but I had noticed that Johnny looked younger when he was asleep, too, so I figured everyone did. Maybe people are younger when they are asleep.**

Pony winced at the looks he was getting and, not for the first time, wished desperately that he hadn't included every single thought. Then again he had never imagined he'd be in this situation.

**After my shower, I put on some clean clothes and spent five minutes or so hunting for a hint of beard on my face and mourning over my hair. That bum haircut made my ears stick out.**

Dally bit his cheek to keep from laughing, he knew it only made Pony angry, but it was just so funny! After he regained his composure he continued reading.

**Darry was still asleep when I went into the kitchen to fix breakfast.**

Darry frowned, "For God's sake, Pony! You don't have to be makin' breakfast!"

Pony shrugged. It hadn't really occurred to him not to.

**The first one up has to fix breakfast and the other two do the dishes. That's the rule around our house, and usually it's Darry who fixes breakfast and me and Soda who are left with the dishes.**

Two-bit shook his head. If it'd been him in that situation, he'd a milked it for all it was worth.

**I hunted through the icebox and found some eggs. We all like our eggs done differently. I like them hard, Darry likes them in a bacon-and-tomato sandwich, and Sodapop eats his with grape jelly.**

Both Steve and Two-bit made a face but wisely kept silent.

Darry marveled at the amount of mundane information in the book, He just wanted the Pony's thoughts about him and Soda and their life; he didn't care how they liked their eggs. Although he supposed that's what made the books so interesting. It wasn't just Pony's thoughts on the big things; it was his take on everything.

**All three of us like chocolate cake for breakfast. Mom had never allowed it with ham and eggs, but Darry let Soda and me talk him into it. **

Darry's mouth twisted into a smile against his will; they didn't have to work that hard at it.

**We really didn't have to twist his arm; Darry loves chocolate cake as much as we do.**

Well, Dally thought, finally something they agree on.

**Sodapop always makes sure there's some in the icebox every night and if there isn't he cooks one up real quick.**

Johnny laughed; his favorite part about the book was learning things like this. The way the brothers acted together when they were happy.

**I like Darry's cakes better; Sodapop always puts too much sugar in the icing.**

Soda frowned, mock offended but Darry grinned. Well there was something. He was a better cook than Soda. He'd always known it, but it was nice to hear it in Pony's words.

**I don't see how he stands jelly and eggs and chocolate cake all at once, but he seems to like it.**

This was just too much for Two-bit who began to mimic puking in the background till Soda started throwing things at him. Two-bit broke off with a chuckle.

**Darry drinks black coffee, and Sodapop and I drink chocolate milk. We could have coffee if we wanted it, but we like chocolate milk. All three of us are crazy about chocolate stuff. Soda says if they ever make a chocolate cigarette I'll have it made.**

Darry purses his lips, adding cigarettes onto his list to be discussed with Pony.

**"Anybody home?" a familiar voice called through the front screen, and Two-Bit and Steve**

The aforementioned jumped up in a fit of cheering.

"Shut up!" Dally yells, eager to read on.

**came in. We always just stick our heads into each other's houses and holler "Hey" and walk in. Our front door is always unlocked in case one of the boys is hacked off at his parents and needs a place to lay over and cool off. **

Something Johnny was so very, very grateful for. Hell, something they were all grateful for. They'd all been there one time or another.

**We never could tell who we'd find stretched out on the sofa in the morning.**

Soda snorted as he recalled the unusual guests he'd run into some mornings.

**It was usually Steve, whose father told him about once a week to get out and never come back. It kind of bugs Steve, even if his old man does give him five or six bucks the next day to make up for it. **

Steve sneered, remembering again why he had problems with Ponyboy. The kid was nosy.

**Or it might be Dally, who lived anywhere he could.**

Dally grinned as he read about himself.

**Once we even found Tim Shepard, leader of the Shepard gang and far from his own turf, reading the morning paper in the armchair. He merely looked up, said "Hi," and strolled out without staying for breakfast. **

"Did you really?" Johnny asked, laughing at the idea.

"Yeah, yes we did!" Soda replied. Dally scowled slightly, the next time this happened he was prepared to tell Tim Shepard to stay on his own territory. Johnny noticed Dally's look and smiled, guessing his older friends line of thought.

**Two-Bit's mother warned us about burglars, but Darry, flexing his muscles so that they bulged like oversized baseballs, drawled that he wasn't afraid of any burglars, and that we didn't really have anything worth taking.**

"Hmm," Two-bit asked, "Did she really?"

Darry smiled, "You know your mom, and she worries more than anyone!" Two-bit did know this and he was thankful for it. His mother was a worrier, but it was just because she cared.

**He'd risk a robbery, he said, if it meant keeping one of the boys from blowing up and robbing a gas station or something. So the door was never locked.**

"Thank you!" Steve blurted, "I mean just…thanks," He revised gruffly. Soda and Darry looked surprised but just nodded, respecting that Steve didn't want to drag it out.

**"In here!" I yelled, forgetting that Darry and Sodapop were still asleep. "Don't slam the door."**

Soda shook his head; that was classic Pony. Pony noticed, and mouthed, _what?_

_Nothing,_ Soda replied.

**They slammed the door, of course,**

"Sorry about that, bud." Two-bit said, not sounding the least bit sorry.

**and Two-Bit came running into the kitchen. He caught me by the upper arms and swung me around, ignoring the fact that I had two uncooked eggs in my hand.**

Johnny smiled. Two-bit could be a hassle, dumb occasionally, and annoying as all get out but he was just as loyal as everyone else and probably the most well-adjusted out of all of them.

**"Hey, Ponyboy," he cried gleefully, "long time no see."**

Even Ponyboy, who was trying to make the decision betwee fight or flight, had to smile at Two-bit's enthusiasm.

**You would have thought it had been five years instead of five days since I'd seen him last, but I didn't mind.**

Two-bit grinned; he excited that to be back in the book!

**I like of Two-Bit; he's a good buddy to have. **

"Of course I am, silly! Are you just realizing this now? Or then, I 'spose…"

"Shut it, Two-bit."

**He spun me into Steve, who gave me a playful slap on my bruised back and shoved me across the room. **

"Be careful with him wouldja?" Soda snapped.

"Oh sorry, I forgot how _fragile_, _little_, _baby, _Ponyboy is!" Steve laughed.

"Shut up!" Pont snapped and if Dally had not intervened they might have had a real fight on their hands.

**One of the eggs went flying. It landed on the clock and I tightened my grip on the other one, so that it crushed and ran all over my hand.**

Steve grimaced; maybe they were a bit hard on him. It was totally different now that he read Pony's point of view.

**"Now look what you did," I griped. "There went our breakfast. Can't you two wait till I set the eggs down before you go shovin' me all over the country?" I really was a little mad, because I had just realized how long it had been since I'd eaten anything.**

Now Two-bit also looked a bit ashamed of his previous actions.

**The last thing I'd eaten was a hot fudge sundae at the Dairy Queen in Windrixville, and I was hungry.**

**Two-Bit was walking in a slow circle around me, and I sighed because I knew what was coming.**

"Am I that predictable?"

"Yes."

**"Man, dig baldy here!" He was staring at my head as he circled me. "I wouldn't have believed it. I thought all the wild Indians in Oklahoma had been tamed. What little squaw's got that tuff-lookin' mop of yours, Ponyboy?"**

Two-bit chuckled slightly as his joke. He really was a funny guy, he thought.

**"Aw, lay off," I said. I wasn't feeling too good in the first place, kind of like I was coming down with something. **

Darry looked over Ponyboy instinctively forgetting that this was two years ago and any symptoms were unlikely to still be showing. Soda would have made fun of Darry, had he not done the same thing.

**Two-Bit winked at Steve, and Steve said, "Why, he had to get a haircut to get his picture in the paper. They'd never believe a greasy lookin' mug could be a hero. How do you like bein' a hero, big shot?"**

Pony shook his head, hoods throughout his neighborhood still called him a hero. It would have bugged him, had his reputation as a hero not been helpful on a college application.

**"How do I like what?"**

**"Being a hero. You know"- he shoved the morning paper at me impatiently- "like a big shot, even."**

Several cries of "Pony the Big Shot" or "Pony the Hero" ran through the room and Two-bit stood up placing the back of his hand against his forehead, like a swooning southern debutant, and said in a false falsetto voice, "Pony, my hero!" before fainting backward into Steve.

**I stared at the newspaper. On the front page of the second section was the headline: JUVENILE DELINQUENTS TURN HEROES.**

Soda snorted, "What a nice title," While Darry fumed, "You were never a juvenile delinquent!"

**"What I like is the 'turn' bit," Two-Bit said, cleaning the egg up off the floor. "Y'all were heroes from the beginning. You just didn't 'turn' all of a sudden."**

See? Johnny thought even Two-bit had his moments. Two-bit remained oblivious as most of the gang grinned at him. He may have made dumb choices but he wasn't all that stupid.

**I hardly heard him. I was reading the paper. That whole page was covered with stories about us- the fight, the murder, the church burning, the Socs being drunk, everything. My picture was there, with Darry and Sodapop. The article told how Johnny and I had risked our lives saving those little kids, and there was a comment from one of the parents, who said that they would all have burned to death if it hadn't been for us. **

Johnny wondered idly if it was the same parents that had made the money to pay for his surgery.

**It told the whole story of our fight with the Socs- only they didn't say "Socs," because most grownups don't know about the battles that go on between us.**

It was funny how oblivious grownups could be.

**They had interviewed Cherry Valance, and she said Bob had been drunk and that the boys had been looking for a fight when they took her home. Bob had told her he'd fix us for picking up his girl. His buddy Randy Adderson, who had helped lump us, also said it was their fault and that we'd only fought back in self-defense. But they were charging Johnny with manslaughter.**

Johnny shuddered, but Dally was right beside him reminding him that everything was alright, that he made it through and that, as of now, life was good.

**Then I discovered that I was supposed to appear at juvenile court for running away, and Johnny was too, if he recovered. (Not if, I thought again. Why do they keep saying if?)**

Darry raised an eyebrow at Pony and Johnny who gulped. The others just assumed it was the paper wanting to sound more dramatic.

**For once, there weren't any charges against Dally, **

Dally laughed.

**and I knew he'd be mad because the paper made him out a hero for saving Johnny and didn't say much about his police record, which he was kind of proud of. He'd kill those reporters if he got hold of them. **

The entire room broke into laughter as Dally tried to defend his position.

**There was another column about just Darry and Soda and me: how Darry worked on two jobs at once and made good at both of them, and about his outstanding record at school; it mentioned Sodapop dropping out of school so we could stay together, and that I made the honor roll at school all the time and might be a future track star. (Oh, yeah, I forgot- I'm on the A-squad track team, the youngest one. I'm a good runner.) **

Even Steve snorted. "Good" was an understatement. The kid had wheels.

**Then it said we shouldn't be separated after we had worked so hard to stay together.**

**The meaning of that last line finally hit me. "You mean..."- I swallowed hard- "that they're thinking about putting me and Soda in a boys' home or something?"**

"Course not! They don't split up heroes!" Two-bit laughed

**Steve was carefully combing back his hair in compli cated swirls. "Somethin' like that"**

Soda subtly smacked him.

"Ow!"

**I sat down in a daze. We couldn't get hauled off now. Not after me and Darry had finally got through to each other, **

Darry could feel a lump in his throat. They wouldn't be separated. He'd never let that happen.

**and now that the big rumble was coming up and we would settle this Soc-greaser thing once and for all. **

Dally snorted, they may have won that particular fight, but the war started up again not too long after the big rumble.

**Not now, when Johnny needed us and Dally was still in the hospital and wouldn't be out for the rumble.**

"That's what you think!" Dally said obstinately.

"How was I 'spose to know you were gonna steal a knife and threaten a nurse?" Ponyboy asked.

"Hey by the way," Darry asked, "Did you ever apologize to that nurse? She put up with all your crap only to be held at knife point while you escaped out the window?"

Dally blushed slightly and muttered something about how he'd talked to her later. The group all gave him strange looks, was Dallas Winston really blushing? They decided to store this information away for later and continue reading. Johnny hoped there was something more to this because he had really liked that nurse.

**"No," I said out loud, and Two-Bit, who was scraping the egg off the clock, turned to stare at me.**

**"No what?"**

**"No, they ain't goin' to put us in a boys' home."**

**"Don't worry about it," Steve said, cocksure that he and Sodapop could handle anything that came up. "They don't do things like that to heroes.**

"S'what I said," Two-bit muttered.

**Where're Soda and Superman?"**

Darry couldn't deny that the nickname did fit him.

**That was as far as he got, because Darry, shaved and dressed, came in behind Steve and lifted him up off the floor, then dropped him. **

The group howled with laughter.

**We all call Darry "Superman" or "Muscles" at one time or another; but one time Steve made the mistake of referring to him as "all brawn and no brain," and Darry almost shattered Steve's jaw. **

Steve rubbed his jaw at the memory and Soda winced, living with Darry that week had not been fun.

**Steve didn't call him that again, but Darry never forgave him;**

"I did." Darry said and everyone turned to look at him. "It wasn't till after the book was written, though," He said wryly and Steve smiled but said nothing, deciding not to push his luck.

**Darry has never really gotten over not going to college. That was the only time I've ever seen Soda mad at Steve,**

Steve winced at the memory and Soda did too. He didn't like to be mad at Steve but there was a line and Steve had crossed it.

**although Soda attaches no importance to education. School bored him. No action.**

Pony winced at his earlier words but Soda shrugged, it _was_ true.

**Soda came running in. "Where's that blue shirt I washed yesterday?" He took a swig of chocolate milk out of the container.**

Darry wrinkled his nose, "That disgustin',"

**"Hate to tell you, buddy," Steve said, still flat on the floor, "but you have to wear clothes to work. There's a law or something."**

"It's true!" Steve yelled. The group burst into laughter at the memory and Johnny was sorry to've missed it.

**"Oh, yeah," Soda said. "Where're those wheat jeans, too?"**

Darry was laughing hard and shaking his head at Soda.

**"I ironed. They're in my closet," Darry said. "Hurry up, you're gonna be late."**

Pony smiled, without Darry they'd all be lost.

**Soda ran back, muttering, "I'm hurryin', I'm hurryin'."**

**Steve followed him and in a second there was the general racket of a pillow fight.**

"You know, sometimes you two are as bad as Two-bit," Darry says.

Soda and Steve make a loud protest while Two-bit just shrugged, unoffended.

**I absentmindedly watched Darry as he searched the icebox for chocolate cake.**

**"Darry," I said suddenly, "did you know about the juvenile court?"**

**Without turning to look at me he said evenly, "Yeah, the cops told me last night."**

**I knew then that he realized we might get separated. I didn't want to worry him anymore, but I said, "I had one of those dreams last night. The one I can't ever remember."**

Soda gulped.

**Darry spun around to face me, genuine fear on his face. "What?"**

Pony closed his eyes, talking about his night terrors were beyond embarrassing even if the group did already know.

Looking cautious Dally read on.

**I HAD A NIGHTMARE the night of Mom and Dad's funeral. I'd had nightmares and wild dreams every once in a while when I was little, but nothing like this one. I woke up screaming bloody murder. And I never could remember what it was that had scared me.**

Two-bit shifted, that sounded awful.

**It scared Sodapop and Darry almost as bad as it scared me; for night after night, for weeks on end, I would dream this dream and wake up in a cold sweat or screaming. And I never could remember exactly what happened in it. **

Until Dally had started to take care of Johnny he never knew just what Darry went through for Soda and Pony, but even he'd never had to deal with this.

**Soda began sleeping with me, and it stopped recurring so often, but it happened often enough for Darry to take me to a doctor. The doctor said I had too much imagination. He had a simple cure, too: Study harder, read more, draw more, and play football more. After a hard game of football and four or five hours of reading, I was too exhausted, mentally and physically, to dream anything. **

I 'coulda thought of that advice without needing the doctor, Darry thought. But it had worked for a while.

**But Darry never got over it, and every once in a while he would ask me if I ever dreamed any more.**

Darry grimaced; of course he never got over it. He wanted to be able to protect Pony and keep him from ever having to face anything bad, but how was he supposed to protect him in his sleep? How could he keep his brother safe from his own subconscious?

**"Was it very bad?" Two-Bit questioned. He knew the whole story, and having never dreamed about anything but blondes, he was interested.**

"Hey!" Two-bit yelled, insulted. The group laughed glad for the momentary tension breaker.

**"No," I lied. I had awakened in a cold sweat and shivering, but Soda was dead to the world. I had just wiggled closer to him and stayed awake for a couple of hours, trembling under his arm. That dream always scared the heck out of me.**

You're not the only one, Soda thought. He remembered the nights that Pony's scream had awakened him, the scream had been blood chilling, ripped from Pony's throat each time. It was enough to give Soda nightmares too.

**Darry started to say something, but before he could begin, Sodapop and Steve came in.**

**"You know what?" Sodapop said to no one in particular. "When we stomp the Soces good, me and Stevie here are gonna throw a big party and everybody can get stoned. Then we'll go chase the Socs clear to Mexico."**

"We never did that." Steve pointed out.

"That's 'cause Pony and Johnny were under orders not to leave the state." Dally chimed in, although now that he thought about it, it wasn't a bad idea. Especially now that they were at war again.

**"Where you gonna get the dough, little man?" Darry had found the cake and was handing out pieces.**

"I got a job, don't I?"

"Yes, but we need that money, you can't blow it on booze," Darry smiled.

Pony grimaced; he didn't like booze, and he didn't understand why Darry was more lenient with booze than cigarettes.

**"I'll think of somethin'," Sodapop assured him between bites.**

Steve snickered at the possibilities that circled his brain.

**"You going to take Sandy to the party?" I asked, just to be saying something. Instant silence. I looked around. "What's the deal?"**

The room was silent again, not because anyone felt pity for Soda anymore; they all knew how he felt, there was no love left between her and Soda, it was just an awkward topic.

**Sodapop was staring at his feet, but his ears were reddening. "No. She went to live with her grandmother in Florida."**

Soda felt so embarrassed that he even cared. He was supposed to be so slick with women, why was it that he hadn't been able to see right through Sandy?

**"How come?"**

**"Look," Steve said, surprisingly angry, "does he have to draw you a picture? It was either that or get married, and her parents almost hit the roof at the idea of her marryin' a sixteen-year-old kid."**

Silence. Then "Well… Thank God for that, right Soda?" Two-bit asked.

Soda looked at Two-bit for a moment then burst into laughter that the rest of the group soon followed.

**"Seventeen," Soda said softly. "I'll be seventeen in a couple of weeks." **

Dally was barely able to choke out the lines between his laughter.

**"Oh," I said, embarrassed. Soda was no innocent; I had been in on bull sessions and his bragging was as loud as anyone's.**

Soda's hearty expression froze in an instant and quickly changed to and _Oh shit _look.

"_You let Pony hear what?" _Darry nearly yelled.

Soda shot a furious glare in Pony's direction. Pony just shrugged, enjoying that someone else was finally getting busted for something in the book, "You wanted to read it."

"It wasn't like that Dar,"

"I don't care what it was like—"

"No really he didn't even know what we were talking about!"

"He was fourteen! Of course he knew!"

"No I mean when he was twelve—" Steve ground his heel into Soda's toes but didn't do it fast enough to keep that little tidbit from slipping out.

Darry's face turned an interesting color and he seemed to be experiencing difficulty stringing words together. Luckily for Soda, Dally took pity on him and started reading, but it is obvious that Darry won't be forgetting this anytime soon.

**But never about Sandy. Not ever about Sandy. I remembered how her blue eyes had glowed when she looked at him, and I was sorry for her.**

"Don't be." Soda said but he shut up real quick, thinking he was pushing him luck by calling attention to himself.

**There was a heavy silence. Then Darry said, "We'd better get on to work, Pepsi-Cola." Darry rarely called Soda by Dad's pet nickname for him, but he did so then because he knew how miserable Sodapop was about Sandy.**

Darry was just returning to a normal skin shade color. He couldn't really punish Soda for this because now that Pony was 16, nearly 17, it wasn't like he hadn't figured it out.

**"I hate to leave you here by yourself, Ponyboy," Darry said slowly. "Maybe I ought to take the day off."**

**"I've stayed by my lonesome before. You can't afford a day off."**

**"Yeah, but you just got back and I really ought to stay..."**

**"I'll baby-sit him," Two-Bit said, ducking as I took a swing at him.**

"I'm still the king!" Two-bit said as he successfully avoided another halfhearted swing from Ponyboy. Now that Pony had been given time to fill out his frame the two fighters were pretty evenly matched.

**"I haven't got anything better to do."**

**"Why don't you get a job?" Steve said. "Ever consider working for a living?"**

"Nah!" Two-bit said, although recently he had been considering it. His sister had just got a job to help his mom out and he felt bad seeing her come home late from work, exhausted.

**"Work?" Two-Bit was aghast. "And ruin my rep? I wouldn't be baby-sittin'the kid here if I knew of some good day-nursery open on Saturdays."**

**I pulled his chair over backward and jumped on him, but he had me down in a second. I was kind of short on wind. I've got to cut out smoking or I won't make track next year.**

Darry would have jumped into a lecture but he figured he might as well save it for later. The others looked concernedly at Pony though.

**"Holler uncle."**

**"Nope," I said, struggling, but I didn't have my usual strength.**

"Hah! I'm outta your league, kid!"

Soda shook his head, "He was exhausted, cut him some slack!"

**Darry was pulling on his jacket. "You two do up the dishes. You can go to the movies if you want to before you go see Dally and Johnny." He paused for a second, watch ing Two-Bit squash the heck out of me. **

"Hah!"

"Shut up."

**"Two-Bit, lay off. He ain't lookin' so good. Ponyboy, you take a couple of aspirins and go easy. You smoke more than a pack today and I'll skin you. Understood?"**

Oh crap! Pony was pretty sure this was the day where he did just the opposite of what Darry asked. Darry would not be happy with him. Or Two-bit for that matter and from the look on Two-bit's face he realized it too.

**"Yeah," I said, getting to my feet. "You carry more than one bundle of roofing at a time today and me and Soda'll skin you. Understood?"**

**He grinned one of his rare grins. **

Were they really that rare? Darry wonders.

**"Yeah. See y'all this afternoon."**

**"Bye," I said. I heard our Ford's vvrrrooooom and thought: Soda's driving. And they left.**

**"...anyway, I was walking around downtown and started to take this short cut through an alley"- Two-Bit was telling me about one of his many exploits while we did the dishes. I mean, while I did the dishes. He was sitting on the cabinet, sharpening that black handled switchblade he was so proud of-**

"Hey! I was helping! I was keeping the kid entertained!" Two-bit said in response to Darry's glare.

**"... and I ran into three guys. I says 'Howdy' and they just look at each other. Then one says 'We would jump you but since you're as slick as us we figger you don't have nothin' worth takin'.' I says 'Buddy, that's the truth' and went right on. Moral: What's the safest thing to be when one is met by a gang of social outcasts in an alley?"**

**"A judo expert?" I suggested.**

"No, smart-ass."

**"No, another social outcast!" Two-Bit yelped, and nearly fell off the cabinet from laughing so hard. I had to grin, too. He saw things straight and made them into some thing funny.**

The rest of the gang shook their heads while trying to keep the grins off their faces.

**"We're gonna clean up the house," I said. "The reporters or police or somebody might come by, and any way, it's time for those guys from the state to come by and check up on us."**

**"This house ain't messy. You oughtta see my house."**

"I have seen your house," Steve said, "It's awful!"

**"I have. And if you had the sense of a billy goat you'd try to help around your place instead of bumming around."**

**"Shoot, kid, if I ever did that my mom would die of shock."**

"Or happiness," Johnny said casually.

"Well shoot, when did this become a make-Two-bit-feel-bad session? Jeez, you people are worse than my sister." No one notices it, but Soda blushed just slightly at the mention of Two-bit's sister.

**I liked Two-Bit's mother. She had the same good humor and easygoing ways that he did. She wasn't lazy like him, but she let him get away with murder. I don't know, though- it's just about impossible to get mad at him.**

Two-bit shifted, feeling guilty. He loved his mother to death, he really did. If she ever dies he doesn't know what he'll do.

**When we had finished, I pulled on Dally's brown leather jacket- the back was burned black- and we started for Tenth Street.**

"I'm sure you looked real tuff," Dally laughed.

**"I would drive us," Two-Bit said as we walked up the street trying to thumb a ride, "but the brakes are out on my car. Almost killed me and Kathy the other night" He flipped the collar of his black leather jacket up to serve as a windbreak while he lit a cigarette. "You oughtta see Kathy's brother. Now there's a hood. He's so greasy he glides when he walks. He goes to the barber for an oil change, not a haircut"**

**I would have laughed, but I had a terrific headache. **

"Did you take any aspirin?" Darry asked and Pony didn't bother to answer.

**We stopped at the Tasty Freeze to buy Cokes and rest up, and the blue Mustang that had been trailing us for eight blocks pulled in. I almost decided to run, and Two-Bit must have guessed this, for he shook his head ever so slightly and tossed me a cigarette.**

As he did with every mention of a cigarette, Darry's lips pursed.

**As I lit up, the Socs who had jumped Johnny and me at the park hopped out of the Mustang. I recognized Randy Adderson, Marcia's boyfriend, and the tall guy that had almost drowned me. I hated them. It was their fault Bob was dead; their fault Johnny was dying; their fault Soda and I might get put in a boys' home. I hated them as bitterly and as contemptuously as Dally Winston hated.**

That was what Darry was afraid of. He didn't have to worry with Soda, that kid couldn't hate if he tried, but for Pony his biggest struggle was to keep that kid from turning as bitter as Dallas Winston.

Dallas was actually pretty flattered.

**Two-Bit put an elbow on my shoulder and leaned against me, dragging on his cigarette. "You know the rules. No jazz before the rumble," he said to the Socs.**

Every man in the room was tensed as if they were about to go into battle.

**"We know," Randy said. He looked at me. "Come here. I want to talk to you."**

Darry's muscles locked and he begged Two-bit to put a stop to this.

**I glanced at Two-Bit. He shrugged.**

Dammit, Darry thought.

**I followed Randy over to his car, out of earshot of the rest. We sat there in his car for a second, silent. Golly, that was the tuffest car I've ever been in.**

**"I read about you in the paper," Randy said finally. "How come?"**

Johnny shook his head. Socs needed to understand that being a hood or grease didn't make you a bad person. Unfortunately it seems like it'll be a while before they understand anything.

"**I don't know. Maybe I felt like playing hero."**

**"I wouldn't have. I would have let those kids burn to death."**

**"You might not have. You might have done the same thing."**

Dally snorted with doubt.

**Randy pulled out a cigarette and pressed in the car lighter. "I don't know. I don't know anything anymore. I would never have believed a greaser could pull something like that."**

Soda grimaced like he had a bad taste in his mouth.

**" 'Greaser' didn't have anything to do with it. My buddy over there wouldn't have done it. **

Two-bit didn't argue that. He wouldn't have, well at least not back then.

**Maybe you would have done the same thing, maybe a friend of yours wouldn't have. It's the individual."**

Exactly, Johnny thought.

**"I'm not going to show at the rumble tonight," Randy said slowly.**

Coward, Dally thought. Just like all the other socs.

**I took a good look at him. He was seventeen or so, but he was already old. Like Dallas was old.**

Some people just get stuck in a life that makes you old, that's their lot. But Darry always thought that you respect the hand you're dealt and be grateful you were even dealt a hand.

**Cherry had said her friends were too cool to feel anything, and yet she could remember watching sunsets. Randy was supposed to be too cool to feel anything, and yet there was pain in his eyes.**

Dallas read quicker, he didn't want to be forced to see through the eyes of a soc

**"I'm sick of all this. Sick and tired. Bob was a good guy. He was the best buddy a guy ever had. I mean, he was a good fighter and tuff and everything, but he was a real person too. You dig?"**

**I nodded.**

Well, Darry thought, I 'spose that's what makes Pony so different. The rest of us would have no idea what that guy was talking about.

**"He's dead- his mother has had a nervous breakdown. They spoiled him rotten. I mean, most parents would be proud of a kid like that- good-lookin' and smart and everything, but they gave in to him all the time. He kept trying to make someone say 'No' and they never did. They never did. That was what he wanted. For somebody to tell him 'No.' To have somebody lay down the law, set the limits, give him something solid to stand on. That's what we all want, really. One time..."- Randy tried to grin, but I could tell he was close to tears- "one time he came home drunker than anything. He thought sure they were gonna raise the roof. You know what they did? They thought it was something they'd done. They thought it was their fault- that they'd failed him and driven him to it or something. They took all the blame and didn't do anything to him. If his old man had just belted him- just once, he might still be alive. I don't know why I'm telling you this. I couldn't tell anyone else.**

Most of the greasers looked disgusted. That anyone that incapable could commit to raising a child like that was unthinkable. Even Two-bit's mother occasionally tried to lay down the law—she just accepted that he wasn't going to change. Dally was angry that the biggest problem was that their parent wouldn't tell them "no". His biggest problem was finding his next meal and keeping Johnny from getting the shit beat out of him by socs. Pony seemed to be the only one who understood even marginally.

**My friends- they'd think I was off my rocker or turning soft. Maybe I am. I just know that I'm sick of this whole mess. That kid- your buddy, the one that got burned- he might die?"**

"No." Dally said. He didn't want to hear about how close Johnny had come to death.

**"Yeah," I said, trying not to think about Johnny.**

**"And tonight... people get hurt in rumbles, maybe killed. I'm sick of it because it doesn't do any good. You can't win, you know that, don't you?"**

Yeah they knew it. But they were stubborn as hell, if they couldn't win they'd make damn sure the socs didn't win either.

**And when I remained silent he went on: "You can't win, even if you whip us. You'll still be where you were before- at the bottom. And we'll still be the lucky ones with all the breaks. So it doesn't do any good, the fighting and the killing. It doesn't prove a thing. We'll forget it if you win, or if you don't. Greasers will still be greasers and Soes will still be Socs. Sometimes I think it's the ones in the middle that are really the lucky stiffs..."**

Dally's mouth twisted. He didn't want to hear this. He liked being a greaser. He'd rather be a greaser than a spoiled soc any day and he knew that this idiot was wrong. They could win because winning to the socs and winning for the greasers were different things. The socs had no idea what it meant for the greasers to win or what constituted winning and until they understood there would always be problems between the groups.

**He took a deep breath. "So I'd fight if I thought it'd do any good. I think I'm going to leave town. Take my little old Mustang and all the dough I can carry and get out."**

Coward, even Soda thought it.

**"Running away won't help."**

Darry was glad Pony knew it.

**"Oh, hell, I know it," Randy half-sobbed, "but what can I do? I'm marked chicken if I punk out at the rumble, and I'd hate myself if I didn't. I don't know what to do."**

For just a split fraction of a second Steve understood what this kid was going through. He pitied him, at least he would never need to make that decision.

**"I'd help you if I could," **

Johnny smiled because he knew his best friend meant it.

**I said. I remembered Cherry's voice: Things are rough all over. I knew then what she meant.**

**He looked at me. "No, you wouldn't. I'm a Soc. You get a little money and the whole world hates you."**

Two-bit wanted to laugh out loud. If that was the case then he'd be voted prom king.

**"No," I said, "you hate the whole world."**

**He just looked at me- from the way he looked he could have been ten years older than he was. I got out of the car. "You would have saved those kids if you had been there," I said. "You'd have saved them the same as we did."**

Soda wasn't so sure.

**"Thanks, grease," he said, trying to grin. Then he stopped. "I didn't mean that. I meant, thanks, kid."**

Well, Johnny thought, one soc at a time.

**"My name's Ponyboy," I said. "Nice talkin' to you, Randy."**

**I walked over to Two-Bit, and Randy honked for his friends to come and get into the car.**

**"What'd he want?" Two-Bit asked. "What'd Mr. Super-Soc have to say?"**

Two-bit laughed, for once he could really see how much he'd changed and grown from then to now. He'd have played that differently now.

**"He ain't a Soc," I said, "he's just a guy. He just wanted to talk."**

**"You want to see a movie before we go see Johnny and Dallas?"**

**"Nope," I said, lighting up another weed. **

A muscle in Darry's jaw jumped.

**I still had a headache, but I felt better. Socs were just guys after all. Things were rough all over, but it was better that way. That way you could tell the other guy was human too.**

Pony breathed a sigh of relief; Johnny was still alive and, even better he hadn't gotten high on smokes and aspirin yet.

"How about we break for lunch? Good. Johnny, Pony, come with me to get food."

They weren't given a choice. With one look at each other and another at the questioning glances from Two-bit, Soda, Steve and Dally, they decided to take their chances with Darry.

**Hey, again I am so sorry for how long it took me to update, won't happen again, this was just a really long chapter and It's getting more complicated cause, as you can see, I have several different plot things going on so we'll see how this goes!**

**I thought this chapter was only okay. How 'bout you?**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hey so I'm doing this scene separate from the chapter so that A) I can get it out faster and B) It won't make my next chapter super mega long.**

Darry, Pony and Johnny took Darry's Ford out to The Dingo, a well-known greaser hangout. Johnny wondered why they were going all the way out to the Dingo instead of just over to the DX, but he doesn't ask, instead he keeps quiet, trying not to draw any more attention to himself. The drive was about 10 minutes, and by the time they pulled into the parking lot of the Dingo, Pony's nerves were worn down to nothing. Pony and Johnny kept silent as Darry sat down into a booth in the corner. The booth was secluded and quite. It was too early for the lunch crowd and what few patrons were there stayed huddled around the first three tables watching a card game with rapt attention.

Pony and Johnny slid silently into the booth across from Darry. They placed their orders quickly, each of them had been there often enough to know what they wanted without needing to look at the menu or sit in contemplation.

Whenever Dally and Johnny run out of food (which was often) they go to the Curtis' house. If the Curtis' are out of food too or if they'd already visited the Curtis house more than three times in one week they'd go to the Dingo. It happened often enough that Johnny knew most of the waiter's by sight. _Only _the waiters because most of the waitresses have had some sort of relationship with Dally in the past that ended with them refusing to serve him. Darry leaned back into his seat and watched the two, refusing to be the one to break the awkward silence that had settled over the table.

"So," Johnny said reaching for any words that would come to him; he couldn't stand the silence for any longer. All Pony did was change the ending, he couldn't be in that much trouble for it!

Darry just raised an eyebrow. Johnny opened his mouth to keep talking, to defend Ponyboy, to explain how he changed it and why. He figured that maybe if they can get Darry on their side then they could have an ally when the news really broke, but Pony seeing his usually quiet friend preparing to launch into a long tirade in his defense, stepped in and began talking.

"Look Darry, that paper wasn't supposed to be a short biography. It was written in a creative writing class, ya' know, the one I was takin' two years ago? Well, you know I don't do creativity, I couldn't make any thing up at all! And I tried for weeks, believe me! So finally I decided just to write. I wrote the only story I could think of. The one that'd been on my mind all year. And I was almost done when my teacher reviewed it. She could tell right off the bat that it wasn't made up, or whatever. So I had to change it, make it different and I didn't even change it that much! It's just the ending, only the last chapter—"

"Pony. I believe you and I don't blame you at all. I was the one who took the manuscript. I was the one who read it without your permission, me and the entire gang. _We_ invaded _your_ privacy."

Pony seemed to deflate after that, he had been all geared up for a big fight, which, now that he thought about it, seemed stupid. He thought about it more and he figured that maybe reading the book had brought back memories of how Darry used to be. He had to remember that Darry wasn't like that anymore. _He _wasn't like that anymore either. Pony drew in a deep breath, he could get Darry on their side, Darry could help him. If anything, he could shield Ponyboy when Dally tried to kill him.

"How much of it is true?" Darry asked.

"Almost all of it. When I went back to change it, I only changed the last two chapters."

Darry took a deep breath, he seem relieved. "Everything else? The thoughts, the actions…everything?" He didn't want to think that his new found understanding of his youngest brother was a mistake.

"Yeah," Pony says "everything."

"Then what all did you change?" Pony hesitated when Darry asks this and he can feel Johnny stiffen at his side. "I know Johnny dies." Darry said. He continued on, ignoring the boys shocked expressions. "I was with you when we talked with the doctor, remember? You didn't have him even mention the surgery and that was all he talked about when he was with us! The rest of you dialogue throughout the book has been dead on. That was too suspicious; you wouldn't suddenly forget the most important conversation in the whole book, would you?"

Pony conceded that Darry did have a point but still, "Soda was with us to!"

Darry shook his head, "You know Soda he probably intentionally blocked out the entire conversation with the doctor. In fact, I'm fairly convinced he blocked out the entire two weeks from the fire till after Johnny's surgery. He's not good with…sad things." Darry finished lamely.

Pony nodded, "Anything else?" Johnny asked. He wanted to know what Darry had spotted that the others had missed.

"Well, there were no parents in the waiting room, at least not in the story, which would mean that the woman who did the fundraising for Johnny would never visit you and tell us her idea to get Johnny all fixed up. And the obvious broken back thing. There's no cure for a broken back. Also just your thoughts. If you were intending for Johnny to live all of you thoughts in the books would be consumed with curing him, which I'm sure your real thoughts were. Instead you're thinking too much about other stuff." Pony was amazed; he never realized how well Darry knew him. He can read me like a book, Pony thought. The only other person who could do that was Johnny.

"So is Johnny's death the only change? I assume he just never gets the surgery and passes away."

"Um yeah that's what happens, but…" Pony realized that he never told Johnny how Dally, well, follows him to the grave. Oh man, Dally was going to murder him. Some might wonder why Dally would get so upset over a few changes in a silly book, but for Dally it wasn't the changes that he cared about. It was that the changes made him look weak. Even if they portray exactly how he feels, they make him vulnerable and for Dallas Winston, vulnerable wasn't something he enjoyed being.

"But what?" Johnny asked. He was confused, what other changes could Pony make? Darry raised an eyebrow, he was surprised that Pony had something that he hadn't shared with Johnny, he thought Johnny knew as much as Pony.

"Dally kills himself." Pony said it quickly, like ripping off a band aid, unfortunately, speed didn't help.

"_What?" _Johnny was the first to recover while Darry looked like Pony had just given him a large and heavy burden to carry.

"Why? How?" Johnny was asking questions so fast that Pony couldn't keep up.

"Shh! Okay, don't tell us!" Darry says, Pony can tell by the look in his eyes that he's got a plan.

"What? What do you mean—"Johnny continued his questioning, just now it was directed at Darry.

"Johnnycake! Hush! Listen, if we don't know then we won't have to pretend to be surprised. Alright Pony, can you remember which chapters really change the plot?"

Pony swallowed, he'd been thinking about it a lot and he thought that he could tell what chapters were changed and which were real so he nodded.

"It's one more 'till the actual changes begin."

"Okay, listen, let anyone read that, after that it's you, me or Johnny who reads, okay?"

Johnny and Pony nod but say nothing, not wanting to break his concentration.

"Alright, when the news breaks Dally _will_ be pissed, there's no getting around that, but you two sit near me and I'll keep him off long enough for you to explain the changes."

"That's it? Your plan?" Pony asks feeling distinctly underwhelmed.

Darry glares, "Well you sprung this on me kinda' fast! What's your big idea, huh?"

Pony sighed, "Sorry, listen, I'm sure it'll be fine. I mean he took my paper and chose to read it, right? He can't be mad at me for what I wrote! I never thought anyone would read it!"

Johnny nodded at his friend, trying to give him support. Now that they had Darry on their side he was sure that they could handle it, no problem.

The boys quickly finished their food knowing the rest of the gang would be pissed at them for being gone so long. Pony was quickly scarfing his food down, he for one, didn't trust the gang not to read without the rest of them. Especially Two-bit. He could remember the days when Johnny was in the hospital and he was stuck with Two-bit for long periods of time, and Two-bit seemed quite fond of reading about himself.

They gathered up their takeout food, preparing to bring it home for the others, and the three boys left just as the lunch crowd was beginning to fill the small greaser hangout. Darry wanted to get out of there quick because socs were known to come around during lunch and try to provoke the greaser crowd into a fight, and if there was a fight they'd have to stay and help out. Normally Darry wouldn't mind, hell, it happened at least once a week, but now he was really anxious to get home and continue to read. Even if the ending was a little, well, different from reality, his brother was an amazing writer and he wanted to hear more. They trudged out to Darry's old Ford and took off down the road, driving at what was surely twice the normal speed limit.

**Done! Tell me how you like it. I thought it was pretty good, considering this is one of the chapters where I don't have the actual book to lean on as sort of a crutch. This is all me! Review and tell me what you think, opinions are welcome!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Review when you're finished reading and tell me what you think! I think this chapters pretty good, actually!**

Two-Bit lounged on the couch moaning and holding him stomach.

Steve, who had never been known for his patience, finally snapped, "Two-Bit, SHUT UP! You just ate breakfast a few hours ago! You can't be serious! They'll be back any minute with your food!"

Soda didn't bother to defend Two-Bit against his friends tirade, as he himself was a bit fed up with Two-Bit's whining, which started about two minutes after Darry had peeled out of the driveway. Dally was actually wondering what was taking this long, they should be back from the DX by now, if not ten minutes ago. He was starting to worry, not that he'd ever admit it. His fingers restlessly tapped out a beat on the kitchen table, his nerves were beginning to show, the only other time he ever had this much anxiety was just before a fight.

"Maybe we could just read a little bit before they get here…" Two-Bit suggested.

"No." Dally said flatly. They'd been having this argument for the past half hour, but Dally was firm. He wanted Johnny to be here when they read and Soda and Steve agreed, and really, even if he _were _outvoted he'd still get his way. He _was _Dallas Winston after all.

They heard the squeal of tires before they saw Darry pull into the driveway.

The three boys entered the room loudly, carrying plastic bags that gave off the specific aroma of the Dingo. Soda, Steve, Dally and Two-Bit each mauled Darry for the bags before grabbing whatever appealed the most to the individual person. At another time they might have complained loudly at the fact that the three had gone all the way out to the Dingo as opposed to the DX, but now they were all much too hungry and anxious to continue reading, especially Two-Bit and Dally.

The boys didn't bother with plates, they just grabbed silverware and headed into the living room, Darry was in the lead and he quickly claimed the couch, sitting on the far right with Ponyboy beside him then Johnny on the end.

"Alright," Darry begins, "Who wants to read this chapter?"

Both Two-Bit and Soda's hands shoot up. Darry grinned and rolled his eyes but decided that Soda should get to read this chapter, he was just so excited, and after much arguing Two-Bit reluctantly handed the book to Soda.

"**Chapter 8" **Soda began and Pony was grinning despite himself. It seemed Two-Bit's childlike enthusiasm for the book was infectious.

**THE NURSES WOULDN'T let us see Johnny. He was in critical condition. No visitors.**

Steve frowned, those nurses wouldn't let him see Johnny before the surgery either, and he wondered whether Pony would explain the whole operation or just the result. He still didn't understand the surgery.

**But Two-Bit wouldn't take no for an answer. **

Two-Bit snorted, "You're damn right I wouldn't!"

Johnny smiled at the determined set of his friends jaw; it was nice to know that Two-Bit would always be there for him.

"Wait! Did they let you in?" Dally asked, "They wouldn't let me in!" And boy, you'd better believe he'd tried. He would be officially banned from hospital grounds if that was legal, as it was several nurses had tried to get restraining orders against him.

Soda smirked and continued to read.

**That was his buddy in there and he aimed to see him. **

The whole gang grinned, they all knew what Two-Bit was feeling.

**We both begged and pleaded, but we were getting nowhere until the doctor found out what was going on.**

**"Let them go in," he said to the nurse. "He's been asking for them. It can't hurt now."**

Soda's brow furrowed. Can't hurt now? Like cause Johnny was gonna get the surgery? No, no that can't be it. They wouldn't let anyone in before the surgery, to keep Johnny from getting contaminated or something like that.

**Two-Bit didn't notice the expression in his voice. It's true, I thought numbly, he is dying.**

This must be before they get the news that Johnny's eligible for the surgery, Dally thought. There was a time there when Dally really thought that Johnny was going to die, right before that hysterical mother came in screaming that she had money for the surgery.

**We went in, practically on tiptoe, because the quietness of the hospital scared us. **

Two-Bit huffed. He wasn't scared.

**Johnny was lying still, with his eyes closed, but when Two-Bit said, "Hey, Johnnykid," he opened them and looked at us, trying to grin. "Hey, y'all."**

Johnny winced remembering what he was like days before the surgery. Weak and helpless.

**The nurse, who was pulling the shades open, smiled and said, "So he can talk after all."**

**Two-Bit looked around. "They treatin' you okay, kid?"**

**"Don't..." -Johnny gasped- "don't let me put enough grease on my hair."**

Again Johnny grimaced at how weak he sounded.

**"Don't talk," Two-Bit said, pulling up a chair, "just listen. We'll bring you some hair grease next time. We're havin' the big rumble tonight"**

Man, Johnny thought, what I woulda' gave to be at that rumble. He was never going to get over the fact that he missed it. At least he'd get to see it from Pony's point of view. He had a feeling that the book would be much more detailed than the garbled descriptions the guys gave him when he got out of surgery.

**Johnny's huge black eyes widened a little, but he didn't say anything.**

**"It's too bad you and Dally can't be in it. **

"Hah! You could never keep ole' Dally outta' a rumble that big!" Two-Bit laughed. Dally grinned and let the "ole' Dally" comment slide because of the compliment that Two-Bit had given him.

**It's the first big rumble we've had- not countin' the time we whipped Shepard's outfit"**

The gang smiled as they reminisced. It had been a big win—one that had put them on the map, established them as a group not to be messed with. Even Steve had to admit though, without even the little help that Pony and Johnny had added they might not have won. It had been an extremely close fight.

**"He came by," Johnny said.**

**"Tim Shepard?"**

**Johnny nodded. "Came to see Dally."**

Dally half grinned and wondered where Timmy was now. Probably jockeying over at Buck's.

**Tim and Dallas had always been buddies.**

Tim had been the first person that Dally had met when he came to Tulsa.

**"Did you know you got your name in the paper for being a hero?"**

Johnny grinned, half the world hailed him as a hero, the other half condemned him as a murderer.

**Johnny almost grinned as he nodded. "Tuff enough," he managed, and by the way his eyes were glowing, I figured Southern gentlemen had nothing on Johnny Cade.**

"Thanks." Johnny said to Ponyboy as Dally grinned.

**I could see that even a few words were tiring him out; he was as pale as the pillow and looked awful. Two-Bit pretended not to notice.**

Darry shifted uncomfortably hoping that maybe they could get through this chapter without anyone noticing. Besides, aside from the broken back, the description of Johnny pre-surgery wasn't that far off.

**"You want anything besides hair grease, kid?"**

**Johnny barely nodded. "The book"- he looked at me- "can you get another one?"**

**Two-Bit looked at me too. I hadn't told him about Gone with the Wind.**

Two-Bit half smiled. He hadn't been able to fathom why Johnny had wanted a silly old book, just another thing this essay had helped him understand.

**"He wants a copy of Gone with the Wind so I can read it to him," I explained. "You want to run down to the drugstore and get one?"**

**"Okay," Two-Bit said cheerfully. "Don't y'all run off."**

Steve shook his head at Two-Bit. Only he could be cheerful when faced with a situation such as this.

**I sat down in Two-Bit's chair and tried to think of something to say. "Dally's gonna be okay," I said finally. "And Darry and me, we're okay now."**

Darry and Soda let out a breath, thankful for the confirmation.

**I knew Johnny understood what I meant. We had always been close buddies, and those lonely days in the church strengthened our friendship.**

Soda looked deep in thought. He didn't know anyone closer than those two. They seemed to be able to read each other's minds sometimes, he didn't think he was that close with anyone, not even Steve. Dally may have even been jealous of Pony and Johnny's friendship if it his and Johnny's hadn't been as great as it was, plus Dally and Johnny weren't like friends. Theirs was more a mentor student relationship, or an older brother to younger brother.

**He tried to smile again, and then suddenly went white and closed his eyes tight.**

Dally winced again—he didn't like reading about Johnny in pain.

**"Johnny!" I said, alarmed. "Are you okay?"**

**He nodded, keeping his eyes closed. "Yeah, it just hurts sometimes. It usually don't... I can't feel anything below the middle of my back..."**

Darry drew in a deep breath, prepared for the worst.

**He lay breathing heavily for a moment. "I'm pretty bad off, ain't I, Pony?"**

"Don't worry Johnnycake," Two-bit said cheerfully, "You'll get the surgery and be good as new!"

**"You'll be okay,"**

"See?"

**I said with fake cheerfulness.**

"Oh…well Pony's always been a pessimist." Two-bit seemed to forget that Johnny had already been through this and did not need to any reassurance that he would survive.

**"You gotta be. We couldn't get along without you."**

Dally made an impatient noise in the back of his throat. "When are you gonna tell him about the surgery? You've already messed up the timeline! He's supposed to go in later that day!"

Pony swallowed, looking very flustered and Johnny stepped in for him, "Dal, he's got almost every line perfect from real life to book. He can't catch a break on the timeline?"

Dally shrugged and muttered under his breath.

**The truth of that last statement hit me. We couldn't get along without him. We needed Johnny as much as he needed the gang. And for the same reason.**

And Johnny couldn't deny it felt good to be needed.

**"I won't be able to walk again," Johnny started, then faltered. "Not even on crutches. Busted my back."**

Soda rolled his eyes, seemed like it was Johnny's turn to be the drama queen, "Now you're acting just like Pony! You'll be fine, Johnnykid!"

Soda failed to notice how the three on the couch went rigid when the last sentence was read.

Pony, though, realized that maybe they wouldn't notice until Johnny actually dies what's happening. Maybe because they don't know something's different, and they aren't looking for it, they completely ignore the clues. It gave him some hope to know that he could at least have a little more resting time before he had to make a run for it.

**"You'll be okay," I repeated firmly. Don't start crying, I commanded myself, don't start crying, you'll scare Johnny.**

"Scare me? Pfft," Johnny said, putting on a brave façade.

**"You want to know something, Ponyboy? I'm scared stiff. I used to talk about killing myself..." **

"Johnny…" Dally began, at a loss for words.

Johnny's jaw hardened, he supposed with all of Ponyboy's confessions coming out he should have expected a few of his own. Now that he realized how awkward it was he felt a lot guiltier for reading this.

"I didn't have it easy growing up, you know that…but it was all empty words anyway." Johnny said, coloring. He really didn't want to talk about this. Not here, not now. Pony was the only one he'd ever talked about it to. And he never even thought about it after the surgery. Life was too precious; in a way he was glad that he burned his back. It taught him to value life, if nothing else.

**He drew a quivering breath. "I don't want to die now. It ain't long enough. Sixteen years ain't long enough.**

"You're not going to die, Johnnycake!" Two-Bit said with absolute conviction. Pony grinned at the irony of it; Johnny was actually going to die.

Unfortunately Dally saw this and snapped at Ponyboy, "What the _hell _are you smiling at?"

Everyone turned to stare at Ponyboy who gulped. Johnny, who understood what was making Ponyboy laugh had trouble keeping down a smile of his own, eventually he realized that he couldn't keep it down and he burst into laughter. Pony quickly joined him and soon they were both clutching their sides while the gang stared at them as if they were insane. Even Darry, who understood the irony, didn't know what was so funny about it.

**I wouldn't mind it so much if there wasn't so much stuff I ain't done yet- and so many things I ain't seen. It's not fair. You know what? That time we were in Windrixville was the only time I've been away from our neighborhood."**

Dally was trying to be upset, his little brother was fearful of dying. He should have been there to tell him that he would be fine and to remind Johnny that he would always be there for him. Unfortunately, he couldn't concentrate on the story with Johnny and Pony still laughing hysterically. Two-Bit was still waiting to see what was so funny.

"Would you two shut up?" Steve finally snapped, exasperated at the joke that no one else understood.

"S-S-Sorry!" Johnny finally sputtered, not sounding remorseful at all. Once he and Pony got a hold of themselves Soda continued to read.

**"You ain't gonna die," I said, trying to hold my voice down. "And don't get juiced up, because the doc won't let us see you no more if you do."**

"Dang, but getting juiced up is the best part of being in the hospital!" Two-Bit moaned remorsefully. Soda and Steve rolled their eyes, Two-Bit used alcohol and other artificial substances to feel alive when he would be just fine, just as vibrant, without it.

**Sixteen years on the streets and you can learn a lot. But all the wrong things, not the things you want to learn. Sixteen years on the streets and you see a lot. But all the wrong sights, not the sights you want to see.**

Dally nodded, not a pretty picture even though Pony's words had a poetic quality to them.

**Johnny closed his eyes and rested quietly for a minute. Years of living on the East Side teaches you how to shut off your emotions.**

Darry promised himself that he'd turn them back on. Find a way to connect fully with Ponyboy, to become even closer than they already were.

**If you didn't, you would explode. You learn to cool it.**

"Something you haven't quite yet mastered Ponyboy." Two-Bit said, grinning.

Pony frowned at him, but Johnny was smiling. No, his friend had not yet learned to control his emotions.

**A nurse appeared in the doorway. "Johnny," she said quietly, "your mother's here to see you."**

Johnny's back went ramrod straight and a look of disgust crossed the faces of him and everyone else in the room.

"What the hell is she doin' there?" Dally snapped. "You didn't let her see him?" he asked, turning to Two-Bit.

"'Course not!" Two-Bit snapped, slightly offended that Dally had to ask.

**Johnny opened his eyes. At first they were wide with surprise, then they darkened. "I don't want to see her," he said firmly.**

He never wanted to see her. There were better people in the world, he didn't need to waste his time with her or his father. Hell, even the woman who raised money for the surgery had been kinder to him than his own mother.

**"She's your mother."**

"Barely," Pony scoffed.

**"I said I don't want to see her." His voice was rising. "She's probably come to tell me about all the trouble I'm causing her and about how glad her and the old man'll be when I'm dead. Well, tell her to leave me alone. For once" -his voice broke- "for once just to leave me alone." **

"Good," Dally said, approval ringing in his tone. "Johnny, you're better than them. You are, and they don't deserve seeing you."

Johnny smiled and nodded, "I know."

The entire group relaxed because they were happy to know that Johnny wasn't still pining over the absence of a mother in his childhood.

**He was struggling to sit up, but he suddenly gasped, went whiter than the pillowcase, and passed out cold.**

**The nurse hurried me out the door. "I was afraid of something like this if he saw anyone."**

Two-Bit shook his head. "I practically missed the whole visit!"

Johnny laughed, "It's okay, you were the first one I saw when I woke up from surgery!"

Soda continued to read before Dally could interject. He was still real sore about that; he had rushed a sick Ponyboy with him to the hospital after the rumble to go see Johnny. Before he could see him though, some nurse grabbed a hold of him and wouldn't let him go, dragging him away to get stitches for some injury he got in the rumble. As soon as he got let out he ran to the O.R. to find the rest of the gang chatting with Johnny, apparently Two-Bit had been the first one in. He remembered the night quite well. When Darry saw him; and more importantly saw that he didn't have Pony with him he went ballistic. The rest of the gang went home so Johnny could get some rest but Dally stayed at the hospital. Apparently Ponyboy staggered home alone, half outta his mind around one in the morning.

**I ran into Two-Bit, who was coming in.**

**"You can't see him now," the nurse said, so Two-Bit handed her the book. "Make sure he can see it when he comes around." She took it and closed the door behind her.**

Johnny smiled remembering that nurse, she was real nice; even read him a few chapters. She said that most of her patients were rude (like Dally) and she didn't mind hiding out in his room for a while. Johnny had been glad for the company.

**Two-Bit stood and looked at the door a long time. "I wish it was any one of us except Johnny," he said, and his voice was serious for once. "We could get along without anyone but Johnny."**

The whole gang stopped and looked at Two-Bit, who was uncharacteristically silent. Johnny swallowed, "Thank you Two-Bit." He said.

Two-Bit nodded, "I meant it to. We all know it."

"Well," Johnny said, "I think we'd have a tough time missing any of us."

For once, the entire gang agreed.

**Turning abruptly, he said, "Let's go see Dallas."**

Dallas snorted, breaking the tension. "Glad to know I'm your second choice. I shouldn't be surprised seeing as how you describe me throughout the rest of the book."

Pony grinned, not feeling as afraid of Dally as usual. Maybe he was finally seeing what Johnny always saw.

**As we walked out into the hall, we saw Johnny's mother. I knew her. She was a little woman, with straight black hair and big black eyes like Johnny's. But that was as far as the resemblance went. **

Johnny looked faintly sick, why did his mother have to be in the book? He hadn't talked to her since the court hearing where he got off easy.

Pony shot and apologetic look in Johnny's direction.

**Johnnycake's eyes were fearful and sensitive; hers were cheap and hard. **

"Whore," Soda muttered under his breath, and no one but Steve could hear him.

**As we passed her she was saying, "But I have a right to see him. He's my son. After all the trouble his father and I've gone to to raise him, this is our reward:**

"_Reward?_ Their _reward?_" Dally was so furious that he was choking on his own insults. The rest of the gang was no less affected.

**He'd rather see those no-count hoodlums than his own folks..." **

"OF COURSE HE WOULD!" Dallas yelled, taking everyone by surprise.

Johnny looked at the gang and felt warmth spread throughout his veins at the fury and protectiveness they all wore on their faces. "You guys, I'm okay. I really don't care about her. Either of them."

Dally's jaw clenched and he nodded.

**She saw us and gave us such a look of hatred that I almost backed up.**

"That bitch better stay the hell away from my little brother!" Soda snapped, his fury back in an instant.

Dally didn't bother to censure himself. He let fly every swear word he could think of. Calling Johnny's mother every vile name in the book.

**"It was your fault. Always running around in the middle of the night getting jailed and heaven knows what else..." I thought she was going to cuss us out. I really did.**

Johnny's entire face was red. He couldn't believe that they had to face his mother for him, he just couldn't believe it. "Pony, I'm so sorry. And you to, Two-Bit!"

Both the greasers shook their heads, "It's our pleasure." Two-Bit assured Johnny, "Really."

**Two-Bit's eyes got narrow and I was afraid he was going to start something.**

Johnny's mouth actually twisted into a grin and Dally's followed. "You should have. Really."

"Believe me, if Ponyboy hadn't been there I'd 'a sent your mother packin' in tears, no problem, Johnny!"

Soda, although he would've loved to read about that, was glad for Two-Bit's restraint on Ponyboy's behalf.

**I don't like to hear women get sworn at, even if they deserve it. **

Dally shook his head, that woman had deserved it. Johnny was glad that Pony didn't let Two-Bit start anything with his mother. Not that she didn't deserve it, but he didn't want Pony compromising his beliefs just to strike out at Johnny's sorry excuse for a mother.

**"No wonder he hates your guts," Two-Bit snapped. **

Dally let out a loud 'WHOOP!' and clapped Two-Bit on the back as the rest of the gang followed suit. Johnny smiled.

**He was going to tell her off real good, but I shoved him along. I felt sick. No wonder Johnny didn't want to see her. No wonder he stayed overnight at Two-Bit's or at our house, and slept in the vacant lot in good weather.**

Steve's upper lip curled, he was disgusted with Johnny's parents. Especially his mother.

**I remembered my mother... beautiful and golden, like Soda, and wise and firm, like Darry.**

Soda and Darry grinned remembering her, Darry thought this may have been his most decent description in the book. Two-Bit thought of his own mother, she may not be the best mom in the world, but she loved him and his sister with all her heart and she tried her damndest to shield them from the big bad world, something Two-Bit was starting to work hard at for his baby sister.

**"Oh, lordy!" There was a catch in Two-Bit's voice and he was closer to tears than I'd ever seen him. "He has to live with that."**

Johnny nodded at Two-Bit. Sometimes it was hard to tell if Two-Bit really cared about anything, but when he read things like this, or caught those rare moments when Two-Bit was being serious, or when he was dropping his little sister off at school you could tell that Two-Bit, more than anyone had a great capacity for love. Johnny counted his lucky stars to have Two-Bit as a friend.

**We hurried to the elevator to get to the next floor. I hoped the nurse would have enough sense not to let Johnny's mother see him. It would kill him.**

Johnny looked up, "She didn't. I liked her, she was nice." She said shooting a meaningful look in Dally's direction. Dally rolled his eyes.

**DALLY WAS ARGUING with one of the nurses when we came in. He grinned at us. "Man, am I glad to see you! These hospital people won't let me smoke, and I want out!"**

Darry rolled his eyes at Dally's behavior.

**We sat down, grinning at each other. Dally was his usual mean, ornery self. He was okay.**

Dally laughed out loud. "Well if me being mean and ornery puts your fears to rest then I guess I'll never stop."

**"Shepard came by to see me a while ago."**

**"That's what Johnny said. What'd he want?"**

**"Said he saw my picture in the paper and couldn't believe it didn't have 'Wanted Dead or Alive' under it. **

Steve laughed, it surprised him too. Dally glared at him.

**He mostly came to rub it in about the rumble. Man, I hate not bein' in that."**

Dally grinned cockily, "I guess I really didn't have to worry!"

**Only last week Tim Shepard had cracked three of Dally's ribs. But Dally and Tim Shepard had always been buddies; no matter how they fought, they were two of a kind, and they knew it.**

Dally laughed, yeah he and Tim were a lot alike, even now, when they both had responsibilities and people to care for.

**Dally was grinning at me. "Kid, you scared the devil outa me the other day. I thought I'd killed you."**

Darry raised his eyebrows, what was he talking about?

**"Me?" I said, puzzled. "Why?"**

Soda narrowed his eyes.

**"When you jumped out of the church. I meant to hit you just hard enough to knock you down and put out the fire, but when you dropped like a ton of lead I thought I'd aimed too high and broke your neck."**

Two-Bit burst into laughter, "Wouldn't that be just like Dally? Trying to save someone and killin' 'em instead?"

The entire gang laughed and Dally rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, yeah."

**He thought for a minute. "I'm glad I didn't, though."**

Johnny smiled. He really liked the idea of Dally and Pony being close. Dally knew it to and put a lot of effort into it and now he felt like a mentor to Pony. Not like he was with Johnny, though. With Johnny he was takin' care of him. With Pony he was trying to teach the kid to live a little, he was way too strait laced. He couldn't deny though, he'd grown pretty fond of the kid.

**"I'll bet," I said with a grin. I'd never liked Dally- but then, for the first time, I felt like he was my buddy. And all because he was glad he hadn't killed me.**

This was just too much and the entire gang broke into laughter. "G-Glad I c-could help, k-kid!" Dallas said in between his laughter.

**Dally looked out the window. "Uh..." -he sounded very casual- "how's the kid?"**

Darry shook his head, no matter how much he grew Dallas Winston would never be comfortable with emotions.

**"We just left him," Two-Bit said, and I could tell that he was debating whether to tell Dally the truth or not. "I don't know about stuff like this... but... well, he seemed pretty bad to me. He passed out cold before we left him."**

Dally frowned, "When are you gonna tell about the surgery?"

"I-I don't remember. This was written two years ago, ya' know!" His stumble was nearly imperceptible and no one but Johnny noticed it.

"Don't smart mouth me kid!"

**Dally's jaw line went white as he swore between clenched teeth.**

**"Two-Bit, you still got that fancy black-handled switch?"**

"Where did you swipe that from, anyways?" Steve asked, he'd always been jealous of that switch.

"Hardware store," Two-Bit grinned.

**"Yeah."**

**"Give it here."**

**Two-Bit reached into his back pocket for his prize possession. It was a jet handled switchblade, ten inches long, that would flash open at a mere breath. It was the reward of two hours of walking aimlessly around a hardware store to divert suspicion. He kept it razor sharp. As far as I knew, he had never pulled it on anyone; he used his plain pocketknife when he needed a blade. But it was his showpiece, his pride and joy- every time he ran into a new hood he pulled it out and showed off with it.**

Dally grinned, that was good for their gang's rep.

**Dally knew how much that knife meant to Two-Bit, and if he needed a blade bad enough to ask for it, well, he needed a blade. That was all there was to it. Two-Bit handed it over to Dally without a moment's hesitation.**

Johnny smiled faintly. They were brothers, all of them. If not by blood then something else bonded them together. They would take a bullet for each other any day.

**"We gotta win that fight tonight," Dally said. His voice was hard. "We gotta get even with the Socs. For Johnny."**

**He put the switch under his pillow and lay back, staring at the ceiling. We left. We knew better than to talk to Dally when his eyes were blazing and he was in a mood like that.**

Dally put on the outward appearance of looking annoyed. It seemed the gang knew him better than he ever thought, and for whatever reason (he chose not to examine this too closely) it made him feel all warm inside.

**We decided to catch a bus home. I just didn't feel much like walking or trying to hitch a ride. Two-Bit left me sitting on the bench at the bus stop while he went to a gas station to buy some cigarettes.**

"You'd better not give him any cigarettes, Two-Bit!"

No one rolled their eyes at Darry this time; they were all a bit worried. Pony definitely shouldn't be having any smokes in his condition and even Dally was concerned with the depth of Pony's addiction. Something he never noticed before, until he read from Pony's view and what's worse is that he smoked much more now than he did then.

Oh yes, Soda thought, they would definitely be having a discussion with Ponyboy about this later.

**I was kind of sick to my stomach and sort of groggy. I was nearly asleep when I felt someone's hand on my forehead. I almost jumped out of my skin. Two-Bit was looking down at me worriedly. "You feel okay? You're awful hot."**

The gang shifted. This must be the start of that awful fever Pony caught. Finally Darry would get to see the cause. Johnny didn't know much about the fever, all he knew was that Pony had gotten awful sick the night of the rumble and hadn't been able to see him 'till a week after the surgery. Johnny had stayed at the Curtis house during his recovery and half the time he'd looked better than Ponyboy.

**"I'm all right," I said, and when he looked at me as if he didn't believe me, I got a little panicky. **

Two-Bit sighed. That should've been his first clue. He should've marched Ponyboy right over to Darry.

**"Don't tell Darry, okay? Come on, Two-Bit, be a buddy. I'll be well by tonight. I'll take a bunch of aspirins."**

"What? That's insane! Two-Bit you have to tell me!" Darry remembered being in Johnny's hospital room post-surgery, talking with the guys. He remembered how terrified he'd been when Dally showed up, running into the room and didn't have Pony with him.

Soda would never forget that night either. The gang, sans Dally, had rushed home. They couldn't call the police again (for obvious reasons, they were already in enough trouble) and they figured that if Pony were at all in his right mind he'd head for home.

Steve remembered with vivid clarity when Pony stumbled into the home looking almost drunk, it would have been comical if he hadn't been so hurt.

"But it's already happened." Two-Bit was saying, "And I didn't. And I regret it."

**"All right," Two-Bit said reluctantly. "But Darry'll kill me if you're really sick and go ahead and fight anyway."**

"You're damn right I will! Pony could've been knock into coma, Two-Bit!" At this point Darry was restraining himself from getting up and smacking Two-Bit on the head.

**"I'm okay," I said, getting a little angry. "And if you keep your mouth shut, Darry won't know a thing."**

Johnny let out a backwards whistle. For all his complaining, Pony's temper could be as short as Darry's sometimes.

**"You know somethin'?" Two-Bit said as we were riding home on the bus. "You'd think you could get away with murder, living with your big brother and all, but Darry's stricter with you than your folks were, ain't he?"**

Darry frowned at Two-Bit and Two-Bit began to think that maybe reading about himself wasn't so great.

**"Yeah," I said, "but they'd raised two boys before me. Darry hasn't."**

**"You know, the only thing that keeps Darry from bein' a Soc is us."**

"Wha-? Th-that's not true!" Darry sputtered. The rest of the gang looked at Darry.

Soda was the one who broke the tension, "He's not callin' you a soc, Dar. He's just sayin' that if you didn't have us then maybe—"

"Shut up." Pony's mouth dropped open. Never, _never_ had he ever in his life heard Darry tell Soda to shut up. _Never._ The room was silent.

Darry swallowed. "I chose you. I chose this life. I want it. And if I hadn't then I would be somewhere different, but I would _not _be a soc. I would be some poor, drunken, idiot regretting the biggest mistake of my life, leaving my brothers. All of you. I want you to know that not a day goes by that I'm not thankful for my decision to stay right where I am with the people I love." Darry refused to break eye contact with any of them until they lowered their heads as a sign of respect and understanding, acknowledging the truth of what Darry said.

Two-Bit swallowed. "I'm sorry I said that," the rest of the gang nodded, apologizing for even thinking it. Pony squeezed Darry's hand.

**"I know" I said. I had known it for a long time. In spite of not having much money, the only reason Darry couldn't be a Soc was us. The gang. Me and Soda.**

Darry's lip curled in disgust at the thought of leaving Soda and Pony for a bunch of shallow socs.

**Darry was too smart to be a greaser. I don't know how I knew, I just did. And I was kind of sorry.**

"Don't be. It worked out didn't it?" Darry smiled. "Besides, if I'd a' left you, you'd have gone to Soda when you turned 18, and no way would that have worked!"

"Hey!" Said Soda, offended even though he knew it was true. Darry was solid. He was their foundation, their rock.

Pony smiled, it _had _worked out after all. With Darry's new job they were making enough that Pony didn't have to work if he didn't want to. Hell, Darry wouldn't let him work if he did want to; he would tell Pony that his job was to get good grades—no, perfect grades. And Darry even had good hours, he was home on time for dinner every night and he could take vacation days. He had tried for a while to get Soda to go back to school but, in Soda's words, "Over his dead body was he ever stepping foot on school grounds again, unless it was for Pony or Johnny."

**I was silent most of the way home. I was thinking about the rumble. I had a sick feeling in my stomach and it wasn't from being ill. It was the same kind of helplessness I'd felt that night Darry yelled at me for going to sleep in the lot. I had the same deathly fear that something was going to happen that none of us could stop. As we got off the bus I finally said it. "Tonight- I don't like it one bit."**

"You're too paranoid, Pony," Steve said. "It all worked out fine!"

Little did he know they were about to be introduced to a very different, harsher reality.

**Two-Bit pretended not to understand. "I never knew you to play chicken in a rumble before. Not even when you was a little kid."**

"I ain't a chicken!" Pony snapped.

Two-Bit laughed and rolled his eyes.

**I knew he was trying to make me mad, but I took the bait anyway. "I ain't chicken, Two-Bit Mathews, and you know it," I said angrily. "Ain't I a Curtis, same as Soda and Darry?"**

The older brothers smiled, liking the idea that he was comparing himself to them.

**Two-Bit couldn't deny this, **

"Damn right he couldn't!" Soda smiled.

**so I went on: "I mean, I got an awful feeling something's gonna happen."**

**"Somethin' is gonna happen. We're gonna stomp the Socs' guts, that's what."**

Johnny shook his head. You just couldn't talk to Two-Bit sometimes, not when he refused to see what was right in front of him.

**Two-Bit knew what I meant, but doggedly pretended not to. He seemed to feel that if you said something was all right, it immediately was, no matter what. **

Two-Bit huffed. He couldn't help it; he was practically raising his little sister, and whenever she was scared he just told her that everything was alright and Poof! The monsters went away. He guessed he thought he could so the same thing with himself.

**He's been that way all his life, and I don't expect he'll change. Sodapop would have understood, and we would have tried to figure it out together, but Two-Bit just ain't Soda. Not by a long shot.**

"I don't want to be Soda." Two-Bit said flatly and it occurred to Ponyboy that maybe he had hurt Two-Bit's feelings.

"That's good, 'cause we don't need two Sodas but we sure do need a Two-Bit." Two-Bit relaxed a little and Soda smiled at Pony.

**Cherry Valance was sitting in her Corvette by the vacant lot when we came by. Her long hair was pinned up, and in daylight she was even better looking.**

Dally shook his head at the mention of the soc. His debt to her was paid and now he didn't want anything to do with her.

**That Sting Ray was one tuff car. A bright red one. It was cool.**

**"Hi, Ponyboy," she said. "Hi, Two-Bit."**

**Two-Bit stopped. Apparently Cherry had shown up there before during the week Johnny and I had spent in Windrixville.**

**"What's up with the big times?"**

**She tightened the strings on her ski jacket. "They play your way. No weapons, fair deal. Your rules."**

**"You sure?"**

**She nodded. "Randy told me. He knows for sure."**

Pony snorted, Randy wouldn't even be there.

**Two-Bit turned and started home. "Thanks, Cherry."**

Short and sweet, Two-Bit kept his dealings short and to the point.

**"Ponyboy, stay a minute," Cherry said. I stopped and went back to her car. "Randy's not going to show up at the rumble."**

"Coward," Steve muttered.

**"Yeah," I said, "I know."**

**"He's not scared. He's just sick of fighting. Bob..." She swallowed, then went on quietly. "Bob was his best buddy. Since grade school."**

Soda shifted uncomfortably. It reminded him too much of him and Steve.

**I thought of Soda and Steve. What if one of them saw the other killed? **

The two best friends shuddered at the horrifying image.

**Would that make them stop fighting? No, I thought, maybe it would make Soda stop, but not Steve. He'd go on hating and fighting. Maybe that was what Bob would have done if it had been Randy instead of him.**

Steve couldn't deny the truth of the statement. He would have been blinded by hate and grief; it'd have been a surprise if he made it to twenty.

**"How's Johnny?"**

**"Not so good," I said. "Will you go up to see him?"**

**She shook her head. "No. I couldn't."**

Dally's eyes narrowed. That bitch!

**"Why not?" I demanded. It was the least she could do. It was her boyfriend who had caused it all... **

Dally shook his head in disgust. It was all her fault really.

**and then I stopped. Her boyfriend...**

**"I couldn't," she said in a quiet, desperate voice. "He killed Bob. Oh, maybe Bob asked for it. I know he did. **

"He was drowning Ponyboy." Johnny ground out and the rest of the gang looked murderous.

**But I couldn't ever look at the person who killed him. **

Johnny winced, to some people he was a killer.

**You only knew his bad side. He could be sweet sometimes, and friendly. But when he got drunk... it was that part of him that beat up Johnny. I knew it was Bob when you told me the story. He was so proud of his rings. Why do people sell liquor to boys? Why? I know there's a law against it, but kids get it anyway. I can't go see Johnny. I know I'm too young to be in love and all that, but Bob was something special. He wasn't just any boy. He had something that made people follow him, something that marked him different, maybe a little better, than the crowd. Do you know what I mean?"**

Soda looked faintly sick. That anyone could be so…two-faced just disgusted him.

**I did. Cherry saw the same things in Dallas. That was why she was afraid to see him, afraid of loving him.**

Dally looked as though he couldn't fathom what Pony was talking about. He had no idea what Pony meant.

**I knew what she meant all right. But she also meant she wouldn't go see Johnny because he had killed Bob. **

"He deserved it." Steve said savagely under his breath.

**"That's okay," I said sharply. It wasn't Johnny's fault Bob was a booze-hound and Cherry went for boys who were bound for trouble. "I wouldn't want you to see him. You're a traitor to your own kind and not loyal to us. Do you think your spying for us makes up for the fact that you're sitting there in a Corvette while my brother drops out of school to get a job? Don't you ever feel sorry for us. Don't you ever try to give us handouts and then feel high and mighty about it."**

Normally Soda wouldn't go for talkin' to girls like that but this time… "Serves her right."

**I started to turn and walk off, but something in Cherry's face made me stop. I was ashamed- I can't stand to see girls cry. She wasn't crying, but she was close to it.**

Dally shook his head, sometimes Ponyboy was just too soft.

**"I wasn't trying to give you charity, Ponyboy. I only wanted to help. I liked you from the start... the way you talked. You're a nice kid, Ponyboy. Do you realize how scarce nice kids are nowadays? Wouldn't you try to help me if you could?"**

**I would. I'd help her and Randy both, if I could. "Hey," I said suddenly, "can you see the sunset real good from the West Side?"**

**She blinked, startled, then smiled. "Real good."**

**"You can see it good from the East Side, too," I said quietly.**

Some of the gang blinked from the quick change of topic. You must have to think like them to understand it, Darry thought.

**"Thanks, Ponyboy." She smiled through her tears. "You dig okay."**

**She had green eyes. I went on, walking home slowly.**

Maybe Pony's right not to trust people with green eyes, Dally thought.

**Ok, so how do you like it? Does it answer some of your questions? I personally thought this chapter was a success; I'm excited to start the rumble. Review and tell me what you think or give some suggestions.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Hey, sorry if this took long, I wanted it to be good!**

**Alright my faithful readers, I have one question? ARE YOU READY TO RUMBLE?**

**Oh my God I can't believe I just typed that. It may be the dorkiest thing I have ever written down. Sorry, I really could not resist.**

"My turn!" Two-Bit yelled making a grab for the book.

"No!" Pony and Darry said in unison as Johnny looked on cringing.

The entire gang drew in a collective breath, each preparing a detailed statement on why they should read. Johnny could see a fight beginning to brew behind Dally's eyes. The only person that could stop it now, he knew, was him.

Johnny turned to Soda, "Actually, I'd like to read. If that's okay."

The entire room seemed to deflate. Johnny didn't get special treatment, not anymore, and it was something he was glad for. He was treated like a kid for months after the surgery until he came face to face with a particularly rowdy group of socs. He proved himself easily, his fighting skills were as well-honed as anyone else's. The only person who offered him preferential treatment anymore was Dally, but because of the circumstances and because they were reading about the one fight Johnny had always lamented missing Soda handed the book over to Johnny and not even Two-Bit put up a fight.

"Here Johnny, switch with me so that you're in the middle of the room. We'll be able to hear you better." Pony said and Johnny moved one seat over while Pony surreptitiously took the seat closest to the door—and farthest from Dally.

Darry shook his head and bit back a smile because not one person in the room found Pony's request the slightest bit odd.

"**Chapter 9" **Johnny began in a surprisingly clear strong voice.

The entire group grinned in anticipation; even Steve could feel the hairs on his neck stand up as Soda's fingers taped out a restless beat on the arm of his chair. He had too much nervous energy.

**IT WAS ALMOST six-thirty when I got home. **

"Wait," Darry said, already interrupting. "Did you walk home all alone?" He asked glaring at Two-Bit. Johnny cleared his throat and continued reading before Two-Bit could answer in a way that would only land him in more trouble.

**The rumble was set for seven, so I was late for supper, as usual. I always come in late. I forget what time it is. **

"Golly Pony," Dally said, "For a genius you sure don't use your head much."

Pony was too high strung to form a proper rebuttal. Soda noticed his brother's anxiety as furrowed his brow, wondering what Pony could be so anxious about in the rumble chapter. Soda personally wanted to see how he got home from the hospital—Pony never really explained it to them very well.

**Darry had cooked dinner: baked chicken and potatoes and corn- two chickens because all three of us eat like horses. Especially Darry. **

The whole gang laughed and Johnny nudged Pony, if he didn't loosen up a bit they were gonna figure out what was up a whole lot sooner.

**But although I love baked chicken, I could hardly swallow any. I swallowed five aspirins, though, when Darry and Soda weren't looking.**

There was a moment of dead silence and then, "_PONYBOY MICHEAL CURTIS! What on earth were you thinking?_"

Ponyboy winced, he'd forgotten about. Boy he was going to get it good for this. Dally laughed, "No wonder you got sick Ponyboy. Five? You only needed two."

"Shut up." Pony hissed Darry was still lecturing.

"—_irresponsible and completely irrational. This is what I mean when I saw use your head! Do you know how worried we were when you didn't come home? If you hadn't taken that aspirin—"_

"Well technically he _did _also have a concussion, so really—" Soda should have stayed silent.

"He just said he took _five _aspirin, you can't honestly be defending him!"

"I'm not! I'm not, I'm just saying that he also had a concussion so there's no way to be sure that his condition on the night he came back from the hospital was solely based on the aspirin." Ponyboy was eternally grateful for Soda's intervention on his behalf. "Now the fever he ran for a week after, that was definitely because of the pills."

Johnny's eyes widened and he bit back a smile at Pony's anguished expression.

Darry nodded. "You put yourself through all of that on your own. You're supposed to be smart! Why did that seem like a good idea to you?"

Ponyboy had the sense to look sheepish, "I _needed_ to go to that rumble!"

"Ponyboy…you don't still do that do you?" Soda asked cautiously.

"Of course not!" Pony said, just a little too quickly for Johnny's comfort. He raised an eyebrow but Pony shook his head warningly. The only person who noticed was Dally who made a mental note to talk to those two.

Darry glared at Pony, "We will continue this later." He said dead serious. Pony looked at Soda for support but Soda just shook his head, he wasn't happy with his brothers decisions either.

Pony groaned, anticipating that this would be a long chapter. Two-Bit rolled his eyes at the kids melodramatics.

**I do that all the time because I can't sleep very well at night. Darry thinks I take just one, but I usually take four. I figured five would keep me going through the rumble and maybe get rid of my headache.**

Dead silence followed Johnny's voice as he finished the paragraph. Darry looked at his younger brother. Doesn't he know the effects that could have on his health? What was that idiot thinking?

Pony rubbed his face with is hands and prepared himself for the inevitable tirade that his brother was undoubtedly preparing at that very moment. Instead he got a surprise was Darry simply exhaled a low long suffering breath and said, "We will talk about this later." Pony was happy to know that he had delayed the unpleasant conversation, but it wasn't something he was looking forward to.

Soda watched in awe as Darry waved Johnny on, how could his brother let this slide? "No. We can talk about this now."

"Soda?" Pony asked, shocked. Soda had never been one for discipline.

"Pony, do you realize how dangerous a habit that is to pick up? Do you even realize how much damage you could do to yourself?" Soda may not have passed biology but he was sure taking five pills a night wasn't good for anyone.

Pony was still speechless, but he knew that if Soda was upset enough to complain about it right here and now, then he was doing something wrong.

He nodded, "I don't do it any more, I swear."

**Then I hurried to take a shower and change clothes. Me and Soda and Darry always got spruced up before a rumble. **

"God," Steve moaned, "Is he gonna go through the whole routine?"

"Shut up," Soda said smacking the back of Steve's head. Steve glared at him but then did shut up.

**And besides, we wanted to show those Socs we weren't trash, that we were just as good as they were.**

Two-Bit snorted, "They're the trash, and we are _way _more attractive than them too. So really, we got the better deal!" He grinned and Pony found himself grinning alongside him.

**"Soda," l called from the bathroom, "when did you start shaving?"**

Pony's cheeks reddened slightly as Johnny chuckled and the guys in the room grinned.

**"When I was fifteen," he yelled back.**

"Really?" Steve asked, "Kind of a late bloomer?"

"Shut up."

**"When did Darry?"**

**'When he was thirteen. Why? You figgerin' on growing a beard for the rumble?"**

Two-Bit choked back a laugh. He remembered when Pony hit his growth spurt. The kid shot up six inches overnight.

**"You're funny. We ought to send you in to the Reader's Digest. I hear they pay a lot for funny things."**

Johnny laughed at his friends comment. It was one of the reasons he enjoyed Ponyboy's companionship, he was one funny guy when he wanted to be.

Dally shook his head, "More and more like Two-Bit every day."

Soda frowned.

**Soda laughed and went right on playing poker with Steve in the living room.**

Pony snorted. Soda was an awful poker player. He'd gotten better but he still needed to work on his poker face.

"You got a problem, Pony?" Soda couldn't help it; he wore his emotions on his sleeve. He may suck at poker, but he was an amazing black jack player.

**Darry had on a tight black T-shirt that showed every muscle on his chest and even the flat hard muscles of his stomach. I'd hate to be the Soc who takes a crack at him, I thought**

Darry's lips twisted into a grin full of pride. Two-Bit smiled, feeling his energy get hyped up as if he were the one preparing for a rumble.

Steve was just as excited as Two-Bit because Pony was back to describing the guys. They would get another look inside the kids head and get to see themselves.

**as I pulled on a clean T-shirt and a fresh pair of jeans. I wished my T-shirt was tighter- I have a pretty good build for my size, **

That much was true, even Dally would admit. Track must be a good work out.

**but I'd lost a lot of weight in Windrixville and it just didn't fit right.**

Two-Bit eyeballed Pony from across the room, rubbing his chin and pretending to be in deep thought, "Looks like you put it all back on."

Pony didn't respond.

**It was a chilly night and Tshirts aren't the warmest clothes in the world, but nobody ever gets cold in a rumble, and besides, jackets interfere with your swinging ability.**

Dally nodded, confirming Pony's observation.

**Soda and Steve and I had put on more hair oil than was necessary, but we wanted to show that we were greasers. **

A loud chorus of 'Yeah's!' and 'Whoops!' were heard around the room.

**Tonight we could be proud of it. Greasers may not have much, but they have a rep.**

Dally didn't mind that the greasers didn't have much but Pony was a little off, they did have a rep but they also had family, they had a community. Something the socs wouldn't know if it bit 'em in the ass.

**That and long hair. (What kind of world is it where all I have to be proud of is a reputation for being a hood, and greasy hair?**

"You've got more than that to be proud of," Pony nearly fell off the couch when he heard Steve. "You've got a brain. You should be thankful for that."

"Yeah," said Dally, "It's more than Two-Bit's got!" The entire room cracked up and Ponyboy realized that maybe Soda was right. He might have been a tad overdramatic when he was younger.

**I don't want to be a hood, but even if I don't steal things and mug people and get boozed up, I'm marked lousy. **

Darry's lips tightened. Someday he would prove them all wrong. Pony would make it, Darry would make sure of it.

**Why should I be proud of it? Why should I even pretend to be proud of it?) Darry never went in for the long hair. His was short and clean all the time.**

One more reason he seemed like a soc, Dally thought, but he didn't bring it up, lest he tempt Darry's wrath.

**I sat in the armchair in the living room, waiting for the rest of the outfit to show up. But of course, tonight the only one coming would be Two-Bit; Johnny and Dallas wouldn't show. **

"That's what you think!" Dally hollered.

**Soda and Steve were playing cards and arguing as usual. Soda was keeping up a steady stream of wisecracks and clowning, **

Darry rolled his eyes, "Of course."

Soda looked highly offended, but said nothing, not wanting to interrupt the reading.

**and Steve had turned up the radio so loud that it almost broke my eardrums. Of course everybody listens to it loud like that, but it wasn't just the best thing for a headache.**

Soda winced in sympathy. Darry wanted to ask why Pony didn't ask them to turn it down but he knew why. It would have tipped his suspicions and he would have kept Pony home.

**"You like fights, don't you, Soda?" I asked suddenly.**

Soda remembered this conversation, he was interested in seeing Pony's motives behind it.

**"Yeah, sure." He shrugged. "I like fights."**

**"How come?"**

Two-Bit remembered that happening to him too, or he remembered Pony asking him about that.

**"I don't know." He looked at me, puzzled. "It's action. It's a contest. Like a drag race or a dance or something."**

Dally smirked at Soda's response.

**"Shoot," said Steve, "I want to beat those Socs' heads in. When I get in a fight I want to stomp the other guy good. I like it, too."**

Somehow, Steve's answer to the question didn't surprise anybody.

**"How come you like fights, Darry?" I asked, looking up at him as he stood behind me, leaning in the kitchen doorway. He gave me one of those looks that hide what he's thinking,**

"What look?" Darry asked. Bad idea. Every person in the room looked up at Darry and gave their best impression of Darry's 'hiding something' look. They ranged from Soda's smoldering eyes to Dally's yeah-I-robbed-that-store-but-you'll-never-prove-it look to Two-Bit's completely unreadable blank expression.

**but Soda piped up: "He likes to show off his muscles."**

"That's not true!" Darry protested.

**"I'm gonna show 'em off on you, little buddy, if you get any mouthier."**

**I digested what Soda had said. **

Digested? God his brother used weird words, Soda thought.

**It was the truth. Darry liked anything that took strength, like weight lifting or playing football or roofing houses, even if he was proud of being smart too. **

Darry half smiled at Pony over Johnny's head. His little brother understood him a lot better than anyone else.

**Darry never said anything about it, but I knew he liked fights. I felt out of things. **

And that's what scared Dally the most. You never had to tell the kid anything, but he knew. He almost seemed to know what you would do in situations you never even thought of.

**I'll fight anyone anytime, but I don't like to.**

That's what makes you different, Johnny thought. Pony was still like that, anytime, anyplace, anyone but not for the fun of it. Johnny personally fought for self-preservation, but he didn't mind it as much as Pony did.

**"I don't know if you ought to be in this rumble, Pony," Darry said slowly.**

**Oh, no, I thought in mortal fear, I've got to be in it.**

Soda raised his eyebrows. Melodramatic, he thought looking at Ponyboy.

"Yeah, yeah," Pony said in response to the looks he was getting. "Shut up."

**Right then the most important thing in my life was helping us whip the Socs. Don't let him make me stay home now. I've got to be in it.**

Darry shifted uncomfortably. He wanted his brother to be open and honest with him but had Ponyboy told Darry what he had been thinking, Darry definitely wouldn't have let the kid go. He wondered if Pony still kept little details from him.

**"How come? I've always come through before, ain't I?"**

**"Yeah," Darry said with a proud grin. "You fight real good for a kid your size.**

Darry smiled at the look on Ponyboy's face. He was glad to know that Pony _did_ know that he was proud of him.

**But you were in shape before. You've lost weight and you don't look so great, kid. You're tensed up too much."**

**"Shoot," said Soda, trying to get the ace out of his shoe without Steve's seeing him,**

"You cheatin' sonofa' bitch!" Steve yelled tackling Soda. "I knew you weren't a good enough player to be beatin' me! I knew it!"

The two greasers had to be torn apart before the reading could be continued.

"You owe me the money you won!" Steve yelled.

Soda pretended not to hear.

**"we all get tensed up before a rumble. Let him fight tonight. Skin never hurt anyone- no weapons, no danger."**

Soda winced at his earlier words. He should've made Pony stay home.

**"I'll be okay," I pleaded. "I'll get hold of a little one, okay?"**

You gotta let him fight! Johnny thought, before remembering that of course they had let him fight. He knew that they did.

**"Well, Johnny won't be there this time..." -Johnny and I sometimes ganged up on one big guy-**

The entire gang laughed, remembering when the two scrawny greasers had been forced to tag team, which was no longer the case. Each of the boys were big and strong enough to take on several socs at once, as long as no weapons were involved. Both of them carried blades, they came in handy, but both were reluctant to use them in a fight.

**"but then, Curly Shepard won't be there either, or Dally, and we'll need every man we can get."**

"You all underestimate me." Dallas said darkly.

**"What happened to Shepard?" I asked, remembering Tim Shepard's kid brother. Curly, who was a tough, cool, hard-as-nails Tim in miniature,**

Dally laughed remembering the time that tough, cool, hard-as-nails Curly had tried and failed to take him on. The fight hadn't lasted more than five minutes. Tim had been pissed, but he got over it. The kid was a good greaser though.

**and I had once played chicken by holding our cigarette ends against each other's fingers.**

"_You did what_?" This time it was not only Darry and Soda yelling, it was the whole gang. Each was shocked that Pony would be so stupid and with Curly Shepard of all people!

**We had stood there, clenching our teeth and grimacing, with sweat pouring down our faces and the smell of burning flesh making us sick, each refusing to holler, **

Soda looked sick at the description, and Darry leaned around Johnny and smacked Pony on the back of the head.

"Ow! Keep readin', I've already been punished for that!"

**until Tim happened to stroll by. When he saw that we were really burning holes in each other he cracked our heads together, swearing to kill us both if we ever pulled a stunt like that again.**

"Your damn right he'll kill ya'!" Surprisingly it was Soda that was yelling, "I'll kill ya' too! And Darry'll kill ya'! _We'll _kill ya' together!" This book was making Soda realize that he needed to keep a lot closer eye on Ponyboy.

**I still have the scar on my forefinger. Curly was an average downtown hood, tough and not real bright, but I liked him. He could take anything.**

Johnny nodded. He liked Curly too, real tough kid. Easy to get along with, and because Dally and Tim were so close the two greasers often crossed paths.

**"He's in the cooler," Steve said, "In the reformatory."**

**Again? I thought, and said, "Let me fight, Darry. If it was blades or chains or something it'd be different. Nobody ever gets really hurt in a skin rumble."**

"Pfft," Two-Bit says, "Until tonight!"

Darry glared at him.

**"Well"- Darry gave in- "I guess you can. But be careful, and if you get in a jam, holler and I'll get you out."**

**"I'll be okay," I said wearily. "How come you never worry about Sodapop as much? I don't see you lecturin' him."**

"Cause I'm a world class fighter!" Soda brags.

Darry smiled and shook his head. The real reason was because Soda, well, he didn't have anything to blow. What he was now was what he would always be, but Ponyboy, he had everything to loose.

**"Man"- Darry grinned and put his arm across Soda's shoulders- "this is one kid brother I don't have to worry about"**

**Soda punched him in the ribs affectionately.**

Dally wondered why Soda and Darry got on so well but not Darry and Ponyboy. You'd think it'd be the other way around, but he guessed there was no one who _couldn't _get along with Soda. Though now a days he thought that Darry and Ponyboy were closer than Darry and Sodapop.

**"This kiddo can use his head."**

**Sodapop looked down at me with mock superiority, but Darry went on: "You can see he uses it for one thing- to grow hair on." He ducked Soda's swing and took off for the door.**

Johnny smiled at the brothers' playful banter.

**Two-Bit stuck his head in the door just as Darry went flying out of it. Leaping as he went off the steps, Darry turned a somersault in mid-air, hit the ground, and bounced up before Soda could catch him.**

Two-Bit grinned, happy to be back in the book. Considering that he _was_ the most important person in Pony's life there was surprisingly little of him in this book, he thought.

**"Welup," Two-Bit said cheerfully, cocking an eyebrow, "I see we are in prime condition for a rumble. Is everybody happy?"**

Dally shook his head. They could be knocking on death's door and Two-Bit would be cheerful.

**"Yeah!" screamed Soda as he too did a flying somersault off the steps. He flipped up to walk on his hands and then did a no-hands cartwheel across the yard to beat Darry's performance. **

Darry shook his head, "You can't beat me, little man!"

"I just did," Soda laughed.

**The excitement was catching. Screeching like an Indian, Steve went running across the lawn in flying leaps, stopped suddenly, and flipped backward. **

"Screamin' like an Indian? Your brain is weird."

"I know."

**We could all do acrobatics because Darry had taken a course at the Y and then spent a whole summer teaching us every thing he'd learned on the grounds that it might come in handy in a fight.**

Darry laughed, it may have once or twice but it caused more trouble than it was worth. Still, he couldn't bring himself to regret it.

**It did, but it also got Two-Bit and Soda jailed once.**

The aforementioned greasers grinned cockily at the memory.

**They were doing mid-air flips down a downtown sidewalk, walking on their hands and otherwise disturbing the public and the police. Leave it to those two to pull something like that.**

"We were entertaining! I still don't know why they arrested us!" Two-Bit whined, but they all knew that he didn't mind a bit more padding in his rap sheet.

**With a happy whoop I did a no-hands cartwheel off the porch steps, hit the ground, and rolled to my feet. Two-Bit followed me in a similar manner.**

Two-Bit looked a bit offended that Pony hadn't described his acrobatics. Pony noticed this, "You were behind me. I couldn't see you, dummy."

Two-Bit was slightly more cheered. He even let the 'dummy' remark slide.

**"I am a greaser," Sodapop chanted. "I am a JD and a hood. I blacken the name of our fair city. I beat up people. I rob gas stations. I am a menace to society. Man, do I have fun!"**

The entire gang burst into smiles and cheers, remembering their epic chant that night.

"Hey! Did we miss something?" Dally asked gesturing to Johnny. Johnny shrugged and continued to read.

**"Greaser... greaser... greaser..." Steve singsonged. "O victim of environment, underprivileged, rotten, no-count hood!"**

**"Juvenile delinquent, you're no good!" Darry shouted.**

**"Get thee hence, white trash," Two-Bit said in a snobbish voice. "I am a Soc. I am the privileged and the well-dressed. I throw beer blasts, drive fancy cars, break windows at fancy parties."**

**"And what do you do for fun?" I inquired in a serious, awed voice.**

**"I jump greasers!" Two-Bit screamed, and did a cart wheel.**

"Damn! I am sorry to have missed that! I shoulda' broken out of the hospital earlier!" Dally said, truly upset at missing out on the fun.

Johnny smiled, he wished he had been there too. "We'll do it next rumble," Soda promised the gloomy looking greasers, "Now that we have it in writing, we can remember it!"

"How did you remember the chant anyway?" Two-Bit asked Ponyboy curious.

"I have a good memory," Pony shrugged.

"No way!" Two-Bit yelled, "No one's memory is _that _good!"

"Nah," said Steve, "It just shocks you because when you get drunk you can barely remember your own name!"

The gang laughed uproariously at Steve's comment but no one noticed Two-Bit's face. Maybe I should cut back, he thought. It was like Pony's smoking, it was getting out of control.

**We settled down as we walked to the lot. Two-Bit was the only one wearing a jacket; he had a couple of cans of beer stuffed in it. He always gets high before a rumble.**

Two-bit frowned slightly and says, "It helps with the nerves."

**Before anything else, too, come to think of it.**

Steve opens his mouth to comment but Soda elbows him before any words leave his mouth. Two-Bit was frowning and looked almost embarrassed by his actions.

**I shook my head. I'd hate to see the day when I had to get my nerve from a can.**

Oooh, Johnny can't help but think, direct hit. Two-Bit looked pretty much devastated. Johnny just hoped that maybe he didn't like what he saw through Pony's eyes. Maybe he would change.

Pony wanted to open his mouth to say something, to encourage Two-Bit to…what? Give up drinking? Not gonna' happen.

Two-Bit agreed, not gonna' happen, but cutting back wasn't out of the question.

**I'd tried drinking once before. The stuff tasted awful, I got sick, had a headache, and when Darry found out, he grounded me for two weeks.**

Darry remembered that day. It had terrified him to think that Pony could stray from the path he was on and become and unremarkable greaser. He may have over reacted on the punishment but he'd been scare out of his mind.

**But that was the last time I'd ever drink. I'd seen too much of what drinking did for you at Johnny's house.**

Johnny shuddered, but was glad that his drunken parents could be of some service, even if it was purely an example of what _not _to be.

**"Hey, Two-Bit," I said, deciding to complete my survey,**

Survey? Steve shook his head, Pony was an odd boy, that was for sure.

**"how come you like to fight?"**

**He looked at me as if I was off my nut. "Shoot, everybody fights."**

Two-Bit laughed at his old answer. Pony wasn't the only one who'd grown in the past two years, if anyone asked now his answer would be much different.

**If everybody jumped in the Arkansas River, ol' Two-Bit would be right on their heels.**

"Hey!" Shouted Two-Bit, offended. The rest of the gang was laughing and eventually Two-Bit gave in and laughed with them. It was a pretty funny line.

Johnny gave Two-Bit a sideways glance. Self-deprecation was a rare quality around here, it was something else that set Two-Bit apart. You were hard pressed to find someone around here that could laugh at themselves, it was a valuable trait.

**I had it then. Soda fought for fun,**

Soda shrugged when Darry rolled his eyes.

**Steve for hatred,**

Steve rubbed the back of his neck; he liked to think that he had matured slightly since then. Gotten past some of his hate. Oh, it was still there, he just didn't let it rule his life.

**Darry for pride,**

Darry felt sheepish, but it was true.

**and Two-Bit for conformity. **

"Conformity?" Two-Bit snorted, but couldn't think of any evidence to refute the claim.

**Why do I fight? I thought, and couldn't think of any real good reason. There isn't any real good reason for fighting except self-defense.**

"What do you mean no good reason? You just listed off four of 'em!" Dallas complained.

No one, not even Steve, responded but Johnny bit the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing.

**"Listen, Soda, you and Ponyboy," Darry said as we strode down the street, "if the fuzz show, you two beat it out of there. **

Soda rolled his eyes, "Duh! We've done this before Darry!"

**The rest of us can only get jailed. You two can get sent to a boys' home."**

"Yeah, we got that." Pony muttered sarcastically. Darry raised an eyebrow and Pony ducked his head to keep from getting smacked again.

**"Nobody in this neighborhood's going to call the fuzz," Steve said grimly. 'They know what'd happen if they did."**

A bit of a shame really, Johnny thought, thinking of how helpful the police would have been on a few occasions. But then again…there were a lot of situations that made him devoutly thankful that there were no police in the neighborhood.

**"All the same, you two blow at the first sign of trouble. You hear me?"**

**"You sure don't need an amplifier," Soda said, and stuck out his tongue at the back of Darry's head. I stifled a giggle. If you want to see something funny, it's a tough hood sticking his tongue out at his big brother.**

Steve snorted, and Dally shook his head, "Image, kid, image!" He said.

The rumble was next and the anticipation in the room built until it felt as if the occupants in the room were the ones going into battle.

**TIM SHEPARD AND company were already waiting when we arrived at the vacant lot, along with a gang from Brumly, one of the suburbs. **

"Where is 'ole Timmy?" Two-Bit asked. "I thought he'd be back by now!"

The others around him shrugged, they didn't particularly want Tim around right now. Ponyboy was rushing to make a plan. By the end of the rumble he decided he would slip out of the house and maybe get some food or walk around for a while. If he times it just right no one would notice.

**Tim was a lean, catlike eighteen-year-old who looked like the model JD you see in movies and magazines. He had the right curly black hair, smoldering dark eyes, and a long scar from temple to chin where a tramp had belted him with a broken pop bottle.**

Dallas laughed at the reminder; he had been there when it happened. Tim didn't mind, the scar made him look tough.

**He had a tough, hard look to him, and his nose had been broken twice. Like Dally's, his smile was grim and bitter.**

"Grim and bitter…" Dallas muttered. He was starting to wonder if the compliments he was getting really outweighed all the insults.

**He was one of those who enjoy being a hood. The rest of his bunch were the same way.**

Soda grimaced; he didn't mind the hoods, but being one of them? No thank you!

**The boys from Brumly, too. Young hoods- who would grow up to be old hoods.**

Steve frowned—kind of a depressing look on life.

**I'd never thought about it before, but they'd just get worse as they got older, not better.**

Pony's never been much of an optimist, Darry thought, he gets that from me.

**I looked at Darry. He wasn't going to be any hood when he got old. He was going to get somewhere.**

Darry raised his eyebrows, this was new. He wondered what Pony had to say about him.

Soda was smiling, Darry had gotten farther now that where he was then.

**Living the way we do would only make him more determined to get somewhere. That's why he's better than the rest of us, I thought. He's going somewhere. **

The entire group looked shocked. Pony was thinking about Darry the way they thought of Pony! Nearly word for word!

Pony looked up to find everyone staring at him. "What?" He asked.

Dally shook his head, "Nothin' kid. Keep readin' Johnny."

**And I was going to be like him. I wasn't going to live in a lousy neighborhood all my life.**

Darry was cheering on the inside, _yes! That's all I want for you!_

**Tim had the tense, hungry look of an alley cat- that's what he's always reminded me of, an alley cat-**

Two-Bit squinted, imagining the comparison. He was right, Tim was tall and lean and his eyes always had that calculating look in them.

**and he was constantly restless. His boys ranged from fifteen to nineteen, hard-looking characters who were used to the strict discipline Tim gave out.**

Dally shook his head. That was why he liked their group better, he didn't want to be responsible to a bunch of punks but he certainly wouldn't ever bow down to anyone but himself.

**That was the difference between his gang and ours- they had a leader and were organized; we were just buddies who stuck together- each man was his own leader. Maybe that was why we could whip them.**

Steve and Soda cheered while the rest of the gang grinned. It was true, they had beaten them on a number of occasions.

**Tim and the leader of the Brumly outfit moved forward to shake hands with each of us- proving that our gangs were on the same side in this fight, although most of the guys in those two outfits weren't exactly what I'd like to call my friends. **

"Don't have to be friends with 'em. Just make sure they don't get knocked unconscious." Dally said.

**When Tim got to me he studied me, maybe remembering how his kid brother and I had played chicken.**

Soda shook his head, still pissed about that.

**"You and the quiet black-headed kid were the ones who killed that Soc?"**

**"Yeah," I said, pretending to be proud of it; then I thought of Cherry and Randy and got a sick feeling in my stomach.**

No one said anything as Johnny read Pony's words.

**"Good goin', kid. Curly always said you were a good kid. **

Dally laughed. For some reason it was funny to him that Pony and Curly knew each other. That they got along. Well, he thought, I guess kid brothers gotta stick together.

**Curly's in the reformatory for the next six months." Tim grinned ruefully, probably thinking of his roughneck, hard-headed brother. "He got caught breakin' into a liquor store, the little..." He went on to call Curly every unprintable name under the sun- in Tim's way of thinking, terms of affection.**

Two-Bit snickered.

**I surveyed the scene with pride. I was the youngest one there. Even Curly, if he had been there, had turned fifteen, so he was older than me. **

Darry was shaking his head, thinking his brother stupid for being proud of this. He should be scared.

**I could tell Darry realized this too, and although he was proud, I also knew he was worried. **

Darry wanted to smack his past self. He should've made Pony stay home where he'd a been safe! Not standing there, proud of him! Pony sick and jacked up on pills!

**Shoot, I thought, I'll fight so good this time he won't ever worry about me again. I'll show him that someone besides Sodapop can use his head.**

"Sodapop can't use his head." Steve pointed out, "There's nothing in there for him to use."

"Hey!" Sodapop turned around, offended.

Pony chuckled weakly. The gang burst into small conversations and he could tell that Dallas was getting annoyed. The vein in his forehead was throbbing the way it did when his patience was wearing thin.

Ponyboy surveyed the scene intently; this may be his only chance to get out. Very carefully he got up and slipped out of the room and into the kitchen, he thought he heard Johnny chuckle at him. Oh yeah, Johnny could laugh, he wasn't the one that Dally would kill when he read the death scene.

He walked through the kitchen and out the front door; he planned on coming back in about an hour after the scene was read and Dally had time to cool down.

Johnny shook his head but started reading, hoping to cover his friend's disappearance.

It worked pretty well, everyone was so absorbed in the book that not even Darry noted Pony's absence.

**One of the Brumly guys waved me over. We mostly stuck with our own outfits, so I was a little leery of going over to him, but I shrugged.**

Darry made a sound of distaste in the back of his throat. _Brumly boys are idiots, _he thought.

**He asked to borrow a weed, then lit up. "That big guy with y'all, you know him pretty well?"**

Darry straitened just a bit.

**"I ought to, he's my brother," I said. I couldn't honestly say "Yes."**

Darry and Soda cringed at this, it was depressing to see everything typed out in black and white.

**I knew Darry as well as he knew me, and that isn't saying a whole lot.**

Jeez, Two-bit and Steve were still surprised at the oddly dysfunctional relationship between the two brothers, it just looked so different from the outside.

"Hey!" Two-Bit said, finally noticing the empty spot on the couch, "Where'd Ponyboy go?"

"Uh, oh, well he's a just, a, getting some air. I'm sure he'll be back soon." Johnny covered, but not very well. Darry put two and two together and started to laugh.

Soda shot him a look, _what's up?_

Darry calmed down and shook his head in an 'I'll explain later' way.

**"No kiddin'? I got a feelin' he's gonna be asked to start the fireworks around here. He a pretty good bopper?"**

Dally groaned and rolled his eyes, "Bopper? _Bopper?_ God almighty! Those Brumly boys ain't too smart are they?"

"That's not new." Two-Bit said conversationally. He didn't mind the boys too much; it was true that they weren't too bright but you don't need brains to win a fight.

**He meant rumbler. Those Brumly boys have weird vocabularies.**

"No kidding," Steve muttered.

**l doubt if half of them can read a newspaper or spell much more than their names, and it comes out in their speech. **

Darry smiled; at least Ponyboy wouldn't ever be like that. He'd always have his education, no matter where he went.

**I mean, you take a guy that calls a rumble "bop-action," and you can tell he isn't real educated.**

That sent the gang into real laughter. It was something every one of them could imagine Ponyboy saying.

**"Yep," I said. "But why him?"**

**He shrugged. "Why anybody else?"**

Had the words been out of anyone else's mouth Johnny may have thought they were deep or full of contemplation, but knowing the Brumly boys it was probably an actual question.

**I looked our outfits over. Most greasers don't have real tuff builds or anything.**

"Hey!" this came from many members of the group, all of whom took great pride in their 'tuff builds'.

**They're mostly lean and kind of panther-looking in a slouchy way.**

Well, they conceded, that wasn't so bad.

**This is partly because they don't eat much and partly because they're slouchy. Darry looked like he could whip anyone there.**

Darry grinned at his little brother's confidence in him. It was heartening.

**I think most of the guys were nervous because of the 'no weapons' rule. I didn't know about the Brumly boys, but I knew Shepard's gang were used to fighting with anything they could get their hands on- bicycle chains, blades, pop bottles, pieces of pipe, pool sticks, or sometimes even heaters.**

Johnny shuddered; fighting Tim's guys was always taking your life into your own hands. Luckily, because of Dally, Tim's guys never pulled weapons on the Curtis gang.

**I mean guns. I have a kind of lousy vocabulary, too, even if I am educated.**

"Aw, the kid can't help it, you know! No one can if they're raised around here!" Soda complained, not that he particularly minded his own vocabulary.

**Our gang never went in for weapons. We're just not that rough. The only weapons we ever used were knives, and shoot, we carried them mostly just for looks. **

The gang shrugged at the truth of it. Fighting was fun and all but bringing in weapons put you in a bad spot, they all knew that too well on account of what happened with Johnny.

**Like Two-Bit with his black-handled switch. None of us had ever really hurt anybody, or wanted to. Just Johnny. And he hadn't wanted to.**

"Hadn't wanted to." Dally muttered incredulously under his breath. "Hadn't wanted to hurt that stupid soc." Luckily no one else over heard his mumblings.

**"Hey, Curtis!" Tim yelled. I jumped.**

"What's Tim doin' calling for Pony?" Two-Bit asked, perplexed.

Darry frowned and shrugged, he didn't remember them talking before the rumble.

**"Which one?" I heard Soda yell back.**

"Oh," Two-Bit nodded in understanding.

**"The big one. Come on over here."**

"They were talking to Darry." Two-Bit stated.

"Yeah, we got that Two-Bit," Soda said sarcastically.

"Hey! Just sayin'!"

**The guy from Brumly looked at me. "What did I tell ya?"**

"Yep, gotta' real genius right there!" Steve muttered sarcastically. The gang laughed.

**I watched Darry going toward Tim and the leader of the Brumly boys. He shouldn't be here, I thought suddenly. I shouldn't be here and Steve shouldn't be here and Soda shouldn't be here and Two-Bit shouldn't be here. **

"Huh?" The gang wondered.

"Why shouldn't you be there?" Dallas asked, confusion in his voice.

The rest of the gang shrugged, not having an answer. Johnny sighed. He knew what Pony meant, but he thought Pony was wrong this time. Oh, maybe they shouldn't be there at the rumble but him and Dally and Darry and all the other guys, well, they were greasers, through and through. No denying it, but Pony was lumping them in with him. True Pony was born a greaser but he would die far from it.

**We're greasers, but not hoods, and we don't belong with this bunch of future convicts. **

Soda laughed, "We _are _future convicts!"

Darry glared at him, "What was that, little brother?"

"Well, I mean, uh, Dally is!"

Dally just shrugged and Darry rolled his eyes at him, "What? It's probably true." He stopped being so cavalier about his imminent future incarceration when he saw how pale Johnny looked, "I mean, just kiddin'. I ain't goin' nowhere for a while. Can't leave you idiots alone for more than a week at a time!"

**We could end up like them, I thought. We could. And the thought didn't help my headache.**

Dally snorted a laugh, "Poor kid. Poor, clueless, kid." Soda looked ready to defend his absent younger brother but Johnny shook his head. In Dally's mind those were terms of affection, not insults, as Soda had taken them to be.

**I went back to stand with Soda and Steve and Two-Bit then, because the Socs were arriving. **

A loud chorus of boos and more explicit insults aimed at the socs were heard throughout the room, Johnny stopped reading because he could no longer be heard over the noise.

When they calmed down he continued.

**Right on time. They came in four carloads, and filed out silently. I counted twenty-two of them. There were twenty of us, so I figured the odds were as even as we could get them. **

"We sent 'em packin' anyways and then went to the hospital to recovering Johnny!"

**Darry always liked to take on two at a time anyway. **

Darry grinned and Soda shook his head, "And yet, you accuse _him _of not using his head."

"That's different."

"'Course it is." Soda's tone was playful but there was a deeper meaning in his eyes.

**They looked like they were all cut from the same piece of cloth: clean shaven with semi-Beatle haircuts, wearing striped or checkered shirts with light red or tan-colored jackets or madras ski jackets. **

Two-Bit mimed barfing behind Steve. "Whatta' buncha'—" Dally went on to call the socs names that, two years ago, would've made Johnny blush all shades of red.

**They could just as easily have been going to the movies as to a rumble. That's why people don't ever think to blame the Socs and are always ready to jump on us. We look hoody and they look decent. It could be just the other way around- half of the hoods I know are pretty decent guys underneath all that grease, and from what I've heard, a lot of Socs are just cold-blooded mean- but people usually go by looks.**

"Damn coppers." Two-Bit muttered.

**They lined up silently, facing us, and we lined up facing them. I looked for Randy but didn't see him. I hoped he wasn't there. A guy with a madras shirt stepped up. "Let's get the rules straight- nothing but our fists, and the first to run lose. Right?"**

"That's how it always is dumbass," Dally snapped.

**Tim flipped away his beer can. "You savvy real good."**

**There was an uneasy silence: Who was going to start it? Darry solved the problem. He stepped forward under the circle of light made by the street lamp. For a minute, everything looked unreal, like a scene out of a JD movie or something.**

Steve pulled a face, "Kid mentions JD movies a lot."

"Yeah, so?" Johnny asked defensively. Ponyboy's movie thing wasn't something he understood but he be damned if he's let someone else sit right in front of him and call Pony out on it.

"Nothin'" Steve said, mostly in response to Dally's glare, "Just pointin' it out."

**Then Darry said, "I'll take on anyone."**

"Good man." Dally said, nodding respectfully to Darry.

**He stood there, tall, broad-shouldered; his muscles taut under his T-shirt and his eyes glittering like ice. For a second it looked like there wasn't anyone brave enough to take him on. **

"Cowards." Two-Bit muttered. Johnny smiled, that was a bit rich, coming from Two-Bit, who wouldn't take on Dally at a rumble either.

**Then there was a slight stir in the faceless mob of Socs, and a husky blond guy stepped forward. He looked at Darry and said quietly, "Hello, Darrel."**

Darry's jaw tightened and the rest of the greasers tensed.

**Something flickered behind Darry's eyes and then they were ice again. "Hello, Paul."**

Darry breathed a deep breath, he really hated that guy.

**I heard Soda give a kind of squeak and I realized that the blond was Paul Holden. He had been the best halfback on Darry's football team at high school and he and Darry used to buddy it around all the time. **

Darry's face reddened slightly at the reminder.

**He must be a junior in college by now, I thought. He was looking at Darry with an expression I couldn't quite place, but disliked. Contempt? Pity? Hate? All three? Why? Because Darry was standing there representing all of us, and maybe Paul felt only contempt and pity and hate for greasers?**

Darry wanted Pony to succeed but he also didn't want him to turn out like Paul. He wanted Pony to grow up, to not be focused on things like rumbles and greasers and socs. Paul might have been the one who went to college, but Darry had done a lot more growing up than he had.

**Darry hadn't moved a muscle or changed expression, but you could see he hated Paul now. It wasn't only jealousy- Darry had a right to be jealous; he was ashamed to be on our side, ashamed to be seen with the Brumly boys, Shepard's gang, maybe even us. Nobody realized it but me and Soda. It didn't matter to anyone but me and Soda.**

"_That's not true_!" Darry denied vehemently. Had Soda not remembered Darry's speech from last chapter, or a few chapters before, he couldn't remember, he might not have believed him.

Darry might not have been proud to be there but that had nothing to do with what side he was on. It had to do with the fact that he was an adult and was participating in a petty rumble. He could right off the occasional street fight and heated exchange of words with the socs as regular, ordinary, or necessary for protection, but if he was still being a part of things like rumbles could he really say he'd grown? He was ashamed of being there alright, and Paul and ever greaser and soc outta' high school shoulda' been ashamed of it too.

**That's stupid, I thought swiftly, they've both come here to fight and they're both supposed to be smarter than that. What difference does the side make?**

Darry blinked; fixated on his brother's words. Sometimes he thought Pony must be smarter than him. Not in the educated sense, Darry knew his brother was smarter than him in school, after all Pony had skipped a grade. But now he was thinking that Pony honest to God had more understanding of the world than he did. And the kid was fourteen when he wrote those words.

**Then Paul said, "I'll take you," and something like a smile crossed Darry's face. I knew Darry had thought he could take Paul any time. But that was two or three years ago. What if Paul was better now? **

"Nah, Darry'll always be able to take a wimpy soc, any time of day!" Soda proclaimed and Darry smiled at his younger brother.

**I swallowed. Neither one of my brothers had ever been beaten in a fight, but I wasn't exactly itching for someone to break the record.**

Steve shook his head, he doubted the record ever would be broken.

**They moved in a circle under the light, counterclockwise, eyeing each other, sizing each other up, maybe remembering old faults and wondering if they were still there. The rest of us waited with mounting tension.**

The group was not immune to the mounting tension, none of them were even bothered by Pony's absence.

**I was reminded of Jack London's books- you know, where the wolf pack waits in silence for one of two members to go down in a fight. But it was different here. The moment either one swung a punch, the rumble would be on.**

Sodapop had lit up and took a long drag from his cigarette.

**The silence grew heavier, and I could hear the harsh heavy breathing of the boys around me. Still Darry and the Soc walked slowly in a circle. Even I could feel their hatred. **

Johnny laughed inwardly, _even _him? Pony was the most perceptive people he knew.

**They used to be buddies, I thought, they used to be friends, and now they hate each other because one has to work for a living and the other comes from the West Side. **

It really is disgusting, Johnny thought. No one else really agreed with him, but that was why he and Pony were so close. If Pony'd been there he would have agreed with him.

**They shouldn't hate each other... I don't hate the Socs any more... they shouldn't hate...**

Dally had an expression of distaste and opened his mouth to comment before a glare from Johnny silenced him, neither Two-Bit nor Steve said a word either, not wanting to bring down upon themselves the wrath of the Curtis gang.

They didn't understand how Pony view socs. Some of them he liked just fine, others he hated. The thing now was that he hated them because they were bad people or because they chose to underestimate him because of his background. He no longer solely hated them for being socs. Ponyboy had told Johnny once that hating them because they were socs made greasers no better than them.

Johnny did try to see from Pony's perspective but it wasn't always easy, sometimes it wasn't even possible.

**"Hold up!" a familiar voice yelled. "Hold it!" Darry turned to see who it was, and Paul swung—**

"Rat bastard." Two-Bit muttered.

Darry agreed, that punch hadn't felt too good. Paul only did it cause he knew he'd never win if he fought fair, then again fights between greasers and socs were rarely, if ever, fair.

**- a hard right to the jaw that would have felled anyone but Darry. The rumble was on. Dallas Winston ran to join us.**

"Jesus Dal, anyone ever told you ya' got awful timin'?" Soda asked.

"Shut it, kid."

**I couldn't find a Soc my size, so I took the next-best size and jumped on him.**

"Whatta' great idea," Darry muttered. He did not want to hear about his brother getting beat up. He remembered that rumble, more than anything he remembered what Pony had looked like when he came home. The image still made him shudder.

**Dallas was right beside me, already on top of someone.**

"Shitty timin' maybe, but I'm always handy in a fight!" Dallas proclaimed.

**"I thought you were in the hospital," I yelled as the Soc knocked me to the ground and I rolled to avoid getting kicked.**

"Atta' kid!" Soda muttered. His shoulders were bunched together and his body radiated tension. He hadn't forgotten what Pony looked like when they found him that night, either.

**"I was." Dally was having a hard time because his left arm was still in bad shape. "I ain't now."**

Johnny shook his head; that was such a _Dallas _explanation.

**"How?" I managed to ask as the Soc I was fighting leaped on me and we rolled near Dally.**

"Oh yeah, just keep the conversation flowin' never mind that you're in the middle of a rumble with a soc twice your size!"

Soda looked like he was avoiding the temptation to pull at his hair which is why Johnny said quickly, "He wasn't twice Pony's size, besides, Dal is keepin' an eye out for him, weren't ya' Dal?"

Dallas, sensing Johnny wanted him to say yes (even though he really hadn't been doing anything of the sort) nodded firmly.

**"Talked the nurse into it with Two-Bit's switch. **

Johnny glared at him. Really the nurse had been a nice lady. She helped him write his note to Ponyboy when he thought he was going to die.

**Don't you know a rumble ain't a rumble unless I'm in it?"**

Two-Bit snorted at that.

"You got somethin' to say, Matthews?" Dally asked threatingly.

"Nah," Two-Bit shook his head. He wasn't afraid to fight with Dally, he actually enjoyed the occasional spar, but he didn't want to interrupt Johnny's reading, especially since bother the Curtis brothers looked on the verge of a mental break down.

**I couldn't answer because the Soc, who was heavier than I took him for, had me pinned and was slugging the sense out of me.**

"I THOUGH YOU SAID YOU WERE LOOKING OUT FOR HIM?" Soda, surprisingly, yelled. It turned out that he might be the easy going brother, but he certainly wasn't good with stress.

Dally, who was quite taken aback, decided to keep his mouth shut.

**I thought dizzily that he was going to knock some of my teeth loose or break my nose or something, and I knew I didn't have a chance.**

Darry was freaking out while Johnny sat comfortably. The rumble didn't affect him nearly as much as it did the others simply because he knew what Pony was capable of. The whole gang was known to treat him and Pony like children two years ago, so to make up for it they treated each other like adults.

**But Darry was keeping an eye out for me;**

Darry and Soda exhaled in unison.

**he caught that guy by the shoulder and half lifted him up before knocking him three feet with a sledge-hammer blow.**

"Yeah! Go Darry!"

**I decided it would be fair for me to help Dally since he could use only one arm.**

Dally rolled his eyes, "I was fine!" although really he hadn't minded the help.

**They were slugging it out, but Dallas was getting the worst of it, so I jumped on his soc's back, pulling his hair and pounding him.**

The entire gang was laughing at the idea of fourteen year old Pony clinging to a soc's back.

**He reached back and caught me by the neck and threw me over his head to the ground. Tim Shepard, who was fighting two at once, accidentally stepped on me, knocking my breath out. **

"Ohhh," Two-Bit grimaced. Depending where the foot hit, getting stepped on was not pleasant.

**I was up again as soon as I got my wind, and jumped right back on the Soc,**

Atta' kid, Dally thought.

**trying my best to strangle him. While he was prying my fingers loose, Dally knocked him backward, so that all three of us rolled on the ground, gasping, cussing, and punching.**

Two-Bit was doubled over in laughter and the rest of the group was in a similar position, clutching their sides. Dally just looked disgruntled.

**Somebody kicked me hard in the ribs and I yelped in spite of myself. Some Soc had knocked out one of our bunch and was kicking me as hard as he could.**

The laughing stopped and Soda's face drained of blood. He didn't want to hear about Pony getting beat real bad.

**But I had both arms wrapped around the other Soc's neck and refused to let go. Dally was slugging him, **

Darry swung an accusatory glare at Dally, "Why didn't you—"

"I DIDN'T SEE HIM!" Dally yelled, "God almighty, the kids fine, you saw him like, ten minutes ago!"

**and I hung on desperately, although that other Soc was kicking me and you'd better believe it hurt. Finally he kicked me in the head so hard it stunned me, and I lay limp, trying to clear my mind and keep from blacking out. I could hear the racket, but only dimly through the buzzing in my ears. Numerous bruises along my back and on my face were throbbing, but I felt detached from the pain, as if it wasn't really me feeling it.**

"Well," Two-Bit said "At least he ain't feelin' it too bad." His attempt to lighten the mood failed pretty bad.

**"They're running!" I heard a voice yell joyfully. "Look at the dirty- run!"**

"Of course he blocks out the curse!" Dally laughs.

"Well, he wrote it for school." Darry said, "And they don't take to kindly to that language at high school."

"You're tellin' me!" said Steve, who'd been expelled for language three times before he dropped out.

"Wait," said Soda, "He wrote this for school?"

"Uh—"

Johnny continued reading before questions could be asked.

**It seemed to me that the voice belonged to Two-Bit, but I couldn't be sure. **

The gang laughed and Two-Bit grinned.

**I tried to sit up, and saw that the Socs were getting into their cars and leaving. Tim Shepard was swearing blue and green because his nose was broken again, **

Dally rolled his eyes, "He breaks his nose every other week."

**and the leader of the Brumly boys was working over one of his own men because he had broken the rules and used a piece of pipe in the fighting. **

Most of the gang shuddered and even Dally made an expression of distaste. Oh sure, they got into fights occasionally but most of them were in good fun and even if they weren't, (any fights between Steve and Pony usually weren't) then the other guy could fight back. When the Brumly boys were getting punishment they could only lie there and take it.

**Steve lay doubled up and groaning about ten feet from me. We found out later he had three broken ribs. **

"Damn socs," Steve said, absentmindedly rubbing his ribs.

**Sodapop was beside him, talking in a low steady voice. I did a double take when I saw Two-Bit- blood was streaming down one side of his face and one hand was busted wide open; but he was grinning happily because the Socs were running.**

Again the greasers rolled their eyes. Johnny's eyes were wide, "Were you okay Two-Bit?"

"Ah, don't worry about my Johnnycake I was fine!"

"Trust me," Steve said, "You weren't."

**"We won," Darry announced in a tired voice. He was going to have a black eye and there was a cut across his forehead.**

Two-Bit rolled his eyes, "Looks like you got off easy."

Dally took a threatening step toward Two-Bit and again Two-Bit back off, not wanting to delay the reading. None of them ever knew what happened after Dally got to the hospital. Pony just disappeared.

Dally wondered if maybe Pony had done something he didn't want them to know about after he left the hospital, maybe that was why he left earlier. To avoid the heat.

**"We beat the Socs."**

"Duh."

**Dally stood beside me quietly for a minute, trying to grasp the fact that we had really beaten the Socs. Then, grabbing my shirt, he hauled me to my feet. "Come on!" He half dragged me down the street. "We're goin' to see Johnny."**

Darry glared at Dally! "You couldn't see that the kid was almost unconscious?"

"I needed to see Johnny! He was just getting out of surgery!"

Which is why Soda thought it was odd that the surgery hadn't been mentioned yet. Well Pony musta' had a lot on his mind, he supposed.

**I tried to run but stumbled, and Dally impatiently shoved me along. "Hurry! He was gettin' worse when I left. He wants to see you."**

"I don't remember saying that." Dally stated, point blank. "He was goin' into surgery when I left."

"Yeah, well I don't remember what I said word for word two years ago either Dal," Johnny said.

Soda raised his eyebrows. Johnny was squirming, there was definitely something off.

"Hey Johnny, what's up? Something's wrong." The last part was more of a statement.

Johnny swallowed, "Uh, no I'm fine."

Dally narrowed his eyes, "Little liar."

"What? No!" Johnny looked to Darry, thankful he was there to help.

"Just read!" He said sternly.

Dally looked at him incredulously, "No way! Somethin's up!"

"Dallas, it will be explained by the book!" Darry snapped and Johnny started reading, hoping to ward off any fights.

**I don't know how Dallas could travel so fast and hard after being knocked around and having his sore arm hurt some more, but I tried to keep up with him.**

Soda was glaring at Dally, "You couldn't have been more careful?"

"I was anxious to see if Johnny survived." He snapped looking Soda dead in the eye.

**Track wasn't ever like the running I did that night. I was still dizzy and had only a dim realization of where I was going and why.**

Even Steve felt sorry for the poor kid. Blind and stumbling with Dallas Winston as his guide.

**Dally had Buck Merril's T-bird parked in front of our house, and we hopped into it. **

"Buck let you borrow the T-bird?" Two-Bit asked, astonished.

"Yeah well it was hard to say no to your switch." Johnny bit back a smile at Dally's reply.

**I sat tight as Dally roared the car down the street. We were on Tenth when a siren came on behind us and I saw the reflection of the red light flashing in the windshield.**

"Damn fuzz." Dallas cursed.

**"Look sick," Dally commanded. "I'll say I'm taking you to the hospital, which'll be truth enough."**

"Yeah," Johnny said, "But not to get him help."

"What? I'm sure someone would've helped the kid when we got there!" Dallas said in his defense. Looking back he felt bad that he hadn't been a bit more concerned with Pony's condition but Johnny was at the hospital and he kept imagining him dead. He had to see him alive!

**I leaned against the cold glass of the window and tried to look sick, which wasn't too hard, feeling the way I did right then.**

**The policeman looked disgusted. "All right, buddy, where's the fire?"**

Darry's lip curled at the idea of the police man looking disgusted with his devastatingly sick little brother.

**"The kid"- Dally jerked a thumb toward me- "he fell over on his motorcycle and I'm takin' him to the hospital."**

Two-Bit rolled his eyes. Dally was always a good liar, you had to be when you grew up around here.

**I groaned, and it wasn't all fake-out. I guess I looked pretty bad, too, being cut and bruised like I was.**

**The fuzz changed his tone. "Is he real bad? Do you need an escort?"**

Hah, Darry thought, that's better! If the cop hadn't immediately assumed they were up to no good because they were greasers he could've seen that Pony was real bad.

**"How would I know if he's bad or not? I ain't no doc. Yeah, we could use an escort." And as the policeman got back into his car I heard Dally hiss, "Sucker!"**

Even though many people in the room were mad at others they couldn't help but laugh at Dally's comment.

**With the siren ahead of us, we made record time getting to the hospital. All the way there Dally kept talking and talking about something, but I was too dizzy to make most of it out.**

Dally narrowed his eyes, "I was departing wisdom on the kid. If I'd a' known he wasn't listenin' I wouldn't have wasted my breath!"

**"I was crazy, you know that, kid? Crazy for wantin' Johnny to stay outa trouble, for not wantin' him to get hard. If he'd been like me he'd never have been in this mess.**

Johnny shook his head with a wry smile. He realized that Dally wanted the best for him but he wouldn't ever be like Dally. He wasn't like how he was before, but then really neither was Dally.

**If he'd got smart like me he'd never have run into that church. That's what you get for helpin' people. Editorials in the paper and a lot of trouble... You'd better wise up, Pony... you get tough like me and you don't get hurt. You look out for yourself and nothin' can touch you..."**

Darry glared at Dally. "What?" Dally asked, "It's good advice!"

"No, its not." Johnny said. If it was anyone other than Johnny Dallas might've belted 'em but because it was Johnny he just leaned back and sulked.

"You look out for more than yourself Dal, you look out for all of us too!" Two-Bit said the words casually and Johnny continued reading, no one saw the look on Dally's face or the impact Two-Bit's casual words had on him.

**He said a lot more stuff, but I didn't get it all. I had a stupid feeling that Dally was out of his mind, the way he kept raving on and on,**

"Out of my mind? I was fine!" Dallas protested. He brushed off the warm feeling he got, somewhere in the vicinity of where his heart was supposed to be, from Two-Bit's earlier statement.

**because Dallas never talked like that, but I think now I would have understood if I hadn't been sick at the time.**

**The cop left us at the hospital as Dally pretended to help me out of the car. The minute the cop was gone; Dally let go of me so quick I almost fell. "Hurry!"**

This was too much for Darry, who leaned forward and smacked Dallas on the back of the head. Dally said nothing, knowing that he'd deserved it and that he'd upset Johnny. He hated upsetting Johnny.

**We ran through the lobby and crowded past people into the elevator. Several people yelled at us, I think because we were pretty racked-up looking,**

"I bet," Steve chuckled.

**but Dally had nothing on his mind except Johnny, and I was too mixed up to know anything but that I had to follow Dally. **

"Smart kid," Dally smirked.

**When we finally got to Johnny's room, the doctor stopped us. **

Johnny read the next sentence under his breath and his eyes bulged. "Uh—"

"What's wrong Johnny?" Soda asked worriedly.

"Um—" Johnny looked to Darry, who shrugged. He couldn't do much till after the secret got out. He was more damage control.

"Is it the nurse? That nurse was the most annoying woman I ever met, I swear! Wouldn't leave me alone!"

"You know, you're lucky that the nurse who patched you up wasn't the same one who you threatened with Two-Bit's blade.

Dallas swallowed looking extremely uncomfortable. "Uh, well, yeah. Lucky."

Soda burst into laughter, "NO WAY! Same nurse?"

Dallas glared at him. "Shut it Soda. Johnny read."

With no choice but forward, Johnny read the last sentence.

**"I'm sorry, boys, but he's dying."**

The silence was deafening. Until finally, "Bu—wha? That—that's not, no, huh?" Two-Bit sputtered.

"Wait. _What?_" Soda asked, confused by the 180 twist.

Dally looked blinked, looking extremely confused and…pissed. "What. The. _Hell?_"

Steve scratched his head, looking to Soda for answers.

The only ones who didn't seem confused were Darry and Johnny, a fact not lost on the others.

"What the hell?" Dally repeated. "What's going on? I don't geddit!"

Johnny looked to Darry. "Listen, we'll explain at the end of this chapter, okay?" He said to the room.

"No way! I wanna' know what the fuck is going on now!" Dally said , his anger beginning to rise.

Johnny looked at Dally and he knew he had to do something, "Listen, Dal, lemme read and once I'm done we'll explain!"

Dally struggled with his options. Make Johnny happy and let his read on? Or know why the hell Johnny wasn't getting his surgery? Finally he decided that he would do whatever Johnny wanted and nodded for him to continue on.

**"We gotta see him," Dally said, and flicked out Two-Bit's switchblade. His voice was shaking. "We're gonna see him and if you give me any static you'll end up on your own operatin' table."**

"I never pulled a knife on the doctor, especially not the one who fixed up Johnny!" Dally vehemently denied the crime.

"Oh, yeah, not the doctor but plenty of nurses!" Steve said rolling his eyes.

"It was one!"

**The doctor didn't bat an eye. "You can see him, but it's because you're his friends, not because of that knife."**

"I liked that doctor. He was a cool guy." Johnny said.

"And saving your life had nothing to do with it?" Two-Bit asked slyly.

**Dally looked at him for a second, then put the knife back in his pocket. **

Johnny nodded at his choice to put the knife away. Dally noticed, "I NEVER HELD A KNIFE TO THE DOCTOR!"

**We both went into Johnny's room, standing there for a second, getting our breath back in heavy gulps. It was awful quiet. It was scary quiet. I looked at Johnny. He was very still, and for a moment I thought in agony: He's dead already. We're too late.**

"Th-that's not possible! I don't understand!" Two-Bit wailed.

**Dally swallowed, wiping the sweat off his upper lip. "Johnnycake?" he said in a hoarse voice. "Johnny?"**

**Johnny stirred weakly, then opened his eyes. "Hey," he managed softly.**

"This is wrong! I didn't see Johnny till after his surgery! He was fine! You all saw him too!"

**"We won," Dally panted. "We beat the Socs. We stomped them- chased them outa our territory."**

Even in the confusion the guys could not help but grin.

**Johnny didn't even try to grin at him. "Useless... fight ing's no good..." He was awful white.**

Dally looked like he was near tearing out his own hair. He did not want to read this, the death scene of his little brother.

**Dally licked his lips nervously. "They're still writing editorials about you in the paper. For being a hero and all." He was talking too fast and too calmly. "Yeah, they're calling you a hero now and heroizin' all the greasers. We're all proud of you, buddy."**

See? Soda thought, that's what you wanna' tell a kid on his death bed. But wait, JOHNNY WASN'T DYING! He was sitting right next to Soda!

**Johnny's eyes glowed. Dally was proud of him. That was all Johnny had ever wanted.**

Truer words were never spoken, in Two-Bit's opinion.

**"Ponyboy."**

**I barely heard him. I came closer and leaned over to hear what he was going to say.**

**"Stay gold, Ponyboy. Stay gold..." The pillow seemed to sink a little, and Johnny died.**

Johnny read the last words with a slight smile on his face as he admired his death scene. Pony was right, he did look like a hero, and he was a gallant like!

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SMILING AT?" Dallas asked, near panic. Johnny figured that it was best if he didn't try to explain.

**You read about people looking peacefully asleep when they're dead, but they don't. Johnny just looked dead.**

Soda ley out a chuckle that turned into laughter, full blown booming laughter, that sounded unhinged.

Steve ran his hands through his hair so it stuck up at insane angles and linked his fingers at the bade of his neck, he looked scared.

**Like a candle with the flame gone. I tried to say something, but I couldn't make a sound.**

**Dally swallowed and reached over to push Johnny's hair back. "Never could keep that hair back... that's what you get for tryin' to help people, you little punk, that's what you get..."**

"I never said th—well actually…never mind. Just didn't know Pony heard that part."

Johnny rolled his eyes.

**Whirling suddenly, he slammed back against the wall. His face contracted in agony, and sweat streamed down his face.**

**"Damnit, Johnny..." he begged, slamming one fist against the wall, hammering it to make it obey his will.**

"Won't work, I've tried it." Darry confided.

**"Oh, damnit, Johnny, don't die, please don't die..."**

Dally was breathing like he'd just run a mile and Johnny thought that it was probably a good thing that Ponyboy had ducked out.

**He suddenly bolted through the door and down the hall.**

The room was silent but only for a moment; Dally's heavy breathing was the only sound. "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?"

His words set off a chain and immediately the entire room was buzzing conversation, which mostly consisted of "What the hell's?" Repeated over and over.

Dally looked confused and that was never good cause when he was confused he generally resorted to hitting whatever confuses him, which right now was Ponyboy.

Probably a good thing Pony had left.

"SHUT UP AND WE'LL EXPLAIN!" Darry yelled over the din of voices. The room got quite and Darry launched into an explanation.

**Hey! So, so sorry this took so long. The chapter is the longest one in the book I think. Most of my finished chapters were 20-24 pages. This one is 37.**

**Review and tell me what you liked! **

**And hey, did Pony tell Johnny and Darry about Dally's death? I can't quite remember…**


	13. Chapter 13

**Keep in mind Pony's secret cigarette stash…**

**Also, warning to all, there will be f bombs galore. Mostly from Dally. And Steve.**

**That is all.**

"Well? We're waiting." Steve said arrogantly. Soda didn't even scold him for it; he just raised an eyebrow in Darry and Johnny's direction.

"Uh," Johnny started, not really knowing where to begin, "Pony wrote this for school."

"_So?_" Asked a fuming Dallas, he didn't really care what the excuse was, he was furious at Pony's surprise outcome.

Two-Bit never read books for this exact reason! He didn't need any more angst in his life. Well, okay, there were other reasons too, but that was the main one!

"Who cares if it was for a _fuckin_' _class_!" Steve snapped; he should have known Pony would pull somethin' like this! Killing off Johnny! Who in their right mind would kill off Johnny? The gang would be a wreck without Johnny; Dallas would probably just up and die.

This was probably why Dally was looking the way he did just then. Furious.

"It was a creative writing class." Darry stated.

Soda looked at him as if he'd lost his mind. "What's a creative writing class?"

Two-Bit, having taken most every elective the school had to offer, stepped in, "Well it's like a writing class but creative."

Steve glared at him, Two-Bit decided to expand, "You have to make up stories; you can write anything you want so long as it's made up."

"That's._ Fucking_. Stupid." Dallas snapped. Two-Bit hid a laugh behind his hand. He was much more amused by this situation than the others.

Luckily for him Dally didn't notice his amusement, or else there would have been hell to pay. "I don't know, Dal. I didn't mind my death scene so much. Pretty good as far as death scenes go."

"Pretty goo—? Death—what?" Dally stuttered.

Darry tactfully stepped in, ignoring Johnny's comment, "You know, for all his imagination Pony's not too good at creative writing, so he took a true story and twisted it."

"That's not the fucking point! If Two-Bit could pass the class without killing off Johnny than so could Ponyboy!"

"I didn't pass the class." Two-Bit said.

He was ignore by, well, everyone.

"Dally, you wanted to read this! Ponyboy can write whatever he wants to; you don't have to read it! In fact," said Darry snatching the essay from Johnny, "we're done."

"WHAT? NO!"

"You can't—!"

"_Darry!" _

"I wanna read it though!" Several voices protested at once, none of them could be heard clearly.

"No way!" Darry said firmly, "We didn't even have Pony's permission to read this in the first place and if you guys are going to criticize what he chose to write then we won't read it!"

"I never said anything!" Two-Bit yelled; he really wanted to read that essay.

"Too bad!" Darry called over his shoulder. He stomped off to his room, the essay clutched in his hand.

Dally got up, ready to storm after him and get the essay back but Soda stepped up first, "Wait, I'll talk to him first, I'm sure he'll see sense! He'll let us finish it," Soda said confidently.

He swaggered after Darry, all arrogance, certain of his own charm.

At the same time Pony entered the room, Dallas glared at him but before he could move Johnny shook his head at him, a silent plea for him to stay quiet. To Johnny's relief Dally sat back down, but still glowered at Pony.

Sweat poured off of Pony in buckets, which was to be expected after going for a jog in 90 degree weather. He took a seat in the folding chair to the right of Steve. "So, I take it you read my surprise ending?"

"_Surprise_," Steve snorted, that was one way to phrase it.

"Yeah!" Dally snapped, "We did. And I got one question for you—"

"Why'd you read it?" Pony interrupted him.

Dally was thrown, "What? Why'd we read it?"

"Yeah, why? You guys chose to read it, not me. In fact I remember being _against_ reading it."

"Uh, well…" for the first time in a long time, Dallas Winston was at a loss for words.

"I never told anyone that what happens in the book is what actually happens, did I?" Johnny grinned and shook his head.

"You chose to read it. Don't get your panties in a twist cause it ain't what you wanted." The room was silent. No one, _no one,_ talked to Dallas Winston like that, especially not without back up.

Dally raised his eyebrow and then did something extraordinary. He laughed. Just threw back his head and let out a big, booming, laugh.

"You're alright kid," He finally said. The entire room let out a huge breath of relief, Pony may have thrown them a curveball but that didn't mean they wanted his face bashed in. Not even Steve. Pony smiled and walked into the kitchen to clean some of the sweat and dirt off his face.

**Meanwhile…**

"C'mon Dar, you gotta let us finish!" Soda wheedled.

Darry sighed; he really wanted to finish it too, especially now that Johnny was dead. He wanted to read about how Pony thought the gang would cope with the loss, it would be fascinating.

Suddenly they heard Dally's big, booming laugh from the living room. "See?" said Soda, "Dally's obviously gotten over it!" That was the final push Darry needed, he wanted to read as much as any of them, he just didn't want Pony persecuted for what he'd written two years before.

"C'mon," Soda urged, "I think I know where Pony keeps his copy of _Gone with the Wind_. I think we should get it out!"

Darry followed Soda into his room and watched his younger brother search for the book, to no avail. "Hey, uh, maybe check under the mattress." Soda suggested. His voice was slightly muffled coming from where he was currently searching, which was under the bed.

Darry easily flipped up the mattress and stopped dead. Under Pony's side were _piles_ of unopened cigarette boxes. Enough to last for years.

"Soda." Darry said; his voice strangely calm.

"Huh?" Soda asked, his voice still muffled.

"Look at this."

Soda's head popped up from under the bed, "What it?" He asked annoyed that he couldn't find the book. His voice trailed off as he saw what Darry had discovered under the mattress.

One moment of silence. Two. Then, "_That. Little. Shit!"_

**I'm sorry that this was a short chapter, I just thought that this was a perfect suspenseful ending point.**

**Don't worry this won't detract from the story or be too angsty.**

**I'll update as soon as I can!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Okay, so this chapter really stumped me. I kinda screwed myself with that ending last chapter and it took me a while to figure out exactly what to do. Then I got an idea! So here it is.**

**P.S. This chapter of the book makes me really sad so I'm going to shove as much humor in as possible, sorry if that, like, offends you.**

"_I can't believe—" _Soda yelled, but Dally cut him off.

"Soda, we need to be smart about this. And keep your voice down!" Darry snapped.

"Smart? _Smart!_ No, we don't need to be smart! We need to get in there and kick his little addicted ass!" Soda argued.

"Listen, I wanna' tell him off too, but do you think that's a good idea? We need to make sure he quits and going in there and yelling at him won't make that happen!"

Yeah, Soda understood that, it was just that reading this made him realize how fragile his brother could be. Now that he saw his brothers stash it was obvious that he was addicted. It scared Soda; he didn't know what to do but he wanted Pony to stop.

He looked at Darry whose face was a mask of calm determination. Soda couldn't believe that he had managed to raise both him and Ponyboy if _this_ was the feeling he must get every time they got into trouble. It made Soda profoundly thankful that Darry had decided to stay with them; he couldn't have done this alone.

"Listen, we need time to think about this, let's go read that book. By the time it's done I'll have a plan." Soda choked back his hysteria, he wanted to go in there and scream at Ponyboy, but he knew that doing that wouldn't solve anything.

Clenching his jaw he nodded. _How could Ponyboy be so stupid? _

"Hey! Guys, hurry up, or we'll start without you—" Dally's threat was cut short as he stumbled into the room. His eyes widened at the stacks of cigarettes under Pony's mattress, "_What the hell?" _He asked, completely shocked.

Both Darry and Soda shushed him furiously, Dally stared in awe at the amount of cigarettes under Pony's mattress, there musta' been 50 packs there! "Gawd ahmighty! What has that boy been getting into?" Dallas asked. He leaned out the door, planning to go and ask Ponyboy what the hell he was thinkin', but Soda and Darry hauled him back.

"Listen, we're gonna read first, then we'll talk to him. We gotta' have a plan!" By Dally's sour expression, they could tell he knew they were right. He didn't mind waiting as much as Soda did though, mostly because, for some strange reason, the book still had his attention. He wanted to see how the kid planned on ending this. Still, when he was cleared by Darry to yell he was really gonna let loose.

"Alright, alright!" Dally said, rolling his eyes at the brothers, "Lets finish the damn book. Then we can force Pony to quit smoking. Idiot kid."

Neither Soda nor Darry was in the mood to disagree with his last comment. Together they left the bedroom and headed to the living room, their purpose for entering the room in the first place forgotten.

They settled in the living room room, Pony sat in the chair farthest from the door, not realizing that he would later regret that decision. To his right sat Soda and Steve, to his left Johnny and Dally. Darry and Two-Bit sat across from him.

"Okay," said Johnny. He held out the book, "Who wants to read?"

Soda decided that he would offer, thinking it may take his mind off the cigarette issue, "I will."

Johnny nodded and handed him the book.

**Chapter 10**

**I WALKED DOWN THE hall in a daze.**

"Wait, kid," Dally interrupted, "you're goin' to have to tell us what's real and what's not."

Darry nodded; surprised he hadn't thought of that, "Yeah," he agreed, the rest of the group did too.

Ponyboy seemed to think on it for a moment, as if he had any choice, and finally nodded.

**Dally had taken the car and I started the long walk home in a stupor.**

"Dally hadn't taken the car, but I couldn't remember where he parked it. So I walked."

"Why didn't you stay with Dally?" Steve asked, cursing the kid's momentary stupidity, he had caused them a lot of trouble. A lot of worry and a lot of trouble.

**Johnny was dead. But he wasn't. That still body back in the hospital wasn't Johnny.**

Dally grimaced, reading about a dead Johnny wasn't exactly fun for him. The words felt real, if only the rest of the book hadn't been so spot on then maybe he wouldn't feel this so keenly.

Johnny noticed Dally's stiff posture and smiled at him, to let him know that he was still there.

**Johnny was somewhere else- maybe asleep in the lot, or playing the pinball machine in the bowling alley, or sitting on the back steps of the church in Windrixville.**

Darry shook his head, this kid needed to start livin' in reality. Even if technically the book was no longer reality, he just needed to learn that he couldn't pretend things were fine and dandy when they weren't.

**I'd go home and walk by the lot, and Johnny would be sitting on the curb smoking a cigarette, and maybe we'd lie on our backs and watch the stars.**

_Geez,_ Two-Bit thought, _even though Johnny was alive this was depressing._

**He isn't dead, I said to myself. He isn't dead. And this time my dreaming worked. I convinced myself that he wasn't dead.**

Soda squirmed, he knew that Johnny was just fine, but it worried him to see Pony thinking like this. _What if that was how he thought when our parents died?_

**I must have wandered around for hours; **

"True?" Darry asked.

Pony shrugged, "Probably. I was too out of it to keep good time."

**sometimes even out into the street, getting honked at and cussed out.**

Darry raised his eyebrows at Pony, who laughed. "True! You shoulda' seen some of their faces!"

"What? You could've been hit by God knows how many cars!" Darry said, furious.

"Dar, I couldn't help it!" said Pony, defending himself, "I was so out of it; I barely knew which way was up!"

Dally rolled his eyes at the kid.

**I might have stumbled around all night except for a man who asked me if I wanted a ride.**

_Yeah right_, Steve thought, _Pony's not stupid enough to get in some random guy's car._

**"Huh? Oh. Yeah, I guess so," I said. I got in. The man, who was in his mid-twenties, looked at me.**

"_What? _You mean you just climbed right in?" Steve asked, incredulous.

"Well…I needed a ride." Ponyboy answered innocently.

"Jesus, kid! Ain't you ever heard of pedophiles?" Dallas asked.

Pony rolled his eyes, "Aw, c'mon! He was a nice guy! Didn't even get upset when I bled all over his car! I wonder what happened to him…" Pony mused while Dallas muttered under his breath, "Yeah I bet they're all real nice. I bet he was just a Good Samaritan!"

**"Are you all right, kid? You look like you've been in a fight."**

Soda rolled his eyes at his baby brother's foolishness, but he was here and in one piece so obviously it worked out fine.

**"I have been. A rumble. I'm okay." Johnny is not dead, I told myself, and I believed it.**

Johnny shook his head, "But you just saw me die!"

Pony shrugged, he didn't know how to defend himself in this part of the book; the fiction part was made up. It wasn't real; he didn't know why he'd decided to write that so how was he supposed to explain it to them?

**"Hate to tell you this, kiddo," the guy said dryly, "but you're bleedin' all over my car seats."**

"Real?" Soda asked.

"Yep. He was a cool guy though. Didn't mind at all."

Darry was grimacing at the idea of Pony bleeding all over a car.

**I blinked. "I am?"**

**"Your head."**

Two-Bit's mouth twisted, he remembered the wound on Pony's head; it was disgustin'!

**I reached up to scratch the side of my head where it'd been itching for a while,**

"_Itching_?" Johnny said, looking slightly grossed out.

Pony shrugged, he wasn't really repulsed by blood; he and Darry had been patching up the gang after fights for as long as he could remember.

**and when I looked at my hand it was smeared with blood.**

Soda looked sick at the description. He felt everything so tangibly; maybe it was because he could remember the soc kicking Pony's head so vividly.

**"Gosh, mister, I'm sorry," I said, dumfounded.**

"If he bled in my car I'd throw his ass out," Dally muttered so quietly that only Johnny heard.

Dally actually was feeling pretty guilty, the poor kid had wandered through the street, bleedin' from the head? Maybe he had been a bit rash that night. He remembered Darry hollerin' at him days afterward, still pissed that he'd left a severely concussed Ponyboy on his own.

**"Don't worry about it. This wreck's been through worse. What's your address? I'm not about to dump a hurt kid out on the streets this time of night."**

_Okay so maybe not all guys offering rides were perverts_, Dally confessed internally.

**I told him. He drove me to my house, and I got out. "Thanks a lot."**

Johnny hid his smile; it was a bit hysterical to him that Pony had easily gotten a ride from a complete stranger.

Two-Bit noticed, "What's so funny Johnnycake?"

The room turned to stare at Johnny who just shook his head.

"What?" Soda asked, curious as to what Johnny found so funny.

Ponyboy had always had the same sense of humor as Johnny and was the only one in the world who could read him, it didn't take him long to figure out what Johnny found so amusing. He just shook his head, it wasn't _that_ funny but he soon found himself fighting a smile.

"What?" Dally asked, "What is it?"

"N-nothing," Pony choked out, now struggling to keep his chuckles in, "just-ah-just read!"

That gang gave the boys odd looks, for most them the relationship between Pony and Johnny was just fascinating. How the boys had connected and bonded so deeply was a mystery.

**What was left of our gang was in the living room.**

"What was left," Steve muttered. "It wasn't _what was left_ it was _who was able to leave the hospital_."

Darry rolled his eyes, "I still can't believe you Dal. Leaving the kid all alone."

"I was fine!" Pony protested. The gang all gave him dubious looks.

Soda laughed, he remembered when Dallas burst into Johnny's hospital room sans Ponyboy like it was yesterday.

_*Flashback*_

"_Hey, Johnnycake, you doin' alright?" Soda asked._

"_I'm great Soda." Johnny was laying on his stomach on the oddly shaped hospital bed, the various members of the gang surrounding him._

"_Where's Dal? And Pony?" Johnny asked._

"_Somewhere in the hospital," Two-Bit answered and Darry shifted uncomfortably, he didn't like not knowing where Pony was, "They left before us."_

"_Hey, Johnny! Wanna hear a joke?" Soda asked._

"_The food here." Steve muttered as he finished off Johnny's sandwich._

_Soda glared at him. "_No, _a witch and a zombie walk into a bar—"_

"_Hey!" Dally burst into the room, "Where's Johnny?"_

"_He's the one on the bed in the middle of the room." Steve said, Dallas didn't even threaten him for being lippy; he just marched over to Johnny and smiled._

"_You're fine! Way to go kid! You're a hero, you know Johnny? Everyone is saying so!" He was overjoyed at Johnny's recovery._

"_Hey. Dal." Darry said, "Where the _hell_ is Pony?"_

"_Huh…oh. I don't know. Lost him a while back." Dally answered nonchalantly._

_*End Flashback* _

The gang had rushed back to the house to see if Pony had somehow ended up there, Darry was so worried that he didn't even bother yelling at Dally till a few days after Ponyboy had come home and was recovering. They'd been waiting for an hour by the time Pony had got home, any longer and they would've started looking for him.

**Steve was stretched out on the sofa, his shirt unbuttoned and his side bandaged.**

Steve rubbed his side; occasionally that injury still bugged him.

**His eyes were closed, but when the door shut behind me he opened them, and I suddenly wondered if my own eyes looked as feverish and bewildered as his.**

"No way! You were _way_ worse than I was!" Steve said and Soda nodded confirmation.

**Soda had a wide cut on his lip and a bruise across his cheek.**

"You got off easy," Steve muttered. Soda smacked him.

**There was a Band-Aid over Darry's forehead and he had a black eye. **

Two-Bit started to chuckle. "You gotta' problem, Two-Bit?" Darry asked.

"Just remembering the band aid." Two-Bit said laughing out loud.

Darry rolled his eyes but he wasn't in the mood to get up. "Dal, you mind?"

"My pleasure," said Dally as he leaned over and smacked Two-Bit across the head.

**One side of Two-Bits face was taped up- I found out later he had four stitches in his cheek and seven in his hand where he had busted his knuckles open over a Soc's head. **

The gang collectively winced; Two-Bit had gone all out in that fight. Dally's mouth curled into a prideful smile at the way his friend had fought that night, did their reputation some good.

**They were lounging around, reading the paper and smoking.**

_That description makes us sound a lot less worried than we were_, Darry thought.

**Where's the party? I thought dully. Weren't Soda and Steve planning a party after the rumble? **

Soda and Steve burst into laughter, "You think I'd plan a party with my baby brother God knows where and Johnny in the hospital?" Soda laughed.

Pony's face reddened, "I was sick!" He snapped.

"Yeah," Johnny defended his friend, "you're allowed to think funny things when you're sick."

Soda and Steve stopped laughing, Soda watched the two youngest greasers interestedly. They were pretty similar, he'd always assumed that was why they got on so well, but he thought now maybe it was more than that, that their connection ran deeper.

**They all looked up when I walked in. Darry leaped to his feet.**

**"Where have you been?"**

Darry mentally berated himself for being so hard in Ponyboy, he was sick and half outta' his mind when he got home. Darry doubted Pony could've answered the question if he tried.

**Oh, let's don't start that again, I thought.**

Soda winced; he _hated_ it when his brothers went at it. In undermined the whole gang when those two fought.

**He stopped suddenly.**

**"Ponyboy, what's the matter?"**

"What's the matter? He's only got half his head bashed in, that's the matter!" Two-Bit said.

Darry signaled Dally to smack him again and Dally happily complied, he didn't like being told to do anything but hitting Two-Bit was just fun.

Pony shot and apologetic look to Two-Bit. Two-Bit was only trying to stick up for Ponyboy, he just didn't really know how to do it very well. Two-Bit was really a good ole' guy.

**I looked at all of them, a little frightened. "Johnny... he's dead." **

To Soda it felt so strange hearing saying the words. To Dallas it felt awful hearing them. He swallowed; he didn't know what he'd to if Johnny really died.

Pony listened to the passage relatively unaffected. After writing this scene reading it was a piece of cake, when he wrote it he was bawling like a baby, he had to lock the door to keep any of the guys from walkin' in on him. It would have been difficult to explain.

Johnny also remained pretty untouched by this scene in the book. He didn't so much mind reading about himself being dead but Dallas; well he didn't know how he'd take that.

**My voice sounded strange, even to me. But he's not dead, a voice in my head said.**

Two-Bit looked over at Ponyboy, concerned and curious. He and Pony were pretty tight but they were nothing compared to Pony and Johnny. Pony and Johnny just understood each other in a way that only best friends did.

**"We told him about beatin' the Socs and... I don't know, he just died." **

Steve snorted while Two-Bit smiled, "Way to be blunt, Ponyboy," Johnny smirked.

Pony shrugged, blunt was as good a way as any.

**He told me to stay gold, I remembered. What was he talking about?**

"Did you actually tell him to stay gold, Johnny?" Darry asked curiously.

Johnny smiled and nodded, he _had_ told Ponyboy that just before he left for the rumble. The two greasers now said it as a form of goodbye. Neither of them really liked 'goodbye', It implied that you'd never see each other again, so instead they said 'stay gold', but not when there were other greasers around.

'_Catch ya' later, Ponyboy, stay gold!' _something like that.

**There was a stricken silence. I don't think any of us had realized how bad off Johnny really had been. Soda made a funny noise and looked like he was going to start crying. Two-Bit's eyes were closed and his teeth were clenched, **

_He got the reactions dead on_, Johnny thought.

**and I suddenly remembered Dally... Dally pounding on the wall.**

"I didn't actually do that." Dally said.

"Yeah we got it Dal," Soda muttered.

**"Dallas is gone," I said. "He ran out like the devil was after him. He's gonna blow up. He couldn't take it."**

"Couldn't take it?" Dallas said with false bravado. "I can take anything!" He said proudly. Johnny grinned, he had always been able to tell when Dally was lying and it seemed that he was off his game that day because Darry was rolling his eyes, Soda and Steve were smiling and Two-Bit cocked an eyebrow. It wasn't hard to see that Dally wasn't being truthful.

Johnny looked at Ponyboy; he wondered how Pony was going to have Dallas react. Whatever it was it wouldn't be pretty…

**How can I take it? I wondered. Dally is tougher than I am.**

"Damn right." Dally muttered.

**Why can I take it when Dally can't? **

Dally glowered. Darry glanced at Ponyboy. He made a mental vow to talk more with his younger brother, sometimes he sort of scared Darry with his thoughts or feelings that Darry was just now seeing through the book.

**And then I knew. Johnny was the only thing Dally loved. And now Johnny was gone.**

The entire group knew this was true. They also knew better to comment at a time like this. Even Two-Bit kept his mouth shut tight.

**"So he finally broke." Two-Bit spoke everyone's feelings. "So even Dally has a breaking point."**

Two-Bit blinked. He was oddly touched that Pony had given _him_ that line, as opposed to Darry or Soda or Steve. He was a pretty goofy guy but he had a serious side too and he was loyal to the bone, obviously Pony knew it and that's why he gave Two-Bit the line. It made him inexplicably happy that Pony recognized that he had more than just humor to bring to the table.

"Everyone has a breaking point," Johnny muttered to Pony. Pony nodded.

**I started shaking. Darry said something in a low voice to Soda.**

Darry looked at Ponyboy. If Johnny had died Darry would have been insanely worried about Pony. Johnny and Pony were about as close as two people could get. Neither of 'em talked much but Darry knew the two were bonded by some force and the loss of either would majorly fuck up the remaining one.

**"Ponyboy," Soda said softly, like he was talking to an injured animal, "you look sick. Sit down."**

Soda didn't know how he'd be able to help Ponyboy if this actually happened. He tried to imagine what it'd be like to lose Steve but his mind shied away from the very idea.

**I backed up, just like a frightened animal, shaking my head. "I'm okay." I felt sick.**

Steve remembered when the kid came back that night. He looked fucked up, Steve could only imagine what was going through the boy's mind when he stumbled in around one o'clock.

**I felt as if any minute I was going to fall flat on my face, but I shook my head. "I don't want to sit down."**

"You have to sit down. You're sick." No one criticized Darry's oddly placed comment; they were all as riveted as Darry was, well, except for Pony and Johnny.

**Darry took a step toward me, but I backed away. "Don't touch me," I said. My heart was pounding in slow thumps, throbbing at the side of my head, and I wondered if everyone else could hear it. Maybe that's why they're all looking at me, I thought, they can hear my heart beating...**

"Real." Soda muttered. He remembered his brother's bizarre behavior that night, telling everyone to back away and looking terrified. Soda assumed it was left over nerves from the rumble.

**The phone rang, and after a moment's hesitation, Darry turned from me to it. **

Darry let out a breath, he was afraid that Ponyboy was going to make them fight again or something.

**He said "Hello" and then listened. He hung up quickly.**

**"It was Dally. He phoned from a booth. He's, just robbed a grocery store and the cops are after him. We gotta hide him. He'll be at the lot in a minute."**

Pony's mouth kicked up in a smirk, "Not real, if you're wondering." No one appreciated his tone; Johnny smiled but elbowed Pony in the side.

**We all left the house at a dead run, even Steve, and I wondered vaguely why no one was doing somersaults off the steps this time.**

Steve smiled at Ponyboy's inner musings.

After Pony came home they made him go straight back to the hospital and then straight to bed, not running through the streets of Tulsa, Darry never would've allowed that.

**Things were sliding in and out of focus, and it seemed funny to me that I couldn't run in a straight line.**

**WE REACHED THE vacant lot just as Dally came in, running as hard as he could, from the opposite direction. **

Dally perked up hearing his name, he was extremely curious to see how Pony played this out.

**The wail of a siren grew louder and then police car pulled up across the street from the lot. Doors slammed as the policemen leaped out. Dally had reached the circle of light under the street lamp, and skidding to a halt, he turned and jerked a black object from his waistband. I remembered his voice: I been carryin' a heater. It ain't loaded, but it sure does help a bluff.**

Johnny started to see the whole picture and looked at Pony. He shrugged his shoulders slightly, _well; at least it's a tuff way to go_, Johnny thought.

**It was only yesterday that Dally had told Johnny and me that. But yesterday was years ago. A lifetime ago.**

Two-Bit was fidgeting like mad listenin' to the story.

**Dally raised the gun, and I thought: You blasted fool. They don't know you're only bluffing. **

"I think that may be the point, Pone." Soda said softly.

"I think I realized Soda, after all I only wrote the blasted thing."

**And even as the policemen's guns spit fire into the night I knew that was what Dally wanted. **

_So that's what the kid went with_, Dally thought. It was an intriguing idea, he didn't know what he'd do if Johnny was ever gone but he figured that was pretty close to the truth.

**He was jerked half around by the impact of the bullets, then slowly crumpled with a look of grim triumph on his face.**

Two-Bit shivered at the description.

**He was dead before he hit the ground. But I knew that was what he wanted, even as the lot echoed with the cracks of shots, even as I begged silently- Please, not him... not him and Johnny both -**

Johnny was stoic as he experienced what Dallas must have felt when they read Johnny's death scene. It was not pleasant. Dally put his arm around the younger greaser, a small sign coming from anyone else, but with Dally it was practically an 'I love you'.

**I knew he would be dead, because Dally Winston wanted to be dead and he always got what he wanted.**

Dally's mouth kicked up in an expression similar to the one Pony imagined him to have during his death scene, "Damn right."

Despite the seriousness of the passage the group could not help but smile at Dally's cockiness.

**Nobody would write editorials praising Dally. **

"Why would they?" asked Two-Bit jovially, "He's a menace to society!"

The gang laughed.

**Two friends of mine had died that night: one a hero, the other a hoodlum. **

Dally raised his chin in mock pride.

**But I remembered Dally pulling Johnny through the window of the burning church; Dally giving us his gun, although it could mean jail for him; Dally risking his life for us, trying to keep Johnny out of trouble.**

Dally actually smiled. This, he decided, _this _was definitely his _best_ description. This was the description of the guardian Johnny would be proud of. This was the description of the greaser that Ponyboy respected.

**And now he was a dead juvenile delinquent and there wouldn't be any editorials in his favor. **

Steve snickered, "Way to ruin the moment!"

**Dally didn't die a hero.**

"That's a matter of perspective," Johnny said, Dally beamed.

**He died violent and young and desperate, just like we all knew he'd die someday. Just like Tim Shepard and Curly Shepard and the Brumly boys and the other guys we knew would die someday.**

"That's a bit depressing," Two-Bit muttered.

**But Johnny was right. He died gallant.**

"He sure did," Johnny said, for a moment losing himself in the book like everyone else. Pony watched the effect that his own words had on his friends, maybe he wasn't too bad at writing after all…he deserved _way _more than a C!

**Steve stumbled forward with a sob, but Soda caught him by the shoulders.**

**"Easy, buddy, easy," I heard him say softly, "there's nothing we can do now."**

The book held the boys in awe.

**Nothing we can do... not for Dally or Johnny or Tim Shepard or any of us... My stomach gave a violent start and turned into a hunk of ice.**

Johnny smiled at his friend, his pessimistic, over sensitive friend.

**The world was spinning around me, and blobs of faces and visions of things past were dancing in the red mist that covered the lot. It swirled into a mass of colors and I felt myself swaying on my feet. Someone cried, "Glory, look at the kid!"**

"THAT WAS ME! I SAID THAT AT THE HOUSE!" Two-Bit yelled.

"_Jesus Christ_, Two-Bit. Shut up!" Two-Bit had unfortunately yelled that right into Dally's ear. He was lucky that Dallas was in a good mood because of Johnny's praise.

**And the ground rushed up to meet me very suddenly.**

_And the ground rushed up to meet me very suddenly, _Steve thought. Huh. _The ground rushed up to meet him suddenly._

That was an interesting way to put it.

**WHEN I WOKE UP it was light. It was awfully quiet. Too quiet. I mean, our house just isn't naturally quiet. **

"Real. Except I had to cut out Johnny."

Johnny snorted.

**The radio's usually going full blast and the TV is turned up loud and people are wrestling and knocking over lamps and tripping over the coffee table and yelling at each other. **

Yeah, that sounded like the Curtis house they all knew and loved.

**Something was wrong, but I couldn't quite figure it out. Something had happened... I couldn't remember what. I blinked at Soda bewilderedly. He was sitting on the edge of the bed watching me.**

Soda nodded, "I remember this."

"Really?" Darry asked, "How long had he been out?"

"Two days, it was the first time he woke up."

Soda remembered bein' awful relieved when Pony woke up.

**"Soda..."- my voice sounded weak and hoarse- "is somebody sick?"**

**"Yeah." His voice was oddly gentle "Go back to sleep now."**

**An idea was slowly dawning on me. "Am I sick?"**

"Bingo!" said Steve, "Give the boy a prize, eh?"

"Shut up."

**He stroked my hair. "Yeah, you're sick. Now be quiet."**

**I had one more question. I was still kind of mixed up. "Is Darry sorry I'm sick?" **

Darry looked up, confused. Soda never told him this.

**I had a funny feeling that Darry was sad because I was sick. **

"Of course he'd be sad!" said Dally. Everyone looked at him, surprised. "Shutup."

**Everything seemed vague and hazy.**

**Soda gave me a funny look. He was quiet for a moment. "Yeah, he's sorry you're sick. Now please shut up, will ya, honey? Go back to sleep."**

**I closed my eyes. I was awful tired.**

"You're pretty stupid when you're sick, you know that?" Steve asked.

Soda smacked him.

**WHEN I WOKE UP NEXT, it was daylight and I was hot under all the blankets on me. I was thirsty and hungry, but my stomach was so uneasy I knew I wouldn't be able to hold anything down. Darry had pulled the armchair into the bedroom and was asleep in it. He should be at work, I thought. Why is he asleep in the armchair?**

"Your health is more important than work." Darry said and Pony blushed, just slightly.

**"Hey, Darry," I said softly, shaking his knee. "Hey, Darry, wake up."**

Darry smiled as he remembered this.

**He opened his eyes. "Ponyboy, you okay?"**

"Yeah, I'm sure he's fine. Just concussed is all." Two-Bit muttered to Darry couldn't hear him.

**"Yeah," I said, "I think so."**

**Something had happened... but I still couldn't remember it, although I was thinking a lot clearer than I was the last time I'd waked up.**

"You can say that again!" Soda laughed

**He sighed in relief and pushed my hair back. "Gosh, kid, you had us scared to death."**

Even Dally had alternated between terrified for Pony, extremely guilty and slightly scared of Darry, though he'd never admit to the last one.

**"What was the matter with me?"**

"Everything." Johnny muttered with a smile and Ponyboy elbowed him. Johnny hadn't been able to walk for weeks after his surgery and he was still convinced that Ponyboy had been worse off.

**He shook his head. "I told you you were in no condition for a rumble. Exhaustion, shock, minor concussion- **

Ponyboy rolled his eyes at Darry who shrugged, "It's my job to worry." And he was worrying, as angry as he was at Pony for the stash he'd kept hidden he was even more worried about his brother's health. He knew they'd need to stage some kind of intervention. He didn't think Pony would quit, not with the habit so ingrained in him, but he could at least majorly scale back.

**and Two-Bit came blubberin' over here with some tale about how you were running a fever before the rumble and how it was all his fault you were sick.**

Two-Bit still felt guilty to some extent. He had_ known_ that Pony was runnin' a fever and hadn't even kept an eye on the kid at the rumble!

**He was pretty torn up that night," Darry said. He was quiet for a minute. "We all were."**

The gang silently reflected upon how they all felt that night and there was more than enough guilt to go around.

Two-Bit and Dally of course felt guilt for getting Pony into the situation, Two-Bit had known he was running the fever and Dally had just let the kid run amok.

Darry was kicking himself for allowing Pony to go to the rumble and Soda was cursing his 16 year old self for not keeping a better eye on Ponyboy during the fighting.

Steve just felt bad that if the kid kicked it he would die thinking that Steve hated him. Steve didn't hate him they just didn't get along.

Johnny didn't feel guilt. He was upset that he never got to go to the rumble to at least help but he couldn't feel guilt because Ponyboy way the kind of kid that did what he wanted and was stubborn. Even if the guys had tried to stop him he still woulda' been there.

**And then I remembered. Dallas and Johnny were dead.**

"Man, talk about a rude awakening." Steve said.

**Don't think of them, I thought.**

Steve rolled his eyes, _great idea, Pony._

**(Don't remember how Johnny was your buddy, don't remember that he didn't want to die. **

Dally stiffened and his jaw tensed, the whole room did the polite thing and pretended not to notice.

**Don't think of Dally breaking up in the hospital, crumpling under the street light. Try to think that Johnny is better off now, try to remember that Dally would have ended up like that sooner or later.**

"Bu-_What_?" Dally sputtered, outraged.

"Uh, that's not what I meant…"Pony muttered lamely.

"Not what you meant? Not what you meant my ass!"

**Best of all, don't think. Blank your mind. Don't remember. Don't remember.)**

**"Where'd I get a concussion?" I said. My head itched,**

"Still?"

**but I couldn't scratch it for the bandage. "How long have I been asleep?"**

Johnny laughed, he remembered thinking it was funny that Pony had been hurt more than he had, even though he'd nearly broken his back.

**"You got a concussion from getting kicked in the head- Soda saw it.**

Soda's jaw clenched, when he saw what that soc was doing he could've killed him, he could've killed any one of them.

**He landed all over that Soc. I've never seen him so mad. **

Steve shuddered as he remembered Soda that night. He'd never seen Soda so mad before either. That was the moment he stopped hating Ponyboy so much. Don't get him wrong, Ponyboy still bugged the hell outta' him but he saw and felt the bond between the two brothers and knew that it wouldn't ever be broken. He accepted that he'd just have to live with the kid.

**I think he could have whipped anyone, in the state he was in. **

"Good for you, Soda." Dally complimented. Soda smiled slightly at the ridiculous placement of the compliment. Darry just shook his head.

**Today's Tuesday, and you've been asleep and delirious since Saturday night. Don't you remember?"**

"'Course he don't remember! He was delirious!" Two-Bit laughed and even Ponyboy smiled at his friend's slightly pathetic attempt at lightening the mood.

**"No," I said slowly. "Darry, I'm not ever going to be able to make up the school I've missed.**

"School's not that important, you can always just become a jockey, like me!" Dally said.

Darry glared at Dally while Pony blushed and muttered a 'no thanks.'

**And I've still got to go to court and talk to the police about Bob's getting killed. **

Johnny shuddered, going to court was awful, nothing he wanted to ever experience again.

**And now... with Dally..." -I took a deep breath- "Darry, do you think they'll split us up? Put me in a home or something?"**

"They can't do that!" Two-Bit protested.

"Actually, they can." Soda pointed out. Now at 18 years old though, Soda was technically in the clear.

**He was silent. "I don't know, baby. I just don't know."**

**I stared at the ceiling. What would it be like, I wondered, staring at a different ceiling? What would it be like in a different bed, in a different room? **

"Don't think like that!" Darry snapped. Ponyboy shrugged and half muttered and apology.

**There was a hard painful lump in my throat that I couldn't swallow.**

**"Don't you even remember being in the hospital?" Darry asked. He was trying to change the subject.**

Yeah that was pretty much something you could count on with Pony, when you change the subject he usually went with it, whether it was to make you more comfortable or because he was more interested in the new topic depended on a variety of components.

**I shook my head. "I don't remember."**

**"You kept asking for me and Soda. Sometimes for Mom and Dad, too. But mostly for Soda."**

**Something in his tone of voice made me look at him. Mostly for Soda. Did I ask for Darry at all, or was he just saying that?**

"You asked for me," Darry assured him, just not as often as he'd asked for Soda.

**"Darry..." I didn't know quite what I wanted to say. But I had a sick feeling that maybe I hadn't called for him while I was delirious,**

Darry hid his frown, he would have been pretty upset if Pony had never called for him even once, that would have stung.

**maybe I had only wanted Sodapop to be with me. What all had I said while I was sick? I couldn't remember. I didn't want to remember.**

"That's okay, I usually don't remember things to well either Ponyboy," said Two-Bit.

"That's 'cause you're drunk half your life," Johnny muttered to Ponyboy, who let out an abrupt chuckle.

"What?" Soda asked.

Johnny and Pony looked up. They were used to talking quietly with each other in the presence of the group, Johnny 'cause he didn't like attention and Pony 'cause he was mostly accepted in the gang because he kept his mouth shut real good. They weren't used to being called out on it.

Johnny blinked, "Uh, nothing." He muttered.

"No, no you said something," Two-Bit was sure. Until reading this book he never realized how close the greaser boys really were, or how much they talked to each other.

Darry raised an eyebrow in a 'we're waiting' gesture. "Uh, well I just said, it's uh…" Johnny just stopped getting nervous with everyone looking at him.

"He just said that I've always had a better memory than Two-Bit," Ponyboy said swooping in, he thought that maybe Two-Bit was getting a bit sensitive on the drinking issue and that maybe Johnny had noticed it too.

**"Johnny left you his copy of Gone with the Wind. Told the nurse he wanted you to have it"**

"Hey, Pony, where is that book anyways? I was looking for it in our room…" Soda trailed off and Pony swallowed suddenly, feeling oddly paranoid.

"Uh, Johnny has it now."

**I looked at the paperback lying on the table. I didn't want to finish it. I'd never get past the part where the Southern gentlemen go riding into sure death because they are gallant. **

"But that's the best part!" Johnny mumbled to Ponyboy who conceded. Again their conversation was spotted by most the gang, who were pretty astounded by how much they'd been missing around them.

**Southern gentlemen with big black eyes in blue jeans and T-shirts, Southern gentlemen crumpling under street lights. Don't remember. Don't try to decide which one died gallant. **

"Johnny," said Soda at the same time Steve said, "Dally."

"No way! Johnny saved a ton of kids before he kicked it!" Soda protested.

"Yeah, but Dally? I mean what a way to go…" Steve murmured.

"Definitely Dally," Johnny confirmed, "I died in a stupid hospital bed!"

"Better than out on the street!" Dallas argued.

Pony smiled, he wanted his writing to provoke thought and debate. Yep, he totally deserved better than a C.

"It sounds to me like they both died pretty gallant," Darry said.

**Don't remember.**

**"Where's Soda?" I asked, and then I could have kicked myself. Why can't you talk to Darry, you idiot? I said to myself. Why do you feel uncomfortable talking to Darry?**

Darry looked down, avoiding eye contact. Pony didn't look too keen on discussing this either.

_At least he wants to be able to talk to me_, Darry thought.

**"Asleep, I hope. I thought he was going to go to sleep shaving this morning and cut his throat**

Soda winced and rubbed his throat, "Now there's a way to go that's not gallant at all."

The gang laughed at Soda's comment.

**I had to push him to bed, but he was out like a light in a second."**

Speaking of this was actually making Soda tired. He didn't sleep for days when Soda and Johnny were first recovering, none of them did. One person always had to be awake, it doesn't sound too bad but with work and everything to schedule around it was a while before any of them got to sleep.

**Darry's hopes that Soda was asleep were immediately ruined, because he came running in, clad only in a pair of blue jeans.**

"I was excited to see that he was awake, for the first time in days too!" Soda defended himself to Darry's glare.

**"Hey, Ponyboy!" he yelped, and leaped for me, but Darry caught him.**

"Thanks for that, by the way." Pony said to Darry. Darry smiled as Soda blushed.

**"No rough stuff, little buddy."**

Steve wondered how Johnny and Ponyboy had made it through the first week of recovery without getting re-broken by Soda.

**So Soda had to content himself with bouncing up and down on the bed and pounding on my shoulder.**

Most the gang rolled their eyes at Soda's over enthusiastic reaction.

**"Gosh, but you were sick. **

"Ya' think?"

**You feel okay now?"**

"I'm sure he's just hunky dory!"

"Two-Bit? Shut up." Darry snapped

**"I'm okay. Just a little hungry."**

**"I should think you would be," Darry said. "You wouldn't eat anything most of the time you were sick. How'd you like some mushroom soup?"**

Two-Bit made a disgusted face, he _hated_ mushroom soup.

**I suddenly realized just how empty I was. **

"Yeah, getting into a rumble and then barely eating for four day does will do that to you." Dally laughed.

**"Man, I'd like that just fine."**

**"I'll go make some. Sodapop, take it easy with him, okay?"**

"Yeah, _Sodapop_! You nearly broke Johnny's back the third day he started walking!" Steve snapped.

"It was an accident!" The whole gang glared at Soda.

"…I forgot, okay! Jesus Christ. You forget Johnny's back's nearly broken just one time and they never let you forget it."

**Soda looked back at him indignantly. "You'd think I was going to challenge him to a track meet or something right off the bat."**

"Wouldn't surprise me," Steve said mildly.

**"Oh, no," I groaned. "Track meet. I guess this just about puts me out of every race. I won't be back in condition for the meets. And the coach was counting on me."**

"Oh yeah, worry about track, because this is definitely the time."

**"Golly, there's always next year,"**

"Always next year?" Darry sputtered

**Soda said. Soda never has grasped the importance Darry and I put on athletics. Like he never has understood why we went all-out for studying.**

Darry smiled smugly and Soda rolled his eyes.

**"Don't sweat it about some track meet."**

Johnny shook his head, track was real important to Ponyboy. He wouldn't be able to _not _sweat it.

**"Soda," I said suddenly. "What all did I say while I was delirious?"**

"Good question to be askin'," Steve commented.

**"Oh, you thought you were in Windrixville most of the time.**

_It wasn't too bad of a place_, Johnny thought.

**Then you kept saying that Johnny didn't mean to kill that Soc. Hey, I didn't know you didn't like baloney."**

Johnny and Pony shuddered violently and in unison. Pony looked like he might barf.

**I went cold. "I don't like it. I never liked it"  
><strong>Pony would never be able to look at the stuff again. Darry wasn't even allowed to buy it anymore.

**Soda just looked at me. "You used to eat it. **

Johnny scooted away from Ponyboy, who was looking green.

"Golly, you two really don't like baloney." said Two-Bit who was thinking of a really awesome prank.

"Don't even think about it, Two-Bit." Dally said.

**That's why you wouldn't eat anything while you were sick. You kept saying you didn't like baloney, no matter what it was we were trying to get you to eat."**

Darry remembered that. Johnny, who was bedridden at the time, watched them try to get Pony to eat food and found it hysterical when Pony refused to eat anything and claimed they were feeding him baloney. It nearly drove them all crazy.

**"I don't like it," I repeated. **

"Yeah, yeah we get it, you don't like baloney!" Steve muttered, annoyed.

**"Soda, did I ask for Darry while I was sick?"**

**"Yeah, sure," he said, looking at me strangely.**

Darry breathed out a sigh of relief knowing that Pony knew that he had, in fact, asked for Darry.

**"You asked for him and me both. Sometimes Mom and Dad. And for Johnny."**

Johnny grinned smugly.

**"Oh. I thought maybe I didn't ask for Darry. It was bugging me."**

"No you asked for Darry alright, the problem is that you never shut up in your sleep." Steve said.

Dally laughed, he had to agree with Steve on that one.

"Hah, you can talk! You haven't shared a room with him for 18 years!" Soda yelled indignantly.

**Soda grinned. "Well, you did, so don't worry. We stayed with you so much that the doctor told us we were going to end up in the hospital ourselves**

"Yeah, because of food poisoning!" Two-Bit snapped, "I tell you the hospital _needs_ to get better food, the stuff they served there was _gross_!"

**if we didn't get some sleep. But we didn't get any anyway."**

**I took a good look at him. He looked completely worn out; there were circles under his eyes and he had a tense, tired look to him. **

"You guys," Steve said seriously, "This might be the worst description of Soda in the entire book!"

The gang burst into laughter at Soda's offended countenance.

**Yet his dark eyes were still laughing and carefree and reckless.**

"See? It's not so bad!" Soda said.

"Nah, laughing and reckless does not outweigh tense and tired," Two-Bit declared.

**"You look beat," I said frankly. "I bet you ain't had three hours sleep since Saturday night."**

**He grinned but didn't deny it. "Scoot over." He crawled over me and flopped down and before Darry came back in with the soup we were both asleep.**

"That's the end?" Dally asked.

"Yep," said Soda, "there's about one chapter left I think."

"Good." said Dally and he turned slightly toward Ponyboy, inhaled a large breath and got ready to ask him what the hell he was doing with the DX's entire cigarette inventory under his mattress.

Luckily before he could Darry caught sight of him and interrupted, "Who's hungry, huh? Anybody?"

In a group of teenaged boys at least one is always hungry, so the gang convened in the kitchen. As they started eating Darry surreptitiously pulled Johnny out of the kitchen, "Hey. I need to show you something." And he led the way to Pony's room.

**Hi. I'm really tired. I hope you liked this chapter! Please, uh, review and tell me if you liked it and stuff.**

**Did you enjoy the flashback? I thought this was a good chapter, how about you? What was your favorite part?**

**I'm going to bed.**


	15. Chapter 15

**Sorry internet's been down! I hope you like this chapter**

Johnny slipped silently out of the kitchen and followed Darry down to Pony's room, his curiosity growing by each step.

When he entered the room he felt that it was distinctly anti-climactic. He didn't know what he expected but the room looked perfectly undisturbed to him.

Then Darry walked across the hardwood floor and lifted Pony's mattress easily with one arm. Johnny's eyebrows shot up when he saw what was there.

Piles and piles of cigarettes lay under Pony's mattress, looking out of place against the wooden frame of the bed. Johnny cursed internally, _God dammit! _He didn't think that Darry or Soda would ever look under the mattress. Who looks under their freaking mattress?

Johnny smoothed his face into an emotionless mask. He could already tell that Darry had jumped to conclusions about the cigarettes. He obviously thought that Pony was smoking them and Johnny didn't blame him for that; God knows that Pony wasn't exactly an angel when it came to his bad habits, especially smoking.

Johnny, however, knew better. Pony wasn't smoking them, he had been selling them. A few months ago Pony realized how expensive it was to go to college. He was confident that he would get a scholarship but he thought that it would be a good idea to make some extra money on the side.

A few weeks ago Ponyboy started working with Curly Shepard; Curly stole the cigarettes and Pony re-sold them cheap. They split the profits 50/50.

Johnny personally wasn't involved because he really didn't need the money and he didn't want to take another share from Ponyboy. The business didn't last long; Curly got caught shoplifting a huge amount of cigarettes. The police arrested him and started their search for the rest of the supplies and Ponyboy, who had already made a good amount of money off this, decided not to push his luck and retire.

Pony had tried to rationalize keeping the surplus for himself but Johnny smacked him upside the head and told him to get rid of the cigarettes. He eventually agreed because he realized that he did have a problem, not that he'd ever freely admit it.

However, it wasn't easy sneaking out tons of cigarettes in front of the watchful gang so they resorted to smuggling them out under their jackets little at a time. Johnny thought that they were making real progress.

Until this.

"Johnny," Darry asked in what he hoped was a soothing voice, "do you know anything about this?"

Johnny answered carefully, "I'm sorry Darry I can't help you with this." Not strictly true but not necessarily a lie either. Darry seemed to buy it. His jaw clenched and he stormed out the door without a backwards glance. Johnny entered the kitchen behind Darry and took a seat beside Ponyboy.

Pony gave him a questioning look and Johnny leaned in close, "They found the cigarettes."

Ponyboy took a moment to process what he was hearing and then the blood drained from his face, "Oh _shit_," he muttered under his breath, "shit, shit, shit!"

Johnny shushed him quickly before the others noticed Pony, "They don't know what the cigs are from, they think you're smoking them."

Pony groaned under his breath, "That's _worse._ Probably."

Johnny laughed at his friend and shook his head, "That's what you get for—"

"Shut up, Johnny! You're in this as much as I am! You think Dally'll be too happy when he finds out about this?"

Johnny paled, knowing that he wouldn't be too pleased at all that Johnny had a part in the scheme no matter how small, "What do we do?" he asked desperately.

Pony shrugged, looking faintly ill. "Nothin' we can do," He whispered back.

Dallas glanced across the kitchen when he heard the hushed voices that strangely stood out against the din in the kitchen. He narrowed his eyes on Pony and Johnny who looked deep in conversation. Both looked uncomfortable and nervous and Dallas didn't have to think too hard to figure out what they were talking about. This, however, meant that Johnny did know something about the cigarettes, something he wasn't sharing. Dally wasn't too surprised, Johnny was bound to be on Pony's side in whatever this was. He'd never rat on Pony, those two were thick as thieves!

"Okay!" Steve's voice rang out across the room cutting through the side conversations and Dally's musings.

The gang got up and filed back into their original seats in the living room, leaving Pony once again in his undesirable spot.

When Steve had regained the attention of the room he handed the book to Ponyboy and said, "You haven't read too much, you wanna' read now?"

Pony gulped, knowing that he couldn't refuse but that reading would erase any chance he had of slipping out again before Darry and Soda confronted him about the stash of cigarettes.

Pony swallowed and cleared his throat, "Um yeah…yeah sure."

Johnny kicked him surreptitiously behind the coffee table.

Pony shot him a look, _shut the hell up! What do you want me to do?_

Johnny shook his head disapprovingly at Ponyboy, but it was a miniscule shake that went unnoticed by everyone else in the room.

**Chapter 11**

"This chapter is mostly true but with a few…tweaks," Pony said to the room.

Two-Bit wondered if this was where Pony threatened the socs with a busted pop bottle.

**I HAD TO STAY IN BED a whole week after that. **

Soda rolled his eyes, Pony was awful to deal with that week, "I was waitin' on you hand and foot and all you did was whine!"

Pony's face colored and he stopped reading, "I did not whine!" he snapped.

The rest of the gang laughed in disbelief, they all remembered Pony's bedridden week well, especially Johnny, who'd been with Pony nearly every minute for the whole week.

Johnny smiled and muttered to Ponyboy, "You did."

Pony blushed but kept reading.

**That bugged me; I'm not the kind that can lie around looking at the ceiling all the time. I read most of the time, and drew pictures. **

Darry and Soda listened intently, learning what their brother did in his free time, for some reason neither had really bothered too much to learn before now. In fact they were both learning a lot about their brother, and it was surprising them, Soda especially. They never noticed how different Pony was depending on the company.

**One day I started flipping through one of Soda's old yearbooks and came across a picture that seemed vaguely familiar. **

Steve found himself enjoying listening to Pony read. He flowed really well and didn't stumble over words the way Two-Bit was known to do. Plus it was written in first person and it seemed right that Pony would read it.

**Not even when I read the name Robert Sheldon did it hit me who it was. And then I finally realized it was Bob. I took a real good long look at it.**

The room was silent for a moment, for different reasons; Darry and Soda were worried for Ponyboy, Ponyboy and Johnny felt remorse, Dally out of respect for Johnny and Pony, Steve because he didn't want Soda and Darry to yell at him and Two-Bit because he simply saw nothing to comment on.

**The picture didn't look a whole lot like the Bob I remembered, but nobody ever looks a whole lot like his picture in a yearbook anyway.**

Two-Bit snorted, countless years of high school and still not one good school picture.

**He had been a sophomore that year- that would make him about eighteen when he died. Yeah, he was good-looking even then, with a grin that reminded me of Soda's, **

Soda frowned slightly at the comparison but said nothing.

**a kind of reckless grin. He had been a handsome black-haired boy with dark eyes- maybe brown, like Soda's, maybe dark-blue, like the Shepard boys'. Maybe he'd had black eyes. Like Johnny.**

Johnny shifted uncomfortably. He felt bad and didn't regret his actions, but he did regret the fact that he and Pony were ever in the situation in the first place.

**I had never given Bob much thought- I hadn't had time to think. But that day I wondered about him. What was he like?**

Darry's jaw clenched against the impulse to berate Pony for thinking like that, he shouldn't have let Pony read this chapter, he thought. He seemed to forget that Pony had already written this entire book, nothing would surprise him.

**I knew he liked to pick fights, **

_His own fault, _Dally snapped internally. He knew better than to say anything out loud with Johnny and Pony in the room.

**had the usual Soc belief that living on the West Side made you Mr. Super-Tuff, **

Two-Bit didn't hold back a snort of disbelief and Pony's mouth held the slightest grin.

**looked good in dark wine-colored sweaters, **

Steve covered his mouth and coughed, hiding a laugh.

**and was proud of his rings. **

Dally's jaw clenched and Johnny paled. _Randy's lucky he's dead_, Dally thought savagely.

**But what about the Bob Sheldon that Cherry Valance knew? She was a smart girl; she didn't like him just because he was good-looking.**

Dally rolled his eyes at the assumption.

**Sweet and friendly, stands out from the crowd- that's what she had said. A real person, the best buddy a guy ever had, kept trying to make somebody stop him- Randy had told me that.**

Soda grimaced; he didn't want to hear about the soc as a person. He was dead, dead and gone. Why couldn't Pony just leave it that way?

Darry shot a sideways glance at Soda, he was obviously having trouble with this, it was a good thing he hadn't read this chapter. He patted Soda's shoulders comfortingly.

**Did he have a kid brother who idolized him? Maybe a big brother who kept bugging him not to be so wild? **

Soda and Darry stared at the floor.

**His parents let him run wild- because they loved him too much or too little? **

Johnny was sure the parents had loved him period. Could you love too much or too little? Was there an exact acceptable amount? Maybe they just hadn't known how to parent their child.

**Did they hate us now?**

Darry imagined what he'd feel if the positions were reversed. If the socs had killed Pony or Johnny, would he hate them? Yes, he knew without a second thought. He knew he'd hate them more than he could currently comprehend.

**I hoped they hated us,**

Johnny's eyebrows furrowed.

**that they weren't full of that pity-the-victims-of-environment junk the social workers kept handing Curly Shepard every time he got sent off to reform school. **

Dally's mouth twisted into a cruel smile. He remembered when he had to listen to the bullshit, eventually the social workers gave up and just asked him to try to not to get caught next time so they aren't called down to the station first thing in the morning anymore.

**I'd rather have anybody's hate than their pity.**

Every greaser in the room agreed. It was one thing to be despised but quite another to be pitied because they grew up with no money. Two-Bit, for example, stole things because it was fun, not because of how his mother raised him and woe to anyone who assumed otherwise.

**But, then, maybe they understood, like Cherry Valance.**

Dally's expression turned to one of distaste.

**I looked at Bob's picture and I could begin to see the person we had killed.**

"We," Johnny snorted, "_we _didn't do anything. _I_ killed that boy."

Pony took a deep breath but didn't argue with Johnny. They argued this enough over two years, and it was the only argument that Johnny could talk circles around him.

**A reckless, hot-tempered boy, cocky and scared stiff at the same time.**

That wasn't the boy Soda and Steve had remembered from when they went to school together but then they hadn't really associated with socs.

**"Ponyboy."**

**"Yeah?" I didn't look up. I thought it was the doctor. He'd been coming over to see me almost every day, although he didn't do much except talk to me.**

Darry knew exactly who was visiting Ponyboy and he sat up a little straighter. He'd always wished he'd heard the conversation between the two.

Johnny listened intently as well. He'd been fast asleep when the conversation took place between the two boys. To Johnny they were not a soc and a greaser, but two scared kids. Maybe one had more money than the other and maybe one was a bit smarter than the other but that didn't change the fact that neither knew very much of the world. They were just children.

**"There's a guy here to see you. Says he knows you." Something in Darry's voice made me look up, and his eyes were hard. "His name's Randy."**

Soda swallowed, Darry nearly hadn't let the boy inside but Soda knew that Pony would want to speak with the soc if the soc had come all this way to speak with him.

**"Yeah, I know him," I said.**

**"You want to see him?"**

Darry had hoped so much that Pony would've said no. But he didn't.

**"Yeah." I shrugged. "Sure, why not?"**

"Why not?" asked Steve, "because that kid's a stupid soc, that's why!"

Two-Bit and Dally agreed, why waste time on a soc? Pony sighed and shook his head, feeling the need to say something in Randy's defense, "He's not stupid just a bit…cowardly." Pony winced at his awful attempted defense of Randy, "He just doesn't know how to…live the right way."

Johnny raised his eyebrows as Pony botched his second attempt at helping Randy's image. Two-Bit rolled his eyes and before Pony could try a third time gang's attention had already wandered.

**A few guys from school had dropped by to see me;**

Two-Bit cocked an eyebrow curiously, "Like who?"

Pony shrugged as Steve and Dally peered at him, "Uh, Doug Olson, Mike Holbrook…Denny Van Dyke…" Pony's face scrunched as he tried to remember more.

"Alan Cossing." Johnny said.

Dally and the others were slightly baffled, truth be told the amount of visitors the two had had been surprising to Darry and Soda too.

"Wait! Mike and Denny visited you? They never even stopped by when I broke my leg!" Two-Bit yelled, looking offended.

Johnny chuckled at the others expressions, he and Pony had plenty of friends 'cause they kept their mouths shut good. Johnny figured it might be surprising for them because the only reason they originally let Pony hang out with them was because he was Darry and Soda's younger brother, they knew Pony was a good buddy but it was still odd for them that he'd made so many friends on his own.

**I have quite a few friends at school even if I am younger than most of them and don't talk much.**

Two-Bit scratched his head. The idea of getting friends by_ not_ talking was baffling to him.

**But that's what they are- school friends, not buddies. **

Unbeknownst to Ponyboy the group breathed a sigh of relief. For whatever reason some people had some unfounded idea that maybe, just maybe, Pony had liked his school friends just a bit more than the group that he had only gotten into because of his brothers. After all Pony was different than them, and there was always that possibility that he fit in better with school friends.

They didn't need to worry, Johnny knew better than anyone that Pony was loyal to a fault.

**I had been glad to see them, but it bothered me because we live in kind of a lousy neighborhood and our house isn't real great.**

The older brothers blushed and Pony read on doing his best not stumble over his words.

**It's run-down looking and everything, and the inside's kind of poor-looking, too, even though for a bunch of boys we do a pretty good job of house-cleaning. **

"Yeah, and it'd be a lot easier if Two-Bit didn't leave his beer bottles all over the place." Soda muttered.

"Hey! This is the only place I can drink! If my ma catches me again she'll throw me out!" Two-Bit yelled.

Pony rolled his eyes, "I don't blame her," he said.

Two-Bit frowned. "Well," said Johnny, "you could at least pick up after yourself."

Two-Bit muttered something unintelligible under his breath.

**Most of my friends at school come from good homes, not filthy rich like the Socs, but middle class, anyway.**

_Huh_, Dally mused. He'd never given much thought to the middle class. As long as they didn't get in his way he had no qualms with them.

**It was a funny thing- it bugged me about my friends seeing our house. But I couldn't have cared less about what Randy thought.**

"That's 'cause you don't care about Randy's opinion of you like you do our friends," Johnny said quietly to Pony, who nodded.

Dally raised his eyebrows at them.

**"Hi, Ponyboy." Randy looked uncomfortable standing in the doorway.**

Darry rolled his eyes.

**"Hi, Randy," I said. "Have a seat if you can find one." Books were lying all over everything.**

Soda shook his head, Pony and his books…

**He pushed a couple off a chair and sat down.**

**"How you feeling? Cherry told me your name was on the school bulletin."**

_What the hell's a school bulletin? _Dally thought but didn't ask.

**"I'm okay. You can't really miss my name on any kind of bulletin."**

Darry smiled at Pony's joke. His brother really did have a great sense of humor when he spoke up.

**He still looked uncomfortable, although he tried to grin.**

**"Wanna smoke?" I offered him a weed, **

Pony paled and swallowed while Darry, Soda _and _Dally glared at him. He continued to read ignoring the stares and pretending he didn't know what their problem was.

**but he shook his head. "No, thanks. Uh, Ponyboy, one reason I came here was to see if you were okay, but you- we- got to go see the judge tomorrow."**

Johnny shuddered; court was not fun at all.

**"Yeah," I said, lighting a cigarette. "I know. Hey, holler if you see one of my brothers coming. I'll catch it for smoking in bed."**

"Ponyboy!" Darry snapped, Soda frowned at his younger brother.

**"My dad says for me to tell the truth and nobody can get hurt. He's kind of upset about all this. I mean, my dad's a good guy and everything, better than most, and I kind of let him down, being mixed up in all this."**

The room was silent, each person trying to wrap their head around that remark.

**I just looked at him. That was the dumbest remark I ever heard anyone make. He thought he was mixed up in this? He didn't kill anyone, he didn't get his head busted in a rumble, it wasn't his buddy that was shot down under a street light.**

Johnny was nearly choking on indignation, even though technically no one's buddy got shot down under a street light.

**Besides, what did he have to lose? His old man was rich; he could pay whatever fine there was for being drunk and picking a fight.**

Steve rolled his eyes, when he got drunk and picked fights his father never even noticed.

**"I wouldn't mind getting fined," Randy said, "but I feel lousy about the old man. And it's the first time I've felt anything in a long time."**

An uncomfortable silence followed those words but the greasers refused to feel pity for the rich boy.

**The only thing I'd felt in a long time was being scared. Scared stiff.**

Darry's jaw clenched, it still irked him that Ponyboy had to go through this, even if he came out a much more mature person.

**I'd put off thinking about the judge and the hearing for as long as I could. Soda and Darry didn't like to talk about it either, **

Soda felt like he should've talked to Pony about it. He knew his brother was scared and so was he, but maybe if he'd talked about it more Pony wouldn't have dreaded it so much.

**so we were all silently counting off the days while I was sick, counting the days that we had left together.**

Two-Bit shook his head, "You're all so negative! You gotta' think bright!"

Darry rolled his eyes, "You don't know what you're talking about, when's the last time you even spoke to your sister?"

Two-Bit's joking disposition evaporated immediately. Darry had hit a sore spot; he seemed to notice it too, "Uh, Two-Bit—"

Pony didn't want Darry to make a mess of an apology like he usually did, especially when he hit such a tender spot for Two-Bit so he kept on reading, cutting Darry off. It didn't hurt that this could also make Two-Bit and ally when Pony's_ business venture _blew in up in his face.

**But with Randy sticking solidly to the subject it was impossible to think about anything else. My cigarette started trembling.**

**"I guess your folks feel kind of awful about it, too."**

Steve tossed his hands up in the air in disbelief. The kid could not have said anything stupider, "Idiot."

**"My parents are dead. I live here with just Darry and Soda, my brothers." I took a long drag on my cigarette.**

Darry grumbled.

**"That's what's worrying me. If the judge decides Darry isn't a good guardian or something, I'm liable to get stuck in a home somewhere.**

The room shuddered collectively. It was a horrible prospect to contemplate.

**That's the rotten part of this deal. Darry is a good guardian; he makes me study and knows where I am and who I'm with all the time.**

Darry winced; when you put it like that he sounded more like an annoying parole officer.

**I mean, we don't get along so great sometimes, but he keeps me out of trouble, or did.**

Johnny raised his eyebrows and Soda shook his head.

**My father didn't yell at me as much as he does."**

Darry rubbed the back of his neck, maybe he should have been a bit easier on Ponyboy.

**"I didn't know that" Randy looked worried, he really did. A Soc, even, worried because some kid greaser was on his way to a foster home or something. **

Steve shifted uncomfortably. Okay so even if this kid wasn't the total soc scum of the earth it didn't mean that socs weren't evil. There was always an odd one out in big social groups, just look at Ponyboy.

**That was really funny. I don't mean funny. You know what I mean.**

Dally scrunched his nose at Ponyboy before rolling his eyes. Johnny was right, that kid was getting more and more like Two-Bit every day.

**"Listen to me, Pony. You didn't do anything. It was your friend Johnny that had the knife..."**

"That's bullshit!" Dally yelled.

Johnny rolled his eyes, "I _was_ the one holding the knife," he said.

"But he's trying to get Ponyboy to pawn this off on you!" Dally yelled, still outraged.

_So that was what set Ponyboy off_, Darry thought. He always figured it had something to do with the trial, Pony always got anxious when people brought up court, especially the way the kid brought Johnny into it.

**"I had it," I stopped him. He was looking at me strangely. "I had the knife. I killed Bob."**

Two-Bit looked at Ponyboy strangely, "You didn't really think you did it, did you?"

Ponyboy shrugged while Johnny shuddered. Before the court day Ponyboy had taken it into his head that he was the one who killed Bob. It was just before the trail that Johnny had managed to convince him that he hadn't been the one to do it and that he needed to keep his mouth shut.

**Randy shook his head. "I saw it. You were almost drowned. It was the black-headed guy that had the switchblade. Bob scared him into doing it. I saw it."**

Soda frowned, not liking where this was going, Johnny winced knowing Pony wouldn't like hearing that.

**I was bewildered. "I killed him. I had a switchblade and I was scared they were going to beat me up."**

It took Johnny a full week of non-stop arguing to prove to Pony that it wasn't him who killed Bob, Steve looked at Pony, "Man kid…they really messed you up."

Pony blushed, "I was recovering from a head injury."

Darry still looked worried, maybe he should've gotten Ponyboy to talk to the school counselor or something.

**"No, kid, it was your friend, the one who died in the hospital..."**

**"Johnny is not dead." My voice was shaking. "Johnny is not dead."**

Dally shuddered, and Johnny grimaced, his breakfast not sitting well.

**"Hey, Randy" Darry stuck his head in the door. "I think you'd better go now."**

"No kidding," Two-Bit muttered, still slightly off put by Darry's earlier comment.

**"Sure," Randy said. He was still looking at me kind of funny. "See you around, Pony."**

"Not likely," Ponyboy muttered.

"What?"

"Nothing."

**"Don't ever say anything to him about Johnny," I heard Darry say in a low voice as they went out. "He's still pretty racked up mentally and emotionally. The doc said he'd get over it if we gave him time."**

Darry frowned, not realizing that Pony had heard him speak to Randy as they left.

**I swallowed hard and blinked. He was just like all the rest of the Socs. Cold-blooded mean. Johnny didn't have anything to do with Bob's getting killed.**

Johnny shook his head and patted Pony on the shoulder, not wanting him to fall back into that fragile mental state.

**"Ponyboy Curtis, put out that cigarette!"**

Pony almost rolled his eyes before stopping himself, not thinking it was a good idea to push Darry in any way.

**"Okay, okay." I put it out. "I ain't going to go to sleep smoking, Darry. If you make me stay in bed there ain't anywhere else I can smoke."**

"Maybe you shouldn't smoke at all!" Soda snapped.

Pont didn't reply and continued reading.

**"You're not going to die if you don't get a smoke. But if that bed catches on fire you will. **

Two-Bit chuckled. Darry glared at him, "Something funny Two-Bit?"

Usually Two-Bit would shake his head, but now he decided to say something, "Yeah, I don't see why you always need to nag Pony about smoking. It's not a big deal, just a cigarette now and then."

Pony resisted the urge to strangle Two-Bit. There was no way he'd be able to avoid this conversation.

Steve shifted uncomfortably; truthfully he didn't see the big deal either. And whenever Soda and Darry got on Pony for smoking they got on everyone else too.

"_Just a cigarette?"_

"Pony read." Johnny muttered.

Pony nodded and tried to continue but Darry cut him off, "Two-Bit you don't know what you're talking about!"

Two-Bit wasn't going to sit back and take that and the room was quickly filled with loud, arguing voices.

"HEY!" Dally's voice cut across the din, "finish the chapter, then you can argue." Dally gave a specific glare to Darry to convince him to sit down and shut up.

With much grumbling Pony was allowed to continue.

**You couldn't make it to the door through that mess."**

Johnny snorted, that room was always a mess.

**"Well, golly, I can't pick it up and Soda doesn't, so I guess that leaves you."**

The whole room, sans Darry, turned away or coughed into their sleeves to hide smiles. Pony really did have a lot of cheek.

**He was giving me one of those looks. "All right, all right," I said, "that don't leave you. Maybe Soda'll straighten it up a little."**

"Hey! Way to through me under the bus!"

**"Maybe you can be a little neater, huh, little buddy?"**

**He'd never called me that before. Soda was the only one he ever called "little buddy."**

Darry didn't let the sudden rush of guilt stop his anger at Pony's irresponsible cigarette usage.

**"Sure," I said, "I'll be more careful."**

When Pony finished the room was silent until Darry stood up and said "Follow me."

The gang, some confused, some fearful, followed Darry back into the small bedroom and stared at Pony's massive stash of cigarettes. Pony fought the urge to run away.

"Damn," Two-Bit said, "You've got _all this_ and you _still _put up a hissy fit whenever I bum one from you?"

**I hope you liked it, sorry this took a while but my internet's been down. I got the selling cigarette idea from Hayley TT showbiz, I really liked the idea and I didn't really know where to go with Pony and the stash so thanks so much! If you don't like it too bad! I hope you liked the way I wrote it Hayley!**

**So if you liked it I always love reviews if not then you don't have to!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Hey, sorry I know this took a while considering it's a bit short but I was celebrating the Fourth of July, (Go America! ...Sorry England) and then I went to see the new Spider Man movie and guess who was in it? That's right, C. Thomas Howell! Who, as many of you know, is Ponyboy! Also Martin Sheen was in it and he is Emilio Estevez's father and Emilio Estevez played Two-Bit. So yeah. Sorry if you don't care, I got all excited in the movie and didn't have anyone else to tell without looking like a total dork so…yeah. On with the story!**

Ponyboy bit his lip against an instinctive condescending response to Two-Bit's comment, as he knew it wouldn't help the situation at all.

Steve stared at the cigarettes under Pony's mattress. This was…ridiculous. There was simply no way that Ponyboy was actually smoking all those.

"See what I mean,Two-Bit? That is _not_ a cigarette every now and then," Darry proclaimed. Pony winced_, stupid, stupid, stupid_! He berated himself for allowing his stash to be found so easily.

Almost as if Pony's thoughts had been broadcast to the whole room, many of the occupants turned to stare at him. In the interest of self-preservation Johnny inched to the right to avoid the giant spotlight that seemed to be cast onto Ponyboy.

It didn't work out well, however, because Dally noticed him and narrowed his eyes at Johnny. In the end Johnny just brought more unwanted attention to himself.

Something wasn't right. Dally could tell from the looks on Johnny and Pony's faces. They were missing something, and it was a major piece of the puzzle.

Darry didn't share Dally's reservations though. He started yelling right off the bat, _"Ponyboy Michael Curtis how dare you sneak cigarettes into this house! This_—" he gestured to the bed, "—_is just disgusting! I will not tolerate this kind of behavior under my roof!_" As Dally continued his tirade Two-Bit slipped behind him and used his excellent thieving skills to swipe a few packs from Pony's bed. Steve noticed and gave him a look that said, very clearly, _are-you-insane?_

Two-Bit's look replied, _shut-up-or-he'll-notice!_

Steve rolled his eyes and the only two who weren't involved in the cigarette scandal went back to surveying the fight with interest.

Ponyboy's cheeks burned with the humiliation off being hollered at in front of the gang. Desperately he looked to Soda who remained stoic in the face of his younger brothers pleading. It seems he had finally crossed the line; he would get no help from Soda in this argument.

Two-Bit raised his eyebrows, an interesting turn. Soda was almost always on Pony's side.

"Ponyboy," Soda said deadly calm, an odd contrast to Darry's loud and flamboyant rage, "you brought these into our house without us knowin'. You smoke them like they're goin' out a' style. This isn't healthy, you're killing yourself and we're not just gonna' watch you do it!"

Steve winced on Pony's behalf; Soda's lectures had much more impact than Darry's screaming.

"Soda, that's not—"

Darry shook his head and continued where Soda left off, "_Honestly Ponyboy I can't believe you!—"_

"Darry I—" Pony began, wondering what exactly he should even say. Was the truth that he'd been selling them and had been in business with Curly Shepard better than the lie that he was smoking himself sick and hoarding cancer sticks?

He never got to find out; Darry wouldn't let him get a word in edgewise. Probably because he knew that when Pony got to talkin' he could sweet talk himself out of most any situation, a talent often admired by Dallas Winston.

"Darry—" Pony tried again to no avail, Darry plowed right on over him, raising his own volume to drown out Ponyboy.

"_YOU DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND HOW DANERGOUS THIS HABIT IS! IT. WILL. KILL. YOU. Jesus, how many times am I gonna have to tell you before you get it through that head of yours that these—" _again he gestured towards the cigarettes, "—_are. Bad. For. You?"_

Pony had had enough. He decided that even if he did get it worse for sellin' the damn things at least they'd be accusing him of something he actually did. Plus the ramifications for smoking all of these were much greater; he figured his brothers would probably make him quit as well as never trust him to go out on his own again.

It didn't help that Pony had made a decision to tell the truth though; Darry still wouldn't let him talk until finally _Johnny_ had had enough.

"Pony, what were you even doin' with all those damn things?—" Darry asked.

"FOR GODSAKES LISTEN FOR TWO GODDAMN MINUTES AND PONY'LL TELL YOU WHAT HE WAS DOIN' WITH THE CIGARETTES!" Johnny yelled. Everyone was so taken aback, especially Darry, that they did, in fact, shut up. No one in the gang had ever heard Johnny yell like that, much less even known he was capable of sounding so loud.

"Jeez, Johnny," Two-Bit grumbled, "Not as close to my ear next time, you dig?"

"Shut up, Two-Bit," Steve said, without taking his eyes from the scene. He and Two-Bit were watching the debacle as if it were the Wimbledon, and they an avid tennis fans.

"Johnny," Dally said cautiously, as if Johnny were a bomb about to go off. He didn't need to worry, it seemed that outburst was all Johnny had in him for the day; he just couldn't stand seeing his friend get hollered at when Darry and Sodapop didn't even have the whole story.

Pony took a deep breath, _here goes nothin', _he spoke loudly, relieving Johnny of the rooms attention, "I'm not smoking them Darry,"

Darry's mouth tightened in a way that broadcasted his disbelief at his younger brother's proclamation.

"I swear I'm not!" Pony's voice cracked ever so slightly on the 'not'. He couldn't help it, he hated not being believed.

"He isn't," Johnny muttered quietly.

Both Darry and Soda looked skeptical. Soda wanted to believe so badly that Pony was telling the truth but his brother didn't have such a great track record with cigarettes.

Dally however gave the kids the benefit of the doubt. It just seemed like there was something missing in the idea that Pony was smoking all these, "Okay, what have you been doing with them then?"

Pony swallowed then blurted, "I've been sellin' them!"

"Sellin' 'em?" Soda asked, confused.

"Yeah, I, uh, me-me and Curly. Curly Shepard…it was a-a business of sorts. He stole 'em I resold 'em and we split the profits," Pony said, clearly anxious about his brothers reactions.

_I knew it!_ Dally thought. This explanation sounded much more plausible to him, only Ponyboy could make a business out of stolen goods.

"Split the profits…?" Darry asked dazedly.

Pony nodded, "Until, well, Curly got caught and hauled in. I decided that it was time to call it quits but I was left with all the extra cigs. I've been getting' rid of em' fast as I can."

"And Johnny's been helpin' you," Dally said, more a statement than an accusation.

Ponyboy opened his mouth prepared to deny but Johnny just nodded and shot a thankful glance at Ponyboy for the attempt to keep him out of it, but Dallas was not going to be fooled.

The gang stayed quiet for a moment, dazed by the turn of events.

It was Two-Bit who broke the silence, "So…you make good money doing that?"

"No, Two-Bit." Steve snapped.

"But we already have a bunch of cigarettes—"

"No." said Soda.

"All we'd need to do is sell 'em! I bet it's easy!"

"NO!" Darry yelled.

"I'll do all the stealin' though!" Two-Bit barreled on, determined to make them see he gold mine they'd stumbled on.

"_No!_" This came from Dallas and his word was final.

Two-Bit pouted and pulled out a stolen cigarette before lighting up.

Darry took a deep breath and looked at Ponyboy who seemed just as lost as him. Not quite sure how to continue this he just winged it, "Even if you're not smoking them you'll still be punished Ponyboy. Going into business with a Shepard? Not to mention bringing stolen goods back into our house!" Darry felt that he'd already yelled at Ponyboy enough for the time being, "You're grounded. Two months, _and _you're going to quit smoking. We'll discuss the rest later."

Darry's words had a certain finality about them, and Ponyboy knew the punishment would be carried out as planned, but that didn't stop him from arguing, "_Two months_? _And _I'm supposed to quit smoking?"

Sodapop shook his head at Ponyboy, a warning not to push it. As relieved as Soda was that Ponyboy wasn't actually smoking anything he still thought that the kid deserved punishment.

"What, may I ask you, is so wrong with goin' into business with a Shepard?" asked Tim Shepard, who was lounging in the doorframe.

**Hey, I think this chapter is a success, I hope you enjoy it! I decided to bring Tim back, I figure there's only one chapter left, what's the harm? I hope you enjoyed Steve and Two-Bit as the comic relief.**


	17. Chapter 17

**This is, unfortunately the last chapter in my first ever fanfic. Sad, sad day, I know but I am really excited to move onto some other projects that I need to pay some attention to. If you miss my writing (which I hope you do) then you can check out some of my other stories, they're all Outsiders fics.**

"You know exactly what's wrong with going into business with a Shepard," Darry snapped; he was most definitely in a bad mood.

Tim just leaned against the doorway; he didn't say a word about the cigarettes, Darry's comment or the punishment he seemed to walk in on. He just asked, "What chapter are we on?"

Two-Bit smiled, "Twelve; the last one."

Tim cursed like a sailor for missin' so much and asked them why exactly they didn't wait a few days for him.

Darry rolled his eyes, "That's what you get for participating in illegal activities."

Tim irritably sighed and turned, heading for the living room. The rest of the gang following him, everyone was anxious to read the ending.

_They're gonna' make me quit smoking? They can't even enforce that! _Pony thought, darting a glance at his older brothers.

Johnny seemed to read Pony's thoughts and shook his head smiling, "Don't push it Pony," Johnny muttered.

"What're you smiling at?" Dally snapped, irritated. After watching Darry punish Ponyboy he figured he needed to step it up a bit.

"N-nothin' Dal," Johnny stammered.

"Good. 'Cause you're grounded too. For helpin'." Dally said smugly. Ponyboy laughed at the look on Johnny's face.

"You-you can't ground me!" Johnny said, surprised.

"The hell I can't! You live with me don't cha'? Then I can ground ya'. Simple as that."

Dally walked ahead of them leaving Johnny gaping at him and Ponyboy struggling to hide his laughter.

"Now you know how it feels," Pony muttered.

"Shut up," Johnny snapped, "he still can't ground me. I've never even_ been_ grounded before."

"Yeah, well, now you can join my club, it's called, 'the only greasers in the world who actually get grounded'," Ponyboy laughed as he rushed to join the gang.

Two-Bit and Steve were filling Tim in on what he missed and every once in a while Tim exclaimed, "What? No way!" or "That's crazy!" and once, "Dally's dead? For real? That sonofabitch couldn't die, he owed he 20 bucks!"

Johnny rushed after Ponyboy, it was true, he'd never been grounded before…but then again he'd never before had anyone who cared enough to ground him. Johnny was smiling as they entered the living room.

"Alright, Alright, settle down. Who wants to read the last chapter?" Darry asked as Pony and Johnny took a seat on the floor, completing a circle.

Darry didn't want to read, he was pretty much prepared to listen. Tim didn't feel the need to intrude any more so than he already was, luckily Two-Bit's hand shot into the air excitedly.

"Okay Two-Bit, go for it," Darry passed him the book.

Pony cleared his throat, "So, ugh, this chapter is mostly true, except the obvious, it's just what happened while Johnny was stuck in bed and I was gettin' better."

Two-Bit smiled, this had to be the chapter then where he saw Pony scare the shit outta' those socs! He was excited to read that.

**Chapter 12**

**THE HEARING WASN'T anything like I thought it would be. **

"You watched too much T.V. before the hearing. Probably scared the shit outta' ya'!" Sodapop laughed.

Pony blushed, "I did not!"

**Besides Darry and Soda and me, nobody was there except Randy and his parents and Cherry Valance and her parents and a couple of the other guys that had jumped Johnny and me that night. **

Darry's jaw clenched. It was those guys' fault that anything happened in the first place.

**I don't know what I expected the whole thing to be like- I guess I've been watching too many Perry Mason shows.**

Soda cocked an eyebrow, "You didn't watch too much T.V., did you?"

"Shut up."

The hearing itself was pretty much similar to what Pony was describing. Johnny hadn't been there because he was still recovering. He'd had his own trial where he was sentenced to community service, after the verdict in Pony's case they really couldn't do too much to him because they'd already let his 'co-conspirator' go.

**Oh, yeah, the doctor was there and he had a long talk with the judge before the hearing. I didn't know what he had to do with it then, but I do now.**

"What did he have to do with it?" asked Two-Bit, interrupting his own reading.

Pony rolled his eyes, "I'm sure it'll explain later Two-Bit."

**First Randy was questioned. He looked a little nervous, and I wished they'd let him have a cigarette. **

Soda rolled his eyes to the heavens.

**I wished they'd let me have a cigarette; I was more than a little shaky myself. **

_There would be no more of that_, Darry vowed silently. Pony needing a cigarette to calm his nerves was a lot like Two-Bit need a drink to give him courage. It was too bad Ponyboy didn't see it that way.

**Darry had told me to keep my mouth shut no matter what Randy and everybody said, that I'd get my turn. **

"Good advice," Tim nodded sagely. He would know; he'd been to court many, many times before.

**All the Socs told the same story and stuck mainly to the truth, except they said Johnny had killed Bob; but I figured I could straighten that point out when I got my turn.**

Sodapop gave Ponyboy a worried look. Dally eyed the kid like he wasn't so sure Pony was all there in the head.

Johnny smacked him, "You better not have said anything," he muttered, though Johnny was fairly sure he hadn't because if he had Johnny would've heard of it before now.

**Cherry told them what had happened before and after Johnny and I had been jumped- I think I saw a couple of tears slide down her cheeks, but I'm not sure. Her voice was sure steady even if she was crying.**

Johnny's eyes narrowed, not sure whether to believe that she was crying and give her the benefit of the doubt or to completely write it off as Ponyboy imagining things.

**The judge questioned everyone carefully, but nothing real emotional or exciting happened like it does on TV.**

Soda shook his head. No more T.V. for Pony before court dates.

**He asked Darry and Soda a little bit about Dally, I think to check our background and find out what kind of guys we hung out with. **

"They did that?" Dally asked disgustedly, he hid his guilt well, because really if the Curtis brothers had been split up because they associated with him he woulda' felt awful.

**Was he a real good buddy of ours? Darry said, "Yes, sir,' looking straight at the judge, not flinching;**

"You idiot! Why would you tell them that?" Dally snapped.

Darry smiled amusedly, "Because, like it or not, you are Dally."

Dally rolled his eyes, "Still. You coulda' gotten yourselves split up because of that. Do you have any sense at all?" Dally asked and Ponyboy was reminded of all the times that Darry had asked him that same question. It sounded strange on Dally's lips.

**but Soda looked at me like he was sentencing me to the electric chair before he gave the same answer.**

Soda shuddered and Dally groaned, "Ahh you too Soda? I thought you knew better!" Dally shook his head in disgust, "It's the state. I think I would have been honored if you lied in my name to a judge! I mean who really cares if you lie to the state?"

"Um," said Two-Bit, "the state?"

Dally shook his head.

**I was real proud of both of them. **

In fact the whole gang was proud of them, even Dally was touched by the display, but if the Curtis brothers had gotten split up because of that, well, Dally would have been much more horrified than gratified.

**Dally had been one of our gang and we wouldn't desert him.**

Dally rolled his eyes, "It's not desertion. So dramatic."

Johnny glared and shook his head at Dally for making light of Pony's words. Ponyboy was obviously proud of his brother's actions.

**I thought the judge would never get around to questioning me. Man, I was scared almost stiff by the time he did. **

Two-Bit shuddered, he'd never been questioned by a judge and he hoped to God he never would, it sounded awful.

**And you know what? They didn't ask me a thing about Bob's getting killed. **

Johnny let out a breath; that must be why Ponyboy never got to tell him his crazy theory of being the one responsible for Bob's death.

**All the judge did was ask me if I liked living with Darry, if I liked school, what kind of grades I made, and stuff like that.**

Steve shook his head, that didn't sound so bad, but he knew by the look on Soda's face that his friend had been scared stiff watching his brother answer the questions, knowing one wrong answer could mean the separation of all brothers.

**I couldn't figure it out then, but later I found out what the doctor had been talking to the judge about. **

Pony aimed a pointed glance at Two-Bit.

**I guess I looked as scared as I really was, because the judge grinned at me and told me to quit chewing my fingernails. That's a habit I have. **

Sodapop grimaced, honestly that was gross.

**Then he said I was acquitted and the whole case was closed. **

Darry let out a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding.

**Just like that. Didn't even give me a chance to talk much. **

"Good," Johnny muttered. Pony kicked Johnny's leg in response to the comment and Johnny smiled before tackling Pony and pinning him to the ground.

"Holler uncle!" Johnny laughed.

"No!" Pony snapped before the weight was suddenly taken off him. Sodapop stood above him holding a struggling Johnny locked in his arms, grinning triumphantly.

Until Dally tackled them, that is. It took a while to get everyone reseated after that.

**But that didn't bother me a lot. I didn't feel like talking anyway.**

"He never does," Steve muttered.

**I wish I could say that everything went back to normal, but it didn't. Especially me.**

Sodapop sighed, his brother never quite went back to the way he was before. Never _quite_ as carefree or open, even without the death of Johnny and Dally.

**I started running into things, like the door, and kept tripping over the coffee table and losing things.**

Darry shuddered, Ponyboy got even worse at keeping track of things as Soda was, and _that_ was saying something. Ponyboy also acquired many bruises from his newfound clumsiness.

**I always have been kind of absentminded, but man, then, I was lucky if I got home from school with the right notebook and with both shoes on. **

Steve laughed at the reminder of the time Pony came home without either of his shoes. Pony walked in and Steve had noticed and laughed and said, "Wow, Ponyboy, tryin' out a new style there?"

Soda then entered the room and saw the same thing and asked gently, "Pony…where'r your shoes?"

Pony had just looked dumbfounded and said, "Oh, I guess I left them at school."

Johnny, who was on the couch looked over and laughed, "Ponyboy, did you walk home like that?"

Again Ponyboy just looked dazed and said, "Uh, I guess so."

**I walked all the way home once in my stocking feet and didn't even notice it until Steve made some bright remark about it.**

Darry glared at Steve, who looked away quickly to avoid his gaze.

**I guess I'd left my shoes in the locker room at school, but I never did find them. **

"You never found them?" Darry asked, astounded that his brother could be so empty headed.

Pony just shrugged, "I guess someone stole them."

Darry sighed and shook his head.

**And another thing, I quit eating.**

Two-Bit gasped, "Quit eating? Good God! You poor child!"

Pony rolled his eyes.

**I used to eat like a horse, but all of a sudden I wasn't hungry. **

Sodapop shuddered, that was the most terrifying thing, when Pony wouldn't eat.

**Everything tasted like baloney.**

The gang heard a loud gulping sound that came from Johnny. He was looking green, which was surprising because of his dark complexion. One hand covered his mouth.

Ponyboy grimaced and scooted further away, his own reservations about baloney coming up.

"You okay Johnny?" Dally asked.

Johnny swallowed and nodded.

_Never buy baloney again_, Darry thought, making a mental note.

**I was lousing up my schoolwork, too.**

Darry frowned. That was when he started to get upset with his youngest brother.

**I didn't do too badly in math, because Darry checked over my homework in that and usually caught all my mistakes and made me do it again, but in English I really washed out.**

Darry shook his head disappointedly.

**I used to make A's in English, mostly because my teacher made us do compositions all the time.**

Pony was always really good at English. Soda knew that was his favorite, he was working on some big essay to get into college right now.

**I mean, I know I don't talk good English (Have you ever seen a hood that did?), but I can write it good when I try. **

Pony was a wonderful writer as they all could attest to after reading this essay.

**At least, I could before. Now I was lucky to get a D on a composition.**

Darry shook his head but didn't say anything; he knew Ponyboy already felt bad.

**It bothered my English teacher, the way I was goofing up, I mean. He's a real good guy, who makes us think, and you can tell he's interested in you as a person, too.**

Johnny nodded and smiled, he'd had that teacher too, and Mr. Syme was a real good guy.

**One day he told me to stay in after the rest of the class left.**

Darry frowned in confusion, Pony'd never told him about that.

**"Ponyboy, I'd like to talk to you about your grades."**

"Pony," Darry asked, "why didn't you tell me about this?"

Pony shrugged, "It wasn't a bid deal," Pony muttered.

**Man, I wished I could beat it out of there. I knew I was flunking out in that class, but golly, I couldn't help it.**

"Can't help it?" Darry ground out slowly.

Soda glared at him, "Darry, this was two years ago, let. It. Go."

Darry blinked for a moment before taking a deep breath and allowing Two-Bit to continue.

**"There's not much to talk about, judging from your scores. Pony, I'll give it to you straight. You're failing this class right now, but taking into consideration the circumstances, if you come up with a good semester theme, I'll pass you with a C grade."**

Dally snorted, "Taking into consideration the circumstances? That's one way to put it".

Darry's jaw clenched, "Pony, next time a teacher keeps you to talk to them you need to tell me."

Pony nodded at the simple request.

**"Taking into consideration the circumstances" -brother, was that ever a way to tell me he knew I was goofing up because I'd been in a lot of trouble. **

"None of that was your fault!" Johnny protested, knowing he'd caused a lot of damage to Pony's reputation.

**At least that was a roundabout way of putting it. The first week of school after the hearing had been awful. People I knew wouldn't talk to me, **

"What? Why didn't you tell us?" Soda asked, shocked.

Two-Bit rolled his eyes, "You couldn't have done anything! Steve and I were the only ones who go there anymore, we coulda' helped!"

Dally covertly smacked Two-Bit after seeing the guilty look that flashed across Soda's face at the idea that he wouldn't be able to protect Pony from things at school.

Pony laughed though, he was now a very large and intimidating junior. Not many things he needed protection from.

**and people I didn't know would come right up and ask about the whole mess.**

Two-Bit rolled his eyes. Vultures.

**Sometimes even teachers. **

"What?" asked Dally. He hadn't been in school for a while but he was pretty sure that teachers weren't supposed to pull that shit.

**And my history teacher- she acted as if she was scared of me, even though I'd never caused any trouble in her class. You can bet that made me feel real tuff.**

Several glares were shot at the book, "We should egg her house," Steve said.

Pony snorted.

**"Yessir," I said, "I'll try. What's the theme supposed to be on?"**

**"Anything you think is important enough to write about. And it isn't a reference theme; I want your own ideas and your own experiences."**

"I wonder what he'll write about…?" Two-Bit laughed.

**My first trip to the zoo. Oh, boy, oh, boy.**

"That. Sounds. Awful." Steve groaned.

Johnny rolled his eyes and shushed Steve.

**"Yessir," I said, and got out of there as fast as I could.**

"Ponyboy," Darry sighed exasperated, "he could have had more to tell you!"

**At lunch hour I met Two-Bit and Steve **

Ponyboy swallowed, knowing what was coming next. Two-Bit grinned, as he was about to prove both Darry and Soda wrong about Ponyboy being so innocent.

**out in the back parking lot and we drove over to a little neighborhood grocery store to buy cigarettes **

Darry glared and Sodapop sighed knowing that if they were going to make Ponyboy quit then he'd better quit too. Oh well, he'd make Steve do it with him.

**and Cokes and candy bars. The store was the grease hang-out and that was about all we ever had for lunch. **

Darry frowned, that was more than a little unfair.

**The Socs were causing a lot of trouble in the school cafeteria- throwing silverware and stuff- and everybody tried to blame it on us greasers. **

Darry's frown deepened while Steve and Two-Bit began to laugh. Johnny chuckled and Ponyboy cracked a smile, they all knew what was coming.

Soda frowned slightly, sometimes, on very rare occasions, he did miss going to school.

**We all got a big laugh out of that. Greasers rarely even eat in the cafeteria.**

Tim shook his head, even he knew that!

**I was sitting on the fender of Steve's car, smoking and drinking a Pepsi while he and Two-Bit were inside talking to some girls,**

Johnny rolled his eye and Soda actually looked upset, "You left him alone to chat up some girls?"

"Hey, hey, hey, he looked fine!" Two-Bit said defending his actions.

Steve shrugged, "He held his own just fine, too."

Darry and Soda paled while Dally looked up interestedly, "Held his own?"

Pony groaned, he was gonna' get it for sure.

**when a car drove up and three Socs got out.**

"Oh God!" Darry threw up his hands in a 'why me?' gesture.

**I just sat there and looked at them and took another swallow of the Pepsi. I wasn't scared. **

Johnny wished he could say the same when he faced socs.

**It was the oddest feeling in the world. I didn't feel anything- scared, mad, or anything. Just zero.**

Not even Dally could claim such impunity to the socs, it was actually sort of frightening.

Tim looked at Pony as if he was sizing him up, "You know—" he started.

"One more word Tim and I'll throw you out." Darry growled, dead serious.

"Aw c'mon Darry! You heard that, going against a group of socs, no back up and he feels nothing!" That was actually what worried Darry.

Pony blushed from the attention.

Dally took it from there, "Try to poach him Shepard and you'll have to deal with every one of us," the gang each slouched lower and looked menacing, Steve's lips pulled back in a snarl, Johnny glared, Two-Bit even pulled out his switch and toyed with it. The effect was actually quite dark.

They may not have a problem with Tim now, but they sure would if he went anywhere near Ponyboy.

Tim raised his hands in surrender, "Okay, okay, just a thought!"

"Yeah well quit thinkin'!," Dally snapped, "You're no good at it anyways!"

**"You're the guy that killed Bob Sheldon," one of them said. "And he was a friend of ours. **

Soda growled, sensing what was coming.

**We don't like nobody killing our friends, **

"Well we just love it when that happens to us, don't we guys?" Two-Bit joked. It fell flat in the tense room though both Tim and Pony cracked a smile.

**especially greasers."**

**Big deal.**

Johnny raised his eyebrows; he may have gotten tougher in the last two years but still, three on one? He'd be headin' for the hills as fast as his feet would carry him.

**I busted the end of my bottle and held on to the neck and tossed away my cigarette "You get back into your car or you'll get split."**

The entire gang stared open mouthed at Pony, except for Steve and Two-Bit, who'd watched the whole thing unfold. Dally was impressed, he never thought that Pony would have it in him.

Darry just gaped, this was not his gentle, insightful brother.

**They looked kind of surprised, and one of them backed up.**

"I would too," Two-Bit muttered.

**"I mean it" I hopped off the car. "I've had about all I can take from you guys." **

Pony blushed when Johnny muttered a near silent, "Wow," beside him.

**I started toward them, holding the bottle the way Tim Shepard holds a switch- out and away from myself, in a loose but firm hold. **

Tim grinned, feeling a bit of pride. Darry made a mental note not to let Tim anywhere near Pony in the future.

**I guess they knew I meant business, because they got into their car and drove off.**

**"You really would have used that bottle, wouldn't you?" Two-Bit had been watching from the store doorway. **

"Yes he would've," Two-Bit answered his own question.

**"Steve and me were backing you, but I guess we didn't need to. You'd have really cut them up, huh?"**

Darry swallowed, "No, he would not have!" His brother was just a kid; honestly Darry didn't want him to grow up, and killing a man makes you grow up real fast. Just look at Johnny.

Sodapop glared at Steve, "You saw this and never told me?" he asked, outraged. That was his little brother; Steve had no right to keep this from him!

Steve shrugged, "We didn't think it was important," he said.

Darry gaped at them, "And why the _hell_ not?" he snapped.

Two-Bit smiled, "Because of what he did next."

"What did—" Darry began but Two-Bit cut him off.

**"I guess so," I said with a sigh. I didn't see what Two-Bit was sweating about- anyone else could have done the same thing and Two-Bit wouldn't have thought about it twice.**

"Against three socs? You bet I would've!" Two-Bit muttered.

"_Two-Bit!_" Darry and Soda snapped in unison.

**"Ponyboy, listen, don't get tough. You're not like the rest of us and don't try to be..."**

"Harsh," Dally muttered.

Johnny rolled his eyes at his mentor.

Darry and Sodapop, however, were slightly mollified. Out of all the things Two-Bit could have said he picked the exact right thing. Two-Bit could be unexpectedly deep when he felt like it.

**What was the matter with Two-Bit? I knew as well as he did that if you got tough you didn't get hurt. Get smart and nothing can touch you...**

Dally shifted uncomfortably at the glares that were being thrown his way by several of the gang, "Uh, my bad."

Tim didn't see what the problem was.

**"What in the world are you doing?" Two-Bit's voice broke into my thoughts.**

_Oh God,_ Soda thought,_ what's he done now? Pulled out a heater?_

**I looked up at him. "Picking up the glass."**

The room was silent for a moment, before Dally burst out laughing, closely followed by the rest of the gang. Dally leaned down and ruffled Pony's hair before Pony whacked his hand out of the way, "You really had me goin' for a minute there!" he laughed.

Pony just stared at them; his brothers looked like a huge weight had been lifted off their shoulders.

**He stared at me for a second, then grinned. "You little sonofagun," he said in a relieved voice. I didn't know what he was talking about, so I just went on picking up the glass from the bottle end and put it in a trash can. I didn't want anyone to get a flat tire.**

This only served to make the whole room laugh harder, even Tim who then realized that Ponyboy Curtis, unfortunately would never fit in his crew. The only people that weren't laughing were Pony and Johnny, Pony was rolling his eyes and Johnny was smiling at his friend.

**I tried to write that theme when I got home. I really did, mostly because Darry told me to or else. **

Soda rolled his eyes, "Darry! That's not a good way to get him to do his work!"

Darry shrugged, not seeing what the problem was.

Two-Bit laughed, "Yeah, threatening him isn't gonna get those creative juices flowing!"

**I thought about writing about Dad, but I couldn't. It's going to be a long time before I can even think about my parents. A long time.**

Soda and Darry frowned; they really should talk about their parents with Pony more often.

**I tried writing about Soda's horse, Mickey Mouse, but I couldn't get it right; it always came out sounding corny. **

Soda laughed, "Pony, I'm not interesting enough to be your semester theme!"

**So I started writing names across the paper. Darrel Shaynne Curtis Jr. Soda Patrick Curtis. Ponyboy Michael Curtis. **

Darry thought this was a curious way to brainstorm but who was he to naysay what other people did to focus? As long as Pony got his homework done he didn't mind.

**Then I drew horses all over it. That was going to get a good grade like all get-out.**

"Ponyboy Michael Curtis, you did not even think of turning that in!" Darry scolded.

It was Pony's turn to eye roll, "Of course not Darry!"

**"Hey, did the mail come in yet?" Soda slammed the door and yelled for the mail, just the way he does every day when he comes home from work. I was in the bedroom, but I knew he would throw his jacket toward the sofa and miss it, take off his shoes, and go into the kitchen for a glass of chocolate milk, because that's what he does every day of his life. He always runs around in his stocking feet- he doesn't like shoes.**

Soda blinked, "Wow, have I become that predictable?" he asked.

Steve shrugged; actually, he might not have noticed these things had they not just been pointed out to him.

**Then he did a funny thing. **

"What'd I do?" Soda asked.

"Hang on!" Two-Bit frowned, "I'm getting' to it!"

**He came in and flopped down on the bed and started smoking a cigarette. **

"Oh," Soda's face fell, he knew what was comin' even thought everyone else looked stumped.

Steve nudged him and gave him a 'what's wrong?' face. Soda just shrugged.

**He hardly ever smokes, except when something is really bugging him or when he wants to look tough. **

_Well at least quitting wouldn't be too hard_, Soda thought, trying to occupy his mind. _I'll just have to find something else to make me look tough. Hey! I'll buy a new blade. Wait no; Darry'll never let me get a new blade. Maybe he won't have to know…_

Soda's inner dialogue continued as Two-Bit read on.

**And he doesn't have to impress us; we know he's tough. **

"You bet we do!" said Steve trying to cheer up his best friend.

**So I figured something was bothering him. "How was work?"**

**"Okay."**

**"Something wrong?"**

**He shook his head. I shrugged and went back to drawing horses.**

Dally snorted, "Drawing horses," he shook his head in amusement but Soda was smiling. That was the great thing about talking to Ponyboy, he never pushed for information.

**Soda cooked dinner that night, and everything came out right. That was unusual, because he's always trying something different. **

"A sure sign Sodapop's upset," Darry laughed, "the food is normal."

Pony laughed at his older brother's joke.

**One time we had green pancakes. Green. I can tell you one thing: if you've got a brother like Sodapop, you're never bored.**

"That's a good thing though right?" Soda asked pensively.

"Yeah, Soda, it's a good thing."

"Depends on how hungry you are," Two-Bit muttered. Soda heard him though, and punched his arm. Two-Bit let it slide as he had a pretty good idea of what was coming up.

**All through supper Soda was quiet, and he didn't eat much. That was really unusual. Most of the time you can't shut him up or fill him up. **

Johnny snorted; it was the same way with Two-Bit.

**Darry didn't seem to notice, so I didn't say anything.**

Darry frowned, it seems Pony wasn't the only one he'd been neglecting.

**Then after supper me and Darry got into a fuss, about the fourth one we'd had that week. **

The gang collectively winced; it was never fun to be around when the Curtis brothers (namely Ponyboy and Darry) got to fightin'. Johnny remembered, he had taken Pony's old room when he stayed there recovering. He never know how bad the fights got when Pony and Darry really went at it, they'd successfully hid the worst of it from the gang.

It was brutal, a lot of the times Sodapop would slip into the room with Johnny and sit in the corner with a pillow over his ears till they were done and Johnny could understand why. He never told anyone that Soda did that, not even Ponyboy.

**This one started because I hadn't done anything on that theme, and I wanted to go for a ride. **

"Maybe that would've helped his concentration," Two-Bit suggested. Darry glared at him.

**It used to be that I'd just stand there and let Darry yell at me, but lately I'd been yelling right back.**

Soda rubbed a hand over his face; he hated to admit it, but as much as it sucked to watch Ponyboy just sit there and let Darry yell at him it made his life much easier than when Ponyboy yelled back.

Ponyboy and Darry looked on, both feeling guilty.

**"What's the sweat about my schoolwork?" I finally shouted. "I'll have to get a job as soon as I get out of school anyway. Look at Soda. He's doing okay, and he dropped out. You can just lay off!"**

"You were thinkin' about droppin' out, Ponyboy?" Johnny asked, astonished.

Ponyboy just shrugged, "Maybe."

Sodapop shook his head, his brother was not going to be a no good dropout like him. He was going to go places.

**"You're not going to drop out. Listen, with your brains and grades you could get a scholarship, and we could put you through college.**

Two-Bit was a bit awed by Darry's determination to get Pony to college. He made a metal promise to find a way that he could help get Pony there.

**But schoolwork's not the point. You're living in a vacuum, Pony, and you're going to have to cut it out. Johnny and Dallas were our buddies, too, but you don't just stop living because you lose someone.**

Most every person in the gang could attest to that.

**I thought you knew that by now. You don't quit! And anytime you don't like the way I'm running things you can get out."**

Johnny swallowed, they were normally like this, sometimes worse. He rubbed his face and stared at the ground in front of him.

Steve raised his eyebrows, "You actually said that?" it slipped out before he could stop it, a reflex. Lord knows he'd heard the same thing from his dad enough times.

At first Darry looked angry but the emotion quickly drained from his face, "I never meant it, Ponyboy, I'm sorry."

"I should hope you didn't, because you take in drunks and thieves every other day but you're threatening to kick your own brother out 'cause he didn't do his homework?" Had it been anyone else but Dallas they would now be rolling on the floor clutching their face in pain. Instead Darry just looked at Pony remorse burning in his features.

Ponyboy nodded

**I went tight and cold. We never talked about Dallas or Johnny. "You'd like that, wouldn't you? You'd like me just to get out. Well, it's not that easy, is it, Soda?" But when I looked at Soda I stopped. His face was white, and when he looked at me his eyes were wide with a pained expression.**

Johnny actually remembered this night, Dally was hangin' out with him when he heard the fight, he nearly yelled for them to keep it down, but then they were gone. Ran outta' the house or something crazy like that.

**I suddenly remembered Curly Shepard's face when he slipped off a telephone pole and broke his arm.**

Steve snorted.

**"Don't... Oh, you guys, why can't you..." He jumped up suddenly and bolted out the door. Darry and I were struck dumb. Darry picked up the envelope that Soda had dropped.**

Soda's face burned with embarrassment. God, had he really thought that he was going to marry her? When he was 16? She was nothing in his life. Just a silly, stupid girl. He couldn't even blame her for running, hell, he was thankful now that she did!

**"It's the letter he wrote Sandy," Darry said without expression. "Returned unopened."**

The room descended into an awkward silence until Soda burst out, "For God sakes, stop looking at me like that!"

**So that was what had been bugging Soda all afternoon. And I hadn't even bothered to find out. **

"No, Pone, that's not your fault," Soda said.

**And while I was thinking about it, I realized that I never had paid much attention to Soda's problems. Darry and I just took it for granted that he didn't have any.**

"I really didn't though, besides the fact that my brother had ran off with his friend after killing a soc." Soda muttered. She just wasn't that important. It had seemed so at the time, but it wasn't. _She_ wasn't.

**"When Sandy went to Florida... it wasn't Soda, Ponyboy. He told me he loved her, but I guess she didn't love him like he thought she did, because it wasn't him."**

Soda's cheeks burned with the embarrassment of being cheated on, "Okay that part I'm still a little pissed about. Just on principle."

**"You don't have to draw me a picture," I said.**

"Jeez, Ponyboy. Don't get snippy." Two-Bit scolded mockingly.

**"He wanted to marry her anyway, but she just left." **

Soda rubbed the back of his neck, man he musta' been far gone to think of marryin' a girl who was carrying a kid that wasn't his

**Darry was looking at me with a puzzled expression. "Why didn't he tell you? I didn't think he'd tell Steve or Two-Bit, but I thought he told you everything."**

"I didn't exactly want it broadcasted," Soda muttered. Steve however was starting to remember why he hadn't liked Ponyboy. Really if his best friend was going to go to the kid before he went to Steve of course Steve would have a problem.

**"Maybe he tried," I said. How many times had Soda started to tell me something, only to find I was daydream ing or stuck in a book? **

Ponyboy shifted guiltily.

"It's not your fault Pony! I wasn't exactly itchin' to talk about it if you want the truth," Soda said trying to comfort Ponyboy.

Pony still thought he should've done something more.

**He would always listen to me, no matter what he was doing.**

Pony rubbed his eyes, he knew it was true. Soda would always be there for him and the one time he should've been there for Soda he wasn't.

**"He cried every night that week you were gone," **

"Of course I did, my brother was on the run, he coulda' been dead in a ditch somewhere!"

**Darry said slowly. "Both you and Sandy in the same week." **

Again people looked at Soda with sympathy; he frowned and snapped, "I don't care about her!"

Everyone averted their eyes quickly.

**He put the envelope down. "Come on, let's go after him."**

"Shoula' known I couldn't out run two athletes," Soda said ruefully.

**We chased him clear to the park. We were gaining on him, but he had a block's head start.**

Dally started to laugh, "You had a blocks head start and they still caught up with you?"

Soda declined to respond.

**"Circle around and cut him off," Darry ordered. Even out of condition I was the best runner. **

Johnny smiled with pride; Pony was real fast when he ran.

**"I'll stay right behind him."**

Soda smiled, "Maybe if it was only Darry I coulda' outran ya, but not Ponyboy."

Darry rolled his eyes, "Yeah, keep on dreamin'!"

**I headed through the trees and cut him off halfway across the park. He veered off to the right, but I caught him in a flying tackle before he'd gone more than a couple of steps. **

The whole gang winced; they all knew from their many games of football that getting tackled like that hurt like a bitch.

"See?" said Soda, "It was Ponyboy who caught me!"

**It knocked the wind out of both of us. We lay there gasping for a minute or two, and then Soda sat up and brushed the grass off his shirt.**

**"You should have gone out for football instead of track."**

"Don't I know it!" Pony laughed.

Johnny smiled; Pony was pretty damn good at football. They no longer needed Darry to even out their team.

**"Where did you think you were going?" I lay flat on my back and looked at him. **

"That's a good question," Soda muttered.

**Darry came up and dropped down beside us.**

**Soda shrugged. "I don't know. It's just... I can't stand to hear y'all fight. Sometimes... I just have to get out or... it's like I'm the middleman in a tug o' war and I'm being split in half. You dig?"**

Even if Pony or Darry didn't understand it the rest of the gang sure did. They'd all been stuck in the middle one time or another.

**Darry gave me a startled look. Neither of us had realized what it was doing to Soda to hear us fight. I was sick and cold with shame. **

Soda moved to the floor and slung and arm round Pony's shoulders, "Don't feel bad, buddy. I'm fine!"

**What he said was the truth. Darry and I did play tug of war with him, with never a thought to how much it was hurting him.**

Soda laughed, "You ungrateful idiots!" he joked.

**Soda was fiddling with some dead grass. "I mean, I can't take sides. It'd be a lot easier if I could, but I see both sides. **

Really? Honestly Two-Bit couldn't see Darry's side for the life of him and Steve, well he just couldn't see Pony's side. Guess that's what makes Soda so understanding.

**Darry yells too much and tries too hard and takes everything too serious, and Ponyboy, you don't think enough, you don't realize all Darry's giving up just to give you a chance he missed out on. He could have stuck you in a home somewhere and worked his way through college. **

"I would not have done that!" Darry said, slightly outraged that Soda would suggest such a thing.

"I know that!...Now," Soda said sheepishly.

**Ponyboy, I'm telling you the truth. I dropped out because I'm dumb. **

Several protest rang out across the room, "You're not dumb!" Steve denied, "You're just…special," he finished lamely.

Soda rolled his eyes, "And boy howdy do I feel it."

**I really did try in school, **

Two-Bit snorted in disbelief.

**but you saw my grades. Look, I'm happy working in a gas station with cars. You'd never be happy doing something like that. **

Johnny knew the truth of that. If Pony had to work at the DX for his whole life he'd end up a bitter old man.

**And Darry, you ought to try to understand him more, and quit bugging him about every little mistake he makes. He feels things differently than you do." **

After reading the essay Darry sure did understand.

**He gave us a pleading look. "Golly, you two, it's bad enough having to listen to it, but when you start trying to get me to take sides..." Tears welled up in his eyes. "We're all we've got left. We ought to be able to stick together against everything. If we don't have each other, we don't have anything.**

The room was silent for a moment, each recognizing the truth in Soda's statement. They _were _all each other had and so they'd make damn sure they stuck together.

**If you don't have anything, you end up like Dallas... and I don't mean dead, either. I mean like he was before. **

"Hey!" Dally snapped, offended.

Soda grinned the same insane crazy grin he'd had when he'd tried to lift that gun off the policeman. The one that made you want to smile right back.

**And that's worse than dead. **

Dally muttered something that sounded like, "I'll _show_ you worse than dead, Sodapop," until Johnny sent a reproachful look in his direction.

**Please"- he wiped his eyes on his arm- "don't fight anymore."**

**Darry looked real worried. I suddenly realized that Darry was only twenty, that he wasn't so much older that he couldn't feel scared or hurt and as lost as the rest of us. **

"Nah," said Two-Bit, "Darry doesn't feel scared, he'd superman, remember?"

Darry smiled along with Soda. Sodapop was the only one who seemed to realize how scared Darry could get, but also how integral he was for keeping the group together.

**I saw that I had expected Darry to do all the understanding without even trying to understand him. **

Darry knew however, that he hadn't even tried either. Pony was definitely not the only one who had a lot to learn about listening and understanding.

**And he had given up a lot for Soda and me.**

"Shoot, kid!" Soda laughed, "It was nothin'!"

Pony smiled.

**"Sure, little buddy," Darry said softly. "We're not going to fight anymore."**

"_Bullshit_!" Two-Bit coughed into his sleeve. It was try that the brothers didn't fight nearly as often as they do in the book, but a lot of times they still had trouble understanding each other.

**"Hey, Ponyboy"- Soda gave me a tearful grin- "don't you start crying, too. One bawl-baby in the family's enough."**

"Tell me about it," Steve muttered, only to receive a kick in the shin from Soda, who was still sitting on the ground next to Ponyboy.

**"I'm not crying," I said. Maybe I was. I don't remember. Soda gave me a playful punch on the shoulder.**

**"No more fights. Okay, Ponyboy?" Darry said.**

Pony and Darry each avoided eye contact, knowing they hadn't stuck completely to that promise. Soda smile, he didn't mind that they still fought occasionally—after all they were bound to—he was just glad they'd started trying to see things through the others eyes.

**"Okay," I said. And I meant it. Darry and I would probably still have misunderstandings- we were too different not to- but no more fights. **

Johnny grinned at Ponyboy who muttered, "Close enough."

**We couldn't do anything to hurt Soda. Sodapop would always be the middleman, but that didn't mean he had to keep getting pulled apart. Instead of Darry and me pulling me apart, he'd be pulling us together.**

"I'm not sure Soda's strong enough for that," Two-Bit said, closely inspecting Sodapop who told him to shut up.

**"Well," Soda said, "I'm cold. How about going home?"**

Tim laughed, these Curtis brothers were a real hoot. He could see why Angela had such a crush on Ponyboy. Man, did he have a lot to tell her when he got home.

**"Race you," I challenged, leaping up. It was a real nice night for a race. **

"You think every night's a good night for race," Two-Bit said bullishly.

Two-Bit was still upset he'd never been able to beat Pony in a race. None of them had.

Darry was proud that Pony could run so fast, and he didn't know it but Pony's skill had come in handy more often than not when he was hanging out with Two-Bit.

**The air was clear and cold and so clean it almost sparkled. The moon wasn't out but the stars lit up everything. It was quiet except for the sound of our feet on the cement and the dry, scraping sound of leaves blowing across the street. **

"Five bucks on Sodapop," said Dally.

"You're on!" Two-Bit laughed, "Pony's gonna' win!"

**It was a real nice night. I**—won and beat both of my brothers!" Two-Bit narrated.

Dally frowned.

"Two-Bit!" Pony snapped, "That's not what it said!"

"Two-Bit!" Dally snapped, "You little—" Dallas cursed at Two-Bit.

"Alright, alright! I'll read it right!"

**guess I was still out of shape, because we all three tied. **

"Damn," Dally muttered. He still hadn't won.

**No. I guess we all just wanted to stay together.**

Dally rolled his eyes, he lost 5 bucks because Pony was a sap.

**I still didn't want to do my homework that night, though. I hunted around for a book to read, but I'd read everything in the house about fifty million times, **

Soda and Darry felt bad that they couldn't get more books for Pony to read.

**even Darry's copy of The Carpetbaggers, though he'd told me I wasn't old enough to read it. **

"Pony!" Darry yelled, "I told you that you couldn't read that for a reason!"

Soda laughed, what did he expect? Pony would read anything he could get his hands on. Steve even once caught him reading an old pickup truck instruction manual!

**I thought so too after I finished it. **

Two-Bit and Johnny laughed while Darry rolled his eyes. "I told you, but far be it from me to tell you what you can and can't read!" Darry said exasperated.

**Finally I picked up Gone with the Wind and looked at it for a long time. I knew Johnny was dead. **

Johnny grimaced uncomfortably.

**I had known it all the time, even while I was sick and pretending he wasn't. It was Johnny, not me, who had killed Bob -I knew that too. **

"Finally," Johnny muttered thankfully.

**I had just thought that maybe if I played like Johnny wasn't dead it wouldn't hurt so much. The way Two-Bit, after the police had taken Dally's body away, had griped because he had lost his switchblade when they searched Dallas,**

Two-Bit shrugged, "I got it back after the fight."

Dally rolled his eyes, slightly insulted, "Of course I gave it back, I wouldn't have taken it and never given it back!"

**"Is that all that's bothering you, that switchblade?" a red-eyed Steve had snapped at him.**

Soda rolled his eyes at Steve.

**"No," Two-Bit had said with a quivering sigh, "but that's what I'm wishing was all that's bothering me."**

Soda understood better than Steve, that was just how Two-Bit would've coped. Pony was dead on.

**But it still hurt anyway. You know a guy a long time, and I mean really know him, you don't get used to the idea that he's dead just overnight. Johnny was something more than a buddy to all of us. **

Johnny blushed when the gang each smiled at him fondly. He didn't like the attention, he'd rather melt into the shadows.

**I guess he had listened to more beefs and more problems from more people than any of us. **

The gang laughed.

**A guy that'll really listen to you, listen and care about what you're saying, is something rare. **

"And we got two of 'em!" Two-Bit said gleefully making everyone smile.

**And I couldn't forget him telling me that he hadn't done enough, hadn't been out of our neighborhood all his life- **

Dallas promised to rectify that situation soon.

**and then it was too late. I took a deep breath and opened the book. A slip of paper fell out on the floor and I picked it up.**

Johnny cringed, remembering his note.

"What is it?" asked Steve.

Ponyboy looked to Johnny, he personally didn't want to explain. He figured it was Johnny's turn to take one.

"Oh, uh, before I knew I wasn't going to die I wrote a-a note, to Ponyboy. I don't really remember what was in it," he lied.

Dally eyed him skeptically, and listened carefully as Two-Bit read Johnny's note to Ponyboy.

_**Ponyboy, I asked the nurse to give you this book so you could finish it. **_**It was Johnny's handwriting. **

_Ah, man_, Soda thought. This sounded like it would be sad.

**I went on reading, almost hearing Johnny's quiet voice. **

Dally cringed, the feeling on the pit of his stomach not pleasant at all.

_**The doctor came in a while ago but I knew anyway. I keep getting tireder and tireder.**_

"That doctor _told_ you that you were gonna' die?" Tim asked, incredulously.

"That doctor," Dally stated, "Is a fucking idiot."

_**Listen, I don't mind dying now. It's worth it. It's worth saving those kids. **_

This was not making Dally's stomach feel any better.

_**Their lives are worth more than mine, they have more to live for. **_

"That ain't true!" Several people protested at once, Pony nudged Johnny, like _I-told-you-so_.

_**Some of their parents came by to thank me and I know it was worth it. Tell Dally it's worth it.**_

_Dally never would have believed it_, Pony thought.

_**I'm just going to miss you guys. I've been thinking about it, and that poem, that guy that wrote it, he meant you're gold when you're a kid, like green. **_

"Finally!" Two-Bit said, "Someone will explain the damn thing!"

_**When you're a kid everything's new, dawn. It's just when you get used to everything that it's day. Like the way you dig sunsets, Pony. That's gold. Keep that way, it's a good way to be. I want you to tell Dally to look at one. He'll probably think you're crazy, but ask for me. **_

Dally smiled, knowing full well if Johnny died and Ponyboy told him to look at a sunset he probably woulda' decked him.

_**I don't think he's ever really seen a sunset. And don't be so bugged over being a greaser. You still have a lot of time to make yourself be what you want. **_

Soda smiled knowing Ponyboy could be anything in the world, with his whole life ahead of him.

_**There's still lots of good in the world. Tell Dally. I don't think he knows.**_

"I…do too!" Dally protested, making Johnny shake his head.

_**Your buddy, Johnny.**_

**Tell Dally. It was too late to tell Dally. Would he have listened? I doubted it. **

Dally didn't look at Ponyboy, knowing the kid was right.

**Suddenly it wasn't only a personal thing to me. I could picture hundreds and hundreds of boys living on the wrong sides of cities, boys with black eyes who jumped at their own shadows. Hundreds of boys who maybe watched sunsets and looked at stars and ached for something better. I could see boys going down under street lights because they were mean and tough and hated the world, **

"What a pleasant thought," Two-Bit muttered.

**and it was too late to tell them that there was still good in it, and they wouldn't believe you if you did.**

"It keeps getting better and better…"

**It was too vast a problem to be just a personal thing. **

Darry smiled at his brothers thought process.

**There should be some help, someone should tell them before it was too late. Someone should tell their side of the story, and maybe people would understand then and wouldn't be so quick to judge a boy by the amount of hair oil he wore. **

Steve and the other hardened greasers blinked. They'd never known how deep the problems went and how much pain the problems caused. Steve absentmindedly touched his greased up hairdo.

**It was important to me. I picked up the phone book and called my English teacher.**

"Ponyboy, it was like midnight by then!" said Darry rolling his eyes.

**"Mr. Syme, this is Ponyboy. That theme- how long can it be?"**

**"Why, uh, not less than five pages." He sounded a little surprised. I'd forgotten it was late at night.**

Two-Bit smiled, seeing where this was headed.

**"Can it be longer?"**

**"Certainly, Ponyboy, as long as you want it."**

**"Thanks," I said and hung up.**

Johnny waited to hear the last paragraph. He knew it'd be something touching.

**I sat down and picked up my pen and thought for a minute. Remembering. Remembering a handsome, dark boy with a reckless grin and a hot temper. **

When you described Bob like that he sounded…normal. Like one of them. It made Johnny a little sad to know that he was gone because of one night and several, stupid, reckless mistakes.

**A tough, tow-headed boy with a cigarette in his mouth and a bitter grin on his hard face.**

Dallas smiled, he liked that description.

**Remembering- and this time it didn't hurt- a quiet, defeated-looking sixteen-year-old whose hair needed cutting badly and who had black eyes with a frightened expression to them. **

Soda tussled Johnny's hair.

**One week had taken all three of them. **

The whole group listened with rapt attention.

**And I decided I could tell people, beginning with my English teacher. I wondered for a long time how to start that theme, how to start writing about something that was important to me. And I finally began like this: When I stepped out into the bright sunlight from the darkness of the movie house, I had only two things on my mind: Paul Newman and a ride home...**

"Wow…" Darry whispered, awed by his little brother. The whole thing was…amazing. Two-Bit actually looked a little choked up.

No one said anything for a long time, each left in their own thoughts. Finally Dally smiled down at Ponyboy and Johnny, "It's cooled off about twenty degrees since yesterday, wanna' play some football?"

The boys perked up, that was one of their favorite things to do, Pony left to go grab the football and Johnny scampered after him.

The room was still quiet after they left until Tim broke the silence, "Well, I guess we've all learned something these past few days."

"That Ponyboy and I need to work of understanding each other in order to become closer?" Darry asked.

"That I need to take Johnny out more places to give him more experiences?" Dally guessed.

"Oh!" Soda said, "That socs and greasers aren't actually that different? That we bleed the same?"

"No, no!" Two-Bit exclaimed, "It's that we need to be careful not to get too tough, like Dallas used to be!"

"Used to be?" asked Steve, "You're wrong, the real lesson is that you can find hope in unexpected places!"

"How do ya' figure?" Sodapop asked his best friend.

"Well, Pony's a kid from the hood and he's goin' places. And when Johnny was dyin' it was those moms from a small town that pulled together and saved him…stuff like that."

They all looked expectantly at Tim who shrugged sheepishly, "I was gonna' say that the kid's got one hell of an imagination. But yours are good too."

Dally started to laugh and was joined by the whole gang, Pony and Johnny came back in staring at the scene in front of them.

Darry smiled at Tim, and took the football from Pony, "So Tim you up for a few games?"

"Nah, Curly's gettin' out today and I needa' pick him up," this whole thing was makin' him miss his bone head brother.

"Oh," said Ponyboy, "tell him hi from us!"

Two-Bit tossed the essay onto the kitchen table and yelled, "I call Ponyboy and Johnny on my team!" Darry smiled and followed the rest of the gang out into the bright sunlight of the small neighborhood, feeling like things would only go up from here.

**I'll admit I teared up a little at Johnny's note**

**Last chapter, hope you loved it, sorry if you didn't.**

**I want to everyone who read, reviewed, favorite ect. I had so much fun writing this story and I hope you had a great time reading it.**

**Last chance to review! **


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